Saturday, May 15, 2010

A Collapse For The Ages

After charging into the lead on gorgeous goals, the Bruins promptly rolled over, showed their bellies and piddled all over the Garden ice.
After completely dominating the Flyers in the first period (they took their timeout like five minutes in!), the Bruins quickly showed just why they limped into the playoffs.
The D made horrible passes and turnovers, time and time again.
There were no smooth passes in the offensive zone.
If they were able to get into the zone, the effort wasn't there.
Rask did not play a good game. His D might have hung him out to dry on a few of the goals, but he was NOWHERE near where the Bruins needed him to be.
Wheeler was a goddamn no-show in a game that could have used his speed. His "forechecking" was Kessel-esque and he brought nothing to the game.
Nothing against Boychuk (who has hopefully cemented his place on the blueline), but he was the best D-man out there. Stuart played a solid game as well, but two out of six defensemen playing well does not a good game make.
Looch played like a beast, but once again, one man can only do so much.
Recchi and Patty Cake looked like rookies out there, which was strange.
Glaring gaps that need to be addressed:
1. SCORING: Obviously. This was an issue all fucking season. Chiarelli better draft well or use some of those picks to get a true sniper.
2. Consistency: Julien generally awards players that are playing well with increased ice time. This didn't hold true this time around, as Wheeler was a fucking no-show. I know I'm beating a dead horse, but he was an absolutely empty uniform. He brought nothing to the table and just looked like he didn't want to be there. This is absolutely unacceptable and needs to be addressed. Someone will challenge for his spot in training camp. Maybe this will provide motivation; the coaching staff has had to push him to hard and they shouldn't have to. He is a professional fucking athlete. If the motivation is lacking, get the fuck out of town and take someone else's fucking roster spot.
3. Rask: Yes, he had a decent run this year. But when the Bruins needed him the most, he folded like a sodden maxipad. Maybe he got too comfortable. Maybe he started buying into all of the hype. Maybe the crowd chanting his name non-stop inflated his head in an already small helmet. Whatever the reason, he didn't rise to the occasion. An obvious learning experience for him, he now knows what it takes and just how intense playoff hockey is. As shown last night, 3-0 leads mean jackshit in this league.
4. A super-fucking stud that can say "Get on my back, boys. I'll bring you to the promised land": Leadership basically evaporated last night. Where is the guy that gets so angry he smashes things in the locker room? Where is the guy that shoots frickin' laserbeams from his eyes when someone mouths off? Where is the guy that single-handedly changes the outcome of the game by his and just his efforts alone? I can tell you where he isn't: the bench of the Bruins. They need a game-changing player that can step up and make the opponents tremble. It's possible that Looch could fill this role, but I'm guessing that his ankle/finger were still an issue.
5. Team Grit: If I could, I would clone Ian Laperriere and make an entire hockey team of him. The Bruins just don't have a guy that is that insanely gritty and it comes out in games like last night's. Steve Begin is the closest they have, but he is still hampered by injuries as well. Too many players were reluctant to go into the corners (LOOKIN' AT YOU WHEELER AND RYDER). And when Ol' Man Recchi is the only one that dares to park his ass in front of the net, something is wrong. The last player that fit this role perfectly was Mike Knuble (who the Bruins let walk, amazingly). Every fucking game that guy would get cut somewhere on his face because he went into the dirty areas. The Bruins just didn't do it this year...and now they're out.
6. CONSISTENT EFFORT: If Sobotka had played like that all year, it could have been a different season for the Bruins. As already stated, Julien awards ice time to the guys that are banging on all cylinders. Conversely, he should sit the motherfuckers that aren't.
I wouldn't change a thing with the coaching staff. Julien is an amazing coach and it's obvious that his players have bought into his system. Julien never gets too high or low and maintains an even keel. The players feed off this. I think that Julien has done a good job of keeping players from getting diva-esque. However, if effort starts slipping, someone else should be inserted into the lineup.
Even if they hadn't won the Cup, the Bruins' march into the playoffs would have left a good taste in everyone's mouth. They battled to get into the dance and advanced. Their outright collapse and subsequent defeat makes this a very, very bitter pill to swallow for the fans.
As a fan, I just couldn't believe what I was seeing last night. I'm still shaking my head today. Training camp starts in MONTHS and there won't be any hockey until October. To end the season in such a way is akin to getting kicked in the dink by a horse.
I'm still a fan of this team and will always be. The part that sucks is this: until they hoist the Cup, they will always be remembered as the team that took a too many men penalty and squandered a 3-0 lead (both goal and series).
See you in October, boys.
Go B's.

Friday, May 14, 2010

GO YOU FUCKERS

If I was God, I would use my powers as such today:
Every player, upon waking up and getting out of bed (after a night of not getting any from the wife/girlfriend), would promptly whack their shin on the wood end table. They would stumble to the kitchen to find that there's no milk in the fridge. Going to start their car, they wouldn't be able to find their keys. After finding them, the car wouldn't start. Upon getting to the rink, they would find that there is no sugar for their coffee, so they have to drink it black. They would then get a phone call from the same wife/girlfriend stating that the toilet on the 2nd floor blew up. During warmups, they would all be looking for their left gloves, which would eventually be found frozen solid in the locker room.
The purpose of this? To put these men in the foulest, most violent and dangerous mood that they have ever been in. Every step is a lesson in taking deep breaths so they don't absolutely explode and murder someone.
NOW CHANNEL THAT SHIT, AND ONCE THAT PUCK DROPS, GOOOOOOOOO YOU FUCKERS. TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT.
Go B's.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKERS PLAY?
THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO A CHALLENGE?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO END YOUR SEASON, BY BEING REMEMBERED FOR BLOWING A 3-0 LEAD?
THIS IS HOW YOU PLAY FOR A FRANCHISE THAT HAS A LONG AND STORIED HISTORY?
THIS IS HOW YOU HONOR ALL THOSE PLAYERS THAT CAME BEFORE YOU, SKATED BEFORE YOU, BLED AND SPIT THEIR FUCKING TEETH OUT BEFORE YOU?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO END IT?
PULL YOUR FUCKING HEADS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASSES AND PUT SOME FUCKING PUCKS ON NET AND HIT SOME FUCKING FLYERS AND SCORE SOME FUCKING GOALS.
MAKE YOURSELVES PROUD. MAKE YOUR FANS PROUD. MAKE THIS FUCKING TEAM FROM PHILADELPHIA CRAWL BACK INTO THEIR FUCKING CITY WITH THEIR TAILS TUCKED BETWEEN THEIR FUCKING LEGS AND WONDER WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS THAT JUST RAN THEIR ASSES OVER.
A quote from Reg Dunlop comes to mind: "They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us! All right, let's show 'em what we got, guys! Get out there on the ice and let 'em know you're there. Get that fuckin' stick in their side. Let 'em know you're there! Get that lumber in his teeth. Let 'em know you're there! " And if you don't know who Reg Dunlop is, don't ever visit this blog again.
Go B's.

Get You Fired Up

I TOLD YOU TO CLOSE IT OUT

I was so excited for hockey on monday. Unfortunately, I didn't see any hockey played...at least not by the Bruins.
Aside from a few close calls in the first period, there was nothing positive about the "effort" from the Bruins in game 5. They stayed on the periphery and refused to get in front of the net. It was like they were all channeling Phil Kessel.
To date, their playoff run this year has been inspiring. They limped into the postseason after a lackluster 82 games. They didn't even have a passing resemblance to the team last year that utterly dominated every single opponent and swept the Habs in 4 games. The playoffs are a new and different season and the Bruins have been playing some great hockey. Everyone seemed to be clicking and the pucks were getting in the net somehow.
They need to rediscover the motivation that got them through the first round against the Sabres. They need to hit and grind, make sharp passes coming out of the offensive zone, and park their asses in front of that net to wait for a deflection from the point. I'm still not seeing anyone set up in front of the net (aside from Recchi, but he can only do so much). Ryder and Wheeler have been goddamn combat ineffective. I have no idea what these guys need to get going. It's obvious they both have skill...but the way they've been playing, I would scratch them. Give the slots to Marchand and somebody else that will go and go and go.
They go back to Philly tonight and the crowd will be into it. Carcillo, Pronger and Hartnell will be playing huge in front of their home crowd. The Bruins need to score early and often and wrap this thing up before the end of the second. The Flyers have shown some pluck fighting back to win two straight. The B's need to hit hard and often. This helps them get in the game and stay engaged. The sooner they get this thing closed out, the better.
So I'll be watching tonight. We should know within the first five minutes if the Bruins are going to wrap it up or if they're going to lay down and go to a game 7 back in Boston. Hopefully it's the former.
Go B's.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Close It Out, Boys

So even though I missed some hockey, Mexico was a blast. It seemed that everywhere I turned (literally each time and with a drink in both hands), I ran into a hockey fan. I can now say heaven is real. It's next to the swim-up bar, sun high in the sky, with hours of hockey talk. Met some fans from Calgary (what's up, Nick) and talked hockey until my pasty white northern Vermont skin was peeling like a zombie's.
Recovering the next morning at the buffet, it seemed that I would run into everyone from the pool and we'd trade scores gleaned from ESPN (en espanol, or course) and texts from back home (thank you, Charbie). So although I missed hockey, I count the trip a success for the following reasons:
1. The Mexican cartel(s) didn't kill me.
2. A rabid iguana didn't kill me.
3. The spirits from the creepy ruins that were 50 million years old (or something like that) didn't kill me.
4. My fiancee didn't kill me. Seriously, if I disappeared and the story was on Nancy Grace or one of those stupid fucking shows, I would haunt everyone involved from my base camp of the creepy ruins (see #4) with my demonic rabid iguana (see #2).
Strangely, the biggest threat to my life came when we were landing at JFK. A nice 30mph crosswind will do that. Props to Captain Mike for allowing me to continue to live so I could watch some more hockey.
ANYWAY.
The boys failed to sweep the Flyers out the other night, as it sounds like Gagne channeled some Savvy and scored the OT winner in his first game back. Good for him.
In Boston tonight, where the B's have yet to lose this playoffs (5-0) and I know I'm going to be able to hear the crowd from my house. Tuukka is quickly ascending to a throne of dominance, with The Dark Lord (Hail Satan!) at his side and the Ancient Hell Hound (Ol' Man Recchi) snapping in all the rebounds.
I'm having a feeling that tonight is going to be a great game. Or maybe I'm just hoping that, as I haven't seen them play in a week. They have to come out, skate like a bunch of psychos and put the puck in the net.
Look for Chara to have a big game. And we all know that the bigger the game, the bigger Looch plays. He'll be getting his nose dirty. And it's about time that Ryder scores one of those laser wrist shots from the slot that we've seen him do. Tonight would be a good night.
Go B's.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

It Looks Like God Is Trying To Beam Him Up

The boys played with fire, failing to finish off a Flyers team that refused to give up. They fiddle-fucked around (looking at you, Wideman and Hunwick) when they should have taken the body and dropped some Flyer ass all over rink (i.e. Briere on his "breakaway").
That being said, WHO THE FUCK CARES? Throwing caution (and probably common sense) to the wind, I can't stop smiling about having Savvy back. Even though he played low minutes (which was a good idea, as going from 24 games off due to a concussion to playoff hockey is like jumping out of a space shuttle that's re-entering the atmosphere), it was great to see his passes zinging all over the ice. I'm thinking that he has good mojo on that side of the ice during playoff OT hockey, as he scored from the same general area against the Habs two years ago.
Their D-men got sloppy a few times (Wideman, Hunwick, McQuaid), and losing Sturm certainly doesn't help. However, it means that Thornton wil be back in the lineup, which is good as I'm sure he was throwing a shitfit up in the box.
Few things:
-I really liked Old Man Recchi going at it with Pronger. Pronger is a fucking punk that has been over-rated for so freaking long.
-I don't know what Sobotoka's issue was after he got run into the net. I think he pinched a nut. Hopefully he'll make it back to his prior form.
-Patty-Cake is most likely playing with a broken bone in his wrist/hand. Did anyone else see the slash that Mike Richards gave him? I'm sure we'll find out after the playoffs that he broke something.
-Tuukka looked mortal in Game 1, but I'm sure he will bounce back to his prior form.

Headed to Mexico for a few days. I'll be the big, drunk, loud American extolling the virtues of the Bruins line-up on Cinco de Mayo (which also happens to be the night of Game 3).

Go B's.