Thursday, December 22, 2011

Jesus Christ, Shoot It

Good thing that this picture was taken at a hospital. I'm sure Tuukka scared a few kids so badly that they needed the crash cart. Yet another reason to be proud of and love our team: they give so much back to the community.
Our boys continue to put up an amazing amount of effort and the wins are just piling up. It's just ridiculous. I've been walking around, all light on my feet, giggling like a retard with a huge plate of nachos topped with gummi bears, and I realized that it's because our team has just been playing crazy hockey. They've managed to go from last in the East to first in a very short time frame and are making other teams look like the 40 and older teams in some northern Quebec beer league.
Few things:
-Although they gave up a HUGE amount of shots in Chara's absence, they showed that they are not a one sasquatch team. Yes, he is a huge part of their lineup, but when everyone pulls in the same direction, they just continue to roll over teams. Guys step up when the big man is out, and that's a beautiful thing to see. Chara showed just how much of a leader he is by single-handedly setting the tone of the recent Flyers game. He stepped up and went with Jody Shelley. I'd like to see just how many Norris trophy-winning defenseman would do such a thing. Lidstrom? Yeah, okay. He'd stare at Shelley with his blue Swedish eyes until Shelley started creaming like a Bieber fan and threw his panties, OR he would punch Lidstrom until there was nothing left but a pile of equipment and blood.
-Good to see Pouliot stepping up and getting some consistent playing time WITHOUT taking any stupid penalties. Claude showed once again that he knows when to sit players and when to put them back out there. It's funny to think that just a short time ago, there were certain "fans" out there that were calling for his head. These were the same fucktards that were calling to trade Thomas. No goddamn loyalty or trust. Weak.
-Seguin has/had cooled off as of late, and I'm guessing that his healthy scratch after the alarm clock incident had something to do with it. Once again, I'm going to put my trust in Claude. He knows what he's doing.
-And it just doesn't matter who you put in net, the Bruins have a better than average chance of winning the game. And this is a great fucking "problem" to have.
The boys FINALLY get back on the ice tomorrow night, and I couldn't be more stoked. It feels like they've been off for at least three months. I'm hoping for a few fights, many goals and a proper send-off into the holiday break.
That being said, Merry Christmas to all my fellow Bruins fans.
Go B's.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Time To See What This Team Is Made Of

I don't know if I've ever felt so much disgust after a Bruins victory.
The game against the Blue Jackets was one of the ugliest hockey games I've ever seen. I don't care if Lucic had three assists. It doesn't make up for the fact that he took multiple stupid minors. I would have used some industrial grade staples to stick his ass to the bench. It was good to see Corvo get a few, as he's been trying but with no results.
That being said, we'll now see what the boys can do without their captain.
Chara took a strange open-ice hit and his knee did that nasty sideways wang chung move that generally means someone is going to be spending some time on the IR.
For such a big man, Chara has been remarkably durable in his time with the Bruins. I have no doubt that his fitness level has played a part in this. I can't even imagine the bumps and bruises he accrues over a season. This once again speaks to the competitive streak he has running through his bones. Hockey is a fast game, with full grown men flying around at an incredible pace. All it takes is a little bastard like Steve Ott to low bridge Chara and knee tendons snap.
So he'll be out for a few games. The Bruins have had amazing depth for the past few seasons, but this will be a huge test. For at least a game, they will be without their captain, who leads the team in ice time. Chara is like a robot that just sucks up minutes, routinely staying on the ice for longer than I thought humanly possible. Kampfer will be in and it may end up with the Bruins having to make a tough decision. Kampfer may be this year's Johnny Upchuk, who was a healthy scratch for almost a quarter of the season before taking advantage of an injury and playing his way into his current gig as Chara's defensive partner. We've seen what Kampfer can do when he's healthy. Here's hoping that he practiced as hard as he could and paid attention while in the pressbox.
Campbell may be out as well, as he took a shot off the skate. The Bruins have called up Hamill, who has done less than Caron (if that's possible). I like Caron, and it's apparent that he has skill, but he kind of resembles last year's Seguin, in that his effort on each shift isn't quite consistent enough.
We'll see the Kings tomorrow night. They just fired their head coach and are having a hard time putting a good season together. Chara's out and Tuukka will most likely get the start. Timmy looked all ate up last game, but even he has to appear mortal at least once a year to make think that he is in fact human.
Go B's.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

It's All Tyler's Fault

Just kidding. It figures that the boys would roll over the Penguins and then have trouble with the Jets. Oh well, you gotta lose sometime.
I was heartened to see that the Bruins don't care who you are or what you do. The team comes first. Anything that detracts from that will be dealt with. The fact that they sat Seguin shows just how strong of an organization this is. Neely and Chiarelli are both strong leaders that demand accountability. They have taught Seguin a very valuable lesson early on in his career. The team comes first. Period. No room for negotiation. He obviously wasn't happy sitting in the press box and I feel bad for the Panthers tonight. Seguin is going to come out like a raped ape....unless he sleeps through the game again. OH SNAP
Go B's.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

....Is This For Real?

I mean seriously, we know our team is good, having just won the Cup and having made minimal roster changes, but what the fuck is going on?
It all starts at the back end, where St. Timmy of Thomas got his TENTH STRAIGHT WIN last night. I mean seriously, what the fuck is going on? The entire team is feeling it and it's just amazing to watch.
In a VERY entertaining hockey game last night, the Bruins made the Penguins their bitch. Imagine how frustrating it must be for guys like Crosby and Malkin to actually make their way through what looks like thirteen layers of defense, only to have the entire net bricked off by Timmy. They had some good chances, and Timmy was there every single time (Cooke goal aside, which Timmy had pretty much no chance on). #30 is playing just beautiful hockey right now. He is making everyone else look like a bunch of no-talent assclowns and his numbers look fake.
Couple things:
-I want to know what Crosby and Krejci were talking about. Not that it would happen, but the gloves getting dropped would resemble two three year olds fighting over the same Transformer toy. Krejci can't fight and Crosby flails like a drowning woman. I would have been laughing like a retard eating Pop Rocks.
-Johnny Upchuk looked like Ray Bourque putting shots on net. How? They were low, accurate, HARD and there were about thirty of 'em. Bourque had the ability to get the shots through time and time again, and Johnny was obviously channeling him last night. I'm kind of glad he didn't score though, because everytime Jack Edwards says "Johnny Rocket", all I can think of is a dog rolling around with a boner. Red rocket, Sparky, red rocket!!
-I get my own red rocket going when a frustrated team starts taking runs at Bruins players, or lo and behold, gives Timmy an extra whack or two. The Pens are just the latest team to find out that you don't want to wake up the Bruins, and you ESPECIALLY don't want to give Timmy a whack on the glove hand when he's covering the puck. He hunts fucking bears in the offseason, so some turd in an opponent's uniform really doesn't stand a chance. Campbell's fight was a good one. Both landed several big punches and it was a good bout.
-Last night showed, YET FUCKING AGAIN, that the Bruins can do it either way. To all teams that are going to be playing the Bruins: pick your poison. You can try outskating the boys and going the skill route, but you're going to lose. When your "4th" line has guys like Thornton, Campbell and Paille, I'm honestly not too concerned about matching lines with the other team. The Pens have two of the best players in the NHL in Bitch Pants Crosby and Malkin, and they did exactly fuck all last night (unless you count Crosby running into his own player and Malkin taking a thundering hit from Cheddar Bob Paille as something). If you want to go the physical route, well, they got that covered as well. So go ahead and give it a whirl, but it's not going to end well for you.
The boys are in Winnipeg tonight and I'm thinking Tuukka will get the nod. The last game with this team was entertaining, and I'm hoping the boys can keep it going. What a god, the red rocket is coming back.
Go B's.

Monday, December 5, 2011

An Open Letter To Dion Phaneuf

Dear Dion,
You are lucky in the fact that you are among the relatively chosen few that are able to earn insane amounts of money playing a child's game. You work only several months out of the year (it would be more, but your team can't make the playoffs), you travel on private jets and you stay in five star accommodations. Yes, you are away from home and I'm sure the traveling gets tiresome, but ask a worker on a paving crew which life he would rather deal with, and I'm guessing he will say its yours.
You are able to date Hollywood actresses (sloppy seconds not withstanding) and hockey players are well known for their abilities to pick up women wherever they go. If you want, you can probably have a different woman in your bed each night.
You play for a team in Canada that has an absolutely rabid fan base, even though the on-ice team of the last few years has been weak. You are in the hockey headquarters of the world, playing for an Original Six franchise that has a long, storied and proud history.
If I were a fan of the Leafs or a fellow teammate, I would be absolutely ashamed to have you as my captain.
To play in Toronto is to be judged against all past players. These were men that didn't make the money, didn't travel the way in which you do and had to literally go home and work on the farm when the season was over. As is the case with Boston, the names of the old-time greats still adorn multiple trophies and legendary stories abound.
My shame would come from the fact that you do not lead. The captain in the sport of hockey must lead his team when times are both good and bad. He must have broad shoulders to carry the weight and step up when issues need dealing with. At times, he must strap his team to his back and say, "Let's go boys. Follow me." After the Bruins spent over two minutes in your zone in a five-on-five situation, where were you? Where were you with a thundering hit or the asschewing from the bench or the rush up the ice to try and get your team back into it? If you had been leading soldiers on D-Day, your men would have been shot to shit on the beach, waiting for you to issue an order or take command of the situation as German machine gun fire continued to decimate your ranks.
You were invisible until with about three minutes left in the third period, with a Bruins victory all but a certainty, when you took a run at Tyler Seguin.
I am happy to the very center of my core that the Bruins don't have one player anything like you. Even David Krejci, who appears to be disinterested in the game at times, has more heart than you.
If I were Brian Burke, I would have guys like Doug Gilmour and Wendel Clark stage an intervention. These two guys knew what it took to be a captain and lead a team. You couldn't find two players with more different playing styles, but they both inspired their team with their efforts. Maybe a little wall to wall counseling behind the Air Canada Center would do you some good. I'm guessing it wouldn't. The rumors out of Calgary were that you were a diva, and you gained the nickname "Neon Dion". After a monster rookie season in which you destroyed everything on the ice, and had me thinking that you would look good in black and gold, you have totally dropped off of the radar as an effective player. Like Komisarek, who apparently has never recovered from the beating that Milan Lucic gave him when he was in Montreal, you have lost the ability to control a game with your physical tempo.
Instead, you will most likely choose to sit on the bench, hiding your eyes behind your visor, thinking about how soon it will be before the team, the management and the fans have had enough of your ability to remain aloof as your team continues to struggle and ships you out of town.
Bruins versus Pens tonight. Matt Cooke's in town. Yeahhhhh, boyyyyyy.
Go B's.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

November Was Beddy Beddy Good To Boston

12-0-1 in November. 25 out of a possible 26 points. Goals galore. Timmy Thomas putting up numbers worthy of another Vezina. The release of a new Modern Warfare.
Yes, November was kind to us all.
Aside from the shootout loss to the Red Wings (and I was okay with that, as it was a fucking great game), the Bruins were perfect. The boys were putting heaps of shots on net and scoring like a crackhead on the first of the month. Just think about where they'd be if they had actually showed up at the beginning of the season. Man oh man, my dick just moved.
Few things:
-I'm going to go ahead and keep beating the dead horse, but how fucking important were the pickups of Peverley and Kelly? Goddamn. In my mind, they are the only two players on this team that hustle each and every shift like Patty Cake.
-Seguin. Oh Tyler, watching you has become a joy. You're like that scene in Avatar where the cripple gets into his alien body for the first time and is enjoying just how strong it is and how fast it can move. You've figured out what you can do and just keep pushing yourself. It is so fucking apparent that teams are watching video of you, because opposing d-men are now trying to plan for dealing with your speed...but they keep tripping over themselves as they try and get into a better position as you blow right the fuck past them. Keep it up, kid. You're doing great.
-Hey Z, we knew you were good, but the points you're putting up may have Bobby Orr coming after you. He wants his points by a defenseman record to be safe, and if you keep this up, they'll have to put up a statue of you in front of the Garden. And that would be a biiiiiig fucking statue.
-Krejci: you're still on my shit list and I think the Bruins have overpaid with your new contract. Let's pretend this is the end of Saving Private Ryan. I'm Tom Hanks and I'm laying there, bleeding from numerous wounds. You (Private Ryan) lean in. I look at you and say, "Earn this." Earn it, Napoleon Krejci. You have the money now. No more excuses. Show us that you deserve it. Or the Nazis will kill you.
-One thing I've noticed a bit is that over the past few games, the opponents have been playing the skill game. Specifically against the Red Wings and the Leafs, who have less grit than my morning coffee, the Bruins showed that they can hang and even excel with these teams. Once again, the Bruins are showing their maddening (for the opponents) depth. Every single line can go out and hustle their asses off or put bodies through the boards. Again, my dick just moved. I'm also thinking that aside from watching video on Seguin, other teams are getting instructions to let the sleeping dogs slumber. Don't facewash them. Don't touch the goalie. Don't even really try and lay anyone out. Because the Bruins will respond with an all-out physical assault that makes WWII look tame. And then they'll rattle off a multi-game winning streak.
The Leafs are in Boston tonight. The Phil-Haters will be out in force and yes, call me classless, but I still laugh every time he touches the puck and gets booed like a cop at an Occupy Whatever rally. And I laugh even harder when someone puts Kessel into the boards, like a cop firing a pepper ball into a dirty hippy's nuts.
One thing I have found to be an insane amount of fun (call me lame) is tweeting during the Bruins game. My Twitter account is a different name, but I'm sure that you'll be able to spot my tweets if you're a reader of this blog. They'll be the tweets that are moderately to excessively inappropriate. Just check #Bruins and #NESN during the games. Let the hilarity ensue.
Go B's.