Friday, January 30, 2009

General Soreness + Back Spasms = Hissy Fits?

It's no secret that I don't like Manny Fernandez, so I'm going to go off on a limb with my latest Manny conspiracy theory.

Up until the All-Star team announcements, Manny had been getting pats on the back from fans, press, coaches, etc. He was riding high on these accolades and was given close to equal credit to Thomas as being a big reason for the success of the B's this season. A dynamic duo, both pulling their own weight.

Then Manny disappeared. Within days of Thomas awarded a spot on the All Star Roster. You know, I know, your mother knows, that TT is the best goalie in Boston. Thomas deserved this spot. But if you are a psycho mess of a goalie, I can see how you may not know this.

So Manny's gone. Tukka's up. Manny's locker is gone. Then Manny is back for a day or two and now he's gone again. Either the reason is not disclosed, or he has "general soreness" or back spasms. I feel like that is the stock answer for, he's a fucknut and we don't know what's up with him. And WTF is general soreness? Is he on the rag? You are are getting 4 million a year. Take some Advil and SUCK IT UP.

This happening has also been simultaneous with the B's struggling a bit. Coincidence??? Probably, but I enjoy blaming people I don't like for all the bad things in the world. Time will tell though. Tukka's time with the B's may last longer than you think.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What the hell?

So I get home from work tonight, excited to settle down and watch a game that doesn't include horrible All-Star jerseys.
Imagine my surprise when I see not only Lucic, but also Andrew Ference!
I was stoked!
Then I knew that I must be dreaming because all of a sudden #37 is skating by, in glorious HD on the 50".
What the hell?
I'm sure I wasn't the only one that thought Patty Cake was going to be kissing another seaon good bye when he ate some plastic/kevlar, courtesy of a mistimed checking effort on his part.
Claude keeps injuries VERY quiet, and there was no timeline for Patty to return, though he's been skating for a little while now.
It was just great to see him get back in the swing of things. Not only did he shake off the rust, but he made a gorgeous diving play to keep the puck in the zone and then passed it over to Savvy, who after one little shifty move, popped it in the back of the net.
The Capitols are a strong, fast team. Their power play makes me watch for two minutes behind my hands, as the puck moves lightning fast with Ovechkin and Semin out there.
The Caps have given the B's a hell of a time this year, and it was great to see Krejci bounce one off of one of their own players to finish it off in OT. Some would call it luck, but I'm betting that Young Krejci was thinking that it just might work.
Timmy made an outstanding save in OT that made them realize that they weren't going to leave without the W.
Props to the boys for a great game.
And jesus christ, it was nice to see those guys back on the ice.

Go B's!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

First Half Breakdown

Sorry for the ridiculous length of time it's been since I last wrote. Attended a wedding and went down to Philly to see a Metallica concert. If you have a chance to see them on tour, go. The boys are playing some tight music.

I've subscribed to The Hockey News for over ten years now. Every year, about a month before the season begins, they publish the Yearbook. It breaks down every team and its players, strengths, weaknesses, etc.
I recently found the 2008-2009 issue under a pile of Ranger Joe's and Newsweeks.
No one, not even the vaunted experts at the publication of all things hockey, predicted Boston to do as well as they have.
Here are some amusing excerpts and predictions that I found...

"...Boston's offense won't scare many teams."
"Overall Team Grade: C"
"Prediction: 10th in the East"
"[Kessel] might be ready for a breakout"

Now reading this shit just cracked me up. Claude Julien's entire team has bought into his system, which hasn't happened in Boston since...well...I can't really remember. The team was like a ship without a rudder when Dave "Der Furher" Lewis was behind the bench, rocking that moustache that only an old German could love.

The injury bug has bitten and bitten hard. However, most of the guys close to returning to the ice. It will create some difficult decisions for Julien. The Human Wrecking Ball Andrew Ference will soon return, and Hunwick will most likely be the odd man out. He has played beyond his years since Ference went down. However, being an NHL D-man is a craft that few can pick up in thirty games, and Hunwick has looked just a bit out of it as of late.

My impressions thus far:

PJ: I don't know why they keep putting him on the scoring line. He's happiest when he can muck and skate on the third line, shutting other players down. Other than his few goals (which every non-Bruin fan uses to say that he sucks), he's been the same ol' PJ. Always in the way, somehow.

Savvy: You know how in video games you can make players that are better than everyone else? Savvy is like that player...but he passes better. I don't understand how he gets the puck through. Amazing. And wearing the mic during the All-Star stuff was great. I was glad to hear you drop at least one f-bomb. It sounded like "Ffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccckkkkk." Funny stuff.

Looch: I think that he tried to get a little pretty for a while there. He needs to dump and chase. Straight lines. His physical play tailed off a bit before he went out. Hopefully the break will let him heal up and get back to his banging ways. It's entertaining to watch people back off in the corner when they hear him coming behind them. And that fight against the kid on the Pens was brutal.

Krejci: When he gets the puck, things......slow......down....and then the puck is in the net. Not since Jason "Wrist Ligament from a Cadaver" have I seen a guy move that slow and still get results. His hands around the net have improved and he continues to impress.

Kessel: Oh, One Nut. What a season so far! Stop kissing those Southie hags and get healthy!

Ryder: You've come on strong as of late. Keep it up and you'll get thirty.

Wheeler: Where the fuck did this monster come from? Holy shit. He skates like Kessel...but he's 6'5". It's fun to watch him turn the defense inside-out with his moves. He'll get 25-30.

Kobasew: Keep on plugging, Chuckie. It'll come.

Thornton: Love this guy. He skates like a monkey, but he goes HARD every shift. Julien seems to appreciate him quite a bit.

Chara: I like the far-side sneak you've been employing as of late on the PP. I fail to see how the other team can miss your sasquatch ass "sneaking" anywhere, but if it's working, why change it?

Wideman: The crew at the Garden is getting angry with you. On the PP, when you wind up, take an extra millisecond to calibrate your targeting system. You might, just might, hit the fucking net. Those eight-foot high blasts do nothing, save make the kid sitting six rows back shit his pants because he thought the puck was going to end his life before he got laid.

Stuart: You've grown on me. What I like is that I can see you getting pissed when you're grinding in the corner with some forward. You have the taken the torch from Nick "My Blood Sugar is Getting Low" Boynton. Mind your temper or you may end up in jail.

Hnidy: You tough sonofabitch. Take a puck to the face? No problem. I'll just spring to the bench, run down the aisle, and return four minutes later with about a half million stitches holding my eye socket together. I bet you wrestle meth-addicts in the summer just to keep your mean up.

Ward: Hurt. Injured. Hurt. Injured. Your shot-blocking efforts are appreciated by all, but the goalies wear pads for that reason. You don't have to try and stop EVERY shot with your ankle/right ass cheek/taint/pecker. You're almost Hnidy tough.

Hunwick: You've been playing well, but I think your run is just about up with the aforementioned Ference returning shortly. You've learned a lot and we'll see you again.

Sobotka: Go back to Providence. I'm tired of you.

St.Pierre: I like your effort. You're still getting pushed around quite a bit.

Nokelainen: You look a little too comfortable for someone that is on the cusp of getting sent back down. Either crank it up or stand aside.

Patty Cake: You were having a decent return until you rammed your face into that dude's shoulder pad. Heal up. We'll be waiting.

Sturm: I miss your angry just-scored-a-goal face. I hope your knee mends well. Heal up, train hard, and we'll see you next year.

Timmy: Yoga isn't just for dirty hippies! Keep it up. It's working.

Manny: I'm glad you've finally shown Boston fans why you came in the first place. I don't think you'll be around after the trade deadline, but your efforts have been a huge reason why the B's are where they are right now.

That's all I have for now.

Go B's.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


So I step away from the Bruins for two freakin days to get married and come back to...well I'm not sure what I'm coming back to. I feel like Bush at a spelling bee. It seems as though the Evil Enchilada is back in his fucktard form. Rask is up, EE's name plate is off of his locker (please note that Sturm, who is def out of the season still has his name plate up in the room). Have I underestimated the good vibes of Timmy? Makes sense that as soon as I let Manny off my hate list, he'd do this.

Kessel has been riding his fame and kissing too many skanks and have come down with the Mono. Funny though, because rumors out of Montreal are saying that Price may have the Mono. Perhaps Phillip has been kissing one skank in particular.

Lucic? WTF. Since he is the only B with an "undisclosed" injury, I'm wondering if the Golden Boy in Boston is getting too big for his britches. Needs to be knocked down a few notches by Claude as he did with Kessel last season.

And Claude. Sneaky, Sneaky Claude. This secret spy shit isn't for him, but he's doing his best to cultivate this cloud of mystery over the B's. I don't have much new to say about the Habs as I've been wicked busy just trying to keep up with the B's. Kovalev is still a commie, Kostitsyn's are still ugly as sin, Price is still a bitch. All you need to know.

Regardless of what has or is going down, the B's need to summon the hockey gods and the baby B's called up need to play their shit off. I am headed to this game tonight with my new husband who will be donning a Koivu jersey. (PUKE PUKE). I do need to sew on a letter for him though and will be chanting a hex over at as I go. Here's to hoping the B's prove their depth and that my marriage of 3 days can endure our first B's/Habs game as a married couple.

And for the record, on my wedding day, I found time to down some beers and watch the B's. Salute!