Monday, February 23, 2009

It's Tuukka Time

The B's played well yesterday. The racked up 45 shots and still fell to the lowly Bolts who were able to score on 4 of their 20 shots on goal.

I tried to give Manny a chance, but he has two really bad traits you never want to see in a back up goaltender.

1- He can't just hop into the schedule when needed. He always looks rusty.

2-He makes 4 Million dollars a year.

The B's are at the point where they need to bring up Rask. He's been playing great all year for the Baby B's and is the Bruins best option for a strong back up for Timmy as the B's wrap up the year and get ready for the play offs. Timmy should be able to rest without it meaning an automatic loss. Manny is a head case and only plays well if he's been playing a handful of games. Tuukka is ready and the B's need him. Send Manny down. It's not like anyone is going to grab him from waivers. And if they do, Peace Out Homeboy. This lady will not lose a wink of sleep.

Friday, February 20, 2009

And the Daytime Emmy goes to....THE HABS!

I know I should be concentrating on the glorious B's and their continued success and dominance of pretty much everyone, but having being married to a Habs fan and living much much closer to Montreal, I've become glued to the train wreck called the Canadiens.

I really thought that being in the city Montreal the day they officially became awful (February 15th, 2009) would be the highlight of this trainwreck, it actually came this morning while listening to Team 990 on my way into work.

Les Habs are unfolding like Days of our Lives had an illegitimate child with General Hospital. And the latest on As the Habs Burns brings us a story of two Belaroooooshin brothers who apparently looooves the nose candy. While Carbonneau is mixing up the lines, they are doing lines. While Price clears the powder out of his crease, they are clearing powder off their noses. Each time the Ref blows the whistle, the Tits brothers think about blowing some rails. Oh man, I could go on all day. Remember when the Habs biggest problem was benching Kovelev?

I'm not one to really relish in the demise of other, but please, I am a B's fan and only human. So as I knock back my coffee this morning and indulge in some maniacal laughs, I begin to leave the Habs where they belong, in the past, and look forward to the redonk late winter/spring season that they B's are about to put on us.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Put on the foil, fellow brother!

The last few weeks have seen the Bruins playing some strange hockey. Gone was the overwhelming goal scoring, missing was the smooth transition game they had been playing, and flat out dead was the physical play that had marked the first dream-like half of the season.

Now anyone that took a look at the roster could see that the nicks and dings that compile over the first 40 games had reached a level that rendered the Bruins borderline toothless. Players were dropping like flies. There were so many midgets called up from Providence that I thought TLC was doing a crossover show with the it Little People, Big Ice.

The Bruins didn't seem to gel into the unit they became until that night that Steve Ott and Sean "Sloppy Seconds" Avery came to the Garden and found that if you cheap shot one, you will get targeted by all. The Bruins responded accordingly, first with fists, and then with a mighty ascension that has put them twenty points over an imploding Montreal team (has anyone seen what Bob Gainey has done to that team??? Brave man, they might want to have some former SF soldiers from Blackwater cover his six for the next ten years or so). The Bruins are ten points ahead of anyone in the East, even though they've been limping through the last dozen contests.

The bite hasn't been there. The extra facewash in the scrum in front of the net hasn't been there. Shit, the scrums haven't been happening. As Gordie Kluzak would say, the Bruins are missing their "snarl."

In the game last night against Carolina, some of that snarl returned. No one dropped the gloves, but the tension was there and it hasn't been for awhile.

Now listen up. I looked ahead to the next three games looking for willing combatants, or even someone that is known to do something stupid (i.e. Avery) and get a team screaming for his blood.

They will play the Panthers twice in the next three games. Seeing a team this soon gives a chance to remember numbers, and every little slash or trip some bonehead bestowed upon you. The Panthers have Bryan McCabe and Keith Ballard, two players that are not shy when it comes to dropping the mitts. And you can always count on Nick Boynton to do something stupid, like get into a fight with a stud like Lucic. I don't think Looch is close to 100%, as shown by his lack of fights and his the dropoff of his thunderding hits. The shoulder is probably still bothering him.
They will face the Lightning between bouts with the Panthers. The Bolts have Ryan Malone and Evgeny "Artichoke" Artyukhin. Lecavalier is also known drop the gloves on occasion and handle himself well (see Lecavalier v. Iginla in the finals a few years ago). I don't see a Captain on Captain bout, as Lecavalier most likely wouldn't go with Chara (though it would be entertaining).
All I'm saying is this: a team that fights together wins together. Having played sports and covered people's backs at bar fights, domestics, and other situations, I know how comforting it is to know that if something happens, the hounds of hell will be racing up behind you to utterly destroy the individual that is causing issues. Knowing that these guys will come to your aide without hesitation breeds a love (yes, love) that makes you never want to leave the team or profession. I feel bad for people that have never known this feeling.

Translated: if everyone starts playing physical again (and I'm talking hits, not just fighting), everything else will snap back in line. And in my humble opinion, I think that it's time for Jeremy Reich to come back up. Move Bitz up and put Reich on a line with Yelle and Thornton.

Enough said.

Go B's.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Awards the NHL should consider

Upon the completion of the season, the NHL hosts their stuffy award show. For one night, the boys dress up in their tuxedos, answer retarded questions from reporters, and parade around with Russian models (if you're Russian). The three indicators of being Russian: a sallow nuclear-fallout complexion, jacked up teeth, and euro-mullet. If you hit all three, you might be a Commie!

I have come up with some awards that the Bruins would win if the NHL would ever consider adding some that really don't mean anything.

Here they are, in no particular order...

The "I'm Going To Steal Your Girlfriend Because I'm Just So Damn Cute" award goes to....
Marc Savard! I swear to god, every time they show this guy, my girlfriend envisions herself having his children. Yes, he is cute. So cute that even having his face burned off in a bizarre microwave accident would do nothing to lower her attraction to him. She could just look into those eyes forever...

The "Bad Teeth, Big Skill" award goes to...
David Krejci! This dude looks like he was hit in the mouth by the fender of a 1984 Ford Escort.

The "Amateur Porn Star" aware goes to...
Phil Kessel! He gets it for two reasons:
1. He already has his niche. Apparently one-nut porn is taking off. Especially in Sweden. Just ask Mats Sundin.
2. The shorts that he wears provide enough inner thigh shots that you know he isn't shy in the bedroom with cameras.

The "Missing Link" award goes to...
Stephane Yelle! Have you seen how hairy this guy is??? I swear I saw him shaving on the bench last game. Rumor has it that the first time Timmy Thomas saw Yelle showering, he ran to his truck and got his bow, thinking that a bear had made it into the practice rink. A quick left hook from Edgecrusher Thornton knocked Thomas out and stopped what would have been a very strange day. Of course, this being the Bruins and all, I'm sure the organization has seen violent incidents with hunting implements (you know a drunk Harry Sinden has killed at least four hookers with knives/salt licks/muzzleloaders over the years).

The "Wow, What A Great Outfit...No, Seriously, I Really Like It...snicker snicker..." award goes to:
PJ! When he's not in his hockey gear, he looks like a walking optical illusion. If you just kind of let your eyes unfocus...and subconsciously look through all those conflicting patterns and materials....OH MY GOD, THERE'S A HOCKEY PLAYER UNDER THERE!

The "Not All Earth-Loving Hippies Are Pussies" award goes to...
Andrew Ference! He is in disguise (shaved head, muscular stature), but a dread-locked, Phish fan is under that facade. If all hippies could mobilize and motivate like Ference has, we would be facing a very stinky uprising.

The "Diva In A Uniform" award goes to...
Manny! Chipped nail? Out. Bad hairstyle? Out. And I mean out as in "I was out with A-Rod last night, and boy is my groin sore!"

The "Go Ahead, Say Something About My Sweet Moustache" award goes to...
Shawn Thornton! Seriously, even when he's rocking his Village People facial hair, I am to afraid to say anything. Of course now it's written in some blog. Shit. Mr. Thornton, if I ever meet you, please allow me to someday have children. Don't hurt me too bad.

The "Gronk, Smash" award goes to...
LOOCH. See an opposing player? Gronk, smash. See a piece of glass with an opposing player in close proximity? Gronk, smash. See a big, fat puck just laying in the slot? Gronk, smash. He is a caveman.

The "I'm 6'5" And There Is No Reason I Should Be Able To Skate This Fast" award goes to...
Blake Wheeler! Sometimes he looks like that kid on The Mighty Ducks 2 that can't stop. The kid that played Benny in The Sandlot. You know who I'm talking about, right? Beaner Gonzalez? Something like that. Maybe they should build a pyramid of soda cans in the corners and see if Wheels can stop before hitting them. $5 says no.

The "I Was An Extra In Roadhouse" award goes to...
Shane Hnidy! The guy can fight with his fists and his engraved switchblade. That's what you call a double threat.

The "Little Package, Little Effort, Little Skill" award goes to...
Vladimir Sobotka! THANK FUCKING CHRIST HE WAS SENT BACK DOWN TO PROVIDENCE. I'll take Bacon Bitz over him any fucking day. Even friday.

So there you have it. Like I said, I doubt the NHL will ever consider giving out these awards, as Betteman is too busy hanging out under Crosby and Ovechkin's locker room stalls.

Oh well. Bruins and Flyers tonight.

Go B's.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Where are the Big, Gay Waldo's?

When running a business and generating ideas, nothing should be off limits. Brainstorming wild, crazy, ideas is where great ideas are born. However, there must also be a step in that process in which someone says, "that is the worst idea ever", and said idea is thrown out.

Apparently, the Canadiens did not have that filter working while selecting yesterday's jersey. They were ugly, stupid, and almost gave me a seizure. I had to sit really still on my couch to prevent throwing up. It also proved that the Kostitsyn's COULD be uglier. However, the fact they looked like clowns just added to the B's new dominance over this previously unbeatable team. Also evident was the lines being drawn. Obvi Kovi is not happy. Carbo took his C back (tear). Team 990 is also suggesting that this rift goes beyong Commarade Douchebag and extends to all the Commies. The Russians and the rest of the team are not getting along. That'll help them get back on top! (Cue,the Habs collapse in five, four, three, two...)

But enough about them. Timmy was back in his natural form, no longer looking tired and shaky as he did against NJ. And my love for Thornton just keeps on growing. All enforcers who are being edged out of the new NHL need to study his every move. He is a fighter, he is our goon, but he's unbelievably smart about when and where he uses this tool. He has also used this edge to get himself to the net. No other team in the NHL plays their 4th freakin line on a regular shift like the B's and that alone is finally, finally making me think...dare I say it...The B's may very well win the Cup this year. Oh man, tingles.

On a side now, I no longer feel like crazy about my theories about the Evil Enchilada. On Thursday night's broadcast, Jack Edward's said Manny had gone in for back surgery. I have DVR and rewound it three times. I was not dreaming it. On Saturday however, in the Globe, Manny was at the Garden, doing an interview and said he had a knee issue, "obviously from last year". So this little As the World Turns saga really get more odd as the days pass, but who the fuck cares where Manny is as long as he stays away from the rink. I heart TT and Tukka.