Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Best Month Ever Continues

I'll be making the drive down to Boston tomorrow for yet another game. I'm almost getting sick and tired of going to the Garden to watch the Bruins beat their opponent. Um...yeah...just kidding. HOW THE FUCK COULD THAT GET OLD? If I ever get so jaded as to not get excited to see a live game, please punch me in my newly-grown mangina and push me out of a moving vehicle. I finally get to boo Kessel in person and I've been gargling with honey and lemon tea all week to achieve maximum volume. I'm hoping that maybe I can make his remaining nut drop out of those daisy dukes that he wears, whereby Chara one times it into the net, where it bursts into a million little winged fairies...which I'm sure is what Ol' One Nut is shooting these days. I'm guessing that Tuukka will get the start tomorrow night, as they're going to want Timmy fresh for the playoffs. Hopefully I'm also screaming "Tuuuuuuuuuuu" after every great save he makes instead of "fuck YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, YOUUUUUUUUU suck". It might make for a long night. Everyone is coming alive as of late and the boys have regained their pimp swagger. Horton is feeling it, Kaberle is feeling it and Chara is feeling it and I'm feeling it. The Bruins are undefeated in the games I've been at this month, and I'm going to go ahead and take all of the credit. Couple things: -Good to see Upchuk getting some goals. That dude plays hard and has a fucking wicked hard shot. -Thornton took a nasty skate up in the face last night. I was glad to see he was okay, but his cyborg skeleton showed through. Shawn, the jig is up. We know that you're a robot sent from the future to help the Bruins whup some ass and win the Cup. And fuck: he's going to have a cool fucking scar. Pain is temporary, chicks dig scars and glory is forever, right??? -Ryder. Fucking Ryder. Enough said. -Seguin/Kelly/Peverley: their line reminds me of those little flies that buzz around, make a shit ton of noise, but don't really do much. They're fucking fast, I'll give them that, but they need to bury some pucks. -I'm guessing that about an hour before game time, Looch will go and piss at strategic spots around the Garden. Vagi-sarek will smell said urine, recognize it as the scent of a man that has beaten his ass several times and undoubtedly turtle, thereby leaving all of the physical play to Phaneuf. -Did I already mention that Tuukka will probably be in net? Fuck. Looking forward to being in the Garden again. I'm thinking about setting up a cot and seeing if they'll just let me move in, at least for the duration of the playoffs. Can you imagine playing Black Ops on the big screen? Dang. Go B's.

Friday, March 25, 2011


After finding out on tuesday afternoon that I would be at the game last night, I was pretty stoked. Honestly, I was just hoping for an entertaining game in which no Bruins got hurt, and the Bruins didn't lose too badly, as they just can't seem to put together a good effort against the Habs this year.

I didn't realize what an amazing night it would be.
Grabbed some dinner at The Fours (the Bobby Orr goes well with a few Guinness). Got to the Garden and spent some time walking around...only to come around a corner and just about come face to face with Wayne Gretzky. He had a gaggle of security guys with him and once other people started asking for pictures, he moved on pretty quick, but that was cool nonetheless.
We got to our seats and settled in, waiting for the warm-up to start. And then in walks PJ fucking Axelsson, longtime Bruin, with a gaggle of Swedes and sits right front of me. I shook his hand and thanked him for his efforts over the years. He's a nice guy and I'm still pissed that the Bruins let him go in the way that he did. About five minutes after that, Ken Casey from the Dropkick Murphys sits pretty much right in front of PJ.
At this point, my night had pretty much been made, and the game hadn't even been started yet.
The boys came out like psychos and just ran all over the Habs. I've rarely seen anything like it. The Habs were just standing still and it looked like their skates were filled with cement.
Chara stood tall (no pun intended) throughout the game. There were quite a few Habs fans in the Garden and they tried to boo everytime he touched the puck, but were quickly drowned out by the home fans. Good to see.
The Bruins were able to give the Habs a 5 on 3 PP in the 3rd. I learned forward and told PJ that we needed him on the ice, to which he laughed. About 30 seconds later, Campbell scored a beautiful goal on a breakaway. I can't remember the last time the Bruins scored a shortie on a 5 on 3.
And I can finally say, with great satisfaction and pride, that I got to take part in heckling Carey as he skated off the ice when he was replaced. My life is almost complete (the Bruins still have to win the Cup).
My thoughts are still banging around in my head and I've had a horrible headache all day, but it was sooooooooooo worth it. I apologize for the randomness of the writing, but I still can't get over what happened last night. Amazing night, amazing game and amazing night. Did I already say that? Fuck it. I think seven goals give me the right to ramble on.
The boys picked up two important points and were able to finally get over the hurdle. They are obviously in the head of the Habs after last night and once again, they've shown that they are the better team. Nine games left. Going to be a crazy finish.
Go B's.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Just Your Normal Bruins/Canadiens Rematch

And if you believe that, then you might be slightly retarded.
I will be at the Garden tomorrow night and I'm really not too sure what will happen. If this game was in Montreal, I'm not sure I would make it into the arena wearing my Bruins gear, though it wouldn't be for lack of effort on my part. The fans up there are still circling in a pretty fair impression of a feeding frenzy, with the dorsal fins and remoras being traded for hair gel, pointy leather shoes and euro trance.
These types of grudge match games are quite often underwhelming. What can't be missed or ignored is that the Bruins are in a dogfight for points. Ten games left. Moving up or down one spot will greatly impact who they might face in the first round. The points are too important.
The Habs will be looking to avenge a teammate that is down and hurt...and I guess they can't be faulted for that. It's what being part of a team is all about.
I'm thinking that the first period will be pretty hectic, with bodies flying around hitting everything in sight. Man to man, there is simply no way the Habs can match the Bruins for overall toughness. This has been proven several times this year. The Bruins, when confronted, will drop gloves, TO A MAN, and stick up for each other. As previously noted, there aren't many teams in the league that can stand toe to toe with the boys.
This means that the Habs will be sneaky. They'll be those little fuckers doing the slashes and trips and whacks behind the play. They'll be looking to catch any unsuspecting Bruin with his head turned the wrong way. If I were Krejci, I would be very nervous because he constantly skates around like a clown in a forcefield.
There will be a few fights, but I don't think anywhere near what happened in the 8-6 win a few weeks back.
Of course, these are just predictions. I'd be surprised if Chara even has to defend himself. Any dirty look, comment or whack will result in his teammates coming in.
This might be a blessing for the Habs, as Chara hasn't gone completely batshit in quite some time. He brawled constantly his first few years in the league, and though these skills may have been mostly dormant over the past few years, he can fuck people up when he gets to swinging.
Should be an interesting game (to say the least) and I'm sure the Garden is going to be LOUD.
I'll be there, doing my part, cheering my team on in a game that is huge in its playoff implications.
Go B's. And keep your head moving, because those fuckers will be coming in with high elbows.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Can't Muster The Motivation

The "play" of the Bruins as of late has left me wanting more. It's hard to want to write about a team that's playing like this and I'm sincerely hoping that it will change shortly.
They've had a few days off and I were Julien, I would have skated them into the fucking ice. Their lack of effort has been something to behold and I can't believe this is the same team that recently rattled off seven straight wins.
The Leafs made them their bitch on saturday night, and I'm glad I DVRed it. It's rare that I fast forward through a game, but I'm glad I did, as I could quickly go back to tweezing ingrown pubes out of my bikini line. Summer is coming and I want to look goooood.
Couple things:
-I had written that I was not on board with the "Kaberle is the key" train that has been banging around Boston for the last few seasons. Now that he's here, everyone is seeing what he brings. The PP has sunk to new lows and there are really no excuses. Kaberle better wake the fuck up and realize that his bad passes, weak shots and overall lack of chin is making the Bruins a bad team. I didn't expect instant results, but I was expecting some. So far, we've seen jack shit...except for him crying on the bench the other night when Toronto did a montage on the big screen. This is what they traded for???
-I don't know if Timmy is tired or what the fucking deal is, but jesus christ. As goes Thomas, so go the Bruins. Even a dude with a huge dent in his head and a drooling problem can see that Tuukka does not have the confidence that he had last year. Yet, they still play him to try and get Thomas some rest. It's a cycle that's just going around and around. Not good.
-The offense has once again dried up (wow, imagine that) and goals are once again hard to come by. This wasn't an issue earlier in the year, when Timmy's numbers were borderline preposterous, but they aren't winning the one goal games anymore. Even Ryder being scratched for one game failed to get him going. I'm starting to think the coaching staff are out of ideas.
-At least Matt Cooke finally got what's coming to him, at least from the league's stand point. I'm still hoping someone chops his fucking head wide open, but shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up faster, right?
Here's my solution.
On thursday, the Bruins should do their normal pre-game skate. And then when they get back to the dressing room, Cam Neely should walk in. He should yell and scream and howl about what it means to be a Bruin and wear the jersey. He should rant about what it means to play through pain, through sprains and strains and what it's like to spit your fucking teeth out as you skate up the ice with the puck on your stick. He should call every fucking one of them out, challenge them as men, tell them to prepare for battle. Because the game on thursday night...that's going to be a battle. Every one of these guys better keep their heads up and their helmets strapped tight. The Habs are going to be looking for blood. They are going to try and avenge what happened in the last game. I think the game on thursday night is going to say alot about the Bruins chances for a long run into the spring.
Here's hoping they don't turtle, piddle their shorts and show their bellies.
Go B's.

Saturday, March 12, 2011


You are a tool on and off the ice who will never live up to your potential because you have no heart for the game. Show up in the playoffs just one year and maybe you'll earn the right to talk shit about ANYTHING.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Haters gonna hate

I was ready to put this issue to bed, but upon learning the Montreal police are launching a criminal investigation on the hit and the America bashing happening on Team 990 right now, I just can’t let it go.

I’ve been listening to Montreal radio for the past 2 days, reading their blogs and news columns, and man am I happy I’m not associated with that whiny bunch of piss ants.

How many of those fans really care about Max? They are THRILLED this happened. It gives them so much ammo against the Bruins and apparently America in general. A Montreal station is blaming the “American Mentality” (and here’s a news flash, Chara is not American…) and how violent we are. Yet these same people are calling for Chara’s head? Yeah, not violent at all…
People LOVE the American Mentality when it suits them then blames it for the evils in the world when it doesn’t. If China invaded their ass and how much would they love us then? Canada, you are America’s hat. Keeping us warm in the winter, good for some beers, a few wild nights, some of your finer exports who have landed in the US, and poutine, but your worth stops there. Maybe if they wrapped up their own self worth into something other than hockey, then situations like this wouldn’t bring out this ugliness. I’m sorrey (sorry in Canadian) you can’t be us, but don’t hate us because we are beautiful. Life’s unfair sometimes. Just ask Max.

And to Max. Grow a pair. Your situation sucks. I’m sorry it happened to you, but whining like a little bitch from your hospital bed doesn’t help anything. It just fuels all the crazy stupids. It fuels the criminal investigation that is now being built regarding that hit. You know what you sign up for in the NHL. Hockey is fast, it’s hard, and it’s dangerous. That danger caught up to you in an unfortunate circumstance and demonizing a player such as Chara who has always been a good member of the NHL and does so much good outside of the NHL is wrong. Chara didn’t disgrace the game. Max, you are disgracing it right now. My sympathy is waning for you. The injury almost made me forget you were a mouthy little fuck, but my memory is coming back at lightning speed. If you were half a man, your soapbox would regard the design of the rink, not Chara.

So Canadian fans, since you are just appalled by what the NHL IS (not has become) see the links below. This is looks to be more your speed. Good luck.

Oh, and GO BRUINS!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Intent to Injure? BULLSHIT

As a human being, I sat on my couch last night concerned for the lifeless body on the ice. Fuck a spinal injury; I wasn’t so sure Max was breathing at first. But as he got carried away and you could see his movements in his hands/feet, the Bruins fan in me let out a loud and resounding: FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK.

The replays were like jet fuel to the mouths of every obnoxious Habs fan (almost all Habs fans). I’m one of those people who don’t argue with fucktards. There is no fun in it, it’s just annoying. And even more annoying is the smug look on their faces when my lack of argument translates into a big win for them. Little do they know if I unleashed the bayonet of verbal punishment I was impaling into their brain that was playing out in my own medulla oblongata, they would be most likely crying, perhaps in a fetal position after we were done. But beating up on the weak…it’s not right. I spend a lot of time swallowing words and avoiding said fucktards so I don’t have to deal with my inner tantrums so much. So why the hell did I think that it would be a good idea to log onto Facebook and Twitter last night?? A masochistic streak in me I suppose.

The fucktards had come out in full force and they brought their whole fucktard family with them. CHARA’S A GOON! KILL HIM! LIFE TIME SUSPENSION! HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING! THROW HIM IN JAIL!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH.

So here is my take. And after this, I’m not talking about it. Chara is not a dirty player. He was simply rubbing a player out. Rub outs in hockey happen as often as rub outs in a 15 year old boy's bathroom does. 99.99999% of the time the player doesn’t even lose balance. However this .0000001% of the time it happened at the wrong place in the rink. A dangerous place which quite frankly should have gotten looked at as a design flaw years ago. There was no intent. And if you really looked at the play, you’d see Chara was looking up ice at the unfolding play. He wasn’t lining up Max’s head perfectly to hit the pole. Blame the NHL, not Chara.

So really people, before you grab your pitchforks and torches to run Chara out of the league, do something quite foreign to you and THINK. If the same thing had happened but roles were reversed to a Gill doing this to a Krecji, you’d see no foul in it either…. Oh that’s right, you may have a hard time envisioning that due to the fact you’ve never seen physical play from Gill because he’s afraid of hurting his vagina.

My prayers are with Max and his family. I hope he makes a speedy recovery.

But if Chara gets suspended, even for a game, I’m calling B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.

Loss Overshadowed By Chara's Hit (Thankfully)

I was pretty psyched for the game last night, as it appeared it was going to be a great rematch from the last fight-filled victory against those fucking Habs.
The game started with a great bout between Upchuk and White, after Upchuk tried to drill Subban. Both players stood in there and traded blows in a pretty long fight.
And then the Bruins went to sleep. They slept and let the fucking Habs run goddamn circles around them. Kaberle (who still hasn't done shit, in my opinion) missed passes, Horton went wide when he should have cut to the middle, Rask failed to make the timely saves, blah blah blah. It's a blueprint that we're used to seeing unfortunately, and I expected more from the boys.
And then, with the 2nd period winding down, Chara absolutely destroyed Paccioretty by the bench. The sound it made when his face hit the edge of the boards made my stomach turn. He layed motionless for quite some time in a position that is normally reserved for unconscious people on The Family Guy (legs splayed, one arm in a weird position).
I've watched the replay about a million times now and here are my thoughts.
-It was not a dirty hit. At least several times a game, you see players get rubbed out in that same area. This one just happened with a huge amount of force, as both players (one of whom is 6'9" and 250+) were skating hard. The hit, and I hesitate to call it that as it wasn't an actual hit, was brutal. It was nasty. But it wasn't dirty. Yes, there is a difference. If Upchuk had connected with his earlier attempted hit against Subban, that would have been brutal, but not dirty.
-Chara is not a dirty player. To be honest, the Bruin player that most often comes to (and occasionally crosses) the line is Lucic. Players and fans around the league know that Chara is a huge man that generally plays much, much smaller than his actual size. I'm sure his career stats will show that he has more than the average amount of elbowing minors, but the guy is generally six to eight inches taller than most of the people he is hitting. Those calls are inevitable with a guy as tall as him.
-Chara spoke with the press after the game and stated that it was not his intention to do what happened. I believe him. Yes, I'm a fan of the Bruins. But I also think that I've seen enough of Chara over the past few years to believe what he's saying. His physical play has really tailed off since his arrival on the Bruins (hits, fights, etc.) and though the nastiness can come out on occasion, this is not how he plays all the time.
-I can't stand Paccioretty, with his turtling ways and the way he constantly runs his suck, but I do hope he is okay. No one likes to see anyone on the ice like that. This is a fucking game and these guys go out night after night and play a game that is fast, mean and dangerous. No other atheletes (possibly rugby players) could withstand the punishment these guys get every night. Hockey has always been a nasty sport, and that continues today, but what Chara did is not akin to a hit from behind (Cooke on too many occasions that I care to count). It's not a highstick in someone's face and it's not a suckerpunch. Both players were battling hard for their spot on the ice. Paccioretty lost. Like I said, I hope he's okay, but I still don't like him.
-Chara has a call at noon with the NHL. I'm guessing 3 games, as this hit was all over the broadcasts that normally could give a fuck about hockey. I don't agree with it, but what the fuck are you going to do?
There. It's going to be retarded over the next few days with all this shit swirling around, but the Bruins need to focus on the cause(s) of the fucking abortion they put on the ice last night. Drive on, focus on the fucking game, and figure out how to score some goals. How the Bruins respond after last night's game and its events will either help them rise and continue their push...or it will sink all chances and they'll slip quietly away over the rest of the season.
Go B's.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Winning Streak A Good Omen?

So how many teams can go on a grueling 6 game road trip, all the way across the continent, and come home with 6 straight victories?
One. The 2010/11 Boston Bruins.
The team, boasting several recent acquisitions, rattled off 6 impressive victories. A road trip such as this where the team goes 3-3 is considered decent, 4-2 much more so. But 6 straight, well that's just silly.
They've played outstanding hockey, getting contributions from everyone. Krecji seems to have realized that much of the team's success hinges upon his efforts and he has stepped up.
Everyone seems to realize that they are pushing hard for the playoffs and this...shhh...this might be the year.
Tuukka seems to have shaken the rust and once again resembles a reliable goalie that can go out and win games, giving his team the confidence that he will stop much of what is thrown at him.
Ryder and Horton have been playing like men on fire as of late. With them getting hot, the sky is the limit.
I'll be at the game tomorrow night, hoping and cheering wildly for a 7th straight win. If I have to drink 100 beers to help the boys get that win, then so be it. I can't wait to be in the Garden once again and cheer along with the rest of my fellow Bruins fans. They've put quite a team on the ice this year, and now is the time to push and push hard.
Go B's.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011