Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Going, going...

The Habs try to act all french with their little frenchy coach and Maxipad, but really people, we know what's going on. They are Rouge, Rouge, and Rouge all over. The commie sect taking over the Habs can no longer be ignored. And as much as I hate the Flyers, they are taking on the role of Charlie Wilson, and stopping the Commies from progressing.
Keep your heads high and alert Philly. You have almost won the war, but you never know when Comrade Kovalev could actually decide to stay and fight. Good Luck!
Really though, the only way I can deal with the Flyers progressing in the playoffs is looking at is as a win for the USA.

Bears Rejoice!

It is official that Timmy T will not be bow hunting bear this May. Bear hunting, ironically enough, is a tradition for this Bruins goaltender. Why isn't Timmy taking up his old past time? Playoffs, family, age, who knows... I personally think that he is thinking about Karma. Bruins don't kill bears. He has not shut the door on a possible open season on Ribeiro's, Avery's, and Kovalev's.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Suggestions For Next Year

In an effort not to take a bath with Drano and a toaster, I am thinking hard about next season. The Bruins weren't supposed to make any noise this year. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, doubted that they would make the playoffs. If you factor in that their best player was hurt for the entire year and all the other injuries they had to deal with, it does show the kind of sac this team is packing. Below you will find suggestions for each player to follow in the off-season.

Savvy: Don't change anything. You're good to go.

Bergeron: Heal up. Get your dome squared away. DO NOT engage in any shenanigans like Joe Thornton did a few years ago when a couple police officers were trying to arrest his drunk brother (you get that pepper spray out of your hair yet, Joe?).

Murray: Just be happy that an NHL team is still willing to pay your salary. Yes, you score forty goals a year. That's nice. Where were you in the playoffs? You were next to my mittens that I misplaced in first grade in the Lost and Found box and City School. If you decided to go elsewhere, I wouldn't cry. It's been a good run, but you're showing your age...and the fact that you don't do ANYTHING but score goals. Julien should have scratched you and inserted Reich into the lineup. At least he hits people.

PJ: See Savvy's suggestion.

Sturm: Gary Betteman called and said that your goal scoring face (you know the one that I'm talking about, you look like a 3rd Reich lieutenant leading a blitzkrieg through Poland in 1939) is scaring people in Florida. Try a smile. That is all.

Krejci: Go to L.A., find a good plastic surgeon, and get a chin implant. Having a young promising rookie that looks like Napoleon Dynamite's brother is a bit disturbing. Better yet, set yourself up with an agent. You can probably get a number from Glen Featherstone (angry Apache brave #4 in Dances With Wolves).

Kobasew: Am I the only one that has realized that you were the little kid Jumanji that cheats and gets turned into a monkey? Stay away from the bananas. And heal up. You're fast.

Looch: Go to a skating clinic. Your skating improved markedly during the season. Refine it a bit more. You will soon be unstoppable. Love ya, kid.

Metropolit: Stay in shape. Boston took a chance with you, and it paid off. Your veteran leadership was a benefit to all. You're a trench fighter, and the fans appreciate what you bring to the team.

Ol' One Nut: Eat some protein. Hit the gym. Put some mass on. And for fuck's sake, learn a new move. You show flashes of brilliance and then hide for three games. The sooner you figure out that you can't hypnotize a defenseman by flashing your gooch through those shorts (did you find them in a ditch?), the better.

Reich: Keep your head up. You'll no doubt be fighting for a job come training camp time. You should have played every game against the Habs. Unfortunately, Julien thought that Murray was going to actually hit the net for once.

Hakapalita Nokelainen: I liked what you showed towards the end of the year. Keep it up.

Schaefer: You should be less concerned with what trendy way you're going to style your facial hair and more with playing hockey. If you played for the Kings, you would have OD'd on an eight ball by now. You will have to prove that you want it in training camp. We might as well have kept Shean Donovan. At least he brought something to the team (rally helmet).

Sobotka: Get your teeth fixed. You're going to have a break out year. Go with Krejci when he gets his chin fixed. You guys can heal up together.

Edgecrusher Thornton: Please please please. Either grow a mustache or a beard. That Village People biker look you were rockin' was a bit unsettling. Other than that, build those knuckles up. Keep hitting the brick wall behind the Garden. And work on your shot just a bit. You could easily score ten goals a year with the space that opposing d-men give you.

Big Z: I know you're banged up. Heal, my yeti. Heal.

Wideman: Sometimes you skate up the ice like Orr. Maybe you could start finding the net like him too, huh? Move back in with your parents, get a bag of pucks, and commence to breaking the garage door.

Ference: When Don Sweeney retired, only Bruins fans knew just how solid that little fucker was. I missed him a lot. You are Sweeney 2.0. Your improvements include the ability and willingness to fight. Keep it up.

Ward: Best pick-up the Bruins have made in the last two years. Can you imagine if a baseball player took the kind of punishment you take in one period? They would be on the DL for the entire year. Whatever potion you're drinking, but more. Share it with Ol' One Nut. Don't let the federal government know that you order the stuff from Zimbabwe and that it's distilled from the testicles of lions, black rhinos, and spotted leopards.

Stuart: When you are partying with your Alpha Beta Theta brothers this summer, make sure to use the fact that you're a pro hockey player, and not roofies, to seal the deal. Maybe you could have some of your hair follicles transplanted onto Auld's head. You hairy like caveman. He not.

Hnidy: I always thought you would look good in a Bruins jersey. Throw some more knuckles next year. You came in late in the season. You will endear yourself to Bruins fans by pounding some faces in (see Lucic 07-08).

Alberts: Don't let Stuart get jammed up at those frat parties. Heal up. We will need your physical presence next year.

Auld: I always feel bad for the back-up goaltender. You came in to a tough situation and played admirably. You will probably be put on waivers next year. Manny Fucking Fernandez will heal up and you won't be needed anymore. For this, I am sorry. Thank you for your efforts.

TIMMAY: Fucking A, brother. They should call you Seabiscuit. Always the underdog. You showed your ability this year. Spend some time with your family. If you go hunting, please don't get eaten by a bear.

Can't wait for next year. Gonna have to.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Best is Yet to Come...

Today the B's head to the Garden, gather their things, and say good bye for the summer.

For the first time in recent history, this good bye is not too bitter. The Bruins really should have lost. They were the 8th place team. Yet they came into this giving 110% and shaking the foundation of the Habs (and their fans). We watched the youth on this team play like veterans and come into there own. And guess what? They are only going to get better.

So goodbye for now Bruins. Have a good summer. I can't wait to see what they have in store next year.

And now for some personal goodbyes and things to work on this summer. In random order...

Per Johan - Just keep being you...Just no more slap fights next year. That may be ok in Montreal, but in Boston, men hit with closed fists.

Kessel, Phil Kessel, What? - I think you need to be scratched more often. And keep the buzz. You're hair just looks like cotton candy when it grows out. You don't want to look like Therrien do you? Didn't think so.

Kobasew - Don't break a leg.

Krecji - Wow. Amazing year end and series. If you and Looch are the future of the B's then I am wicked excited.

LOOOOCH- Main reason my faith has been restored.

Maaaaarcooooo- Look at this man's face after he scores a goal and you will see his intensity. Best damn German in the NHL.

Manny F - Get the F out of Boston. You suck at life. I hate you. Really.

Timothy Thomas Jr. - What can I say about Timmy? We go way back to UVM. I loved you back then and I love ya now. The only thing I fear about next year is as hard as you've worked, you need to fight for #1 again. But I know even if you have to, you'll do it again and be that much better. GO CATS GO!

Z-Z-Zdeno- I grew to love you this year, you big goon. Geez, I don't know why I was so hard on you at first. Have fun eating villagers in the off season.

Metro - I love your commercials.

Claude- Jack Adams for you, sir.

Wardo- You are Ironman. I seriously think you are built like Robo Cop. I've never seen anyone get wrecked so much then come out to play the next game/period/shift.

Andrew (Ference) - Your mohawk was as crooked as Hnidy's nose. That aside though, you rock too.

Savvy - I'm not a Fan... Just Kidding. This isn't Sinden's blog. I am a fan. A Big one.

Hnidy - Bruin most likely to stab someone in bar fight. Solid D, though.

Reich/ Thornton - You guys go together like PBJ. Best 4th line EVER. Have fun at Space Camp this summer you two! No fighting!

Denny - I don't even miss Boyes. Sorry your mom named you Dennis though.

Schaefer - Where the F were you all season?

Nokelainen and Sobotka - You're names are silly, but your playing is anything but. Welcome to the B's!

Muzz - I love all the penalties you get because you just can't skate. Makes me chuckle. Your redonk one timers make up it though...when they are on net.

Stuart/Alberts/Allen - Interchangable, but loved equally.

Patrice - What could have been this year, eh? Randy Jones should go to Sucks At Life island with Manny and never return. I can't wait to see this team with you next year.

Monday, April 21, 2008

"Disperse, you rebels; damn you, throw down your arms and disperse!"

No matter how large, how great the foe, no one is unbeatable. If a casual observer had been reading about the Battle of Lexington, which we celebrate today, on this Patriot's Day, they may have scoffed at the idea that a small rebellion would be able to overcome and defeat the world's greatest army. But in retrospect, you can see that it all comes down to desire. Who wants it more?

This is how the Bruins have come back to tie the series, and this is how they will win tonight. Yes, the Habs are more skilled, they look more mighty on paper, yet they seem uninterested in winning.

The Bruins are playing like the hungry, aggravated, driven Rebels who decided, unbeknownst to their enemies, that they decided to win long ago.

"By my physical constitution I am but an ordinary man... Yet some great events, some cutting expressions, some mean hypocrisies, have at times thrown this assemblage of sloth, sleep, and littleness into rage like a lion."

-John Adams

May the Bruins rage like lions tonight and shut down the Redcoats once and for all.

Happy Patriot's Day!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Busy Morning

As of 9:35 EST, the Associated Press is reporting that the Boston Bruins have brought on an expert to keep the momentum up. The Bruins have pushed the Habs to the brink, and it doesn't appear that they will be stopping anytime soon. The move of bringing a motivation expert onto the team so late in the season is extremely unorthodox, but apparently Lucic put a good word in for the gentleman that was hired on. It seems that Lucic has been training with this expert all season, and the B's management team thought the entire team could benefit.

This morning, Coach Claude Julien was quoted as saying "You know, the guys have been playing really hard. I hope they can keep playing the way they have been. One of the informants I have hidden in the Montreal organization [thought to be Suckmy Koivu], told me that they had hired an expert to try and keep their spirits up. I don't want my guys to be happy; I want them to be mean. So I called Looch, he set me up with the guy, and here we are."
When reached for comment, Cam Neely was surprised, but happy, at the news. "The whole reason I got back into the B's organization was to show the young guys what it means to wear this jersey. It's not about diving or churching up a hook. It's about beating your opponent, hard, every single time he (or she in Comrade Kovalev's case), touches the puck. I'm talking the "it doesn't matter that I just spit out four of my teeth, I have blood dripping out of my ear, and my elbow bone is sticking out of my jersey" kind of passion. It has been missing for a long time, but now it's back. Now that this new guy has been hired, my forehead will be able to heal." Neely is quite often seen headbutting Bruins players that are having an off game.

The newly-hired member of the team will most likely be on the bench for Game 7. When the godforesaken "Ole'" chant starts, he will fly into the crowd and dole out Gorilla Slams.

This just in....

As of 9:15 EST, the Associated Press is reporting that the Canadiens have brought in an expert to try and break the team out of the funk that they are mired in. The report states that the "life coach" will be spending most of his time with Carey Price, as he has been proven to be mortal after all. Tune in monday to see if this pays off.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Ole' This, Mothertrucker

Game six in the books, and what a game it was.

The NHL should show tapes of this game to anyone that has never seen a game, or swears that they can't stand hockey. The intensity of this game was amazing. The fans were loud, the boys were banging, and the pucks kept finding the back of the net. It every game was like this, hockey would be the world's favorite game.

Lucic continues to impress with his rapid improvements. The kid can play in every situation, and more importantly, can be depended on to give an extra jab or facewash when a scrum ensues. It's just too bad that it's the playoffs. Komisarek has one coming to him, as does Hamrlik. On second thought, it probably wouldn't happen. Their gloves seemed to be sewn to their jerseys similar to Sean Hill's. Check out the extra-strength thread they bought for this at (No, it's not a real link, so don't get on my ass about the page not coming up)

Sobotka...where the hell did you come from? Now, I'm not complaining, but it would have been nice to see the physical side of your game during the regular season.

It seems the two games that Ol' One Nutter (Kessel) watched from the box made an impact. He's shown that he wants to play. However, I think that someone should stitch up his shorts a little bit...I think I saw his taint on a slow-mo HD low angle replay. I'm sure Hamrlik could provide him with the aforementioned thread.

Sturm has finally tasted the back of the net. Murray, however, could use a night off. Give the kids a chance to get in there. I know the guy as loads of playoff experience, but if you're not scoring, you better contribute in some other way. To my thinking, he hasn't. He coasts, get the puck on his stick, and rips one...which promptly slams off the glass thirteen feet above Price's head. He's always been spotty (like Suckmy Koivu's period), but it's the freaking playoffs. Put the puck in the net and stop screwing around.

All in all, great effort from the boys tonight. They didn't stop pushing. Price seems to be thinking, "Holy shit, it's not supposed to be like this." Kovalev was a non-factor. Keep grinding him into the boards and he'll disappear, similar to Jagr.

Big game monday. Heal up, hydrate, then gargle with whiskey and razorblades to keep the mean up.


Who gets married in April anyway?

So not only am I still sick, but I need to put on a pretty little party dress and act happy for a wedding that dares to take place during this oh so important game. I have to smile and congratulate the happy freakin couple all the while thinking, you are making me miss my game you jerks. And its not even open bar.

Anyway, thanks to DVR, by the time I watch the game, it will probably be over. I pray that I can avoid the score until then.

Final thoughts: The Bruins are doing everything right. They are shooting, scoring, and Timmy T is the man. All they need to do is keep it up and pray that the Habs stay in whatever rut they are in right now.

On the injury front, hopefully they'll rush back Koivu who will be more of liability than a boost. Doesn't look like Bergy's going to play. That's for the best. He's still aboot 7lbs below playing weight. All signs point to Ward playing however. He is such a rock for them, it will be great to get him back on the blue line. Other than that, I see no need for change from the other night. Oh, and keep Phil in! He got the message. Loud and clear.

Also, win or lose, I hope that all Bruins fans act like decent human beings. I was disgusted to read about the drunk retard who beat up the Habs fan. While you never want the opposing fans to feel at home in your house, feeling the need to kick the shit out of them goes beyond bad sportsmanship. This O'Brien character obviously sucks at life (another sign other than the beating is that he was wearing an Allison Jersey) and I hope karma gets him back ten fold.

All I can say to my boys now is, Good Luck, Keep your head up, and Get some goals. I'll see you on the other side.

Friday, April 18, 2008

And the Thunder Rolls....

And we have finally, FINALLY, seen Price shaken and downright suck. I was beginning to wonder if that is possible. Sobotka is still wondering if the final goal last night really happened. This should give the B's a huge boost going into Saturday's game, but kids, this is FAR from over.

The B's have a huge feat ahead of them. But all signs point to the fact that is IS possible. This is a far cry from the sentiment before Game 1. I'm not going to lie, I was just hoping the B's would win one freakin game against that Habs. But oh, how the tides have turned.

And a word of advice. This blog exists because of our Pepe who meant the world to us and instilled a love for the Bruins in all of his grandkids. Although he is not with us anymore, every time I watch a game or think about the Bruins, Pepe is with me. And there are two things I remember that he has said about Hockey that has stuck with me the most:

1- Pavel Bure has the prettiest lips he has ever seen. (That picture up top makes sense now huh? And tell me you don't agree!)

2- NEVER bother God with prayers about Bruins. He has bigger things to deal with.

Well Pepe, I have always kept God out of hockey. And last night, while strolling the Habs blogs to see what they thought of this game, I came across a comment calling Carey Price, Jesus Price. Ouch... Now my fiance is the biggest Habs fan around, but also a devout Catholic. As soon as I told him that he got a little nervous.

Whether you report a higher power or not, keep hockey prayers, comments, out of the ears of the big guy. He's got wars, famine, plauge, etc. to contend with. Bugging him with hockey will just piss him off. Remember he is a loving God, but a vengeful God. However, all Habs fans, feel free to pray away....

Enough for cliches, Garth Brooks, and sappy memories today. The stress of this series has made me sick, so I am taking a PTO day today. I must rest to cure my aliments and get ready for Saturday.
More tomorrow.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

WHY I HATE NESN AND THE RED SOX...even more than the Habs

The Red Sox are playing the Yankee's tonight. The world must stand still. Everyone must stop what they are doing and pay homage because the Red Sox are playing the fucking Yankees. Who knows when that may happen again???????? Oh wait, it will happen about 3 million more times over the course of this summer.

So why I ask you would NESN even THINK of bumping the Bruins biggest game of the year to another channel which people may or may not get? And not only THINK of doing it, but actually do it? NESN. You know, I thought you stood for New England SPORTS Network. Not Never Ending SOX Network. You suck. You suck at life.

So here's to you Nesn. Here's to all the red faced, fat, obnoxious Red Sox fans who would rather watch Manny pick his ass in right field tonight than watch a real game. I wish upon the Red Sox another 80 years without a World Series win. I wish upon you embarassing losses against the Yankees. Maybe if NESN pretends to support the Bruins, the rest of Boston will too and we won't see 10 fucking million Habs fans in our own rink.

And Red Sox fans, if you suddenly realize you'd like to see real atheltes compete, the Bruins will be on NESN Plus. Who knows what channel that is, but I'm sure by the time you find it, the game will be over anyway.

Now, I must go burn my Varitek Jersey, gather with the 12 other real Bruins fans in the world, and pray with all of our might that the B's show up tonight to save their season despite the utter disrespect they are shown in their own sports community.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


The next Cam Neely, you are. Come to restore balance in the hockey universe, you have. Strong with you, the force is. Use the force wisely Looch, you must. If you beat the Habs, destroy the dark side, you will.

Seriously though, enough Yoda. But this is as Star Warsy as it gets. A little scrappy rebellion trying to take down an huge dark empire with a young warrior emerging as their future leader. Just like Star Wars, however recast with the B's.

-Looch, the young Padawan learner, as Luke Skywalker
-Timmy Thomas, the steady sidekick, as Han Solo
-Savard, the little bot coming in clutch, as R2-D2
-Aaron Ward, the mechanical wonder that some how shakes off his 42 injuries, as C3PO
-Thomas Plekanec, the little girl, as Princess Leia (hey, his shitty play is technically helping the Jedi Cause)
-Zdeno Chara, the calm, yet sometimes fierce beast, as Chewy.
-The rest of the team can be Ewoks because they are just so freakin cute.
-Julien, enough said, as Master Yoda
-Cam Neely, training his young Jedi Apprentice to become the fierce warrior his was/is, as Obi-Wan Kenobi

As long as the B's continue to steer away from the darkside, they can win these games. The darkside is getting weak. If anything, the Habs have stolen these games (with the exception of Game 1) from the B's. Keep grinding, and the wins will come. Just a winning tomorrow night will be enough to send the Habs ambitions out the window faster than Mace Windu. As they penetrate the Death Star tomorrow night, they need to remember that while the Empire's army is great, a small, concentrated attack will be enough to set off the destruction of the whole ship. Hit em' hard and make it count. Once great, evil republics have been taken down before. Just ask Kovy, maybe that will bring back some (any) emotion.
Win, the B's must and will.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

By the way...

Happy Birthday Timmy T! Hope you get an extra big slice tonight. Thanks for carrying the team from time to time this season. Hopefully you'll get an awfully big gift on Thursday...And Saturday...and Monday...

Can History Repeat?

I remember it well. April 2004. I was sitting in Houston's with some coworkers, watching the Habs beat the B's in Montreal. While the B's were still up 3-1 in the series, an uneasy feeling came over me. This particular series was especially intense for me. I was working as an intern for the Bruins and had been at every game and every Bruins event for that season. The chance of the Habs going on to win the series was impossible, right?
It was an unseasonably hot day in Boston when the B's lost the series in game 7. It was Patriot's Day. Spent the day drinking beers on Boylston, watching the runners in the Marathon go by. Hours later, I was standing in the Fleet watching the impossible slowly turn to reality. The B's were out. Upset by the lowly Habs and that dumb fuck Ribeiro. As the end of the game ticked by, I was praying that someone would just take that fuckers head off and at least give him a reason to stay on the ice. But no one did. And the B's season was over.

And now, 4 years later, can the B's find redemption? Can history repeat itself? Can a comeback so unlikely happen again between two teams? Julien has played the role of the master maestro, turning this team into a contender. If a B's team ever had a chance to do this in recent history, this is the team.

Couple Things

Tonight. Big game. Huge game. The series will be tied up, or the B's will be down 3-1, which only a handful of teams have ever returned from to win a series.

1. Shawn "Edgecrusher" Thornton will need to watch out. The refs are eyeing him like a little retired couple watches the hippy that just moved in across the street. They have their little notebook where they note his movements, vehicles entering his driveway, and just how many frisbee catches in a row his dog named Piper can make. Play the game hard, and don't let Steve Begin-inning to look like a pile of wet leaves get on your nerves. Yes, it would be nice to relegate him to wheelchair status, but he's not worth it.

2. Don't be distracted by the Flying Brothers' Kostitsyn. Yes, their trapeze act is fun to watch, but at the end of the day, you'll be sunburned, have too much cherry slurpee in your stomach, and you'll be out $56. Hopefully Cirque du Soleil will finally get back to them and they'll leave the Habs to fulfull their lifelong amibition of wearing brightly colored tights.

3. Watch Mike "I Wish I Was Drafted By The B's" Komisarek. He's been playing to hurt someone. I think Axie should go for an old time hockey hip check and knock this freak flying. He'd never expect it.

4. Whatever Lucic ate before the last game, it worked. I'm thinking that Metropolit spiked his food with GHB, or perhaps some pharmaceuticals normally reserved for racehorses. I thought I heard "HI HO SILVER AWAY!" several times throughout the last game, but I could be mistaken.

5. Chara needs to keep his anger up. If they slash him, he should give them a facewash that will clog their pores for years to come. If they hit him, he should palm their head, give a sharp twist, and summarily end a career.

6. Watch for acorns and beechnuts that Simon Stunt Double Suckmy Koivu will be throwing on the ice from up high. They could tweak a knee or turn an ankle.

7. If there's a scrum in front of the net, keep an eye on Comrade Kovalev. Word on the street has it that he has a dagger (with a sickle and hammer on the hilt) strapped to his right forearm. He is KGB trained. Use extreme caution.

8. Continue to channel the passion and toughness of so many Bruins past...Robby Dimaio, Stan Jonathan, PJ Stock, Dougie Doull, and the ultimate, Cammer Bammer. If you catch a high stick, spit your fragmented teeth into their eyes and keep playing. Apparently the refs aren't calling high sticks on the Habs anymore, so feel free to take it into your own hands.

9. Sturm will find the net tonight. He's been skating like a V2 rocket all series, and it will pay off.

10. GET SOME TRAFFIC IN FRONT OF THE NET. Put Edgecrusher on a line with Savvy and Looch. Put him in front of the net. Zip shots at him. Maybe one will deflect off his stick, leg, or face. Either way, it's a goal. Count it.
11. Thornton, as well as Reich, have been playing outstanding hockey. It's refreshing to see a coach that will award icetime to the muckers and grinders in the playoffs. Kessel would be well served to watch the way that Sobotka played last game. Phil, we know you can skate fast. We get it. It's gotten to the point where other teams know exactly what you do. You're like the friend that we used to play NHL 94 against. You have one move (go outside, fast). It works once or twice. After that, EVERY TIME, you're going to end up on the ice, writhing around, with copious amounts of your blood and brain fluid leaking out.
12. Come out fast, hard, and aggressive. Get out there and spread some hate and discontent. Don't suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder; go out and cause it.
Enough said. Get some.

Game 4: Who Wants It More?
Les Glorieux? Ole, Ole, Ole? Seems a bit much, but I have to say that I am jealous of the passion Montrealites have for their team. Over the past decade or so, Bostonians lost their passion for the Big Bad Bruins. The Bruins had a few bad years, there is a lot of animosity toward ownership/management, and the world began to revolve around the loud, obnoxious mass which is Red Sox Nation. However, times they are a changing.

The Bruins are back. They are something to be proud of. You've got the ultimate underdog, Tim Thomas, playing his heart out and becoming the titanium spine of this Bruins team. You've got Milan Lucic. A kid. A prospect that was supposed to go back to Juniors at the beginning of the year. Now, a Seventh Player Award winner, a fan favorite, he epitomizes all that is Bruin. A mix of grit, skill, heart, intensity, and power.

And now, you look to management. Who do you see? Cam Fucking Neely. This man is passion. He is hockey. He is so hungry for a cup and for the Bruins become the the team they once were. Anyone who saw Neely's reaction to Savvy's OT winner Sunday night has no doubt he wants to win so bad he can taste it. And yes, it is confirmed that both of Chiarelli's hands were broken in that exchange. How could you not get behind this?

I know it will take time, but I hope over the years the new Garden will become the Garden that Guy Carbonneau remembers. When recently asked if he felt the same intensity in the newer building he claimed that it was intense, but in the old Garden would not be teaming with Habs fans. In the old Garden, they wouldn't dare show up in their jerseys.

While Sunday was a great day. It is done. A game in the books and tonight is just as important as Sunday. Julien will probably keep the roster the same as Sunday. There really isn't a ton to improve on and all lines gave a fierce effort in the win. Bergy is not ready to go. He needs more practice, more weight. He can't get much going by the way of getting into game shape when all recent practices have been morning skates. Also, would he F up the Mojo? Yes, his return would be emotional, glorious. But boys out there have found their groove. They should keep digging in as long as it works for them. Kessel, What? and Alberts should remain out. They are both young. They will have their time. Wideman was huge for the B's on Sunday, and again, the lines worked for them. No reason to change it up. They just need to play like they believe they'll win.

Cheesy theme song for tonight? Don't Stop Believing. If the B's play with the passion Steve Perry sings, this game will be theirs.

An open letter to the Montreal Canadiens:

An open letter to the Montreal Canadiens:

Suckmy Koivu: We know that you're not injured. We know that you're afraid of the Bruins. It's okay, the thought of seeing Lucic thundering down the wing coming for your ass makes me cringe, too. I would LOVE to see it, but it's just that I don't want Looch to have a promising career cut short by an involuntary manslaughter charge. So go on and keep pretending that you're injured. What is it? A knee injury? An undisclosed upper-body injury? Bullshit. A Hollywood insider told me that you're a stunt double for Simon in the sequel for Alvin and The Chipmunks, which is currently in pre-production. Guess you should use those gorgeous little chompers for something, huh?

Steve Begin: It's called Propecia. You should check it out. And stop smirking. It is quite un-becoming. You make me think of a jack-o-lantern that is still on the porch in mid-January. You can kind of tell that it used to be a pumpkin, but now it's green, caved-in, and probably smells like a truckstop hooker's panties.

The Brother's Kostitsyn: With the mullets that you guys have going on, the closest you'll ever get to a woman is the fact that "tit" is in the middle of your last name. Go back to whatever little trash hometown you guys came from, crank up some shitty euro-pop (I'm thinking Auqa), and leave the NHL alone. The world will be a better place for it. One of Terry O'Reilly's pubes has more testosterone than you two dipshits put together.

Roman Hamrlik: Where did you come from?? You've been in the league since 1943, when all the real players left to go fight in World War II. Have the sense to retire before osteoporosis makes your bones as brittle as Guy Lafleur's son's tremulous grip on his freedom.

Guillaume Latendresse: Congratulations, punk. You've taken the title of goofiest name ever from Peter Sidorkiewicz. Go to Denny's, grab an All-American Slam (it will do you good), go home to whatever beaver lodge you emerged from, and resume your hunting and trapping lifestyle. We're all stocked up on pelts here.

Guy Carbonneau: Seeing your craggy face in HD made me gag. Have one of the Kostitsyn boys grab you a pamphlet detailing the usage of Botox. Who knows, it might get you laid. I feel bad for you wife.

The hockey player formerly known as Alexei Kovalev: So you think that dropping the "ei" at the end of your name would make people forget that you're a Commie? I have a dossier on you that's a mile thick, comrade. Even though you dropped those two letters, your country of origin is still readily apparent. Nothing could hide your Chernobyl-fallout-wind pallor that has blighted the NHL for years upon years. You know what I'm talking about. Federov has it, too. It's that "I've been eating snow with radiation in it for years and years. My bones are paper thin from having to subsist on potato vodka. I dream that I can retire to Miami, Florida, where the weather is warm, the women loose, and I can listen to as much Abba as I please." I don't know when you decided to suddenly play hockey, as you've coasted for years. Do I need to mention the infamous "slash" from Glen Murray that must have pureed your wrist last time around? As Peter Worrell said a few years ago, "I've hit my girlfriend harder than that." Do you and the aforementioned Kostitsyn brothers go to the same stylist? You must walk in, point to the picture titled "Le Douche." and sit down in the chair, huh? You've been cheated, son. I would ask for a refund. GO BOSTON


Monday, April 14, 2008

Game 4, Bobby Orr

A few nights ago, Game 4 seemed like it was probably going to be an elimination game. Bruins sucked Game 1 and lost. Played their asses off in Game 2 and lost. What the hell was it going to take to win? Where the Habs unbeatable? Answer: No. Habsolutely not. (sorry). Game 3, they found it. They found their way to a win. Outstanding play by Timmy T. All 4 lines contributing. Rust finally shook off of Savvy and Milan Lucic will be a name Hab fans remember. And Peter Schafer? WTF? Looks like he just came out of a hockey coma. The hits were hard, momentum fast, and the B's played a solid game.
However, history that game is.
Game 4 is all that exists in the Bruins' world now. They have found their groove and need to keep the foot on the accelerator.
Keys to Game 4 win

  • Timmy T. Keep it up. And I believe he will. Timmy feeds off of this shit.

  • Keep your hits hard. Habs out hit the B's in game 1. Bull shit. Should never, ever happen.

  • Keep Kovy out of it. Alexei looked a bit like the tired, bored Kovalev of years past.

  • Keep shooting! The B's are actually pulling the trigger more consistently. Keep it up! Price has to crack, he's got Garth Brooks on his helmet for fucks sake. Get in his face, and keep the shots coming.

  • Watch out for the Habs 4th (yes, 4th) line. Kostopolous and Co. seems like the only Habs who want to win right now.

  • Remember, you beat them! Finally, the monkey is off your back. Keep playing your asses off. Redemption will come.

And it Begins...