THE BIG BAD BRUINS

Bad Habits

2012-01-15T10:46:00.003-05:00

Was anyone else positively underwhelmed with the effort the Bruins showed last night? The game was blah and had me flipping back and forth between the Patriots game. Anyone that knows me knows that a Bruins game is a sacred experience (don't talk through the anthem, hockey-only talk throughout the game, etc.), so I am slightly ashamed with myself. And I'm not even that much of a football fan.
For the second straight game, the Bruins were present on the ice...and that's about it. They did not appear engaged in the process and I'm thinking that Claude is going to snap the belt pretty hard shortly. He somewhat called out the team after the victory against the Habs (shows you how well the Bruins have been playing this year by getting called out after a victory). He said that bad habits were creeping back. They were on full display last night.
Couple things:
-Just how much is the lack of Marchand playing into this? Yes, he's a VERY important part of the "2nd" line, but the Bruins have depth...well they did until now. Normally they'd be able to insert anyone in the line-up and just keep plugging away. About the most positive thing I can say about Pouliot for last night is that he didn't take any horrible penalties. That's kind of like saying "well at least I didn't kill anybody." You're not supposed to. Patty Cake has the ability to make an average player rise above their normal level, but it wasn't there last night.
-Campbell and Kelly have to get it going. I'm starting to think that they are both nursing some type of nagging injury, as their play has tailed off in the last few weeks.
-I'd like nothing more than to have him prove me gloriously wrong, but I'm starting to think that Caron is the modern-day Andy Hilbert. Highly touted, apparent skill, tears shit up at the AHL level...but just can't string it together in the NHL. Caron was in some bad spots last night and had a few turnovers. He's getting pushed around and doesn't appear to have adjusted to the speed of the big leagues. As previously stated, I'm not a fan of the late season trade, but I wouldn't be surprised if the Bruins brought in a bottom six forward at the deadline. They did the exact thing with Kelly and Peverley last year and that paid huge dividends.
-Corvo...I've had enough. Once again, he's an improvement over Kaberle, but that's like saying you only severed an artery instead of cutting your whole damn arm off. He hasn't panned out as the team has hoped. He skates smooth and has a hard shot, but so did Dennis Wideman. And the fact that he NEVER takes the body, even when it's there and could kill a play, has me thinking his time in Boston may be short.
-I'm going to organize a blood drive. We need to learn Adam McQuaid's blood type, because he is blocking so many shots with his legs, arms, chest and balls that I'm pretty sure he has heavy internal bleeding. He keeps going though. That's one tough kid...it's gotta be the mullet.
So there's no reason to panic, as it was next to impossible to maintain the level the Bruins were playing at for so long. The season is coming up on the midway point, and the majority of the boys will get some time off. One of my fears was that the team would peak way too early and have nothing left for the playoffs. They looked tired last night, as on several occasions the Canes had sustained and brutal pressure in the offensive zone. I thought for sure Julien was going to call a timeout and give them the ol' "boys, what the fuck are you doing?" speech, but a TV timeout saved them.
All that being said, our team remains in a good spot. It's not like they've been wallowing around, playing shit hockey for seven or eight games, but eventually the hockey gods that gave them crazy goal totals and all the right bounces will turn their attention elsewhere and the Bruins will have to find victories on their own.
Panthers on monday night. Maybe a day of R&R in Florida will do the boys well.
Go B's.

Listen Up

2012-01-14T16:50:00.004-05:00

Okay, people. It's time to stop whining like a bunch of pussies. I'm going to state a few things that are bothering me:
1. The Bruins aren't a dirty team. We who watch them every night know this.
2. The league, for whatever reason, has decided that the hit Subban threw on Krejci the other night wasn't dirty. Though I disagree, it is what it is.
3. The Bruins have seen the Canucks once this year. They won't see them again unless they're playing for the Cup. Let's get past the bullshit that's still falling on us from that one game.
4. Too much talking is going on. The shit off the ice has become a distraction. Marchand was on Twitter for all of 12 hours and then supposedly deleted his account. I love the kid, but him being on Twitter would only lead to bad things.
The Bruins, as well as the fans, need to suck it up, realize that they are playing under a different set of rules (for some fucking reason) and drive on. Enough with the pissing and moaning. Play the goddamn game. Don't change a fucking thing. Hit hard. Fight hard. Score goals. Defend your teammates. Fuck what the league and writers from Vancouver are saying or doing. It is what it is.
If the whining continues, the team and the fans run the risk of turning into an entity that is constantly crying and boo-hooing and looks like a bunch of women that are on coordinated menstrual cycles.
Like I said, it is what it is and no amount of belly aching is going to change it. The Bruins need to press on and forget all the bullshit that seems to swirl around them. To do anything else could have huge negative implications for the rest of the season. The Bruins have been conducting themselves like professionals for quite some time. The last two weeks have driven a spike into their conduct. Although it was great to see Thornton take apart that reporter on-air, that's the exact shit I'm talking about. All of the talking is going on BECAUSE the Bruins are once again the team to beat this year. They can't stoop to the level of all the fuckers that want to distract them. Time to shut up and play some hockey, boys. And to all the fans: time to shut up and watch our boys as they continue on with their season.
Go B's.

5 Games? Yeah, okay.

2012-01-09T20:38:00.002-05:00

Long time, no write. The boys were continuing their crazy ways, scoring goals by the assload and getting support from everyone.
The spousal unit and I were excited to go to the Garden and watch the rematch against the fucking Canucks, and we weren't disappointed. I honestly just wanted the Bruins to kick the living shit out of them after all of the bullshit Vancouver pulled last spring. A victory would be nice, but not required.
I guess I got my wish.
The game started off with a bang, with half of the Canucks thinking it wise to pile on Shawn Thornton, who has more sandpaper on his dick than the entire Vancouver bench combined. I'm thinking they could have chosen a better time to start shit, as the Bruins had several of their toughest guys out there. I guess Burrows doesn't think ahead.
Anway, Looch gets ejected for "coming off the bench", which turned out to be bullshit. I generally don't give the refs too much shit, because they are doing a hard job in the world's fastest game. But the fact that their call took Lucic out of what turned out to be a one-goal game about four minutes into the first was not correct. Hindsight's 20/20, right?
And then the "Marchand incident" occurred. I'm honestly tired of thinking about it and seeing it, mainly because YouTube is basically overflowing with clips of the same exact thing happening (one of which happens to be a Vancouver player doing the same thing to Marchand) and no suspensions came of it. Whatever. He'll serve his five game. The Bruins will be without one of their best players for this timeframe, but their depth is what makes them so good.
The bullshit flowing out of Vancouver is at an all-time high, with all of the players saying that Marchand is dirty, he's cheap, blah blah blah, but to me it smells exactly like guys on Pittsburgh calling out players for headshots when they're sitting next to Matt Cooke in the dressing room. It just seems that Vancouver always wants to play the victim and hide behind the refs. Like I said, whatever.
The season will go on and things will even out and I have no doubt that this kind of hit will happen again. I just hope that Shanahan treats it the same way he treated this one. Guess we'll have to see.
Time to drive on and realize that there are three games in the next six days, one of which is Montreal. Maybe chanting "CAREY, CAREY, CAREY" will make everyone feel better.
Go B's.

Jesus Christ, Shoot It

2011-12-22T20:22:00.004-05:00

Good thing that this picture was taken at a hospital. I'm sure Tuukka scared a few kids so badly that they needed the crash cart. Yet another reason to be proud of and love our team: they give so much back to the community.

Our boys continue to put up an amazing amount of effort and the wins are just piling up. It's just ridiculous. I've been walking around, all light on my feet, giggling like a retard with a huge plate of nachos topped with gummi bears, and I realized that it's because our team has just been playing crazy hockey. They've managed to go from last in the East to first in a very short time frame and are making other teams look like the 40 and older teams in some northern Quebec beer league.

Few things:

-Although they gave up a HUGE amount of shots in Chara's absence, they showed that they are not a one sasquatch team. Yes, he is a huge part of their lineup, but when everyone pulls in the same direction, they just continue to roll over teams. Guys step up when the big man is out, and that's a beautiful thing to see. Chara showed just how much of a leader he is by single-handedly setting the tone of the recent Flyers game. He stepped up and went with Jody Shelley. I'd like to see just how many Norris trophy-winning defenseman would do such a thing. Lidstrom? Yeah, okay. He'd stare at Shelley with his blue Swedish eyes until Shelley started creaming like a Bieber fan and threw his panties, OR he would punch Lidstrom until there was nothing left but a pile of equipment and blood.

-Good to see Pouliot stepping up and getting some consistent playing time WITHOUT taking any stupid penalties. Claude showed once again that he knows when to sit players and when to put them back out there. It's funny to think that just a short time ago, there were certain "fans" out there that were calling for his head. These were the same fucktards that were calling to trade Thomas. No goddamn loyalty or trust. Weak.

-Seguin has/had cooled off as of late, and I'm guessing that his healthy scratch after the alarm clock incident had something to do with it. Once again, I'm going to put my trust in Claude. He knows what he's doing.

-And it just doesn't matter who you put in net, the Bruins have a better than average chance of winning the game. And this is a great fucking "problem" to have.

The boys FINALLY get back on the ice tomorrow night, and I couldn't be more stoked. It feels like they've been off for at least three months. I'm hoping for a few fights, many goals and a proper send-off into the holiday break.

That being said, Merry Christmas to all my fellow Bruins fans.

Go B's.

Time To See What This Team Is Made Of

2011-12-12T22:11:00.002-05:00

I don't know if I've ever felt so much disgust after a Bruins victory.
The game against the Blue Jackets was one of the ugliest hockey games I've ever seen. I don't care if Lucic had three assists. It doesn't make up for the fact that he took multiple stupid minors. I would have used some industrial grade staples to stick his ass to the bench. It was good to see Corvo get a few, as he's been trying but with no results.
That being said, we'll now see what the boys can do without their captain.
Chara took a strange open-ice hit and his knee did that nasty sideways wang chung move that generally means someone is going to be spending some time on the IR.
For such a big man, Chara has been remarkably durable in his time with the Bruins. I have no doubt that his fitness level has played a part in this. I can't even imagine the bumps and bruises he accrues over a season. This once again speaks to the competitive streak he has running through his bones. Hockey is a fast game, with full grown men flying around at an incredible pace. All it takes is a little bastard like Steve Ott to low bridge Chara and knee tendons snap.
So he'll be out for a few games. The Bruins have had amazing depth for the past few seasons, but this will be a huge test. For at least a game, they will be without their captain, who leads the team in ice time. Chara is like a robot that just sucks up minutes, routinely staying on the ice for longer than I thought humanly possible. Kampfer will be in and it may end up with the Bruins having to make a tough decision. Kampfer may be this year's Johnny Upchuk, who was a healthy scratch for almost a quarter of the season before taking advantage of an injury and playing his way into his current gig as Chara's defensive partner. We've seen what Kampfer can do when he's healthy. Here's hoping that he practiced as hard as he could and paid attention while in the pressbox.
Campbell may be out as well, as he took a shot off the skate. The Bruins have called up Hamill, who has done less than Caron (if that's possible). I like Caron, and it's apparent that he has skill, but he kind of resembles last year's Seguin, in that his effort on each shift isn't quite consistent enough.
We'll see the Kings tomorrow night. They just fired their head coach and are having a hard time putting a good season together. Chara's out and Tuukka will most likely get the start. Timmy looked all ate up last game, but even he has to appear mortal at least once a year to make think that he is in fact human.
Go B's.

It's All Tyler's Fault

2011-12-08T08:30:00.002-05:00

Just kidding. It figures that the boys would roll over the Penguins and then have trouble with the Jets. Oh well, you gotta lose sometime.

I was heartened to see that the Bruins don't care who you are or what you do. The team comes first. Anything that detracts from that will be dealt with. The fact that they sat Seguin shows just how strong of an organization this is. Neely and Chiarelli are both strong leaders that demand accountability. They have taught Seguin a very valuable lesson early on in his career. The team comes first. Period. No room for negotiation. He obviously wasn't happy sitting in the press box and I feel bad for the Panthers tonight. Seguin is going to come out like a raped ape....unless he sleeps through the game again. OH SNAP

Go B's.

....Is This For Real?

2011-12-06T09:35:00.003-05:00

I mean seriously, we know our team is good, having just won the Cup and having made minimal roster changes, but what the fuck is going on?

It all starts at the back end, where St. Timmy of Thomas got his TENTH STRAIGHT WIN last night. I mean seriously, what the fuck is going on? The entire team is feeling it and it's just amazing to watch.

In a VERY entertaining hockey game last night, the Bruins made the Penguins their bitch. Imagine how frustrating it must be for guys like Crosby and Malkin to actually make their way through what looks like thirteen layers of defense, only to have the entire net bricked off by Timmy. They had some good chances, and Timmy was there every single time (Cooke goal aside, which Timmy had pretty much no chance on). #30 is playing just beautiful hockey right now. He is making everyone else look like a bunch of no-talent assclowns and his numbers look fake.

Couple things:

-I want to know what Crosby and Krejci were talking about. Not that it would happen, but the gloves getting dropped would resemble two three year olds fighting over the same Transformer toy. Krejci can't fight and Crosby flails like a drowning woman. I would have been laughing like a retard eating Pop Rocks.

-Johnny Upchuk looked like Ray Bourque putting shots on net. How? They were low, accurate, HARD and there were about thirty of 'em. Bourque had the ability to get the shots through time and time again, and Johnny was obviously channeling him last night. I'm kind of glad he didn't score though, because everytime Jack Edwards says "Johnny Rocket", all I can think of is a dog rolling around with a boner. Red rocket, Sparky, red rocket!!

-I get my own red rocket going when a frustrated team starts taking runs at Bruins players, or lo and behold, gives Timmy an extra whack or two. The Pens are just the latest team to find out that you don't want to wake up the Bruins, and you ESPECIALLY don't want to give Timmy a whack on the glove hand when he's covering the puck. He hunts fucking bears in the offseason, so some turd in an opponent's uniform really doesn't stand a chance. Campbell's fight was a good one. Both landed several big punches and it was a good bout.

-Last night showed, YET FUCKING AGAIN, that the Bruins can do it either way. To all teams that are going to be playing the Bruins: pick your poison. You can try outskating the boys and going the skill route, but you're going to lose. When your "4th" line has guys like Thornton, Campbell and Paille, I'm honestly not too concerned about matching lines with the other team. The Pens have two of the best players in the NHL in Bitch Pants Crosby and Malkin, and they did exactly fuck all last night (unless you count Crosby running into his own player and Malkin taking a thundering hit from Cheddar Bob Paille as something). If you want to go the physical route, well, they got that covered as well. So go ahead and give it a whirl, but it's not going to end well for you.

The boys are in Winnipeg tonight and I'm thinking Tuukka will get the nod. The last game with this team was entertaining, and I'm hoping the boys can keep it going. What a streak...my god, the red rocket is coming back.

Go B's.

An Open Letter To Dion Phaneuf

2011-12-05T09:18:00.006-05:00

Dear Dion,
You are lucky in the fact that you are among the relatively chosen few that are able to earn insane amounts of money playing a child's game. You work only several months out of the year (it would be more, but your team can't make the playoffs), you travel on private jets and you stay in five star accommodations. Yes, you are away from home and I'm sure the traveling gets tiresome, but ask a worker on a paving crew which life he would rather deal with, and I'm guessing he will say its yours.
You are able to date Hollywood actresses (sloppy seconds not withstanding) and hockey players are well known for their abilities to pick up women wherever they go. If you want, you can probably have a different woman in your bed each night.
You play for a team in Canada that has an absolutely rabid fan base, even though the on-ice team of the last few years has been weak. You are in the hockey headquarters of the world, playing for an Original Six franchise that has a long, storied and proud history.
If I were a fan of the Leafs or a fellow teammate, I would be absolutely ashamed to have you as my captain.
To play in Toronto is to be judged against all past players. These were men that didn't make the money, didn't travel the way in which you do and had to literally go home and work on the farm when the season was over. As is the case with Boston, the names of the old-time greats still adorn multiple trophies and legendary stories abound.
My shame would come from the fact that you do not lead. The captain in the sport of hockey must lead his team when times are both good and bad. He must have broad shoulders to carry the weight and step up when issues need dealing with. At times, he must strap his team to his back and say, "Let's go boys. Follow me." After the Bruins spent over two minutes in your zone in a five-on-five situation, where were you? Where were you with a thundering hit or the asschewing from the bench or the rush up the ice to try and get your team back into it? If you had been leading soldiers on D-Day, your men would have been shot to shit on the beach, waiting for you to issue an order or take command of the situation as German machine gun fire continued to decimate your ranks.
You were invisible until with about three minutes left in the third period, with a Bruins victory all but a certainty, when you took a run at Tyler Seguin.
I am happy to the very center of my core that the Bruins don't have one player anything like you. Even David Krejci, who appears to be disinterested in the game at times, has more heart than you.
If I were Brian Burke, I would have guys like Doug Gilmour and Wendel Clark stage an intervention. These two guys knew what it took to be a captain and lead a team. You couldn't find two players with more different playing styles, but they both inspired their team with their efforts. Maybe a little wall to wall counseling behind the Air Canada Center would do you some good. I'm guessing it wouldn't. The rumors out of Calgary were that you were a diva, and you gained the nickname "Neon Dion". After a monster rookie season in which you destroyed everything on the ice, and had me thinking that you would look good in black and gold, you have totally dropped off of the radar as an effective player. Like Komisarek, who apparently has never recovered from the beating that Milan Lucic gave him when he was in Montreal, you have lost the ability to control a game with your physical tempo.
Instead, you will most likely choose to sit on the bench, hiding your eyes behind your visor, thinking about how soon it will be before the team, the management and the fans have had enough of your ability to remain aloof as your team continues to struggle and ships you out of town.
Sincerely,
Sheriff25
Bruins versus Pens tonight. Matt Cooke's in town. Yeahhhhh, boyyyyyy.
Go B's.

November Was Beddy Beddy Good To Boston

2011-12-03T10:07:00.004-05:00

12-0-1 in November. 25 out of a possible 26 points. Goals galore. Timmy Thomas putting up numbers worthy of another Vezina. The release of a new Modern Warfare.

Yes, November was kind to us all.

Aside from the shootout loss to the Red Wings (and I was okay with that, as it was a fucking great game), the Bruins were perfect. The boys were putting heaps of shots on net and scoring like a crackhead on the first of the month. Just think about where they'd be if they had actually showed up at the beginning of the season. Man oh man, my dick just moved.

Few things:
-I'm going to go ahead and keep beating the dead horse, but how fucking important were the pickups of Peverley and Kelly? Goddamn. In my mind, they are the only two players on this team that hustle each and every shift like Patty Cake.

-Seguin. Oh Tyler, watching you has become a joy. You're like that scene in Avatar where the cripple gets into his alien body for the first time and is enjoying just how strong it is and how fast it can move. You've figured out what you can do and just keep pushing yourself. It is so fucking apparent that teams are watching video of you, because opposing d-men are now trying to plan for dealing with your speed...but they keep tripping over themselves as they try and get into a better position as you blow right the fuck past them. Keep it up, kid. You're doing great.

-Hey Z, we knew you were good, but the points you're putting up may have Bobby Orr coming after you. He wants his points by a defenseman record to be safe, and if you keep this up, they'll have to put up a statue of you in front of the Garden. And that would be a biiiiiig fucking statue.

-Krejci: you're still on my shit list and I think the Bruins have overpaid with your new contract. Let's pretend this is the end of Saving Private Ryan. I'm Tom Hanks and I'm laying there, bleeding from numerous wounds. You (Private Ryan) lean in. I look at you and say, "Earn this." Earn it, Napoleon Krejci. You have the money now. No more excuses. Show us that you deserve it. Or the Nazis will kill you.

-One thing I've noticed a bit is that over the past few games, the opponents have been playing the skill game. Specifically against the Red Wings and the Leafs, who have less grit than my morning coffee, the Bruins showed that they can hang and even excel with these teams. Once again, the Bruins are showing their maddening (for the opponents) depth. Every single line can go out and hustle their asses off or put bodies through the boards. Again, my dick just moved. I'm also thinking that aside from watching video on Seguin, other teams are getting instructions to let the sleeping dogs slumber. Don't facewash them. Don't touch the goalie. Don't even really try and lay anyone out. Because the Bruins will respond with an all-out physical assault that makes WWII look tame. And then they'll rattle off a multi-game winning streak.

The Leafs are in Boston tonight. The Phil-Haters will be out in force and yes, call me classless, but I still laugh every time he touches the puck and gets booed like a cop at an Occupy Whatever rally. And I laugh even harder when someone puts Kessel into the boards, like a cop firing a pepper ball into a dirty hippy's nuts.

One thing I have found to be an insane amount of fun (call me lame) is tweeting during the Bruins game. My Twitter account is a different name, but I'm sure that you'll be able to spot my tweets if you're a reader of this blog. They'll be the tweets that are moderately to excessively inappropriate. Just check #Bruins and #NESN during the games. Let the hilarity ensue.

Go B's.

Happy Thanksgiving, Motherfuckers

2011-11-24T09:45:00.004-05:00

10 fucking wins a row. I haven't been this happy with Bruins hockey since they won the Cup. Granted, that wasn't all too long ago, but I could get kicked in the taint with a pair of steel toes right now and still come away smiling.

I was able to score a press pass to the locker room after the game in Buffalo last night and asked a few of the Bruins what they're thankful for:

Zdeno Chara: "No criminal charges from the province of Quebec."

Timmy Thomas: "I've had seven straight wins! My wife promised me backdoor love after I got six!! What's going to happen with seven? Gosh, my mind is spinning with the possibilities!"

Tyler Seguin: "Can't talk, playing Modern Warfare 3. PREDATOR MISSILE UP THE ASS, BITCHES!!!"
Brad Marchand: "The velcro tabs I had surgically implanted on my shoulders to help keep my shirts on. They've been a godsend.

Benoit Pouliot: "The shootout winner, baby! That'll buy me AT LEAST two or three bullshit minors before I'm back in the doghouse! Yeah, baby!"

Adam McQuaid: "The mullet shampoo my mom sent me. It smells like pears and parsley. The ladies love it."

Timmy Thomas: "Maybe it will be two Swedish chicks!!!"

Chris Kelly: "Me llamo Sanchez Kelly. Me gusta...ahhh..como se dice green card en espanol?"

Rich Peverley: (laughing like a crazy hobo) "The fucking fact that I was traded to a Cup contender, WON the Cup and don't have to live in Winnipeg!! I mean, holy fuck, would someone please pinch me?"

David Krejci: "snnnnnnnnoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrreee......sniffff......snnoooore...what? Is it time for the game? I must have slept through it. When's pre-game?"

Andrew Ference: "I would just like to remind everyone to properly dispose of all the plastic silverware that will undoubtedly be used on this holiday. Baby seals and seagulls can ingest a plastic fork, thereby causing them to stop gaining nutrients from any food they may find. Oh yeah, and hug a tree or I'll kick your fucking ass and truss you up on the handlebars of my eco-friendly Huffy and peddle all over Boston, inviting people to laugh and throw biodegradable objects."

Tuukka Rask: "I get to play again this season, right? Okay, cool."

Nathan Horton: "My smoking hot wife. HEY GUYS, I JUST MADE A TALLADEGA NIGHTS REFERENCE!! EVERYONE LOOK AT ME!! NATHAN BOBBY OVER HERE, WHOOP WHOOP!"

Timmy Thomas: "What if they're wearing a thong? Or maybe it's some kind of underwear I've never seen before."

At this point, security kicked me out, where I found still-concussed Ryan Miller making beef stew out of rotten buffalo wings and urine. He said it has some kind of healing properties, but I'm not so sure that he's an actual shaman...more like a whiny baby that forgot he was playing a contact sport.

So Happy Thanksgiving to all. Red Wings tomorrow. I'm feeling kind of "meh" about this game, as Detroit doesn't really get the dander up. Maybe they'll drag Darren McCarty out of whatever whorehouse he is currently living in, strap some skates on him and tell him to cool Lucic. Now THAT would prove entertaining.

Go B's.

I Ain't Gettin' Him No Fuckin' Bagel

2011-11-20T18:25:00.003-05:00

...is what Rick "Sand In My Vagina" DiPietro must have been thinking after he was yanked last night. The only thing rougher than that game for the Isles was the fact that "Let's go Bruins" was being chanted so loud that I thought the Garden had undergone some kind of ghetto-fied transition. How nasty is that arena? The security team wears Limp Bizkit concert-esque shirts (that's two Limp Bizkit references in the last two blogs, for those keeping score at home) and I'm pretty sure players were dodging chunks of concrete falling from the roof after every Bruin goal. If the Olympic Stadium and a dead crack whore had a baby, it would look like that arena.
And the Isles head coach? Jesus Christ. He looks like that asshole that has one too many Budweisers on his monthly "date" at TGI Fridays and then gets arrested in the parking lot later for domestic assault.
How good is our chosen team right now? The test will come this week.
With the "criminal probe" against Chara officially and FUCKING FINALLY closed, the fans in Montreal will let bygones be bygones.
Wait, no they won't. They'll continue to bitch about it and run their marble-filled mouths, booing the boys at every turn. What I'm trying to get at is that we'll see how the Bruins will decide to play in the most hostile of arenas while trying to push their streak to 9 games in a row. To me, this is a huge fucking game. A loss to the Habs tomorrow night wouldn't spell the end of the season that is finally going in the right direction, but it would leave a sour taste in my mouth nonetheless.
They just have to continue to play their hockey. Fuck Subban and the midget with the goatee. Fuck the obnoxious fans that leave if their team goes down by three goals in the first five minutes. Fuck their stupid U2 goal song (What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono). And fuck the fact that the Habs are the one team that seem to be able to get into the heads of the Bruins.
The boys have to play focused hockey tomorrow night. They can't get distracted by the fact that they have put on the foil...snicker...and be ready to face..snicker...the badass Sabres...snicker...wednesday night. I'm sure Miller will be up in the press box, all concussed, tossing used tampons at Lucic from seventy feet above.
ANYWAY.
Big game tomorrow night. The boys have to score often and fucking skate. They always seem to hold back and hunker down during the first ten minutes of games against the Habs. I say fuck that. I say skate skate SKATE from the first puck drop and drive those fuckers through the boards. Don't let up and put pucks on net and let's see if Bruins fans can take over the Bell Centre like they did the arena of the Islanders.
Monday night. Bruins versus Canadiens. God and country. Subban and an apparent love of throwing haymakers that make him fall down go boom. Sanchez Kelly and his efforts. Paille and his cage. Chara and his STILL FUCKING CLEAN CRIMINAL RECORD. Seguin and his hot ass, HANDS, I MEAN HANDS. Horty and his nasty wrister. Hall and Oates.
Go B's.

Keep Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

2011-11-19T18:17:00.004-05:00

Seven fucking games in a ROW has me so excited I'm quoting Limp Bizkit. Now excuse me while I put on a Yankees cap and act like a douche.

I can't remember last time the Bruins scored goals like they have been as of late. The SO win against Columbus aside, the boys are scoring like a frat house that just got a fresh shipment of GHB on the first weekend of college. Actually, that's not an apt comparison. The Bruins are just scoring goals, not committing felonies on daddy's dime.

What's going right? Everything.

The goaltending is there. Production from all four lines is there. Physical, nasty play is there. The only thing missing is Brad Marchand taking his shirt off and dancing on the half-wall.

This is the team we know. This is the team we cheer for. Apparently gone are the hang dogs that were wearing the uniforms to start the season. It's a long season and weird shit can happen, but I'm hoping that we won't have to endure what we were put through earlier in the season. It felt like being stationed in Richford for all of July and August, when the weather is hot, muggy and the welfare checks are late. Good things don't happen.

Couple things:

-How fucking good is Patty Cake? Goddamn, I know I give him cyber-head with almost every post, but goddamn, how fucking good is he? I'd carry his child. I might even breast-feed it if he asked nicely. I know for a FACT that I would at least pump.

-Chiarelli's trades for Pevs and Chris "Sanchez" Kelly may just go down amongst the wiliest of all-time. These guys bring so much to this team.

-Seguin almost threw a body check last game! I saw it with meeeee own eyes, I did! Once he does that, it will be proof that he has finally transistioned into full-on swingin' balls (note the plural, Kessel) manhood. He is on the cusp...previous comments aside.

-I have come to the decision that I will breast feed Patty Cake's child.

Word on the street (okay, Twitter, but it's the same as a seedy, dark, night-walker infested street) has it that a bunch of the boys play Modern Warfare. This is my sad, pathetic call to all Bruins players and fans...come find me. ANGERFIST25103. Add me. Come play with me. I know my way around a SCAR, rocking the red dot (Omega sights) with the suppressor. I can't promise that I won't kick my Xbox through the window in excitement if I actually hear from one of you. I'll give a passphrase....I'm thinking "Harry Sinden likes scotch" works. Or maybe "Marshy's cheeks are redder than mine". Either way, drop me a line. And WinstonSmith, we have to do some Team Deathmatch.

Several big games coming up next week. The boys will be in Buffalo and I'm sure those meanie pants that call themselves "hockey players" will try and do something to Looch OR whoever is tending net for the Bruins. I almost laugh at it, because the meanest guy on the Sabres makes David Krejci look like a cock-swaggering pugilist.

Saturday night. Bruins hockey. I love America.

Go B's.

You Can Thank Me Now

2011-11-12T11:01:00.003-05:00

I'm just going to go ahead and take full credit for the winning streak the boys are currently enjoying.

It has absolutely nothing to do with any of the following:

-the offense finally coming alive and outscoring their opponents something like 957-6 over the last four games

-Looooooch finally parking his ass in front of the net and getting his nose dirty

-the man-child Tyler Fuckin Seguin finding another level and making everyone else look like they are in stuck in ssssssllllllowwwwwwwwww motion

-Krejci finally waking the fuck up and realizing that he needs to skate

-playing the hard and nasty, but not stupid and dirty, brand of hockey that paid such huge dividends last year

-Johnny Upchuk getting some rockets through from the point

-Corvo finally remembering how to make some slick passes on the PP

-Chris Kelly's steady influence each time he is on the ice, regardless of who he is playing with

-Patty Cake's example-setting efforts and habits that I would gladly pay $10 million a season for

-Goal and defensive support for Tuukka

As I stated, it has NOTHING to do with that. It has everything to do with the fact that I haven't posted any new blogs. I'm a team player and I knew the boys would eventually realize that they were letting me down. So like I said, you can thank me now. I accept cash, personal checks and sexual favors from attractive women that wear the wedding ring I bought for them. So you're fucking welcome. My imagined inattention to the actions of the Bruins have brought about this winning streak. NOW DON'T LET ME DOWN YOU FUCKERS. KEEP PLAYING THIS BRAND OF HOCKEY AND WE'LL BE WATCHING YOU RAISE THE CUP AGAIN IN A FEW MONTHS.

Sabres tonight. Hockey on a saturday night. Fuck yeah.

Go B's.

Alright You Fuckers...

2011-10-29T12:10:00.004-04:00

The Bruins are doing nothing, and I mean FUCKING nothing, to show people that there is no such thing as a Stanley Cup hangover. A few (and I mean few) bright spots aside, the Bruins bear no resemblance to last year's team. About the only thing that has been there is the goaltending, which has let up only a goal or two on the majority of occasions.

The goal support has been nil. The physical play, which has taken a few postive steps in the last few games, is barely there. The Bruins are doing nothing to make teams pay for every foot they gain on the ice. Frankly, I don't understand what is going on.

Drastic times call for drastic measures. Here is what I propose each player's game day should look like until they turn back into the players we saw last year:

1. Wake up after yet another night of not getting ANY loving, as the Jacobs family is now paying off wives, girlfriends, and random Southie slampigs with Coach handbags not to have any sexual contact.

2. Shower with cold water because the gas/heat has been shut off.

3. Cold oatmeal for breakfast. Warm extra-pulpy orange juice.

4. Take a cab to the rink, because their car has been towed for lack of paying parking tickets (which were fake anyway).

5. Arrive at the rink, only to be mistaken as an imposter and be kicked off the property.

6. Eventually make it to lockerroom after bribing security guards, only to find that each stall has been inverted.

7. When taking the ice for the pre-game skate, immediately take a puck in the nuts.

8. Fall down and lose and edge in front of all the girls behind the nets during warmups. Crash into the boards ass first.

9. Let a fart loose and find that it was actually a shart, thereby having to skate with chafed ass cheeks and endure the taunts of the other team ("Hey Shit Shorts," "Hey Captain Crapped My Pants," etc.).

10. Get angry and finally give into frustration.

11. Channel the rage and have an all-star game, scoring 4 goals, having two helpers and finally getting kicked out after a 2nd fighting major of the evening (the game misconduct for refusing to leave the ice).

Voila. The season is back on track.

Montreal tonight. I can only hope that these guys bring their games, because I can't remember a game that will be in a more hostile environment. All I ask is this: play rough and tough, but don't cross the line (LOOKING AT YOU, LUCIC. The Montreal police are already well-acquainted with your captain, so I'm guessing that you won't have to ask if they know who you are).

Saturday night.

Boston versus Montreal.

Go you fuckers, go.

Go B's.

Time To Turn It Around

2011-10-27T08:13:00.002-04:00

To date, the season has been a no-go. Goals seem to be in short supply and the power play still isn't producing. Tonight is the night to turn it around.

I mean seriously, what better way to do it than come out with two wins in a home and home against the Habs?

If it's possible, they've been playing worse than the Bruins and responded by making some coaching changes last night. The Habs have never been ones to take the patient route, instead tying people to posts and burning them alive.

Couple things:

- Chiarelli said he wants Tuukkaa to get some more time. I don't know what it is, but the defensive support is never there when he's in net. They turn into huge babies in front of him and basically let shots come from all angles.

- Corvo hasn't done much for me thus far. He is much faster than Corky Kaberle, but that's not a huge accomplishment. He needs to get his shots through and go up ice more. I'm starting to think that Corvo is this year's Derek Morris experiment.

- Seguin continues to look like a man out there. He is so much more confident and is going into the dirty areas on the ice. Good to see.

- Hopefully Chara won't wear his bunny costume on the ice tonight. I think he should wear it in Montreal, as that place is going to be going insane with him back in the building.

All that being said, this is the time that the boys need to stand up and start playing a full 60 minutes of hockey. If this continues for another 5 games, they could very easily find themselves fighting for their playoff life in December.

Go B's.

Come On, Boys.

2011-10-15T10:53:00.003-04:00

Stanley Cup hangover? No such thing.

Rrrrrright.

After seeing the Bruins dramatically under perform in their last two outings, I'm starting to think that the hangover may be a real thing.

They were outskated by the Avs and stimied by the Hurricanes, finally mustering some offense (late though it may have been) in the 3rd period. About the only thing going right so far in this young season is the goaltending. Timmy and Tuukka have been fairly sharp, but the offense has yet to find its groove.

Couple things:

-It looks like Krejci might be missing some time after suffering a "core" injury in practice. I'm honestly surprised that he doesn't get hurt more, as he skates at half speed pretty much all the time and his build does not lend itself to taking hits from big defenseman.

-Seguin did not look out of place centering the top line. The kid has definitely gotten stronger and has shown that he will take a huge hit to make a play...something that was lacking last year. He generally did the patented "Kessel turnaway" when he saw anyone coming to hit him. Seguin's goal against the Hurricanes was about as pretty as a wrist shot can get.

-Looch. Seriously man, what the fuck? You've thrown no hits. You've had no fights. You've had like two decent scoring chances in the past four games. Get it going, lad. It's time to play hockey.

-Like Chuck Norris, the only person that can hurt Adam McQuaid appears to be Adam McQuaid. I think he should be prohibited from trying to hit people in that spot behind the net, as it generally doesn't work out for him. It's kind of scary to see a tough dude like McQuaid obviously off in lala land. Hope he heals up quick.

-I was kind of surprised that Peverley got as much money as he did with the signing of his extension, but he's a good fit on the Bruins. He can play on every line and the effort is always there. I'm hoping some of that will rub off on a few of the other guys (looking at you, Looch).

-The Cup is in Boston (in part) because the Bruins play such a physical game. Sadly, I've seen nothing this year to make me think that the boys are thinking physical this year. They let up before hitting someone, the scrums are minimal and they've yet to have a fight. The Bruins had the 2nd most fighting majors of all teams last year, and I think it's time to get it going. Thornton was trying to get some folks to go with him last game, but no one would oblige. Maybe they should just fast forward to their game with Dallas, as the Stars seem to bring the beast out of everyone.

Blackhawks tonight. An Original 6 match up on a Saturday night. I'm excited to settle in and watch the two best uniforms in the league skate around. I just hope they give me something to cheer about.

Oh yeah, and I am SOOOO fucking happy that Kaberle isn't on the Bruins anymore. Just seeing that stupid fucking red-cheeked, no-chinned tampon of a "man" skating for the Hurricanes the other night pissed me off. The Department of Defense can add "Corky Kaberle" to their list of things that can cause PTSD, along with a deployment to a war zone, Snooki, a sudden and unexpected lack of peanut butter in one's house and Xbox Live going down (oh the humanity).

Go B's.

0-1, THE SEASON'S OVER...

2011-10-08T10:43:00.004-04:00

...is what I'd be typing if I was a Montreal fan.
Overall, it was an entertaining game, though the boys couldn't muster the goals to win it. After the classiest pre-game ceremony I've ever seen, I'm sure they had trouble concentrating. I know I did and all I was doing was sending texts about how badly I wanted Ol' Man Recchi to stay in uniform and pull some shifts.
Couple things:
-Patty Cake, Nipple Cancer and Peverley looked awesome. That line is going to have a HUGE season.
-Seguin already looks like a different player out there. He was going into corners, using his speed and creating chances. As I wrote earlier, he obviously didn't like sitting in the playoffs last year and I think that it has carried over to this new season. He knows that the ball is in his court as to just how much playing time he gets. The extra effort, whether it's on a rush or getting back to help out the D, has to be there on every single shift. Julien has always rewarded the guys that are doing it right with more time, and I think that Seguin will show his true colors this year. He had dominated in junior hockey, but the NHL is just that much faster. That, coupled with playing against grown, nasty men had him running into walls all year. Along with Clark and Caron, he had a few good chances. And that frickin' sizzling wrist shot of his is something to behold.
-How fucking obnoxious is Claude Giroux? I didn't like him during the All-Star Skills Competition, as he was wearing a mic and just couldn't be bothered to spit his Juicy Fruit out. That, coupled with missing front tooth, made him look like he should be giving blowjobs at some glory hole at a Flying Tiger in southwest Lexington. Shoooooooot boy, you got a purdy mouth...
-The numbers on the front of the helmet need to go. Makes everyone look like a Tron reject.
-I was glad to see Bobby Orr on the ice, as I'm sure he needed a distraction from his dumb bitch of a daugther-in-law, who managed to get trashed, wreck her SUV and then pull the Lucic "Do you know who I am" routine.
-Pronger still looks like someone cut the head off of a five year old and slapped it on a sasquatch. And Chris: please get a helmet that fits. I'm sure there is a kid's section in the CCM catalog.
The boys will go against Tampa Bay tonight. I'm thinking that we'll see Tuukka in net. Time to go outside and enjoy some of this weather...as I'm sure we won't see the sun again until next May or so.
Go B's.

Yet Another Long Summer...

2011-10-04T22:48:00.005-04:00

is what I'd be typing if the Bruins had done their normal "win a few playoff games and bow out" routine that we fans had gotten used to. Every other fucking team in Boston has won what seemed like a billion combined championships, rubbing it in our faces with every parade and trophy presentation.
But not last year.
After the shortest off season for the Bruins that I can remember, they'll take the ice this thursday. That's probably a good thing, because I was starting to get nervous that young Bradley Marchand, Captain No-Shirt, was going to dramatically increase his chances of nipple cancer due to his lack of clothing above the waist. That, coupled with the now-infamous misspelled tattoo, helped make it a summer that no Bruins fan will ever forget.
After getting to touch the Cup when Timmy brought it to Vermont (and then thinking I was going to have to whip out my CPR skills on the Canuck (and I mean that in a "Canadian" Canuck way, not those teething assclots from Western Canada way) wife), I am ready for some fucking hockey!
Gone is Kaberle (no big loss, except I was developing a pretty good Marine Corps drill instructor rasp to my voice from yelling at the flat screen for him to "SHOOT", "SKATE" or "FUCKING DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T RESULT IN YOU GOING -1"). Gone is Ryder (he of the vaunted glove save that helped the Bruins continue their push into the playoffs). Gone is Ol' Man Recchi, he of the indestructible ilk, playing harder and better than pups less than half his age (literally).
So many teams these days just about implode after winning the Cup (the Blackhawks come to mind), and the Bruins have actually managed to improve in several areas. They came close to having issues signing Nipple Cancer Marchand (who was THIS close to going on my shit list) and Milan "Do You Know Who I Am" Lucic. Looch: your bullshit explanation on your supposed words, and I quote: "I meant in the sense of I'd never be doing what those people are saying because 'Do you know who I am?' I have so much to lose.", should have your mother traveling to Boston to throw you over her knee and spank your fucking ass. Really? Seriously? I've had people pull that line on me, and believe me when I say it makes a cop (even the "hey, let's go hug some kittens" kind of cops) want to smash you in the fucking throat with their Maglite. Aside from that, words like that make you look like The King Douchebag Cocksucker Of The North End. I know you're young, and all eyes are on you, but if you pull that shit again, I'm getting rid of my Lucic t-shirt and getting a Kessel jersey. I just threw up in my mouth as I typed that.
ANYWAY.
It's time for some random and bold predictions:
-I'm going to pencil Young Seguin, who has no doubt sprouted some pubes by now, in for 20 to 25 goals. He looked better in the playoffs, as I'm sure having to sit burned his ass up. I think that bodes well for the future, as it shows he has a competitive streak a mile wide.
-The arrival of Corvo from Carolina will help the PP. I guess that's not so bold, as there's really no way it could have gotten any worse. Fuck you, it's my blog. But seriously, how different would the playoffs have been if the boys could have just converted at a normal rate instead of going 4 for 12301214748121651Q16513CORKYKABERLESUCKS135161000??? I lost years, fucking years, off of my life due to their inability to convert. When I enter a nursing home at age 38, I will be forwarding my diaper bills to the Jacobs family.
-I'm thinking that Timmy and Tuukka will split the season almost 50-50. There's no doubt that Claude (I bet he tells awesome bedtime stories) will go with who's hot, but they have to get Tuukka some time this year.
-Krejci will continue to remind me of Napoleon Dynamite.
-Chiarelli's acquistions of Peverley and Kelly will continue to look pretty fucking slick. Peverley will no doubt continue to surprise other teams with his speed. He looked awesome skating with Patty Cake and Nipple Cancer in the preseason. And how can Kelly not continue to impress? He's the kind of grinder (I mean come on, the guy had a broken fucking FACE in the playoffs) that means so much to a team (a nod to you, P.J. number #11 forever!).
-Call him by whichever nickname you wish (Darth Quaider, Lonewolf,etc.), other teams would/will want to let that sleeping dog lie. Like Probert in the 80's and early 90's, if you wake that fucker up, your teeth are going to look like Chiclets all over the ice. I mean anyone that keeps that haircut all summer is obviously a bit touched, and best not to be fucked with (just kidding Mr. McQuaid, please don't find my house and murder me in my sleep).
-Campbell will hit 15 goals.
-Ference will continue to stick up for his teammates, showing that a dude that is gunslinger tough can also hug trees.
-Thornton will once again hit double digits in goals and fights, as well as introduce astute lip-reading hockey fans to new swear words ("dude, he just called that guy a fucking tamponfuck. what does that mean?").
-Neely will suit up for one game in which he scores 50 goals in one period, gets in three fights and then bangs Phil Kessel's sister while Rene Rancourt sings "Black Betty" (which strangely enough, is what Kessel has named his remaining testicle).
-Harry Sinden will get drunk. Or remain drunk. Whatever.
-Craig Janney will finally come out of the closet, propose to Adam Oates, come to Vermont to marry his new steely-eyed lover, and retire to run a bed a breakfast called "The Grrrden" in western Connecticut.
-Patty Cake will finally win the Selke Trophy, because the league has been ignoring him for too fucking long.
-Chara will once again win the hardest shot at the skills competition, this time forgoing the composite stick and instead just using his 6'9" Slavic cock. The puck will be clocked at 33 million miles per hour. He will celebrate by biking to the moon, where he will slay Megatron in a battle to the death. He will then enjoy a bowl of maple oatmeal (Chara, not Megatron).
-Horton will get even more tattoos, soon resembling a Maori warrior. He will even start doing that traditional dance after each goal he scores (pencil him in for 25-30, with 6 fighting majors as well).
-My Canuck wife will continue to think about Johnny Boychuk's eyes while we attempt to make babies (NO MOM, THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE BABIES...or are we?). I'll be okay with it, because I'll be thinking about his eyes as well.
-The Habs will try, key word being "try", to get "justice" for what happened with Pacio-fuckwad. The Bruins, who no doubt have the best team toughness in the league, will pummel all comers. The result will be the frying of all 911 call centers across Quebec due to the sheer amount of incoming calls for an immediate police investigation. The history books will later say that it was the worst 911 outage since the Vidal Sassoon hair gel shortage scare of 1999.
-When the Canucks come to town on 01/07/11, all of the bullshit that happened during the Finals will be squared away once and for all. Two days before the game, Burrows will go the dentist and have all his teeth pulled, saying to his boyfriend that "I don't want to give Lucic the satisfaction of smashing them out of my stupid head." The Sedins will not play, begging off due to "extreme cramping of the Swede-gina." Nipple Cancer will break into their hotel room and punch whichever one he punched in the face several times in the playoffs, several more times.
Okay, the meth has worn off.
Thursday night. The Cup defense begins. It's finally, FINALLY FINALLY back in Boston, and I am fucking stoked (can you tell?).
Can't wait to see that banner raised, hear Rene sing the anthems, and finally get back to some hockey.
Go B's.

Victory for the Fans

2011-06-18T16:50:00.000-04:00

The Cup is Home

2011-06-16T14:52:00.002-04:00

Game 7.

2011-06-14T23:55:00.003-04:00

I'm having trouble going to sleep tonight. The last time the Bruins were in the Cup finals, I was ten years old. My biggest concern was where my next glass of Kool-Aid was coming from and whether or not I could ride my bike for just five more minutes, Mom!
I've always been proud to be a Bruins fan. I've had t-shirts, hats, jerseys and posters. When all of my buddies jumped ship and started cheering for hometown boy John LeClair as he skated for the Habs, I remained with my team.
It hasn't always been busy. For a long time, the Bruins were just good enough to keep fans interested. They never payed for talent and Harry Sinden more than once drove players of town. So many coaches...Bowness, Sutter, Ftorek...the Bruins just couldn't seem to put together a team that was capable of stringing together the wins needed to advance as far as the playoffs.
The only constant on the team was Raymond Bourque and Donny Sweeney. And every single Bruins fan had their heart broken just a little when Bourque was traded west to realize his dream of winning the Cup. It was great to see him finally hoist the Cup after so many amazing years manning the blueline, but it was in a different uniform. And that cut us to our core.
And then things started to get better. Peter Chiarelli came in and Julien came on board. It seemed that the organization was finally tired of icing a team that barely drew interest from a city that has long been disappointed with the mismanagement of one of hockey's most storied teams.
Chara and Savvy came in and we started feeling our hopes raise. After so many years of watching a team seemingly cobbled together at random, stakes were being placed in concrete. Bergeron began to mature into the bedrock player that he is today. Some smart drafting turned up a monster from East Vancouver named Milan Lucic. Some kid named David Krejci came up from the Baby B's and had an impact, sticking with the team due to his crafty passes and deft skating.
Through Claude's steady, no-drama style, the Bruins progressively got better. They regained their sound defensive play that they've always been known for. After ripping through more goalies than we fans care to remember (Casey, Lacher, Grahame, Blue, Dafoe, Carrey, etc.) the Bruins "took a chance" on a man that was the veteran of about a dozen different leagues and just as many teams. Tim Thomas signed his contract with the Bruins and we true fans rejoiced, because we had seen this kid cut his teeth at UVM, earning All-American honors while wearing one of the goofiest helmets we had ever seen. We knew what this goalie brought to the table and that when his skills were in doubt, he played his best hockey.
All of these years brings us to tonight.
The Bruins will line up against the Canucks one last time, in the most important Bruins game that I can ever remember. With Timmy's help, they've stood tall against the "most powerful team in the league," the team with "the offense that can bury any team." Every road game has been close and every home game has been an absolute killing.
Being the fan of a team such as the Bruins isn't always easy. This isn't the Blue Jackets, where they have yet to build a strong tradition. They aren't measured against the names of players past...Schmidt, Shore, Orr, O'Reilly, Bourque, Neely...these names are almost impossible to measure up against. Many see anything less than a Stanley Cup as a failure, and when you're compared to names like that, it's easy to see why.
The players will step on the ice tonight wearing the spoked B on their chest. On their shoulders will be not only their hopes and wishes and dreams, but also the cheers and claps and joyful screams of so many fans of the Boston Bruins, spread to all corners of the world. I love wearing Bruins gear, whether it's in this country or abroad and see how many people will give me a thumbs up. It always stops me in my tracks and makes me proud to be a supporter of such a team.
Whatever happens tomorrow night, I will be proud of my chosen team. They will have no reason not to hold their heads high. They've left it all on the ice up to this point...and all we're asking for is one more game, boys.
One more game. Go out there for sixty minutes and cement your place in the history and tradition that is Boston Bruins hockey. Wear that sweater proudly and make every Bruin past, present and future proud.
Black and gold. It doesn't get more classic than that.
Go, boys. Go. One more game.
Go B's.

Wednesday Night...

2011-06-14T10:22:00.002-04:00

With their inspired play, the boys have pushed this series to the holiest of all things hockey: Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals.
I don't think it gets much better than this.
After answering questions and making comments that obviously woke Karma up from a deep sleep, Luongo once again looked like a scared little pup in the Garden last night. He let up three quick goals and the Canucks never recovered.
Couple things:
-Horton waving the towels. Pure. Fucking. Cold. Chills.
-Marchand's sniper-ish wrist shot that got things going set the tone and set it early.
-Bodies flying everywhere, with the boys refusing to back down.
-Continued flopping and diving by the Canucks, specifically Tampon #1 and Tampon #2. Apparently since they're not helping on the scoreboard, they're resorting to these bullshit moves that is doing nothing to further their reputation in the league. And the fact that Marchand could punch one of those fuckers FOUR TIMES in the face, and he doesn't respond except to whine to the ref, shows just how much backbone these dudes have.
-Old Man Recchi...if this is your final skate into the sunset (and it sounds more and more like it is), you are doing yourself proud. Whatever happens in Game 7, there will be no doubt that you did everything you could to help your team win.
-Thornton/Campbell/Paille...good to see the "4th" line turning and burning on every single shift. The intensity these guys bring is something to behold.
-And still, as always, Timmy Fucking Thomas. At this point, he has the Conn Smythe locked up. Not that his teammates have needed the help in Boston, but when they have those few moments of help back there, Timmy has stood tall again and again and again. Timmy will forever drink for free in Boston.
The Bruins have boarded Bear Force One for the long flight to Vancouver. I have no doubt the rink up there is going to be loud and nasty. The Bruins have flat-out molested Luongo (it puts the lotion in the basket, Roberto) with each game in Boston and they'll have to keep this going up north.
Timmy will no doubt give them the support in goal that they've had all series. 7 goals in 6 games? Once again, the man is posting what appear to be doctored numbers.
After wednesday night, hockey is over. No more high sticks, no more busted noses, no more balls-out hustle to get that icing, no more scrums in front of the net.
All of New England is cheering for you, boys. We believe in our Bruins. Our team was not picked to advance far into the playoffs and every single commentator and watcher of hockey has doubted you. We know deep down that you guys can do this. We know that you are the better team and that when your backs are to the wall (like they were last night), you play your best hockey. Take your inspiration from wherever you need it (pre-game videos, Cam Neely talking to you, seeing Horty walking around), and let's wrap this shit up. Bring the Cup home to Boston, to the city that has cheered so loudly for each and every good effort you've put forth.
The time is now. Finish this. We want the Cup.
Go B's.

Complete And Total Domination

2011-06-09T09:24:00.003-04:00

If the Canucks weren't doubting themselves after their 8-1 loss on monday night, they will be now. Last night the Bruins put together their best game of the postseason and just ran those fuckers over.
The team is obviously rallying around their fallen teammate, Nathan Horton, and using his loss to get motivated. The hometown crowd is also giving these guys an extra jump in their step and they've been feeding off of the flat out amazing noise emanating from the faithful.
Couple things:
-What an amazing sight to see the one and only Bobby Orr waving Horton's flag prior to the opening faceoff. As an organization, the Bruins do alot of things right, and this just further exemplifies that thought. I'm sure it got the boys riled up.
-Last night I was speaking to someone and stated that Chiarelli is looking pretty smucking fart right now for picking up Kelly and Peverley. Though a bit underwhelming after their trades, these guys have stepped up and played like stars during the playoffs. Peverley is a sneaky fucking skater that is consistently surprising opposing dmen with his hustle and skill. Last night's two goals is my case in point. His first was just beautiful, beating Luongo cleanly and his second was a direct result of his hustle and constant push to get to the net. Kelly has been dependable as hell, though I'm still lobbying for him to put the cage from the first round back on.
-Perhaps wisely, the Canucks decided not to make things too chippy early on in the game. Team toughness is something the Bruins had all frickin year long, and the Canucks learned they just can't play that game with them.
-Speaking of toughness, the insertion of Thornton into the lineup has brought further motivation to the team. He's obviously a vocal guy on the bench and when he's there, the boys play with more intensity. As a Bruin, Thornton has never been the prototypical "tough guy" (i.e. Brashear, Laraque, etc.). Yes, he can trade punches with the best of him, but unlike the other guys, he can actually score some goals and draw calls. More importantly, he is not a liability out there. It was great to see Thornton/Campbell/Paille together, because anyone that watched Bruins hockey this year knew that they were one of the most consistent lines. I liked that Claude put them out there pretty much after every Bruins goal, as if to show the other guys that they still needed to hustle and muck it out even though the score was climbing.
-There are some that were saying what Marchand did to Tampon #1 or #2 was cheap. I would love to see how they would react if you're much smaller than the guy coming in at full speed trying to take your head off. And the fact that Rome almost killed Horton last game makes me take a deep breath and want to yell FUCK. YOU. Marchand was protecting himself. It's not his fault that Tampon #1 or #2 can't challenge a guy properly.
-The secret is finally out on Adam McQuaid. This kid is just a pillar of nasty and no one wants to go with him. He's turned into such a reliable dman back there and the Bruins are lucky to have him. I'm thinking that Erhoff must have tinkled in his shorts a little bit when he saw that it was McQuaid trying to get at him. The fact that McQuaid's haircut makes him look like an extra from Mad Max is even better. He's making Corky Kaberle look like an even larger vagina and has me pining for a D-pairing of McQuaid and Mark "Caveman" Stuart.
-And in what is a recurring theme: Timmy. Fucking. Thomas. Jesus Christ. In four games, the Canucks have scored 5 goals. That's it. Five goals. The Bruins were supposed to be blown away with the offensive output of the Canucks. That just hasn't happened. Timmy played his best game yet last night, stopping every puck they threw at him. Players are starting to figure out that he's not a bump on a log like Luongo and he will...how should I put this..."interact" with you if you get in his crease, knock his stick out of his hands, etc. Burrows found out the hard way last night that Timmy is an emotional guy and won't take any shit. I mean this is the guy that once faced down A FUCKING BEAR THAT WAS TRYING TO CLIMB THE TREE HE WAS IN. You think pressure or Burrows can get in Timmy's head? Please.
The boys have battled back from 2-0. They've outscored the Canucks 14 to 5 in the series. They're used to being doubted, they're used to having to play catch-up in the series. When their backs are to the wall, this year's version of the Bruins play their best hockey. All tied up, they will head back to Vancouver for a friday night showdown. Seriously, does it get much better than this?
G0 B's.

THIS IS OUR HOUSE

2011-06-08T09:14:00.003-04:00

Both teams finally showed their true colors on Monday night. The Bruins, obviously happy to be home and in front of their faithful supporters, put together a game for the ages. What a fucking game...after a pretty tight 1st period, the flood gates opened and the boys scored goal after goal after goal. Luongo looked like a terrified sorority girl at her first frat party. That fucker couldn't stop anything. After the game, my hand was sore from giving so many high fives to my fellow fans in Section 313. My voice is blasted and I'm not sure it will ever come back. The last time my ears rang for that long was when I went to see Metallica...the crowd's noise was a physical beast in the Garden and the Canucks obviously had no idea which way was up.
Couple things:
-What a pussy hit on Horton. That poor fucking kid had no idea Rome was there and Rome just lit him the fuck up. Some fucktards out there were saying that Horton was watching his pass...Rome went out of his way to deliver an incredibly late hit. Fuck him. It was probably a good thing they only showed the replay once on the big screen, as they might have had a riot on their hands. Horton's a tough kid and has put together pretty decent numbers for his first go in the playoffs, and the Bruins will have to shuffle some lines. Here's hoping to a fast recovery, Horty. And go burn in hell, Rome. I'm sure next year Horton will say hello to your yellow ass.
-Marchand had just about the prettiest shorty I've ever seen. The creativity and speed of this kid was on display as he passed himself the puck off of the boards and blew around the d-man. He waited and waited and waited...and roofed that fucker right over Luongo. The roof almost came off the Garden. I read somewhere that twice the noise level in the Garden reached 118 decibels, and this was one of those times. There's no better way to make a team your bitch...
-Although they readily admitted it was a "classless" move, and although Looch and Recchi got their asses chewed for doing it, the finger in the faces of Lapierre and Chompers was great. The NHL failed to send a message when Burrows fucking BIT Patty Cake. Betteman should have stepped in and said "No, this is the fucking NHL, we don't tolerate that bullshit", but he failed to do so. When I finally got home, I watched the game and rewound the part several times when Looch chopped Burrows down from behind and then gave him a left to the head....fucking awesome. The Canucks tried to play a street fight kind of game...don't they know that this is the kind of game the Bruins prefer??? Guess not.
-And then the bullshit, pussy-ass play of the Sedins...what a bunch of whiny babies. Yeah, put Ference in a headlock. That will definitely increase your chances of living to see next season.
-And finally, Timmy. Fucking. Thomas. Some people (probably the same ones that were mooing like cattle last year to trade him) said that he was too aggressive and lost Game 2 for his team. That aggressivess is what makes this guy the best goalie in the league. Timmy was just putting on a fucking clinic out there. We were trying to figure out how he sees the fucking puck. He must have some type of classified radar built into that helmet of his, because it's just not human. And his hit on one of the Sedins (I'm not sure which one, Tampon #1 or Tampon #2) was fucking classic. Stay the fuck out of my crease, Swede!
It's going to be a hot day in Boston. It's going to be an even more important game inside tonight. The boys have to keep up that physical tempo, because no one can hang with them when they do. Seguin will be back in and Thornton (who was loudly cheered every time he came on the ice) will get some time again. It was great to see Thornton out there. That guy put his ass and face on the line all season for his teammates and I'm sure they got a lift out of having him out there. The refs threw him out on a bullshit call, trying to keep control of a game that they had already lost control of. He didn't like it and I'm sure will channel some of that rage into tonight.
Game 4. You're in Luongo's head. You're down a first line winger. You're playing the most important hockey of the year. Check them hard and let them know you're there.
Go B's.

Love ya Horton

2011-06-06T20:56:00.001-04:00

Tough Way To Lose Redux

2011-06-05T20:21:00.002-04:00

My head is still spinning from last night's game.
Up 2 to 1. Blow the lead. Push them to OT.
And then about two fucking seconds in, Chompers beats Timmy, who was on some sort of expedition to the far boards.
So many things are going through my mind, but there are children in the world. OH WAIT, IT'S MY FUCKING BLOG.
-WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU BOYS FORGET HOW TO HIT? THE GODDAMN CANUCKS WERE PLASTERING YOUR ASSES ALL OVER THE ICE! LOOCH, HORTON, WAKE THE FUCK UP AND USE THOSE HUGE BODIES THAT THE SICK LORD BLESSED YOU WITH! AND HORTON, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SHOOT THE FUCKING PUCK, AT LEAST PUT SOME LUMBER ON THEIR TEETH!
-CHOMPERS SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SUITED UP FOR THE GAME, BUT THE MOTHERFUCKING PUSS-ASS FUCKING NHL DECIDED NOT EVEN TO FINE THAT FUCKING ASSCLOT. WHAT'S THE FUCKING DEAL WITH THAT? FUCK HIM AND HIS WEAK ASS PLAYOFF BEARD AND THOSE FAR APART MONGOLOID EYES! HEY CHOMPERS, MAYBE SOMEONE CAN SCHEDULE A PLAYDATE FOR YOU AND CORKY KABERLE AND YOU CAN MAKE SOME FUCKING BROWNIES IN HIS EASY-FUCKING-BAKE OVEN.
Deep breath.
I grinned happily when I saw the replay of Rich "Paul Bunyan" Peverley chopping down Bieksa. Fine, NHL. You want to let Chompers play, well we got your apples right here.
The hockey gods have smiled upon my pasty ass, and I'll be at the game tomorrow night. I'm sure the boys will be glad to play in their rink and Rene will do his part to get everyone pumped up. I'll be doing my best to make that place as fucking hostile as possible. And if I see those stupid fucking green dudes, they're going to learn just how it feels to shit spandex after having it unceremoniously stuffed up their asses.
Let's win this one...
Go B's.

Tough Way To Lose

2011-06-02T08:54:00.002-04:00

I didn't think that Game 1 would be a battle like I saw last night. I was sure the Canucks would get on the board often and early, even with the amazing play of Timmy.
I guess I was wrong.
Although I'm not happy with the loss of Game 1, the Bruins played a solid game. They didn't back down from the physical aspect (or the pussy-ass aspect that Chompers Burrows brought into the game) and they had their share of great scoring chances.
Timmy and Luongo played amazing games, and it looked like it was going to OT until that Torres fucker scored.
Few things:
-The PP finally got some good looks and all it took was getting Chara to plant his ass in front of the net. Both teams had 5 on 3 opportunities and both failed to put one past the other goalie.
-I was impressed with the play of Ference and Seidenberg. These guys are showing up game after game and their physical play hasn't trailed off.
-Ryder needs to fucking SKATE. Kelly was his usual self, and even Seguin was putting the body on people, but Ryder was coasting yet again. This is not the time of year for that shit, young man.
-Krejci was trying to be too cute again. Looch has to do the north/south thing and establish presence in front of the net. I wasn't too impressed with Horton's chances either.
They are down by one game now and shouldn't hang their heads. It was a great game all around. Regroup and be ready for Game 2.
Go B's.

Game 1

2011-05-31T23:14:00.002-04:00

It seems like just yesterday that we were wondering what kind of team the Bruins would be in the 2010/11 season. So many faces are gone (Wheeler, Stuart, Hunwick) and many new arrived.
The Bruins have played some strange hockey this year. Some nights the swagger would be there, lead from the rear by a resurgent Timmy Thomas. Other nights (mainly when poor Tuukka was there), the team tucked its tail and just looked happy to make it through the game with no deaths on the ice.
That being said, the Bruins are challenging for their first Stanley Cup in longer than I care to remember.
I'm glad that the puck is finally going to drop tomorrow night. It's been several days of "The Canucks are going to blow them out of the water," "the Bruins can't match the offense of the Canucks" and so on. Frankly, I think it's bullshit. The games against the Canucks this year turned out to be a preview of the upcoming final round...and the Bruins fared pretty damn well.
Here's what I'm looking for:
-I'm expecting Patty Cake and his linemates to shadow those fucking Swedish twins for the entire series. If they don't get any breathing room, they'll be a non-factor. These guys are good, and they can hurt you with just one missed check, but I think Patty is up to the task. It wouldn't surprise me to maybe see Campbell swap out with Recchi, as he's faster and has a more defensive game. Of course, Recchi has been around since Christ was a kid, so I'm sure he has some tricks up his sleeve.
-Chara will have to be at his best. He'll be playing HUGE minutes against the top line and I'm ready for some crazy line-matching from both coaches. Boucher tried getting Lecavalier/Stamkos/St. Louis out there every time Chara was getting a breather and I'm thinking the Canucks will do the same.
-Seidenberg has been playing simply outstanding fucking hockey. The way that he plays with Chara reminds me of the Bourque/Sweeney pairing we fans enjoyed for so many years. They know where the other guy is at all times and their styles compliment each other. He'll continue to eat huge minutes as well.
-Watch for Looch to finally break out of his funk. He has decent numbers and I have no doubt that when the season is finally over, we'll learn of the injury that has been nagging him. However, he'll obviously want to play well in his hometown. When the money is on the table, Looch is a money fucking player.
-As goes Timmy, so go the Bruins. Timmy will face off head-to-head with fellow Vezina finalist Luongo. He'll need his absolute best, and though there were doubters after last year, we knew that Timmy had it in him. He's rounding into top form at the most important time of the year.
-Total team defense will be the most imporant thing in this series. Game 7 against the Lightning was one of the best hockey games I've ever seen. It was tight, fast and decided by one goal. It showed just what the Bruins can do when every single player is pulling in the same direction.
Can't wait for tomorrow night. It's going to be a long day at work, waiting for the 8PM start time. And it's on NBC, so I'm sure the announcers are going to know exactly what they're talking about (I miss Jack and Brick).
That being said, SKATE YOU FUCKERS, SKATE!!!!
Go B's.

Horton Hears a FUCK YOU!

2011-05-26T15:12:00.007-04:00

Yes, he's a professional, yes they NHL warned them, blah blah blah. They were being attacked by fucking...I don't know what they were but they were being pelted by thingys. So what do you do? Cool a bitch down.
If anything Tampa should be fined for providing weapons to a bunch of idiots and lacking security for the team as they walked out. That tool should have been stopped and removed by security before Horton even got off the ice. Maybe the rest of the team didn't hear or notice this frosted tipped douche, but we all know that Horton has keen sense of hearing. A tool's a tool no matter how small.

SHIT FUCK PISS SHITBALLS FUCKER

2011-05-26T00:08:00.001-04:00

Game 7. Boston. Friday night.
Go B's.

GAME 6

2011-05-24T23:00:00.003-04:00

GO YOU FUCKERS!
PUT IT ALL ON THE ICE! MAKE YOUR COACH AND FANS PROUD! PLAY LIKE GODS AND WIN THE EASTERN CONFERENCE!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT THE LIGHTNING WILL DO, JUST GO OUT AND PLAY YOUR GAME! HIT 'EM, STICK 'EM, FUCKIN' CHRIST POP 'EM! PUT YOUR LUMBER IN THEIR TEETH, LET 'EM KNOW YOU'RE THERE!
MAKE ALL THAT CAME BEFORE YOU AND WORE THE SPOKED B PROUD! MAKE THIS QUEST FOR THE CUP ONE FOR THE AGES, ONE THAT I'LL BE RECOUNTING TO MY GRANDCHILDREN YEARS FROM NOW! PUT ASIDE ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT THIS CURRENT VERSION OF THE BRUINS CAN'T WIN THE CUP! SHUT THE CRITICS UP, SHUT THE OTHER TEAMS DOWN AND SCORE SOME FUCKING GOALS! AFTER YOU'VE SCORED ONE, KEEP POURING THEM IN, DON'T HESITATE AND DON'T BACK DOWN! PUSH 'EM ONTO THAT SUNNY GOLF COURSE SOONER THAN THEY WANT TO BE THERE! YOU WILL WEAR YOUR SALLOW SKIN PALLOR PROUDLY, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARCHING TO THE CUP FINALS! MAKE THEM PAY FOR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING INCH OF ICE THEY WANT TO TAKE AND WHEN THEY STOP, KNOCK 'EM DOWN, STEAL THAT PUCK AND CHASE THAT FUCKING GOALIE!
GO YOU FUCKERS GO!

What The Fuck Was That?

2011-05-22T00:02:00.002-04:00

Seriously, what the fuck was that?
After watching the boys positively steam to a fucking 3 to 0 lead, I thought that things were going to go their way and they would leave the Sunfuck State with a 3-1 series lead.
However, the Bruins being the Bruins, they promptly went to sleep and stopped fucking skating. Not even a great individual effort by the recently concussed Patty Cake could shake this team loose from the cement that seems to have filled their skates.
I finally got a chance to mow the fucking lawn today, as the rain clouds fucked off to some other fucking area.. I would like to take you through what was rolling through my brain as I was doing so:
"Fuck Kaberle. This guy is horrible. Burke raped Chiarelli on this trade. Seriously, fuck Kaberle. And what's the deal with your fucking current choice of facial hair? It's a playoff BEARD. BEARD. I know the word translates into your native language, because Chara speaks the same fucking tongue and he has grown a Chuck Norris worthy version of the playoff beard. Seriously, fuck Kaberle. Fuck this no-talent assclown, he of breathless speculation every fucking trade deadline...fuck this guy. Soft in corners, never shoots, never hits, can't fuck a woman properly, probably pees sitting down and fuck his stupid playoff facial hair. Ference has something similar, but at least he's scored a goal AND flipped off the stupid Hab fans. Seriously, if they bring you back for next year, you better be working like an indentured servant, working off your contract where they pay you in hockey tape and fucking kicks to the groin, because anything more than that is a fucking travesty. You shouldn't even count against the salary cap, you should qualify as some type of tax write-off, similar to the way that some teams will let a developmentally disabled guy hang around. Fuck you, Kaberle. Your new name is Corky. You can live above the Garden in a little loft, we'll let you pretend that you have your own house, but it's wired with cameras to make sure you don't burn the fucking place down because you want to make mozarella sticks in your little easy bake oven. The boys will take turns watching these cameras, and they'll bitch about it, because it will stop them from going out to get some hot snatch on their fly, and they'll have to watch you as you trounce around your stupid little 'tard loft, dancing to Justin Beiber or some fucking Lady Gaga song. And then weeks later, you'll emerge with a dance routine intact, and you'll dance in the dressing room, because they have to be nice to you, because you're the tax write-off and if they laugh and point, they lose the fifty dollar credit that you afford the team. Seriously, fuck you. Fuck you and your PP skills. Fuck you for everything you have brought to this team in their push for the Cup. I laughed today when you took that shot off your skate and crumbled like the wilted pansy that you are. Seriously, fuck you."
That being said, fuck Corky Kaberle.
Go B's.

Go Boys, GO

2011-05-14T10:19:00.003-04:00

After waiting what feels like an eternity, the Bruins will FINALLY take the ice tonight. I've been going out of my mind this week, waiting for the series to start.
The big focus this week has been the fact that Seguin is going to get some time, as Patty Cake is trying to heal up. The Hairy Frenchman and I were talking and we both felt that something was coming. The Bruins would bounce the Flyers, but not without losing someone hugely important to the team. I thought it was Chara, as he took a puck somewhere in the legs that took him down. He didn't miss a shift, so I thought they were in the clear.
And then Patty got lit up. Fuckin' Giroux.
Anyway, Seguin is going to get his chance tonight. When it was initially announced that he was going to be scratched, I thought it was a wise choice. I wrote that although he has skill, he was pushed around all year long and the playoffs are just that much more intense.
I haven't changed my thinking. Seguin is going to be rustier than an old padlock on Cape Cod, and he's going to have to try and adjust with limited ice time. I'd be surprised if he gets more than 8 minutes time on ice tonight.
Few things:
-Two positives about this long layoff between games: A. Tampa Bay was also off and B. it gave the boys (especially Timmy) some time to rest up. It's that time of year where the bumps and bruises are adding up and guys are playing through things that would have them out for a few games during the regular season.
-I'm expecting good tempo in the first, but both teams will most likely trying to find their legs. The Bruins will have to fight through this and push as hard as they can.
-Kelly is no longer playing with the cage. I vote that they leave it on the bench very a quick re-attachment should the boys need the luck. At this point, I would superglue that thing to his fucking face and make him wear it forever.
-Good to see Looch wake up in the last game against the Flyers. Krejci and Horton had been producing at a torrid pace and it's about time that Looch gets in on this shit. I'm guessing that he'll be getting some good face time with Hedman tonight. The good thing is that although Hedman is a monster, he plays like a soft little vagina. The other good thing is that if Hedman starts to get squirrely, either Looch or Chara will be there to bitch slap him back to the ice.
-I'm hoping that Claude rolls all four lines. This keep everyone fresh and we've seen time and fucking time again that Thornton/Campbell/Paille have some weird kind of chemistry that works for them. The boys rarely make mistakes and are an offensive threat.
-I think the battle of the series is going to be between Downie and my little friend Bradley Marchand. Both play the same type of game, though Downie takes it to Steve Ott-esque dirty levels, while Marchand is content with just giving someone a little jab to the nuts when the ref isn't looking. I'd be surprised if we get out of the first without Downie and Marchand getting pulled apart by the linesman.
-The Bruins will have to be aware of Stamkos. Pound the shit out of him (looking at you, McQuaid...and please don't miss another check where you then almost kill yourself). They'll have to do their best to contain St. Louis as well, though hitting him is harder than picking up a penny from a glass table. Lecavalier is the kind of guy that plays well but can get pulled off his game and get pissy if you grind his ass into the boards every single shift.
-Old "friend" Randy Jones also skates with this team, and I hope that cocksucker gets booed everytime he touches the puck.
Game 1. Tonight. Eastern Conference Finals. Keep pushing. 8 more wins.
Go B's.

Game 7 (Sort Of)

2011-05-05T23:00:00.002-04:00

After utterly destroying the Flyers in Game 3, the Bruins look good to continue the trend and sweep them right out of the playoffs.
But.
The now-infamous implosion from last year is still hanging in the air, making all Bruins fans hold their tongues. The eerily familiar spot the Bruins find themselves in right now is making me nervous.
I'd like to think that this year's team is different, that this version of the Bruins is the one that is going to advance to face the Lightning (thank god they bounced Ovechkin, I'm sick of that guy).
After watching last night's game, it's feeling that the Bruins might be this team.
But hopefully you'll forgive me if I'm a bit hesitant. I'm ready to run my mouth like a crackhead in a holding cell, but I'll hold my tongue...for the moment.
NOW GO YOU FUCKERS! BOUNCE THIS TEAM AND SHOW THEM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF! SMASH THEM INTO THE BOARDS, DROP YOUR SHOULDERS INTO THEIR CHEST, MAKE THEM SOIL THEIR SHORTS! WIN THIS GAME AND SHUT THE ANNOUNCERS, THE PRESS, AND THE FLYERS UP!
MAKE THIS GAME THE DEFINING MOMENT OF THE 2011 PLAYOFF RUN! SCORE AND SCORE AND SCORE AGAIN! DON'T LET UP FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND! PLAY THIS GAME LIKE IT'S GAME FUCKING 7!
Game 4. Friday night. The opportunity to once and forever put aside the failure of last year.
Go B's.

2011-05-02T17:17:00.004-04:00

So I was up in Canada for the past few days, and we swung into Ottawa late. My BlackBerry started pinging with updates regarding an upcoming statement from President Obama.

Hearing that it was going to be something regarding national security, I figured that he was going to announce that a major terror plot had been foiled.

Not so much.
The president of our nation walked out and announced that Osama Bin Laden finally met his demise at the end of some American .223 ammunition. I didn't think it could get any better, but it did.

As more details came forth, I learned that someone, some human being, an actual American, and not a missile fired by a UAV, had put the sights of their rifle on that cocksucker and pulled the trigger.

In my old profession, on occasion I was able to meet and interact with former members of the special operations community (SEALs, Delta, Rangers, Force Recon) and without fail, I came away impressed with their professionalism and (what would be absolutely terrifying if they weren't Americans) skill sets. These guys are studs of the highest order. Whether they're built like Marchand or Chara, they all have the calm and self-assured vibe to them that makes you be on your best behavior (without even realizing you're doing so). Think of a lion that is just kind of sitting there, looking around...but could jump up and fuck shit up in a moment's notice. That's what these guys are like. The movies don't do them credit. And you can generally tell them by their huge watches and Popeye-ish forearms.

There is yet another huge game tonight, with the boys going again with the fucking Flyers, but I'm having trouble focusing on hockey. The fact that bin Laden is finally dead, with American lead in his dome, has me grinning from ear to ear. People have already forgotten all of the attacks that he planned and funded (must have been too much of a pussy to get his hands dirty) over the years against so many innocents, including Americans.

I am not one of those individuals.

I'm hearing some distressing chatter from certain corners regarding the fact that he didn't receive a trial. I counter with this: think about all of the innocent Americans that were just trying to get down dark, smoky stairwells when the towers collapsed on them. Now take that "he didn't get a trial" bullshit and stick it so far up your ass that you're gagging on it.

I'll never get to meet the members of SEAL Team 6 that carried out this mission, and that's a shame. I have no doubt that these quiet men will continue to serve their country just as they did before: quietly, anonymously, and honorably. And though it's a quiet community, they will never have to buy a drink in a military bar for the rest of their days.

To all that put themselves in harm's way to protect America and our way of life, thank you. You will have forever my respect and gratitude.

America, fuck yeah!

2011-05-02T08:14:00.003-04:00

Assuming Timmy T was able to get SOME sleep last night and didn't run around the streets of Philadelphia chanting, USA! USA!, I feel there is a even clearer goaltending advantage tonight.
Our All American goalie loves being a devout Patriot like the Frenchies in Canada love Celine Dion, like Pronger loves being a douchebag, like Ference loves trees...
Timmy T will be jacked up for a big win tonight. He will make saves like you've never seen before, finishing each move with a guttural roar. Tim "Tank" Thomas will be your American Hero tonight.
Beware of the US, Beware of the Bear.
GO BRUINS!

Game F'n 7

2011-04-27T09:53:00.002-04:00

I'm still not sure what happened last night. The Bruins played a solid game 5 on 5. They had multiple chances and were skating well.
And then the refs took over.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT A FUCKING PENALTY IS ANYMORE. IS THAT A SLASH? IS THAT A HOOK? IS THAT A GAME MISCONDUCT? OH DON'T WORRY, THE REFS HAVE THE REQUISITE SKILLS NEEDED TO MAKE THE CALLS...RIGHT??? RIGHT?????
There were so many offenses that the Habs got away with that I can still feel the bile rising in the back of my throat. This game should have been 8-1 with all the PP time the fucking Habs had, but solid defensive play and some sparkling saves by Timmy kept the boys in it.
I don't often hide behind the excuse that the effing reffing decided the game, but last night was indeed a case of this. There were two clear-cut calls: Patty's delay of game and Looch's hit (and on this one, I would have given him a 2 minute minor, not the game misconduct). The refs were obviously trying to keep the game under control. Aside from those two calls, the Bruins were penalized for offenses that I've seen all fucking series from the french assclots that call themselves the Habs.
I'm so sick and fucking tired of watching Gomez lope up the ice and Hamrlik's "my skates are filled with cement" and Subban's "oh look at me, I'm god's gift to skating" and Gionta's perfect little goatee and Spacek's mongoloid features and White's nasty, crackhead trucker haircut, which looks like it smells like dead hooker in a trash bag sprinkled with rotten hemorrhoids. And don't even get me started on that sallow-skinned Kostitsyn. I know for a fact that guy has some communicable disease that results in his white blood cells eating all of his red blood cells. And his asshole.
So Game F'n 7. In Boston. Playoffs. The Canadiens. If the Bruins can't muster the effort and drive to win this game, then they don't have what it takes to win the Cup anyway.
Oh yeah, and Kaberle still sucks. If I see him flub one more pass, skate at half-speed to a puck or do his little blueline spin-move one more time, I'm seriously going to start looking into methods of eye removal so I don't have to gaze upon that bullshit anymore. Or maybe I'll just catch myself on fire circa 1967 Buddhist monk.
All or nothing.
Do or die.
Win or go home.
Fries or onion rings.
Hall and Oates.
Go B's.

2011-04-27T00:00:00.001-04:00

HEY REFS, IF YOU'RE GOING TO FUCK THE BRUINS THAT HARD, AT LEAST HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO GIVE THEM A REACHAROUND.
Game 7. Boston. Go, you fuckers.

Let's End This

2011-04-25T22:34:00.002-04:00

My blood pressure has finally dropped from near-fatal levels.
That last game was what playoff hockey is all about. Back and forth, big hits, big saves.
I have learned one thing: I can't watch Bruins OT hockey. Every single time the Habs crossed the blueline, I began hiding my eyes, rubbing my forehead. I'm surprised I have any skin left. Apparently Timmy made some beautiful saves, but I'd be lying if I said I saw any of them.
Horton finally broke through and scored what is undoubtedly the biggest goal of his career. The Bruins are in a good place and they'll be back in Montreal tomorrow night to close this fucker out.
Couple things:
-Looch had a better game, dishing several beautiful passes, but if the Bruins are going to continue their march, he will have to find the back of the net. Krejci, who is 1A on my shitlist (That Useless Fuck From Toronto is 1), needs to fucking do something. I scream at the TV and begin bleeding out of my eyes when he gets the puck and does...nothing.
-Seidenberg has found his nasty this playoff season. He actually wanted to go with Subban who looked willing until he realized that Seidenberg is a willing German that would probably fuck him up. Subban tried to laugh it off, but I know I saw some spotting on his shorts.
-Marchand, who was the target of a ridiculous tweet from Lord Snapped Neck, has stepped up and keeps getting better and better. He's trying things other than the dump and chase that the Bruins seem to covet. He's creative as hell and the sandpaper in his game has guys hating him. That's good.
-That Useless Fuck From Toronto needs to sit. He is bringing nothing to his team and I wouldn't even try to re-sign him. What a fucking joke. He does everything at half-speed and just doesn't compete. I can't believe they had to move Stuart to land this guy.
-Campbell/Thornton/Paille got basically no ice time in the OT. I'm sure Claude knows what he's doing, but rolling all four lines keeps guys fresh. And we've seen time and again this year what those guys can do.
-Have to love the little conversation that future captain Patty Cake had with Subban. I can only imagine what it was about...although the desultory shove he gave Subban (who promptly dropped like a Komisarek) when he was done said it all.
Can't wait for tomorrow night. Hoping the B's win won and shut these fuckers up once and for all.
Go B's.

Ask And The Frenchman In The Sky Will Provide

2011-04-23T11:45:00.003-04:00

I have absolutely no doubt that the birthday boy provided the Bruins with the determination it took to battle down from being down for the majority of the game. I'm going to submit that the Bruins are only allowed to play important games on April 21th. They don't lose when we're honoring Pepe with his drink of choice.

I just want to provide a few of the texts I received after pivotal moments in the game that still have me laughing:

"Kelly should wear the mask all the time! He sees the puck much better! It's like blinders on a horse!" - CC

"Who would win in a slowest skater race...Lucic or Recchi? Although if I'm 43 and can still move, I am happy." - CC

Few things:

-Kelly did indeed have his best game as a Bruin. As CC so succinctly stated, he sees the puck better. Maybe he has a cool holographic display up in that bitch that helps him track the puck, puts trajectories in place, etc. Sort of like what an Apache helicopter pilot has...but this one helps him shoot a puck instead of putting several dozen 30mm rockets up some terrorist's ass.

-Great to see Ference get a goal. This kid is a true team player and all eco-friendly bullshit aside, I really like him as a Bruin. And though he denies it, I love that he told those fucking Hab fans that they're all #1...as my fellow blogger Araev16 put it, "Best $2,500 he ever spent."

-Props to Claude for calling the timeout when he did. We've seen him do this several times as of late and it really seems to work. The game was a c-hair away from getting completely out of control and it settled them down.

-Timmy has been fighting the puck this entire series, giving up HUGE rebounds. I would be remiss not to mention that he made several monster saves late in the 3rd, especially after Seidenberg got called for interference (he kind of looked like Jesus without a cross when he was trying to show that refs that he wasn't interfering with the Hab player...I would have been laughing had my blood pressure not been 300/758).

-Mikey Fucking Ryder. What is it with this guy? He coasts along, sleeping on the majority of his shifts and then suddenly wakes up, scoring two goals, one of which is the OT winner? Fuck. Keep shooting the puck, Ryder. We likely.

-And it might be mean, but I couldn't stop laughing when they did the little Dunkin Donuts "high energy play of the game" with Seguin. He popped up on the screen and I lost my shit. Who the fuck is this kid? OH YEAH, Tyler Seguin. They should count it as a playoff appearance. I almost forgot what he looked like.

-Not Bruins-related, but what's with all the OT going on league-wide? I love it, there's crazy hockey everywhere. And props to the Sabres and Predators for not just rolling over. They now both lead their series. And if you haven't seen Bobby Ryan's goal from last night, Youtube it. Holy shit. He's pretty good when he's not trying to murder people with his skate.

Big game tonight in B-town. Let's go boys.

I'll end this with the best text of the evening, which I received from The Hairy Frenchman, about five seconds after Ryder ended it:

"They finally have the lead."

Go B's.

Happy 81st Pepe!

2011-04-21T08:21:00.003-04:00

This blog wouldn't exist without the Greatest Bruins fan who lived and died. We miss you! B's have a big advantage tonight that the Habs haven't anticipated.

Oh, You Mean We're In The Playoffs?

2011-04-19T09:22:00.003-04:00

To be frank, I was terrified to watch the game last night. I was thisss close to asking the Canuck if it was even worth watching the game.
Good thing I did.
Last night was a true playoff game. Back and forth chances, great tempo, big hits and quick saves. The Bell Centre was pretty loud until the Bruins went up by a few and seats started emptying out. I may live to be 150 years old and I'll never ever figure out why people leave when their team is down by a few goals.
The boys finally realized that they needed to skate and generate offense. Every single player, even Krejci (!), was skating like a meth head on...well, meth. The Habs had their chances but Timmy stood tall.
Couple things:
-Chara showed no ill-effects from his dehydration bout. I would have liked to see him get some more shots through, but he was shutting people down left and right. And the look he gave the ref after Cami-gina submarined him was one for the ages. I'm surprised the ref's head didn't burst into flames.
-Kaberle continues to dipsy-doodle around on the blueline when they have a PP. Just face it: he's not going to bring the "skill" that he had while in Toronto. Of course, he probably looked awesome compared to their D over there...as would I, and I have exactly 0 minutes of hockey playing time to my credit.
-Seidenberg elevated his game last night. That dude is obviously built like a tank and he was throwing his body around last night. The hits, along with the old time crosschecks he was throwing out, were great to see.
-Marchand continued buzzing like an annoying little gnat all over the ice and I'm glad this kid is on the B's. He can fucking skate and it helps open the ice up.
-Aside from his breakaway effort, Looch was playing like we all know he can. I'd still like to see him park his ass in front of the net for some deflections, but one thing at a time I guess.
-For continued success, the boys will need to figure out how to get some shots through from the point. Even a quick wrister is getting blocked by the Habs so they'll have to come up with something else.
-Timmy looked like his old self again, flopping and humping all over the ice. He made several HUGE saves in the last few minutes to preserve the lead.
-I'm guessing that Benoit Poooo-yot wishes he didn't go in high on Upchuk. That violent lover of Mother Earth, Andrew Ference, set his french ass straight.
The boys have two days off, and I hope they use the time wisely. Rest up, hydrate (LOOKING AT YOU, CHARA) and think of the game on thursday. To win two in Montreal would be quite a feat, considering their history in that fucking Bell Centre over the last few seasons. I'm just thinking that perhaps the Habs were more concerned over their choice of hotpants for the upcoming Lady Gaga concert than they were with winning a hockey game.
Go B's.

Game 3...Play Like It's Game 7

2011-04-18T09:01:00.003-04:00

The Bruins that have taken the ice so far this postseason are not the Bruins that played during the regular season. Gone is the snarl. Gone is the swagger that comes with having balanced scoring. Gone is the defense that takes every entrance into their zone and calmly plays the puck back out. Where the fuck did this team go? The Bruins looked absolutely lost without their captain out there. Upchuk looked like a scared little kid that just saw his puppy get hit by a bus. Kaberle, who should have stepped up and taken the load on his shoulders, was bent in half by the weight time and time again. Losing Chara at the last minute should have made them realize that they had to play HUGE. It did not. Krejci, he of "we'll win the next game", did absolutely jack shit. Did he realize that when you make such a promise you need to come out and play the best game of your life? Guess not. Timmy has not been as sharp as he was during the regular season. Looch and Horton have been non-factors. They will take the ice in Montreal tonight and the noise up there is a physical entity that the Bruins will have to fight along with all of the Habs players. Let's just hope they can get out of the first fucking 90 seconds of the game without being down at least 1 to 0. I know this isn't an uplifting post, but trying to muster the enthusiasm is a bit of a difficult task right now. I'm still behind my team, but we'll know in the first five minutes of this game whether or not they have what it takes. Go B's.

Don't Panic...Yet

2011-04-15T09:25:00.002-04:00

One minute into the game last night, I could tell that the other Bruins showed up to play. Anyone that has watched this team this over the season can spot, almost immediately, when the Evil Bruins have showed up. The Evil Bruins try to be too cute, they can't get the puck past the red line and the defense can't clear the puck, instead trying to pin it to the boards and hope for a...I don't know what the fuck they hope for, maybe a situation that doesn't turn into a goal against? Aside from a few good chances and a portion of the 2nd where a 5 on 5 looked like a 5 on 3 for the Bruins, in my opinion there were few positives in this game. I was curious which Price we would get last night, and unfortunately it was the "I'll stop everything you send my way" model that I don't care for. After the Bruins had failed to score in the 1st, I was feeling that Price was going to get the shutout. That turned out to be true. It's not that I'm a psychic, it's just that none of the fucking Bruins seemed to be getting good shots on. Few things: -I remain frustrated with Kaberle's play. At this point, he would have to score a Bobby Orr-esque Cup winner to get my vote that the trade wasn't a total fleecing. He continues to look disinterested and his game has no grit. The PP was supposed to immediately improve, but I think his bright red cheeks are blinding him, as his passes and shots look like a drunk Dennis Wideman is manning the point. -Kelly and Peverley...I don't think I could have picked two guys that would fill me with such an amazing amount of underwhelm-edness (that's not a word, not even close to a word). Peverley has shown speed and Kelly has shown shit. I would double shift Patty Cake at this point. And to be honest, and I never thought I would say this, I'm sort of missing Wheeler. At least you know what he did or didn't bring. Kelly is like that extra in a movie that is in a few shots, sort of obscured by a tree in the background. He is so low on my radar that every time I see #23, I think that the Bruins have re-signed Steve Heinze for the playoff run. I don't know what Heinze is doing these days, but I'm thinking maybe they should approach him, as at this point anything would be better than this Kelly dude. They gave up a 2nd round pick for him, which normally doesn't seem like a bad deal for an "impact player"...until you realize that Milan Lucic was a 2nd round pick. HEY PETER, GET ON THAT! -I failed to mention this in the previous post, but I was stoked to see Shawn Thornton out there. As shown early on in the first when he had a great scoring chance, Thornton should be out there. He's bled for this team and though known throughout the league as a fighter, he has skill and should play in the post season. -The higlight of the game for me was in the first when Chara drilled Kostitsyn with a shot. He left the ice and didn't play the rest of the first. In HD, Kostitsyn is absolutely terrifying looking. He has this gray complexion like he's been eating dinosaur shit fossils his entire life and his hair makes him look like some kind of eastern European radiation wrangler. I can't stand the way he looks, the way he plays and the way he looks (did I already mention that?). I think the last time I hated a Canadien on looks alone was when they employed that pointy-nosed clown looking motherfucker Lyle Odelein. And if that isn't the best child molester name ever created, then I don't know what is. -Krejci better keep his fucking head up. He continues to skate around like the previously mentioned clown in a forcefield and he just missed getting drilled several times like he did last year. I know he'll get lit up in the next game or two and I'm just hoping it doesn't result in a demolished wrist...only because that would mean that Seguin would be reinserted into the lineup and my fragile (it must be italian) heart can't fucking take that. To be honest, I fast forwarded through the majority of the 3rd, as I was trying to kill my sickness with some JD and it's a fucking miracle that I didn't throw my remote, the cat and myself through the 50 inch in my frustration with this game. 2 to 0 isn't a huge loss, and it's only game one, but one would think that the boys would realize they are in the playoffs. One more game in Boston before they head north to the land of eurotrance and hair gel. Hopefully they'll come out of the game saturday night with a tied series. Go B's.

What Does This Series Mean?

2011-04-13T20:11:00.003-04:00

The Garden will be absolutely rocking tomorrow night for Game 1. The boys have had a few days off and have been able to take a breather before the grind continues. The Habs had continued their dominance of the Bruins this year...that is until their last game, when the B's skated away with the 7-0 victory. In a game that supposedly would be a grudge match for the Pacioretty "hit", it was surprisingly non-physical. After that game, the B's are obviously in the heads of the Habs. Those fuckers from the north are small and fast, but will this style hold up in the playoffs? Normally it doesn't, but we will know shortly. Couple things: -As goes Timmy, so goes the Bruins. He should be fairly well rested and needs to continue his "good luck scoring on me" ways. He set a modern era record for GAA, but this stat means shit (I'm sure to him and Bruins fans everywhere) if he doesn't keep it going in the playoffs. -Horton needs to continue his torrid pace and Looch needs to wake up a bit. He had been skating like a large robot out there for the last few, but I'm sure it's hard to focus when you know that you're playoff-bound. -I'd be surprised if we see Seguin at all in the postseason. He is fast, blindingly so, but he just doesn't have the strength to match it...yet. His skill is apparent, and I have little doubt that he will turn into a very good player, but he should not cut his teeth in the playoffs. The tempo is going to be insane and I think that if he did play, he'd be beat to shit after his first five shifts. -I was glad to see that the Bruins won't be staying in Montreal between games 3 and 4. That city is going to be absolutely insane and I wouldn't put it past someone to try and fuck with them in some manner. -Chara will need to stand tall (no pun intended) and lead this team. After the incident in Montreal, it was readily apparent in the next few games that he didn't change his style. He wasn't hesitating and if someone gave him a shove, he'd give them a whack. Often times players become gun-shy when they're involved in something like that, but Chara showed no negative effects, even stringing together great numbers in the next several games. -I'm really looking at Gregory Campbell to have a great playoffs. He has been such an important addition to this team this year. Good numbers, good fights and great effort every single fucking shift...what more could you ask for? His defensive skills will be on display and I'm sure he'll sneak a few past the goalie as well. -Two things I'm kind of nervous about: Price's play and Subban. Price either plays like a Vezina finalist or one of those plastic tarp things you put over your street hockey net. I'm curious to see which one we'll get. And Subban has skill, but I'm more worried about Bruins players putting themselves out of positions to try and light that slick skating fucker up (Upchuk: take note). A great open ice hit is great to see, but more often than not they miss and it leaves a yawning chasm in the blue line. That being said, I can't wait to settle in a watch some hockey tomorrow. Go B's.

Best Month Ever Continues

2011-03-30T22:41:00.003-04:00

I'll be making the drive down to Boston tomorrow for yet another game. I'm almost getting sick and tired of going to the Garden to watch the Bruins beat their opponent. Um...yeah...just kidding. HOW THE FUCK COULD THAT GET OLD? If I ever get so jaded as to not get excited to see a live game, please punch me in my newly-grown mangina and push me out of a moving vehicle. I finally get to boo Kessel in person and I've been gargling with honey and lemon tea all week to achieve maximum volume. I'm hoping that maybe I can make his remaining nut drop out of those daisy dukes that he wears, whereby Chara one times it into the net, where it bursts into a million little winged fairies...which I'm sure is what Ol' One Nut is shooting these days. I'm guessing that Tuukka will get the start tomorrow night, as they're going to want Timmy fresh for the playoffs. Hopefully I'm also screaming "Tuuuuuuuuuuu" after every great save he makes instead of "fuck YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, YOUUUUUUUUU suck". It might make for a long night. Everyone is coming alive as of late and the boys have regained their pimp swagger. Horton is feeling it, Kaberle is feeling it and Chara is feeling it and I'm feeling it. The Bruins are undefeated in the games I've been at this month, and I'm going to go ahead and take all of the credit. Couple things: -Good to see Upchuk getting some goals. That dude plays hard and has a fucking wicked hard shot. -Thornton took a nasty skate up in the face last night. I was glad to see he was okay, but his cyborg skeleton showed through. Shawn, the jig is up. We know that you're a robot sent from the future to help the Bruins whup some ass and win the Cup. And fuck: he's going to have a cool fucking scar. Pain is temporary, chicks dig scars and glory is forever, right??? -Ryder. Fucking Ryder. Enough said. -Seguin/Kelly/Peverley: their line reminds me of those little flies that buzz around, make a shit ton of noise, but don't really do much. They're fucking fast, I'll give them that, but they need to bury some pucks. -I'm guessing that about an hour before game time, Looch will go and piss at strategic spots around the Garden. Vagi-sarek will smell said urine, recognize it as the scent of a man that has beaten his ass several times and undoubtedly turtle, thereby leaving all of the physical play to Phaneuf. -Did I already mention that Tuukka will probably be in net? Fuck. Looking forward to being in the Garden again. I'm thinking about setting up a cot and seeing if they'll just let me move in, at least for the duration of the playoffs. Can you imagine playing Black Ops on the big screen? Dang. Go B's.

CAREY CAREY CAREY

2011-03-25T21:28:00.003-04:00

After finding out on tuesday afternoon that I would be at the game last night, I was pretty stoked. Honestly, I was just hoping for an entertaining game in which no Bruins got hurt, and the Bruins didn't lose too badly, as they just can't seem to put together a good effort against the Habs this year.

I didn't realize what an amazing night it would be.

Grabbed some dinner at The Fours (the Bobby Orr goes well with a few Guinness). Got to the Garden and spent some time walking around...only to come around a corner and just about come face to face with Wayne Gretzky. He had a gaggle of security guys with him and once other people started asking for pictures, he moved on pretty quick, but that was cool nonetheless.

We got to our seats and settled in, waiting for the warm-up to start. And then in walks PJ fucking Axelsson, longtime Bruin, with a gaggle of Swedes and sits right front of me. I shook his hand and thanked him for his efforts over the years. He's a nice guy and I'm still pissed that the Bruins let him go in the way that he did. About five minutes after that, Ken Casey from the Dropkick Murphys sits pretty much right in front of PJ.

At this point, my night had pretty much been made, and the game hadn't even been started yet.

The boys came out like psychos and just ran all over the Habs. I've rarely seen anything like it. The Habs were just standing still and it looked like their skates were filled with cement.

Chara stood tall (no pun intended) throughout the game. There were quite a few Habs fans in the Garden and they tried to boo everytime he touched the puck, but were quickly drowned out by the home fans. Good to see.

The Bruins were able to give the Habs a 5 on 3 PP in the 3rd. I learned forward and told PJ that we needed him on the ice, to which he laughed. About 30 seconds later, Campbell scored a beautiful goal on a breakaway. I can't remember the last time the Bruins scored a shortie on a 5 on 3.

And I can finally say, with great satisfaction and pride, that I got to take part in heckling Carey as he skated off the ice when he was replaced. My life is almost complete (the Bruins still have to win the Cup).

My thoughts are still banging around in my head and I've had a horrible headache all day, but it was sooooooooooo worth it. I apologize for the randomness of the writing, but I still can't get over what happened last night. Amazing night, amazing game and amazing night. Did I already say that? Fuck it. I think seven goals give me the right to ramble on.

The boys picked up two important points and were able to finally get over the hurdle. They are obviously in the head of the Habs after last night and once again, they've shown that they are the better team. Nine games left. Going to be a crazy finish.

Go B's.

Just Your Normal Bruins/Canadiens Rematch

2011-03-23T23:00:00.003-04:00

And if you believe that, then you might be slightly retarded.
I will be at the Garden tomorrow night and I'm really not too sure what will happen. If this game was in Montreal, I'm not sure I would make it into the arena wearing my Bruins gear, though it wouldn't be for lack of effort on my part. The fans up there are still circling in a pretty fair impression of a feeding frenzy, with the dorsal fins and remoras being traded for hair gel, pointy leather shoes and euro trance.
These types of grudge match games are quite often underwhelming. What can't be missed or ignored is that the Bruins are in a dogfight for points. Ten games left. Moving up or down one spot will greatly impact who they might face in the first round. The points are too important.
However.
The Habs will be looking to avenge a teammate that is down and hurt...and I guess they can't be faulted for that. It's what being part of a team is all about.
I'm thinking that the first period will be pretty hectic, with bodies flying around hitting everything in sight. Man to man, there is simply no way the Habs can match the Bruins for overall toughness. This has been proven several times this year. The Bruins, when confronted, will drop gloves, TO A MAN, and stick up for each other. As previously noted, there aren't many teams in the league that can stand toe to toe with the boys.
This means that the Habs will be sneaky. They'll be those little fuckers doing the slashes and trips and whacks behind the play. They'll be looking to catch any unsuspecting Bruin with his head turned the wrong way. If I were Krejci, I would be very nervous because he constantly skates around like a clown in a forcefield.
There will be a few fights, but I don't think anywhere near what happened in the 8-6 win a few weeks back.
Of course, these are just predictions. I'd be surprised if Chara even has to defend himself. Any dirty look, comment or whack will result in his teammates coming in.
This might be a blessing for the Habs, as Chara hasn't gone completely batshit in quite some time. He brawled constantly his first few years in the league, and though these skills may have been mostly dormant over the past few years, he can fuck people up when he gets to swinging.
Should be an interesting game (to say the least) and I'm sure the Garden is going to be LOUD.
I'll be there, doing my part, cheering my team on in a game that is huge in its playoff implications.
Go B's. And keep your head moving, because those fuckers will be coming in with high elbows.

Can't Muster The Motivation

2011-03-21T22:57:00.002-04:00

The "play" of the Bruins as of late has left me wanting more. It's hard to want to write about a team that's playing like this and I'm sincerely hoping that it will change shortly.
They've had a few days off and I were Julien, I would have skated them into the fucking ice. Their lack of effort has been something to behold and I can't believe this is the same team that recently rattled off seven straight wins.
The Leafs made them their bitch on saturday night, and I'm glad I DVRed it. It's rare that I fast forward through a game, but I'm glad I did, as I could quickly go back to tweezing ingrown pubes out of my bikini line. Summer is coming and I want to look goooood.
Couple things:
-I had written that I was not on board with the "Kaberle is the key" train that has been banging around Boston for the last few seasons. Now that he's here, everyone is seeing what he brings. The PP has sunk to new lows and there are really no excuses. Kaberle better wake the fuck up and realize that his bad passes, weak shots and overall lack of chin is making the Bruins a bad team. I didn't expect instant results, but I was expecting some. So far, we've seen jack shit...except for him crying on the bench the other night when Toronto did a montage on the big screen. This is what they traded for???
-I don't know if Timmy is tired or what the fucking deal is, but jesus christ. As goes Thomas, so go the Bruins. Even a dude with a huge dent in his head and a drooling problem can see that Tuukka does not have the confidence that he had last year. Yet, they still play him to try and get Thomas some rest. It's a cycle that's just going around and around. Not good.
-The offense has once again dried up (wow, imagine that) and goals are once again hard to come by. This wasn't an issue earlier in the year, when Timmy's numbers were borderline preposterous, but they aren't winning the one goal games anymore. Even Ryder being scratched for one game failed to get him going. I'm starting to think the coaching staff are out of ideas.
-At least Matt Cooke finally got what's coming to him, at least from the league's stand point. I'm still hoping someone chops his fucking head wide open, but shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up faster, right?
Here's my solution.
On thursday, the Bruins should do their normal pre-game skate. And then when they get back to the dressing room, Cam Neely should walk in. He should yell and scream and howl about what it means to be a Bruin and wear the jersey. He should rant about what it means to play through pain, through sprains and strains and what it's like to spit your fucking teeth out as you skate up the ice with the puck on your stick. He should call every fucking one of them out, challenge them as men, tell them to prepare for battle. Because the game on thursday night...that's going to be a battle. Every one of these guys better keep their heads up and their helmets strapped tight. The Habs are going to be looking for blood. They are going to try and avenge what happened in the last game. I think the game on thursday night is going to say alot about the Bruins chances for a long run into the spring.
Here's hoping they don't turtle, piddle their shorts and show their bellies.
Go B's.

TOOL

2011-03-12T10:56:00.003-05:00

You are a tool on and off the ice who will never live up to your potential because you have no heart for the game. Show up in the playoffs just one year and maybe you'll earn the right to talk shit about ANYTHING.

Haters gonna hate

2011-03-10T12:47:00.003-05:00

I was ready to put this issue to bed, but upon learning the Montreal police are launching a criminal investigation on the hit and the America bashing happening on Team 990 right now, I just can’t let it go.

I’ve been listening to Montreal radio for the past 2 days, reading their blogs and news columns, and man am I happy I’m not associated with that whiny bunch of piss ants.

How many of those fans really care about Max? They are THRILLED this happened. It gives them so much ammo against the Bruins and apparently America in general. A Montreal station is blaming the “American Mentality” (and here’s a news flash, Chara is not American…) and how violent we are. Yet these same people are calling for Chara’s head? Yeah, not violent at all…
People LOVE the American Mentality when it suits them then blames it for the evils in the world when it doesn’t. If China invaded their ass and how much would they love us then? Canada, you are America’s hat. Keeping us warm in the winter, good for some beers, a few wild nights, some of your finer exports who have landed in the US, and poutine, but your worth stops there. Maybe if they wrapped up their own self worth into something other than hockey, then situations like this wouldn’t bring out this ugliness. I’m sorrey (sorry in Canadian) you can’t be us, but don’t hate us because we are beautiful. Life’s unfair sometimes. Just ask Max.

And to Max. Grow a pair. Your situation sucks. I’m sorry it happened to you, but whining like a little bitch from your hospital bed doesn’t help anything. It just fuels all the crazy stupids. It fuels the criminal investigation that is now being built regarding that hit. You know what you sign up for in the NHL. Hockey is fast, it’s hard, and it’s dangerous. That danger caught up to you in an unfortunate circumstance and demonizing a player such as Chara who has always been a good member of the NHL and does so much good outside of the NHL is wrong. Chara didn’t disgrace the game. Max, you are disgracing it right now. My sympathy is waning for you. The injury almost made me forget you were a mouthy little fuck, but my memory is coming back at lightning speed. If you were half a man, your soapbox would regard the design of the rink, not Chara.

So Canadian fans, since you are just appalled by what the NHL IS (not has become) see the links below. This is looks to be more your speed. Good luck.

http://www.westernwomenshockeyleague.com
http://www.uwhl.org/

Oh, and GO BRUINS!

Intent to Injure? BULLSHIT

2011-03-09T10:38:00.005-05:00

As a human being, I sat on my couch last night concerned for the lifeless body on the ice. Fuck a spinal injury; I wasn’t so sure Max was breathing at first. But as he got carried away and you could see his movements in his hands/feet, the Bruins fan in me let out a loud and resounding: FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK.

The replays were like jet fuel to the mouths of every obnoxious Habs fan (almost all Habs fans). I’m one of those people who don’t argue with fucktards. There is no fun in it, it’s just annoying. And even more annoying is the smug look on their faces when my lack of argument translates into a big win for them. Little do they know if I unleashed the bayonet of verbal punishment I was impaling into their brain that was playing out in my own medulla oblongata, they would be most likely crying, perhaps in a fetal position after we were done. But beating up on the weak…it’s not right. I spend a lot of time swallowing words and avoiding said fucktards so I don’t have to deal with my inner tantrums so much. So why the hell did I think that it would be a good idea to log onto Facebook and Twitter last night?? A masochistic streak in me I suppose.

The fucktards had come out in full force and they brought their whole fucktard family with them. CHARA’S A GOON! KILL HIM! LIFE TIME SUSPENSION! HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING! THROW HIM IN JAIL!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH.

So here is my take. And after this, I’m not talking about it. Chara is not a dirty player. He was simply rubbing a player out. Rub outs in hockey happen as often as rub outs in a 15 year old boy's bathroom does. 99.99999% of the time the player doesn’t even lose balance. However this .0000001% of the time it happened at the wrong place in the rink. A dangerous place which quite frankly should have gotten looked at as a design flaw years ago. There was no intent. And if you really looked at the play, you’d see Chara was looking up ice at the unfolding play. He wasn’t lining up Max’s head perfectly to hit the pole. Blame the NHL, not Chara.

So really people, before you grab your pitchforks and torches to run Chara out of the league, do something quite foreign to you and THINK. If the same thing had happened but roles were reversed to a Gill doing this to a Krecji, you’d see no foul in it either…. Oh that’s right, you may have a hard time envisioning that due to the fact you’ve never seen physical play from Gill because he’s afraid of hurting his vagina.

My prayers are with Max and his family. I hope he makes a speedy recovery.

But if Chara gets suspended, even for a game, I’m calling B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.

Loss Overshadowed By Chara's Hit (Thankfully)

2011-03-09T10:25:00.002-05:00

I was pretty psyched for the game last night, as it appeared it was going to be a great rematch from the last fight-filled victory against those fucking Habs.
The game started with a great bout between Upchuk and White, after Upchuk tried to drill Subban. Both players stood in there and traded blows in a pretty long fight.
And then the Bruins went to sleep. They slept and let the fucking Habs run goddamn circles around them. Kaberle (who still hasn't done shit, in my opinion) missed passes, Horton went wide when he should have cut to the middle, Rask failed to make the timely saves, blah blah blah. It's a blueprint that we're used to seeing unfortunately, and I expected more from the boys.
And then, with the 2nd period winding down, Chara absolutely destroyed Paccioretty by the bench. The sound it made when his face hit the edge of the boards made my stomach turn. He layed motionless for quite some time in a position that is normally reserved for unconscious people on The Family Guy (legs splayed, one arm in a weird position).
I've watched the replay about a million times now and here are my thoughts.
-It was not a dirty hit. At least several times a game, you see players get rubbed out in that same area. This one just happened with a huge amount of force, as both players (one of whom is 6'9" and 250+) were skating hard. The hit, and I hesitate to call it that as it wasn't an actual hit, was brutal. It was nasty. But it wasn't dirty. Yes, there is a difference. If Upchuk had connected with his earlier attempted hit against Subban, that would have been brutal, but not dirty.
-Chara is not a dirty player. To be honest, the Bruin player that most often comes to (and occasionally crosses) the line is Lucic. Players and fans around the league know that Chara is a huge man that generally plays much, much smaller than his actual size. I'm sure his career stats will show that he has more than the average amount of elbowing minors, but the guy is generally six to eight inches taller than most of the people he is hitting. Those calls are inevitable with a guy as tall as him.
-Chara spoke with the press after the game and stated that it was not his intention to do what happened. I believe him. Yes, I'm a fan of the Bruins. But I also think that I've seen enough of Chara over the past few years to believe what he's saying. His physical play has really tailed off since his arrival on the Bruins (hits, fights, etc.) and though the nastiness can come out on occasion, this is not how he plays all the time.
-I can't stand Paccioretty, with his turtling ways and the way he constantly runs his suck, but I do hope he is okay. No one likes to see anyone on the ice like that. This is a fucking game and these guys go out night after night and play a game that is fast, mean and dangerous. No other atheletes (possibly rugby players) could withstand the punishment these guys get every night. Hockey has always been a nasty sport, and that continues today, but what Chara did is not akin to a hit from behind (Cooke on too many occasions that I care to count). It's not a highstick in someone's face and it's not a suckerpunch. Both players were battling hard for their spot on the ice. Paccioretty lost. Like I said, I hope he's okay, but I still don't like him.
-Chara has a call at noon with the NHL. I'm guessing 3 games, as this hit was all over the broadcasts that normally could give a fuck about hockey. I don't agree with it, but what the fuck are you going to do?
There. It's going to be retarded over the next few days with all this shit swirling around, but the Bruins need to focus on the cause(s) of the fucking abortion they put on the ice last night. Drive on, focus on the fucking game, and figure out how to score some goals. How the Bruins respond after last night's game and its events will either help them rise and continue their push...or it will sink all chances and they'll slip quietly away over the rest of the season.
Go B's.

Winning Streak A Good Omen?

2011-03-02T22:20:00.003-05:00

So how many teams can go on a grueling 6 game road trip, all the way across the continent, and come home with 6 straight victories?
One. The 2010/11 Boston Bruins.
The team, boasting several recent acquisitions, rattled off 6 impressive victories. A road trip such as this where the team goes 3-3 is considered decent, 4-2 much more so. But 6 straight, well that's just silly.
They've played outstanding hockey, getting contributions from everyone. Krecji seems to have realized that much of the team's success hinges upon his efforts and he has stepped up.
Everyone seems to realize that they are pushing hard for the playoffs and this...shhh...this might be the year.
Tuukka seems to have shaken the rust and once again resembles a reliable goalie that can go out and win games, giving his team the confidence that he will stop much of what is thrown at him.
Ryder and Horton have been playing like men on fire as of late. With them getting hot, the sky is the limit.
I'll be at the game tomorrow night, hoping and cheering wildly for a 7th straight win. If I have to drink 100 beers to help the boys get that win, then so be it. I can't wait to be in the Garden once again and cheer along with the rest of my fellow Bruins fans. They've put quite a team on the ice this year, and now is the time to push and push hard.
Go B's.

Going out in Style

2011-03-01T15:50:00.001-05:00

The Boys Keep Rolling

2011-02-27T17:16:00.002-05:00

After about thirty days with no fucking hockey, the Bruins bounced the Canucks last night. It was good test for them, and it was great to see Looch get three points playing in front of his home town.
Couple things:
-I feel disconnected watching these west coast games. I love the late start time, but it's hard to get the hate up for a team that you see once every eight fucking years (at least that's what it feels like). The difference in the way the conferences play is on display, and I honestly like the physical, grind it out style of the East over the way the West teams plays. Just saying.
-None of the new guys have wowed me yet. Guess they'll need some time.
-Great to see Shane Hnidy signing a deal with the team. I never understood why they let this guy walk in the first place, and having defensive depth going in to the playoffs will be huge. He already knows the system and most of the guys, so it will be an easy fit. I hope his shoulder heals up soon, as it appears that Ference went down last night. Ference, tough dude as his is (at least with his flying fists), was long overdue for some type of malady.
-I don't know who puts together the Bruins page on NESN.com, but it's getting kind of obnoxious. Today's headline was about the scrum Marchand got in last night. Weak. To further their retardation, there was an article about how David Krejci should be in consideration for the 7th player award. Um, okay.
-All the best of luck to Sturmy who ended up in Washington. I have no doubt we'll see his angry goal face when he scores against the Bruins at some point.
Oilers tonight. Taylor Hall vs. Tyler Seguin blah blah blah. Yes Hall is putting up pretty decent numbers for a rookie...but he's also playing for the Oilers, who are challenging a few other shitty teams for the "Most Closely Resembles A Used Tampon" Award.
Go B's.

Chiarelli Makes Some Moves

2011-02-20T09:59:00.002-05:00

After several days of rumors and various trade scenarios, the front office made some moves. I'm not going to lie, I guess I'm a bit underwhelmed.
Fake Wheeler and Stuart were shipped to Atlanta for Peverley and Valabik. We've yet to see Peverley in a game, but I've been wracking my brain and can't remember hearing his name when he has played against the B's. Valabik, a former high 1st round pick, has reported straight to Providence. A very large man, he had me laughing when he gave Kessel a hard time a few years ago. I would be surprised if we ever saw him play a game with the big club, but we'll see. Though Wheeler's play had improved a bit over the last ten or so games, I think that a change in location was definitely needed. He looked too comfortable, often failing to really put out a good effort. Similar to when Brad Boyes was moved, I think that Wheeler will go on a tear, but his play will plateau and he'll be the guy getting 15 goals every year, though his coaches will be frustrated with having to light a fire under his ass every single game.
I will miss having Caveman Stuart out there. His play had improved over the last few seasons and he really grew on me. If you recall, it was Stuart and Andrew Alberts that used to compete for playing time. I was surprised when the Bruins moved Alberts and gave Stuart the vote of confidence, but he has evolved into a tough shutdown defender that brought the physicality every night. Best of luck to him in Atlanta.
Kaberle suited up for his first game against the Sens on friday night, and though he has skill that is readily apparent, I'm still not excited by him. I'm most excited by the fact that he is "finally" a Bruin and that we can FINALLY stop hearing about him possibly coming to the Bruins. I am definitely suffering from Kaberle-fatigue. We'll have to see if he re-signs with the Bruins when the season is up. I've never been a fan of rental players and the way that teams will mortgage their future (prospects, draft picks, etc.) to pick someone up that will most likely be gone in four months. I am hoping that I will be eating my words after the season is over and the Bruins have hoisted the Cup, but I'm not feeling all warm and fuzzy that this dude is the key to them winning the Cup. Only time will tell.
Couple things:
-Good to see Tuukka get some wins against weak teams. He looked reasonably sharp in both games.
-If the seventh player award was given today, it would have to be given to Marchand with Campbell getting an honorable mention. Both have far exceeded what they were supposed to bring this year.
-I was hoping that Horton would bring a steady scoring presence this year and not this streaky as shit after a night of drinking PBR play that he has shown. He has shown flashes all year, but has yet to really get on that pony and ride it to 30+ goals.
-I'm surprised that Krejci's name wasn't floated around as a possible trade. The Bruins, like every other team in the league, got all excited after his one good year and overpaid immediately. They threw big money at the kid and he has not come close to earning it this year. The strength of the Bruins over the last several years has been their depth at center. Patty Cake has had a great year (doing so quietly, this guy is just a fucking pro) and with Savvy down and Krejci playing like a blind man, this strength has quickly turned to a liability.
-It will be interesting to see what these trades do to the chemistry of the team.
The boys have a few more days off before their next game. They'll get some practice time in with their new mates and see if and how things click. The push for the playoffs is in full swing. Keep your eyes on New Jersey. They're coming fast and hard from the bottom of the East and I'm guessing that they're going to get in.
Go B's.

Ahhhh, What The Fuck?

2011-02-16T09:13:00.003-05:00

I knew it would happen sooner or later.
Ol' One Nut, He Of Indifferent Attitude And Questionable Defensive Skills, finally scored against the Bruins (the shootout goal doesn't count in my mind). Though the boos warmed my heart (and what a cold, dark place that is), they still didn't put goals up on the board and the boys lost.
Strange game last night, with about a million posts hit on either side.
Couple things:
-Possibly to make himself less attractive (both physically and skill-wise) to other teams, Wheeler has shaved his goatee. This has no doubt led to his familiar girly-like play. I'm guessing that any teams that might have wanted him will now step back and say, "Um...no thanks. Our dressing rooms aren't set up with tampon dispensers. And it would just be cost prohibitive to add them."
-The rumors were absolutely flying prior to the game regarding Kaberle. For the past two or three years, this has been the trade deadline distraction for the B's and fans alike. Will he finally come to Boston? Though he puts up points every year, the thought of getting Kaberle doesn't make me sprout chub. I honestly don't think he would be a good fit in Boston and he is a UFA at the end of the year, so if he does come, he can play a few months and then go sign a big contract elsewhere. Granted, Savvy being placed on longterm IR has opened cap space, as would the departure of at least one player in a trade to obtain Kaberle, but I have a hard time seeing Kaberle in a Bruins uniform. If I were Chiarelli, who apparently really wants Kaberle, I would not give up more than one current NHLer to get him. I also wouldn't give up my 1st round pick. I'm thinking Wheeler or Stuart and a P-Bruin (not Joe Colborne). There's just too much of a risk that he'll leave at the end of the season. I'm just already tired of this guy because of all the speculation over the last few years. To me, anyone that is at the center of that much bullshit every single year might be a bit diva-esque (looking at you, Lindros), and I don't want that shit on the Bruins
-The Bruins flipped their 2nd rounder in this year's draft to the Sens last night for Chris Kelly. He's put up okay numbers this year (12 goals and about as many assists), but I'm not knocked off of my feet with this trade. Chiarelli might know something about the guy that I don't, but to me, the Bruins already seem to have enough guys like this. If this is the "big" trade for the Bruins this year, then I'm not seeing rainbows and lemon drops.
-Timmy looked mortal last night and his GAA and save percentage are approaching normal levels. I have no doubt that he must be tired, but Tuukka just doesn't have it this year. The Bruins will go exactly as far as Thomas' play allows them to.
-Good to see Caveman Stuart back out there last night. I'm sure he was angry at being a scratch for so many games and I had honestly thought that he had played his last game in the black and gold, though it still wouldn't surprise me if he was dealt. His play was missed in the 300-esque gladiator show that was the last Bruins/Habs game and I can't imagine being the type of player he is and having to watch that from the pressbox. Now I know you get an automatic 10 games for coming off the bench to join a fight, but what if you come out of the pressbox? Something to check into I guess.
Bruins/Isles on thursday. I think that about half of the Islanders are still serving suspensions for their game against the Pens last week (oh the violence!), but I'm hearing that they're bringing Tim "Dr. Hook" McCracken, Andre "Poodle" Lussier and Ogie Oglethorpe in to try and make the team tougher. And once again, if you don't know who those people are, don't read this blog ever again.
Go B's.

How To Beat The Habs: Score. Fight. Repeat.

2011-02-11T09:09:00.002-05:00

The Bruins have finally figured out how to beat the hated Canadiens. It's a simple formula: check, slash and fight on every single play.
The Bruins can play the finesse game with the best of them. Slick passes, flying wingers and beautiful wrist shots are no problem. This type of game just doesn't seem to suit the boys though. This year's Bruins have no lack of skill.
But.
They play so much better when things are nasty. The extra facewash, the scrums, the constant hits and whacks behind the play, the chirping at the other bench...something primal and mean comes out of the boys when they get the hate going early.
This was unleashed in all of its glory wednesday night. The boys showed that they have gelled into one cohesive unit. We've seen it before against Atlanta and Dallas. I don't think there is another team in the NHL than can stand with the Bruins when they play like this.
In what became an instant classic (I hate that term, but it's applicable), the Bruins finally decided that they were tired of losing to the Habs. The game was playoff-like in its intensity and was back and forth all night. The Bruins simply pounded them into submission. A game against the Habs like this has been coming for a long time and finally, FINALLY, they beat them.
Couple things:
-My preseason prediction for Marchand would have looked something like this: he'll play 10 to 13 minutes a night on the 3rd and 4th lines, he'll get some PK time because of his skating, he'll be a valuable grinder and get 8 to 10 goals with about 10 assists. And I would be wrong. Many props to both the staff of the P-Bruins as well as Julien and his crew for turning this kid into an offensive threat and rewarding him for his efforts. He now has 16 goals and counting. He'll finish with 20+ and should be a staple on the Bruins for years to come.
-I could tell right from the start that Looch was feeling squirrely and was going to have a big game. He should look at film and realize, once again, that when he plays physical, he gets so much more room. Hope he keeps it up.
-I was heartened to see the clip that NESN put together regarding Ference. Brick mentioned that "the kid is game" and constantly stands up for teammates. All of the clips showed this. Ference is catching a rash of shit for his comments on Paille's hit, but words are one thing and actions are another. He has shown time and time again this year that he'll be the first one in to stand up for a fellow Bruin and what more can you ask for?
-I'm still smiling over all the uppercuts Johnny Upchuk fed that Hab. I'm sure his arm is tired.
-I've read a few articles stating that the game against the Bruins highlighted the obvious lack of gritty guys currently on the Habs. They've gone the small and skilled route for the most part, and the other night's game showed why this can be a bad idea. More than half of the Bruins roster will willingly drop the gloves and the other half will do it when needed. That's saying something. Anaheim did it like that a few years ago and they won the Cup. Lesson? I think so.
Red Wings come to town tonight. The boys had a day off and should be rested. I'm thinking Tuukka might get the start. Of course even a 4-0 win would seem like a letdown after the game the other night, but it's a good problem to have.
Go B's.

What The Fuck Did They Eat?

2011-02-04T09:30:00.003-05:00

What is it about the Stars that pisses the Bruins off? They see them like twice a year and the games always turn out to be insanely physical. I knew something was going on when Campbell switched out with Thornton right on the opening faceoff. He obviously wanted a piece of Ott, and after some digging, I found this. I can see why Campbell wanted Ott. Ott routinely crosses the line and guys don't forget shit like that. He is already hated in Boston from the brawl a few years ago.
Couple things:
-Though I thought the Campbell and Ott fight was a draw, Thornton, McQuaid and Ference all beat the shit out of their respective dance partners. I've said it before but here it goes again: Physical play = victory.
-Tuukka played beautifully in the first and second but definitely got shaky in the third. I thought that the Stars were going to tie it up as the boys went to sleep for the first ten minutes or so. They finally woke up and started playing again, resulting in the eventual win.
-The goaltender interference call on Evil Wheeler was the best/worst blown call of the season. He had set up a perfect screen and wasn't touching the goalie. Goal called back and Wheeler goes to the box. Bullshit.
-This pisses me off: the refs, realizing that they are one extra jab away from totally losing control over the game, dole out ten fucking minute misconducts for two guys that are talking. Now if a Bruin were to look at the ref and say "Hey, I'm going to go to your house, make a sandwich but only eat half of it AND leave your fridge open, fuck your daughter and then kill your dog" I could understand their reasoning. Granted, I'm sure the conversation between Ott and Chara wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but jesus fucking christ. Dallas loses Ott for ten. Boston loses Chara for ten. That's a great trade for Dallas and a shitty call by the refs.
-Paille will no doubt get some games for his hit. I've watched it several times and I still don't agree with it. Of course, I'm a Boston fan and I saw what Cooke did to Savvy AND HE GOT FUCKING NOTHING. Don't get me started.
-Patty Cake missed the wide open net for the hatter and I'm sure he wants that shot back. I was kind of chuckling because after Marchand put it in, Patty looked like he had taken a bite of a shit sandwich. I'm sure the boys were razzing him about that one.
-Patty/Marchand/Ol' Man Recchi were the best line of the night, again. Their hustle is truly something to see.
Sharks come to town on saturday. The boys should keep rolling. They're setting themselves up nice for playoff positioning, which are about 30 games around the corner. If they keep up this kind of physical play, teams will be scared to face them, they'll get extra room and I'll have a near-constant chub. It's a win-win for all parties.
And although I don't like the guy, I can't deny his skillz (yes, skillz). Check out this clip of Sidney Crosby. Granted it's against a kid, but it shows you the hands this dude has.
Go B's.

Kessel Last Pick In Draft...Snicker

2011-01-29T12:12:00.002-05:00

All "he's a stupid douchebag" comments aside, I'm having a hard time figuring out why Ol' One Nut was in the draft for this weekend's meaningless game. I'm sure it has something to do with every team being represented, but I'm a die-hard hockey fan and to me, the All-Star game isn't hockey. I haven't watched it in years and I'm not going to this year. I just couldn't care less. It's nice to see the players get recongnized, but I'm sure they would all rather be somewhere else.
That being said, I just couldn't stop laughing when I read that Kessel had been picked last. It appears that his fellow NHLers realize what this guy brings to the table...and they don't want it. I wouldn't either.
Few things:
-I hope some of the boys use the time off to get some rest. It's at that point of the season where all the dings and small sprains are adding up. Hopefully they'll lay low and relax. I'm guessing, however, that they'll be doing jello shots off of the bellies of some college girls in a nameless bar somewhere.
-I don't think that anyone would or could have predicted that Brad Marchand would enter the break with 13 goals (four of those shorties)and having become such an integral part of the team. It was great to see one of the P-Bruins come up and really solidify his spot immediately instead of hanging around and not doing much (I'm looking at you Andy Hilbert, Ivan Huml, Martin St.Pierre, et al). His effort and drive are there every single night and his skating and ideas with the puck have improved since the first game. Great to see.
-Timmy continues to play out of his mind, including holding the fort the other night for the last ten minutes against the Panthers. If he continues to play like this and doesn't bring home the Vezina and Hart trophies, I will officially know that the voting process is a fucking joke.
-We'll know after the break what the deal with Stuart is. He might still be nursing his hand injury, but with the emergence of Kampfer and Lonewolf McQuaid's play, Stuart might have played his last game as a Bruin. I really like him as a player and would like to see him stay, but I'd be surprised if that happened.
I'll end with this. I've been a faithful subsriber to The Hockey News for over fifteen years now. They generally put together good stories and these guys (most of them anyway) seem to know their hockey. Because of that, I'll put up with the fact that their publication is so geared towards Canadians (it's the biggest hockey market and they need to make their money)and the subtle but frequent jabs they take at Americans and our hockey teams. Maybe it's because a long time ago, they published a letter I wrote about Joe Thornton (it's the issue with Theo Fleury dressed as Napoleon on the cover if anyone has old copies laying around).
I've always thought that THN writer Adam Proteau was a bit of a fucktard. He just reminds me of that kid that never played sports (or took a punch or tasted his own blood or knows what it feels like to win or lose a game) but has somehow managed to land a job where he is talking about it non-stop. It's not official yet, but Proteau is thought to have tweeted in an article regarding Savvy's concussion issues that "in a sense, Matt Cooke has been victimized, too." I'm not even going to get into it, but that comment, to me, shows that the author just doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about. And I feel bad for Proteau if he ever meets Shawn Thornton in a dark alley.
Go B's.

Keep It Rolling, Boys

2011-01-20T10:31:00.003-05:00

Bruins go against the Sabres tonight in what might be Thomas versus Miller. Timmy is still playing just out of his fucking mind. It wouldn't surprise me if they give Tuukka a go though, as Timmy stopped approximately 1,385 shots the other night against Carolina. Tuukka could use the game and I'm sure Timmy could use the rest. Have you looked at Timmy's record lately? That fucker could lose the next 15 straight games and he would still have a .500 record in regulation. Insane.
ESPN has said that Boston won't relinquish their top spot in the Northeast for the rest of the season. If they continue to play the way they've been going, I'm absolutely fine with that.
Couple things-
-I really liked the Thornton/Campbell/Wheeler combo the other night. We know what Thornton brings, and Campbell has been such a pleasant surprise. He reminds me of a much younger and more physical Glen Metropolit: a player that is hugely under-appreciated but has great skill. Campbell was an absolute steal from the Panthers and to me, a Campbell for Wideman trade would have been fair enough. On top of all that, he is really the only Bruin this year that seems to give a flying fuck about blocking shots.
-Looch looked decent and had a huge goal. He needs to realize that when he parks his violent ass in front of the net, he could get at least a goal a game. Recchi has scored the majority of his from twelve feet out or less and the sooner that Looch realizes this, the better. Good to see him throwing some hits, too.
-My crosshairs have moved from Evil Wheeler (playing great lately) to Krejci. Fuck me man, you're making a lot of money. SKATE. Jesus Christ.
-The Sabres are kind of a hard team to get up for. That midget fuck Ennis will be buzzing around the ice, and it wouldn't surprise me if they stuck Redcheek Marchand on him.
Hopefully the boys will put up a good effort tonight. Going in for Lasik tomorrow, so this may be the last game I ever see depending on whether or not the power goes out mid-surgery. If so, I'll just have to listen to Bruins games...and I'm guessing that Jack Edwards' method of calling fights ("Thornton goes over and under, under and over...(orgasmic yell)...AND GETS THE TAKEDOWN!") might get a bit tiresome. Jack, you crack me the fuck up, but please add the following words to your lexicon:jab, punch, hook, dirty sanchez, donkey punch, shitbrick, and schnitzel.
Go B's.

Rock Them Like A Hurri...Sorry, That Was Stupid

2011-01-18T08:58:00.003-05:00

It always cracks me up when a coach pulls a goalie after two quick goals...and then the replacement gets shelled for five, yes FIVE, goals. It kind of makes the coach look like a squishy-faced retard...which, coincedentally, is what Paul Maurice resembles. He should be wearing a helmet.
Just about every Bruin came to play last night and look what happens when they do that? They fucking demolish the other team. Timmy continues to play absolutely out of his mind. This dude should win the Vezina and Hart trophy. Just give it to him right now, NHL. No other player has meant more to his team's success than Timmy.
Couple things:
-Marchand had possibly his best game as a Bruin. His offensive talent is developing quickly and teams have started to notice. I really like the line he is on and everyone is clicking.
-Patty Cake continues his dominance as of late. Remember that Sega game NBA Jam? Your guy would catch on fire after making three shots in a row and Patty is burning up. I'll be worried though if he grabs the puck and tries to dunk.
-Kampfer is showing no ill-effects from his recent nose rearrangment at the hands of Chara's stick. Locch looked a bit rusty but that's expected. I thought that Stuart played a solid game and it was good to see Lonewolf jump to Stuart's aid after that cheapshot at the end of the game. Not that Stuart needs help in physical matters, but it's good to see teammates sticking up for each other.
-Chara had a great game and not just because of the three goals. He played all three zones and was a dominant force. He looked like a happy seven year old out there after scoring his third and it appears that the boys are having fun right now.
-Where was the response from the Canes? I didn't think that they would sit back and take a shelling like this. Their stupid backup goalie tried to get things going by dryhumping Evil Wheeler's leg and then pushing Patty Cake down...but I think his team was just shaking their heads at him. What a mook.
They play again tonight, and if I were Paul Maurice, I would kick them all in the nuts as they walk in the rink tonight. It might turn out to be a decent game.
Go B's.

Good Sign?

2011-01-15T09:44:00.002-05:00

Usually before each B's game I get a good feeling about how the game is going to go. I'd like to guess that 85% of the time I'm right. This morning, even after watching D3 with my boy, I still didn't have a gut feeling on which way the game was going to. At least not until I heard growling in the other room and walked in to find my one year old attacking his pillow penguin with a B's jersey on. Now I feel it. Pens don't stand a chance.

That's How It's Done

2011-01-14T09:12:00.002-05:00

I think I'm still sweating from the game last night. It's rare that a game mid-way through the season looks like a Game 7, but last night's did. There were constant 2 on 1 rushes (both ways), hits and some rough stuff. The boys showed some fortitude refusing to back down from the Flyers and continued pushing. Good things happen when you keep skating, and last night they skated their blades dull.
Couple things:
-Fake Wheeler has become Evil Wheeler. He has grown out a goatee and I'm pretty sure he is channeling some dark power to be playing the way he is playing. Last night, for the third game in a row, he was a force. We forget how fast that dude can move when he wants and even when he didn't have the puck, he was moving like he was out there trying to kill a 5 on 3. Great hustle, great effort and he even got in someone's face. Great to see from Wheeler.
-Twitch Marchand (watch him on the bench, he's constantly moving or fucking with something, not like Monolith-cic, who looks like he powers down between shifts) is still surprising teams with his pure skating ability. I'm sure they're going to wise up at some point, as all teams have video guys that look at this stuff. But for pure craftiness and acceleration, there aren't many that can stand with Twitch. His goal was a fucking beautiful thing.
-I feel that Kampfer has cemented his spot with the team. I heard that Ference went down with an injury (that took longer than I thought it would) so he should continue to get time. His goal was also gorgeous (the ting off of the post is such a nice "fuck you" to the goalie). We haven't seen a d-man that can skate like that in a long goddamn time. Plus anyone that lights up Hartnell with a huge open-ice hit is okay in my book.
-Patty Cake is feeling it right now. He's putting up some monster numbers and last night he had a rush that he started behind Timmy, went all the way, and almost put it in. He's rolling right now and it's great to see.
-Seguin also had a solid game. Over the last few, he has really come alive and it appears that he has learned that he needs to bring effort every single night.
It was great to have a HUGE win over the Flyers. The only downside was that Pronger and Carcillo weren't playing. I'm sure they were off somewhere beating up nuns.
Go B's.

When Everything Goes Right

2011-01-12T09:06:00.002-05:00

Holy shit, what a game.
The boys were banging on all cylinders last night against a somewhat weak Senator team that can't seem to catch a break.
The Bruins smelled blood in the water and just kept pushing, and it was refreshing to see for once. They never backed off. I find this odd, as there they are, up by 6 goals, and they never stopped pushing. I wish that they could tap that same effort where they're up 3-2.
Couple things:
-Kampfer is such a smooth skater. I've said it before, but this kid is going to be good. He joins the rushes and if they don't pan out, he busts his ass to get back and play his position. It's great to see that hustle and even better to see a Bruin that doesn't hesitate to join in the rush. The Bruins will have to make a tough decision when Stuart gets healthy. As it stands right now, I would send Lonewolf back down, even though I like what he's showing as well. It's a good problem to have. And next time they show the bench during a break, look for Kampfer and you'll most likely see him singing along with whatever song they're playing in the rink. The kid is having a blast.
-After drawing oodles of my ire over the past two seasons, Fake Wheeler is looking good. He's banging bodies and isn't coasting through his shifts. He's on pace for 20 or so goals and could easily get more if he keeps this up.
-Props to Thornton for standing in there with a much larger man and trading punches. It's the first time all year I've seen Thornton take one that stunned him a bit, but that's going to happen. And HUGE props to Paille for sticking in there at the end of the game. Carkner wasn't happy that Paille threw a few after the linesman were in there, but what the fuck does he have to bitch about? Him going after Paille is the same as Chara going after a little girl. Shut your suck and see what happens the next time you see the Bruins, Carkner.
-Timmy had yet another shutout and his numbers look almost fake. They look the numbers of a goalie you made on NHL 2010 that isn't real...except Timmy is, and he once again showed what he can do.
-We forget that Patty Cake is only 25 years old, as he's been a fixture on the team for so long. He goes out there, does a great job in all three zones and will someday (probably sooner rather than later)wear the C. After he had two (as was the case in The Saturday Night Game We Don't Speak Of), I began wondering if he had ever had a hat trick. I couldn't recall one. I don't know what the replay officials were smoking when they gave him credit for that goal that went off of Gonchar's skates (possibly some left over 5 Hour Energy from Wheeler's locker). He looked like a shark right before he scored the third goal; the focus and determination on his face was quite a sight, and the goal he scored was just fucking beautiful. I think that Patty takes a lot of the pressures on this team onto his shoulders, and to see him smile (I challenge anyone to tell me when they saw him smile last) was great to see. It was truly a Patty Cake night at the Garden.
Flyers come to town on thursday and it will be a real test for the boys. They need to get ready for a fast and hard game. This is when they play their best.
Go B's.

Bruins Fall To WAIT OH MY GOD THEY JUST SCORED AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

2011-01-11T09:14:00.003-05:00

Totally expecting to get blown out of the water last night, I was taking solace in the little things that the Bruins were doing.
-Their physical play picked up, with Fake Wheeler and Johnny Upchuk pretty much hitting everything in sight (yes, Wheeler, maybe he free-based a 5 Hour Energy Drink, I'm still not sure what got into him last night).
-Kampfer continues to impress me with his solid play (the kid is getting some good time on the PP and isn't afraid to rush the puck).
-Campbell is looking more and more like an absolute steal. He has quickly become one of the hardest grinders on the Bruins, and this makes up for the fact that his dad can't seem to make up his mind over what you should or shouldn't get suspended for.
-Looch was banging bodies, Recchi was go Go GOING all game, and Patty Cake had some great looks.
It's a game that I was prepared to lose 2 to 0, as at least they were showing some effort.
And then, I swear I heard it, the clock struck 12 for the Pens. They seemed to fold and implode...and for once, the Bruins came back.
Chara gets one with one of the weirdest knuckle-pucks I've ever seen. My fellow red-cheeked Brother Marchand put one in. And then Ol' Man Recchi, the ageless wonder, the senior statesman of hockey, the Centrum Silver Spokesman for Boston Bruins hockey, put the boys ahead. Campbell added the FYENGB (Fuck You, Empty Net Goal, Bitches). I was quite shocked and would have been jumping and down in the living room, undoubtedly putting my hands into the whirling ceiling fan if the Canuck hadn't been sleeping. This is probably a good thing, as today I would be on my stepladder with a sponge cleaning the blood and knuckle skin of off the blades and surrounding walls. Ever thrown a woodchuck into a woodchipper? I'm not saying I have, but I imagine the results would be about the same.
After the Saturday Night We Don't Speak Of, it was good to see the boys decide that they could do this. They pulled a similar stunt last time the teams played, scoring 5 (wow) goals to come back and win it. You get so used to the team waffling and blowing a lead and then losing in OT or the shootout that when it happens the other way around, you're really not sure what to say.
The Bruins face off against the Sens tonight, and these are generally entertaining games. Chris Neil should be out in full force and I'm hoping that someone on the B's will oblige him.
I may be late to the party, but if you haven't seen it yet, check out http://shawnthorntonsays.tumblr.com/. I don't know who the genius is that created this page, but I want to shake his/her hand and make them by me a new computer. You will too, after you read some of the quotes and spray Guinness all over the keyboard/screen. "My Irish half-brother Patrick Cleary." Priceless.
Go B's. Yeah, motherfucker.

Find Batman, Maybe He Can Beat These Pens

2011-01-10T09:57:00.002-05:00

Tonight the Bruins enter into their ass-rapery segment of their schedule. They will be playing 37 games over the next 7 days and in these next 7 days, their view of the playoffs could drastically improve or settle down nice and low and spend some quality dirtbag time with the limp-wristed daffodils of the Northeast, the Toronto Maple Leafs (keep sucking boys, we got your pick AGAIN this year).
After saturday nights 3rd period/OT abortion, I'm hoping the boys will pull their heads out of their asses and realize that they need a 60 minute effort and not what they showed the other night.
The Pens, with or without Crosby, are once again putting up good numbers. The Bruins must do the same and start finding the back of the fucking net.
Couple things:
-Krejci is wasting a spot. Have you ever seen how fast he can skate when he wants to? He'll really GO about once every three games and it leaves me frustrated and pissed all the rest of the times that he just kind of glides around, undoubtedly humming "Afternoon Delight" to himself.
-Now would be a good time for Ryder to pick himself up and get hot and start pounding out some goals.
-No word on Horton yet, but regardless, Looch and Savvy need to be the big guns that they are and find their chemistry. Looch is once again trying to be too cute and forgetting that he needs to use his hits and size to gain some room to operate.
-Chara. You better start leading your team. I don't think I've ever called you out in this blog before, but you can only hide for so long. Tonight, set the pace. Hit everything in sight and play with that nasty edge that we know you have.
-Wouldn't be surprised if Tuukka got the start tonight.
That being said, I hope the boys put saturday night behind them and play this game like it's their last.
Go B's.

They Know That Games Have 3 Periods, Right?

2011-01-09T11:40:00.002-05:00

I think that I've calmed myself enough by now, but we'll see.
After playing a great game for the first 40 minutes, the Bruins simply failed to show up for the 3rd. No offense and little effort had me feeling that normal pit in my stomach, the ones that all fans of Bruins hockey have become accustomed to when they see that their team has engaged auto-pilot.
Anyone that reads this blog knows that I'm a huge fan of the physical games, the games of bloody noses, fights and hits galore.
What I'm not a fan of is what Chara did last night after the game-winning goal. Watching the replays, I saw that Pacioretty (or however the fuck you spell his name) gave Chara a little shove. Chara responded and managed to look the gorilla/sasquatch hybrid that he is so often accused of being. A little anger, fine. His actions, not okay in my book.
In my former profession, I'd run into the guys that would want to fight. If they wanted to stand toe-to-toe, fine. Although they were doing something illegal, there was some kind of fucked-up honor in that. They would inevitably lose, but at least they showed up for the dance.
Now the guys I couldn't stand were the ones that were no problem until they were in handcuffs, running their mouths through the cage and from the safety of a cruiser's back seat. My most-uttered retort? "Where were you when I was putting the cuffs on?"
It's easy to act tough when things are all over. What counts is how you handle yourself during the dance. Last night, Chara failed with flying fucking colors.
As the captain of the Bruins, he should be setting the tone. It should be a game-long effort, not something that is exhibited after the game is over. I've seen little to demonstrate that he is truly leading this team through the season. Yes, he plays crazy minutes every single game, but that alone does not make a leader. He must be accountable for his teammates and their effort and when it's not there, he should be calling them out. I'm sure he was frustrated after the loss, but he's being paid a shit ton of money to play a game and didn't talk to the press. What the fuck is that shit?
Maybe we were spoiled. Maybe we got so used to having Ray Bourque wear the C for so long that we took it for granted. Maybe we got so used to Bourque's classy behavior that anything that doesn't measure up looks weak. But I can say this without doubt: Chara did not have what it takes to wear the C last night. If a 4th line grinder doesn't want to talk to the press, fine. If the losing goalie doesn't want to talk to the press, fine. But the Captain of the team should bear up, set his jaw and face the fucking music. The C on the jersey is a mark of prestige in the NHL. Chara did not show that last night.
Frankly, his behavior has me feeling embarrassed for the Bruins. They looked like low-class thugs with their "fearless" Captain leading the way. At the moment, I'm not proud to be a Bruins fan.
This isn't the end of the season and there are a lot of games left. Something better be done to right the ship and establish some fucking accountability for the players that aren't playing up to the contracts (Looch, Savvy, Wheeler, etc.) or it's going to be a lost season.
Go B's.

B's Drop 3-1 To The Wild

2011-01-06T22:06:00.003-05:00

I work somewhat fucked up hours (I'm pretty sure like my fellow Xbox friend Winston Smith, who generally logs on about ten minutes after I do) and it's rare and quite a treat when I'm able to sit down and watch the game live...of course this means that I have to sit through the moronic, mouth-breather ramblings of Mike Milbury (I know one of these nights Kathryn is just going to flip the fuck out and tell him to shut his stupid fucking suck, and I'll have it on DVR, and I'll be able to watch it whenever I want), but you can't win 'em all, you know? I mean how can anyone think that Milbury knows a fucking thing about hockey? This is the guy that once climbed into the stands and hit a guy WITH HIS OWN SHOE, like some Italian grandmother that prays to spirits and spends three days cooking meatballs and wore black for five years when JFK was killed. Granted it was funny, but who the fuck fights like that? And anyone that wants to challenge me on my "he knows nothing about hockey" comment should research the following: look what he did to the Isles back when he was GM. He fucked them for years to come, trading away several of today's premier players and generally acting like a fucking mook. So suck it. And Noni Milbury can suck it, too. I lace my boots TIGHT, so if reads this blog, gets angry and shows up at my house, he ain't getting my chosen footware (Matterhorns, size 13) off.
ANYWAY.
The boys had a decent effort going until the phantom call against Thornton. He got called for a trip, but I watched the replay in super-slow-mo HD and I posit that the following happened: Thornton managed to catch the string of the tampon that the Wild player had carefully and with jittering hands inserted pre-game, laughing nervously saying "I've only used pads before this!" while Mikko Koivu undoubtedly sat in the next stall reading the instructions aloud ("first use your left hand to spread your labia ma....major...majora? Is that right, majora??") and advising him on the perils of TSS (if you don't know what that is, you never had sisters, and though I may envy you, sometimes they had hot friends that made having sisters tolerable...until they all laughed at you for wearing GI Joe underoos under your baseball pants...which you had put on to make the ladies think you were cool in the first place...self-defeating effort on my I MEAN my friend's part). When he moved his stick, the tampon came out, dropping a few salsa-like spots of blood on the ice. The ref that made the call was/is also on his period, and was feeling bloated, bitchy and was craving something with salt and chocolate in it (maybe a Hershey kiss rolled in salt, yum!) saw a fellow sister in pain and embarrassed, and made the call. I'm sure they're now curled up on the couch, eating fucking tostitos dipped in ice cream wrapped in laffy taffy and are having a good ol' girl talk about the mean words that Thornton uttered.
Like I said, I saw it all. It's right there in the replay if you look close enough.
ANYWAY.
So they bowed out tonight, but what the fuck. The boys have been on the road for like three years, getting 8 out of 10 points, and must be tired.
So I'm looking forward them beating the ever-loving shit out of the goddamn Habs on saturday night. It's too bad that Lapierre was traded, because he's the only punk on the Habs that even comes/came close to playing a physical game. And yes, I say that with the "fight" between David "My Sister Hits Harder" Krejci and Mike "My Penis Is Inverted, And By Inverted, I Mean I Have Mangina, Please Don't Pick On Me, I'm Having A Hard Time Pretending To Enjoy Playing In Montreal, Where Even The Strippers/Crack Whores At Super Sex Know My Average Time On Ice, I Mean Seriously, What Does A Guy Have To Do Just To Get A Little Tug Job From A Chick And Not Think About Hockey For Three Fucking Seconds" Cammilleri in mind, because I wasn't too impressed.
ANYWAY.
The boys better be ready to play saturday night, and I better be impressed, otherwise the troopers will be trying to subdue me as I fling my own feces at the team bus as they head south on I89 underneath the overpass by Carter Hill Road. It's close enough to my house...even closer if I'm drunk and on rollerblades. Some of it's downhill and I'll be getting a ride back in a green and gold cruiser, so I don't even need to bring water to stay hydrated.
I'm just saying.
Go B's.

Better Put On The Foil

2010-12-30T10:00:00.002-05:00

The Bruins travel to the "hockey hotbed" of Atlanta tonight. This team has managed to put together a pretty good season so far under the tutelage of new coach Craig Ramsey. I miss having his scrawny ass behind the bench, but it's good to see him having success. It's just too bad that the majority of folks down in this area don't seem to know what hockey is and are therefore avoiding the games.
Last time they met, it got nasty at the end. I think that tonight, the choice of whether this game gets nasty will be Atlanta's decision. Looch will obviously be looking for someone to come and "even" the score after he popped that midget last game, but he'll be ready.
Of course, they might also decide to try and let the Bruins sleep. As I've said before and as shown in the game against the Lightning, the boys just don't get into the game unless it's chippy. UFC fighter Forrest Griffin once said that as soon as the fight starts, he likes to get hit in the nose. It wakes him up and lets him know that he's in a fight. I think that the Bruins play in a similar manner. Unfortunately, sometimes they are just too content to lay back. If you watch alot of their games (including the majority of their losses), you will notice one common thread: the lack of any physical play. This version of the Bruins isn't the kind that can remain aloof and coast through the games (like the Red Wings did so often). They need to get the anger juices flowing and get nasty.
Few things:
-Kampfer has impressed me with his offensive skills and willingness to jump into the play. It'll be interesting to see what they do once Caveman Stuart is healthy.
-Great to see Marchand back. That little fucker fills a spot on the roster that has been vacant for waaaaaay to long.
-I'm looking for Savvy to finally shake off the rest of the rust and begin putting up serious points. It's about time and we've seen him making his vintage passes that make you think "how the fuck did he just get that puck through?"
-It wouldn't surprise me if Tuukka gets the start tonight. They still have a few road games left and Timmy will be due a rest at some point. I'm hoping that Tuukka will rediscover his touch.
-Fake Wheeler has begun to impress me on the PK. He's a big, fast dude and he's managed to show some good effort. I liked when he was playing center, as this gave him more duties and he couldn't get out there and just coast through his shift.
-I know that Seguin is young, but his effort hasn't been impressing me lately. I know that I'm just some random dude with an internet connection and a blog, but come on. I say throw the kid back on a line with Patty Cake and Ol' Man Recchi and their good habits will rub off on the boot.
So I guess we'll see how it goes tonight. Either way, it should be entertaining.
Go B's.

Turning Point?

2010-12-26T14:50:00.002-05:00

In an early season that has already seen several peaks and valleys, the Bruins responded with a hell of an effort against the Predators. Once more, the vultures were circling high above, spewing rumors of trades and coaching changes. The tone was set early by Shawn Thornton, taking on a hell of a tough customer, Eric Boulton.

For those that don't watch hockey (and many that do), fights are supposedly one of the reasons why the sport will never be as big as football or baseball. I've never understood their line of reasoning: hockey fights are generally one on one, whereas fights in baseball and football look like some type of jailhouse riot/shower gangrape, with what looks like 50 plus people running all over the place. I'm a proponent for fighting, as I believe it can sway the course of a game. Thornton once again already has quite a few majors this year...but with that has come an upswing in his production. There are truly few "goons" left in the game. Today's fighter needs to be able to skate and can't be a liability. I'm still a bit shocked that guys like Derek Boogaard and Colton Orr have a place on their teams. They routinely get less than five minutes a game and are absolute defensive nightmares.

The "4th line" has been the consistently best line for the Bruins this year. Campbell, Marchand and Thornton bring the effort every single goddamn shift and they're always exhausted when they get back to the bench (looking at you, Wheeler).

It was great to see Thornton play out of his mind the other night. He must have wanted to put on a show for his parents, who were in attendance. When the Garden crowd started chanting for him to get out on the ice so he could try for the hatter, I'm sure they had cold chills. I know we did.

I'm not quite sure what Meyers was thinking when he went up high with his hit on Looch, but that was a bad fucking choice. Andrew "Recycle, Motherfucker!" Ference came charging in and gave him a whatfer. Looch ended up drawing the match penalty for his little popshot on Meyers once things had settled a bit, but I'm glad the NHL only fined him instead of giving him a game or two. You could see Looch pull his punch a bit and Meyers would have been hurt badly if he had given him all of it.

I think that this game will help pull the team together and show them (once again), that they play the best when they're nasty and hit everything in sight. It worked a few years ago against the Stars, and I'm thinking that it will have the same result this time.

B's have a few days off and will be back on the ice tomorrow night against the Panthers. Until then, happy holidays to all and as always, Go B's.

STOP WHINING, HERE IS YOUR NEW POST...

2010-11-19T21:51:00.005-05:00

I know, I know, I know. It's been forever since this thing has been updated. It has taken me that long to get the bad taste out of my mouth. I swear to god, if the Bruins pull shit like that again, I'll slit my wrists, set the wounds on fire, and put on a Montreal jersey. Okay, maybe I won't put on a Habs jersey, but still.
On top of that, I had to plan an entire wedding ALL BY MYSELF WITH NO SUPPORT FROM MY NOW-WIFE. Apparently playing MW2 on Xbox Live is more important to her than joining one another for all eternity in a sacred ceremony. And yes, honey, before you begin to bleed from your eyeballs, that was a joke. Please don't send the Portuguese mob after me. And stop pinching me when I'm sleeping or I'm going to tell the police.
I did have some thoughts about the Bruins this summer. Thoughts that, if I had put finger to keyboard and updated this fucking blog, would have made me look like a goddamn genius. Alas, I did not...so you'll just have to trust me when I say that I was thinking these things. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Timmy Fuckin' Thomas will come back stronger than ever. To all you goddamn slack-jawed ri-tards that were moaning like a cow that needs to be milked about how Timmy was "done" and "needs to be traded, but who would be stupid enough to take him": go "support" some other team. You threw Timmy under the bus after last year and now look at you. Take a look in the mirror. What you're looking at is someone that doubted a man that has been doubted before. And now, just like before, he's throwing it in your stupid faces. So fuck you.
2. Milan Lucic is going to be scary-good. Last season was basically a wash. He wasn't healthy. Period. He's has become the dominating terrifying man-beast that everyone thought he would. After last night's hatter, teams are going to try and let him sleep. They won't hit him, they won't face wash him. I propose that Marchand kicks Looch in the tip of the dick right before he goes out for his first shift. That should get the hate up.
3. Nathan Horton will be the sniping winger the Bruins have needed for years. If Horton can score twenty-plus goals pretty much every year with the goddamn Panthers, then imagine what he can do with someone that can feed the puck. Plus, his wife was in Playboy. I'm not lying. Google "Nathan Horton's wife". Happy viewing.
Couple other things:
-The "4th Line" has found chemistry that is great to see. Julien has been fiddling with the lines lately, as Thornton keeps scoring (I love seeing that guy score) and appears to be on pace for 86 goals (slight exaggeration).
-I love the way that Marchand is playing. That little fucker makes me laugh every time he's out there. He's also got a nasty wrister that has surprised a few goalies already. Plus, his cheeks get as red as mine. It's nice to see a fellow red-cheeker be successful. Normally we're the guys going "No, no, I'm okay, I'm not having a stroke. This is normal."
-I'm kind of scared to see what will happen with Sturm and Savvy returning right around the corner. There are going to be some tough calls as to who gets sent to Providence or traded. However, if I had to pick right now, I'd go with Paille and Wheeler. The thought of Savvy feeding Horton makes my dick move.
-Did I already mention that all the people that were screaming to trade Thomas need to bend over and stick a telephone pole up their collective asses? Just making sure.
-Patty Cake continues to be the glue on this team. That fucker can play any position Julien wants him to. It was good to see him on the top line and he certainly didn't look out of place.
-Seguin's effort (as well as Caron's) needs to be a little more consistent, but I like what I see. I'm sure that Thornton is hooking them up with hookers from Southie that are showing them a good time.
So all that being said, here's your fucking update (to all three that were requesting it, you know who you are). The B's go with the Kings tonight and it should be pretty fast-paced.

I'll end this on a somber note. I want everyone out there in Hockeyland to bow their heads for a moment and pay their respects to Pat Burns, who passed away after an all-out war with cancer. Burns, who I once despised as the coach of the Habs, was a hockey man through and through. We saw another side of him when he coached the B's, and to me, he'll go down in the pantheon of Bruins coaches that looked good behind the bench of the black and gold and put forth a true hockey team. We'll miss you, Pat. And shame on the Hall of Fame committee for not inducting Pat when they goddamn well should have.

Go B's.

A Collapse For The Ages

2010-05-15T13:26:00.003-04:00

After charging into the lead on gorgeous goals, the Bruins promptly rolled over, showed their bellies and piddled all over the Garden ice.
After completely dominating the Flyers in the first period (they took their timeout like five minutes in!), the Bruins quickly showed just why they limped into the playoffs.
The D made horrible passes and turnovers, time and time again.
There were no smooth passes in the offensive zone.
If they were able to get into the zone, the effort wasn't there.
Rask did not play a good game. His D might have hung him out to dry on a few of the goals, but he was NOWHERE near where the Bruins needed him to be.
Wheeler was a goddamn no-show in a game that could have used his speed. His "forechecking" was Kessel-esque and he brought nothing to the game.
Nothing against Boychuk (who has hopefully cemented his place on the blueline), but he was the best D-man out there. Stuart played a solid game as well, but two out of six defensemen playing well does not a good game make.
Looch played like a beast, but once again, one man can only do so much.
Recchi and Patty Cake looked like rookies out there, which was strange.
Glaring gaps that need to be addressed:
1. SCORING: Obviously. This was an issue all fucking season. Chiarelli better draft well or use some of those picks to get a true sniper.
2. Consistency: Julien generally awards players that are playing well with increased ice time. This didn't hold true this time around, as Wheeler was a fucking no-show. I know I'm beating a dead horse, but he was an absolutely empty uniform. He brought nothing to the table and just looked like he didn't want to be there. This is absolutely unacceptable and needs to be addressed. Someone will challenge for his spot in training camp. Maybe this will provide motivation; the coaching staff has had to push him to hard and they shouldn't have to. He is a professional fucking athlete. If the motivation is lacking, get the fuck out of town and take someone else's fucking roster spot.
3. Rask: Yes, he had a decent run this year. But when the Bruins needed him the most, he folded like a sodden maxipad. Maybe he got too comfortable. Maybe he started buying into all of the hype. Maybe the crowd chanting his name non-stop inflated his head in an already small helmet. Whatever the reason, he didn't rise to the occasion. An obvious learning experience for him, he now knows what it takes and just how intense playoff hockey is. As shown last night, 3-0 leads mean jackshit in this league.
4. A super-fucking stud that can say "Get on my back, boys. I'll bring you to the promised land": Leadership basically evaporated last night. Where is the guy that gets so angry he smashes things in the locker room? Where is the guy that shoots frickin' laserbeams from his eyes when someone mouths off? Where is the guy that single-handedly changes the outcome of the game by his and just his efforts alone? I can tell you where he isn't: the bench of the Bruins. They need a game-changing player that can step up and make the opponents tremble. It's possible that Looch could fill this role, but I'm guessing that his ankle/finger were still an issue.
5. Team Grit: If I could, I would clone Ian Laperriere and make an entire hockey team of him. The Bruins just don't have a guy that is that insanely gritty and it comes out in games like last night's. Steve Begin is the closest they have, but he is still hampered by injuries as well. Too many players were reluctant to go into the corners (LOOKIN' AT YOU WHEELER AND RYDER). And when Ol' Man Recchi is the only one that dares to park his ass in front of the net, something is wrong. The last player that fit this role perfectly was Mike Knuble (who the Bruins let walk, amazingly). Every fucking game that guy would get cut somewhere on his face because he went into the dirty areas. The Bruins just didn't do it this year...and now they're out.
6. CONSISTENT EFFORT: If Sobotka had played like that all year, it could have been a different season for the Bruins. As already stated, Julien awards ice time to the guys that are banging on all cylinders. Conversely, he should sit the motherfuckers that aren't.
I wouldn't change a thing with the coaching staff. Julien is an amazing coach and it's obvious that his players have bought into his system. Julien never gets too high or low and maintains an even keel. The players feed off this. I think that Julien has done a good job of keeping players from getting diva-esque. However, if effort starts slipping, someone else should be inserted into the lineup.
Even if they hadn't won the Cup, the Bruins' march into the playoffs would have left a good taste in everyone's mouth. They battled to get into the dance and advanced. Their outright collapse and subsequent defeat makes this a very, very bitter pill to swallow for the fans.
As a fan, I just couldn't believe what I was seeing last night. I'm still shaking my head today. Training camp starts in MONTHS and there won't be any hockey until October. To end the season in such a way is akin to getting kicked in the dink by a horse.
I'm still a fan of this team and will always be. The part that sucks is this: until they hoist the Cup, they will always be remembered as the team that took a too many men penalty and squandered a 3-0 lead (both goal and series).
See you in October, boys.
Go B's.

GO YOU FUCKERS

2010-05-14T14:08:00.002-04:00

If I was God, I would use my powers as such today:
Every player, upon waking up and getting out of bed (after a night of not getting any from the wife/girlfriend), would promptly whack their shin on the wood end table. They would stumble to the kitchen to find that there's no milk in the fridge. Going to start their car, they wouldn't be able to find their keys. After finding them, the car wouldn't start. Upon getting to the rink, they would find that there is no sugar for their coffee, so they have to drink it black. They would then get a phone call from the same wife/girlfriend stating that the toilet on the 2nd floor blew up. During warmups, they would all be looking for their left gloves, which would eventually be found frozen solid in the locker room.
The purpose of this? To put these men in the foulest, most violent and dangerous mood that they have ever been in. Every step is a lesson in taking deep breaths so they don't absolutely explode and murder someone.
NOW CHANNEL THAT SHIT, AND ONCE THAT PUCK DROPS, GOOOOOOOOO YOU FUCKERS. TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT.
Go B's.

2010-05-12T22:55:00.003-04:00

THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKERS PLAY?
THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO A CHALLENGE?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO END YOUR SEASON, BY BEING REMEMBERED FOR BLOWING A 3-0 LEAD?
THIS IS HOW YOU PLAY FOR A FRANCHISE THAT HAS A LONG AND STORIED HISTORY?
THIS IS HOW YOU HONOR ALL THOSE PLAYERS THAT CAME BEFORE YOU, SKATED BEFORE YOU, BLED AND SPIT THEIR FUCKING TEETH OUT BEFORE YOU?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO END IT?
PULL YOUR FUCKING HEADS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASSES AND PUT SOME FUCKING PUCKS ON NET AND HIT SOME FUCKING FLYERS AND SCORE SOME FUCKING GOALS.
MAKE YOURSELVES PROUD. MAKE YOUR FANS PROUD. MAKE THIS FUCKING TEAM FROM PHILADELPHIA CRAWL BACK INTO THEIR FUCKING CITY WITH THEIR TAILS TUCKED BETWEEN THEIR FUCKING LEGS AND WONDER WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS THAT JUST RAN THEIR ASSES OVER.
A quote from Reg Dunlop comes to mind: "They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us! All right, let's show 'em what we got, guys! Get out there on the ice and let 'em know you're there. Get that fuckin' stick in their side. Let 'em know you're there! Get that lumber in his teeth. Let 'em know you're there! " And if you don't know who Reg Dunlop is, don't ever visit this blog again.
Go B's.

Get You Fired Up

2010-05-12T10:10:00.005-04:00

I TOLD YOU TO CLOSE IT OUT

2010-05-12T09:36:00.002-04:00

I was so excited for hockey on monday. Unfortunately, I didn't see any hockey played...at least not by the Bruins.
Aside from a few close calls in the first period, there was nothing positive about the "effort" from the Bruins in game 5. They stayed on the periphery and refused to get in front of the net. It was like they were all channeling Phil Kessel.
To date, their playoff run this year has been inspiring. They limped into the postseason after a lackluster 82 games. They didn't even have a passing resemblance to the team last year that utterly dominated every single opponent and swept the Habs in 4 games. The playoffs are a new and different season and the Bruins have been playing some great hockey. Everyone seemed to be clicking and the pucks were getting in the net somehow.
They need to rediscover the motivation that got them through the first round against the Sabres. They need to hit and grind, make sharp passes coming out of the offensive zone, and park their asses in front of that net to wait for a deflection from the point. I'm still not seeing anyone set up in front of the net (aside from Recchi, but he can only do so much). Ryder and Wheeler have been goddamn combat ineffective. I have no idea what these guys need to get going. It's obvious they both have skill...but the way they've been playing, I would scratch them. Give the slots to Marchand and somebody else that will go and go and go.
They go back to Philly tonight and the crowd will be into it. Carcillo, Pronger and Hartnell will be playing huge in front of their home crowd. The Bruins need to score early and often and wrap this thing up before the end of the second. The Flyers have shown some pluck fighting back to win two straight. The B's need to hit hard and often. This helps them get in the game and stay engaged. The sooner they get this thing closed out, the better.
So I'll be watching tonight. We should know within the first five minutes if the Bruins are going to wrap it up or if they're going to lay down and go to a game 7 back in Boston. Hopefully it's the former.
Go B's.

Close It Out, Boys

2010-05-10T10:12:00.002-04:00

So even though I missed some hockey, Mexico was a blast. It seemed that everywhere I turned (literally each time and with a drink in both hands), I ran into a hockey fan. I can now say heaven is real. It's next to the swim-up bar, sun high in the sky, with hours of hockey talk. Met some fans from Calgary (what's up, Nick) and talked hockey until my pasty white northern Vermont skin was peeling like a zombie's.
Recovering the next morning at the buffet, it seemed that I would run into everyone from the pool and we'd trade scores gleaned from ESPN (en espanol, or course) and texts from back home (thank you, Charbie). So although I missed hockey, I count the trip a success for the following reasons:
1. The Mexican cartel(s) didn't kill me.
2. A rabid iguana didn't kill me.
3. The spirits from the creepy ruins that were 50 million years old (or something like that) didn't kill me.
4. My fiancee didn't kill me. Seriously, if I disappeared and the story was on Nancy Grace or one of those stupid fucking shows, I would haunt everyone involved from my base camp of the creepy ruins (see #4) with my demonic rabid iguana (see #2).
Strangely, the biggest threat to my life came when we were landing at JFK. A nice 30mph crosswind will do that. Props to Captain Mike for allowing me to continue to live so I could watch some more hockey.
ANYWAY.
The boys failed to sweep the Flyers out the other night, as it sounds like Gagne channeled some Savvy and scored the OT winner in his first game back. Good for him.
In Boston tonight, where the B's have yet to lose this playoffs (5-0) and I know I'm going to be able to hear the crowd from my house. Tuukka is quickly ascending to a throne of dominance, with The Dark Lord (Hail Satan!) at his side and the Ancient Hell Hound (Ol' Man Recchi) snapping in all the rebounds.
I'm having a feeling that tonight is going to be a great game. Or maybe I'm just hoping that, as I haven't seen them play in a week. They have to come out, skate like a bunch of psychos and put the puck in the net.
Look for Chara to have a big game. And we all know that the bigger the game, the bigger Looch plays. He'll be getting his nose dirty. And it's about time that Ryder scores one of those laser wrist shots from the slot that we've seen him do. Tonight would be a good night.
Go B's.

It Looks Like God Is Trying To Beam Him Up

2010-05-02T20:12:00.002-04:00

The boys played with fire, failing to finish off a Flyers team that refused to give up. They fiddle-fucked around (looking at you, Wideman and Hunwick) when they should have taken the body and dropped some Flyer ass all over rink (i.e. Briere on his "breakaway").
That being said, WHO THE FUCK CARES? Throwing caution (and probably common sense) to the wind, I can't stop smiling about having Savvy back. Even though he played low minutes (which was a good idea, as going from 24 games off due to a concussion to playoff hockey is like jumping out of a space shuttle that's re-entering the atmosphere), it was great to see his passes zinging all over the ice. I'm thinking that he has good mojo on that side of the ice during playoff OT hockey, as he scored from the same general area against the Habs two years ago.
Their D-men got sloppy a few times (Wideman, Hunwick, McQuaid), and losing Sturm certainly doesn't help. However, it means that Thornton wil be back in the lineup, which is good as I'm sure he was throwing a shitfit up in the box.
Few things:
-I really liked Old Man Recchi going at it with Pronger. Pronger is a fucking punk that has been over-rated for so freaking long.
-I don't know what Sobotoka's issue was after he got run into the net. I think he pinched a nut. Hopefully he'll make it back to his prior form.
-Patty-Cake is most likely playing with a broken bone in his wrist/hand. Did anyone else see the slash that Mike Richards gave him? I'm sure we'll find out after the playoffs that he broke something.
-Tuukka looked mortal in Game 1, but I'm sure he will bounce back to his prior form.

Headed to Mexico for a few days. I'll be the big, drunk, loud American extolling the virtues of the Bruins line-up on Cinco de Mayo (which also happens to be the night of Game 3).

Go B's.

Bring on the Pens...errr, the Flyers...WHO THE HELL ARE WE PLAYING?

2010-04-28T17:54:00.002-04:00

It would figure that just as the playoffs are starting, my computer would blow up. It has physically pained me not to be able to write about how well the boys have been playing.
They seemed to have picked the perfect time to start banging on all cylinders.
Wideman has appeared to recover from a regular season that we would all like to forget. Hunwick is moving the puck beautifully, and Satan is proving to be a bargain, having scored some big goals.
The emergency of Johnny Fucking Upchuk is giving all Bruins fans something to talk about. He was a healthy scratch the basically the first quarter of the season and he obviously took the time to learn the game, listen to his coaches and practice practice practice. His maturity is showing now.
There are so many positives right now...Tuukka coming up HUGE shot after shot...Patty Cake showing that he should be a contender for the Selke...Old Man Recchi showing the pups how it's done, even after all these years...Sobotka finally showing what he can do (I'm racking my brain to find the last Bruin his size that has had such a sudden impact on the physical tempo of a game...any suggestions?)...Looch playing like we all know he can...
And above all that, Savvy is healthy. Getting their best passer and PP god back in time for the whoever the hell they're going to play in the 2nd round is huge. Unfortunately, it most likely means that Edgecrusher Thornton is going to be sitting. I think they should dress him as an extra forward. The Begin/Thornton/Paille line has resulted in some great cycles down low and some breakout passes that let Paille show just fast he can skate.
With a smug smile on my face, I've read all of the articles on ESPN and TSN that have basically stated, "Ummm, sorry. We thought that the Bruins sucked. Our bad."
This doesn't mean that the boys can rest. They're going to have to dig deep and keep playing just as hard and fast as they have been.
If they face the Pens: Crosby. Malkin. Two of the biggest names in the NHL today. Make Patty Cake shadow them and they should do okay. And although they can't get distracted by him, you better believe that every player will hit Matt Cooke every chance they get.
If they face the Flyers: they're a team that bounced the newly-mortal Martin Brodeur out of the playoffs. They can't be discounted. The Hockey News picked the Flyers to win the Cup this year. Yes, they're a low seed, but we've seen what low seeds can do.
Everything hinges on how the Caps/Habs series ends tonight. I would love to see the Habs get bounced. I wouldn't be a Bruins fan if I didn't. I still don't feel as if the Caps are a Cup-winning team. They have shit tons of skill, but I don't feel it. Either way, it will be interesting.
I just hope that the boys skate fast, hit hard and score some goals. Getting Savvy back, who is a purely sublime passer, might be just what they need to make a deep run.
Can't wait...but we're gonna have to for just a little while longer.
Go B's.

You can keep talking Colin, but we aren't listening

2010-03-18T10:26:00.005-04:00

Just when I thought I couldn't get more annoyed with the whole Savard debacle, I came across this gem. An excerpt from a TSN newsfeed.

It's expected that the league executives will meet personally tomorrow with both general managers -- Boston's Peter Chiarelli and Pittsburgh's Ray Shero - as well as both head coaches - Boston's Claude Julien and Pittsburgh's Dan Bylsma - to ensure that whatever happens in terms of retribution, it falls within reasonable limits.

AKA...I didn't do my job, so don't embarrass me further.

After Claude and Peter meet with Colin, I hope their message to the boys goes something like this…

Fuck up Cooke, then fuck up Sidney. And if Malkin ends up playing, Fuck up Geno. Take a run at that little French Fucker in net too. And while your at it, Orpik is a douche… Fuck him up too.

Screw Colin, Screw Matt Cooke, Screw Sidney. I want to see Randy Couture out there tonight in a B's jersey.

Call Me An Ugly American...

2010-03-18T09:30:00.001-04:00

But the Bruins should dismantle Cooke tonight.

And Sidney Crosby better keep his head up.

Go B's.

Keep On Pluggin', Boys

2010-03-13T10:46:00.003-05:00

7-2-3 in their last 12. That's a little more like it.
Their 5-1 drubbing of the Flyers was something fun to watch. I don't know who the fuck pissed off Caveman before the game, but he played what was most likely his best game in a Bruins uniform. Aggressive as hell (two fights and a few big ass hits) and making smart choices with the puck, he was a pillar of studness out there. And yes, that's what I call my nether regions as well.
The Bruins are pushing and pushing, as the season is quickly winding down.
Of course, they are going to be doing this without Savard. I'm not going to get into the entire incident with Matt Cooke. If you don't know what happened by now, then you're retarded and you should go back to watch As The World Turns.
I'm reading a book right now called The Code. It's all about hockey fights and retaliation and playing through injuries etc. etc. etc. What pisses me off about the NHL today is the lack of accountability for chickenshit players like Cooke. If this was pretty much anytime before 1995, Cooke would have been smashed into the ice that night...and Crosby would most likely be taken off on a stretcher the next time they play. Best player for best player, eye for an eye. I'm not saying that this was the right or wrong way to do things, but goddamnit, players sure seemed a bit more accountable when they knew that a Dave Semenko or Stu Grimson or Marty McSorley or Joey Kocur or Bob Cokehead, I mean Probert, was going to be coming after them for looking sideways at their superstar. Gone are the days when some random brawler from the minors would be called up for one game because things were going to get nasty. I think that's too bad.
The NHL has missed two golden opportunities to set examples in a very short time frame.
1.The Savard/Cooke incident
2.Daniel Carcillo shoving the linesman after a minor scrum the other night. To the linesman's credit, he stuck a finger right in Carcillo's face and yelled "Don't ever fucking push me!" I love HD and the ability to read lips.
I'm just curious how much longer the NHL is going to let some of this chickenshit happen. I'm going to descend from my soapbox now or else I'm going to start sounding like one of those used tampons over at TSN.
So the boys are in Montreal tonight. Goddamn, I forget how much I hate the fucking Habs. At least they're having a similar season. B's lose to the Leafs in OT the other night. The Habs beat the Oilers in the shootout last night. The Leafs and Oilers are shit.
We'll see how it goes tonight. Check out the Four Habs Fans. Careful clicking on the links, otherwise you might end of up with a screen full of scheisse porn.
Go B's.

Crosby. Gag.

2010-03-06T23:56:00.003-05:00

The Bruins have played much better over the past two games, but offense is still an issue. They've beat the Leafs and the Isles, which is like saying you stole a wallet from a dead guy. The Penguins are obviously going to put up a much better defense, so the Bruins will have to go and go hard.

Couple things I would do if I were Julien:

-Make Fake Wheeler a healthy scratch. He isn't even competing and there are P-Bruins (ie Marchand) that deserve a shot. Wheeler needs to learn that consistent effort is just as important as scoring goals.
-Keep Savvy and Satan together. I think that Satan is getting hot, and don't forget, this guy has some pretty decent career goal totals. Yes, they signed him from the bargain bin, but that's also where they got Tim Thomas (and look how that has turned out).
-Bring McQuaid back up and scratch Hunwick. Pair him with Stuart and watch the bodies fly.
-On the PP, let Patty Cake and Wideman man the points. Put Chara in front of the net. They're looking to generate offense and whenever they do this, they always seem to score. I honestly have no idea why they don't do it more often.
-Keep giving Johnny Upchuk minutes. That dude is playing his fucking ass off and his poise makes him look like a veteran blueliner.
-Keep Begin, Edgecrusher and Looch together. They generated some good chances today and it will help remind Looch to keep his game simple. When he gets all artsy fartsy (yeah, I just typed that), he loses all of his effectiveness.

That's all I got. They have a real test in front of them tomorrow. Points are at an absolute premium, so we'll see if they come out looking for the win...or if they're just going to roll over quietly, piddle themselves, and slink back to the locker room. I certainly hope it's the former.

Go B's.

Well It's About Fucking Time

2010-03-06T09:58:00.002-05:00

The Bruins have called up Brad Marchand for the game against the Isles today. I'm just curious if he will be allowed to go 10 to 15 games without producing as Sobotka has done/always does. I'm starting to think that young Vladimir has pictures of Chiarelli and Neely doing horrible things to a goat or something.

Couple things:
-The physical play helps the Bruins focus, so they have to keep that up. If they knock Tavares on his ass a few times, he won't be a factor.
-Hopefully Timmy can keep his mojo going. It would be great if he got hot right now.
-If Wheeler doesn't score, I will stab myself.
-If Ryder doesn't score, I will stab myself.
-If the Bruins don't score, I will stab myself.

Go B's.

Ol' One Nut Shoots A Blank...Actually With One Nut, That Might Be All You Can Shoot

2010-03-04T22:56:00.002-05:00

Entertaining hockey game, yes? It was good to see Looch get the sand out of his lucina and drop the gloves with fellow big boy Colton Orr. He took a couple right off that Serbian nose of his, but he stayed right in there. And I really enjoyed Begin's suplex on Orr later in the game. I think he almost managed to crack his face open on the ice though.
Couple things:
-Seidenberg: eh. Nothing flashy...with that 44, I actually thought Ward had come back to town.
-I almost shit in my pants when Kessel had a breakaway, and then I almost filled my drawers with happy juice when Timmy stuffed him. I know that at some point Ol' One Nut will score on the Bruins, but it didn't happen tonight, so fuck him and his 5.5 million dollar deal.
-Timmy looked pretty f-ing good, especially in the shootout.
-Satan conjured up some dark magic for his chance in the shootout. It looked like a move I used to do...okay, try in street hockey.
-No shows: Wheeler and Krejci. You guys know that there was a game tonight, right?
-Johnny Fucking Upchuck: the Empire called. They want your shot from the point to go after some rebel scum.
-Hunwick: what the fuck are you doing? And where the hell was Ference? Did his herbal and organic alarm clock not go off?
-I miss PJ.

Entertaining game. They still HAVE to get the scoring going. Fights and hits and physical play are great and fun to watch, but fuck man...goals are nice.
Go B's.

Chiarelli Shakes Up Team With Huge Moves

2010-03-03T22:15:00.002-05:00

...is what I would be saying if he had done so.
Alas, he did not. However, there weren't really any players out there that were A. available and B. that I would like to see be a Bruin. Every name that came up (Whitney, Selanne, Tkachuk, etc.) belonged to a senior freakin' citizen (what movie is that from?). I wouldn't take on any of their contracts, nor would I lose draft picks, young players, etc. for them.
So...Chuck Morris has once again headed west. Chiarelli said that Chuck got "a little emotional" when asked to waive his no-trade clause. I'm guessing that Neely had to run down the hallway and save Peter. I mean I really like Chiarelli, but he played college hockey. Thus, he does not know how to fight. (If anyone wants to challenge this, look at Hal Gill - 6'7", 250 pounds, should be a stud...look for any of his fights, EVER, on Youtube, and let me know what you see). Anyway, Chuck didn't really do what he was supposed to do when he signed a one year deal. Yes, he QBed the 2nd PP unit, but he never really clicked with Chara and wasn't as advertised.
I am a bit sad to see Bacon Bitz go away. This kid at least tried...and the fans seemed to get a kick out of him. I would have LOVED to see Sobotka go the fuck away. Why do they continue to think so highly of him? Stick his ass back in Providence. He's one of those guys that can have monster success down there, but it doesn't always translate in the big show.
ANYWAY, some new guys will be in tomorrow, Toronto is coming to town, blah blah blah. After the two week layoff, and the four game winning streak prior to, I was expecting a huge game last night...not the roll over and show them our genitals because we submit (REALLY??? TO AN ALASKAN MEXICAN???) "effort" that they put up against the Habs.
So fuck it. At least Ol' One Nut will be in the Garden tomorrow. I look forward to all the boos every freaking time he touches the puck. And, as long as the Leafs keep sucking (they're worse than the Canes now, and that's fuckin' saying something), the Bruins stand a very good chance of getting some high picks in the first round.
Go B's.

Violence Is Good, Mmmmkay?

2010-02-11T23:24:00.005-05:00

Seriously, aside from all the limp wristed naysayers in the world, who the hell doesn't like a physical hockey game? Bodies flying, fists crunching off helmets, everyone keeping their head up so they're not taken off the ice on a stretcher...
Ah, hockey.
That being said, fuck Steve Downie. I was laughing and watched the clip about seven times. Chara was just standing there...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and then AH FUCK THIS SHIT started pounding on that little queefnugget's head. Downie was a punk in junior hockey , a fucker in the AHL and has blossomed to an upright mongol that needs to go into the boards headfirst. Anyone that plays like this needs to fuck off. Normally I like the guys that play on the edge like that and piss the other team off (Matthew Barnaby comes to mind), but Downie is different. It's just too bad Chara has that bum pinkie.
The boys were running away with this one, but Tampa Bay refused to back off, thanks in part to Frenchie the Smurf (Marty St.Louis). Fuck, that dude can still skate like a bastard.
Three game streak going, one game left before the break. Of course they start to heat up right when the majority of them won't play hockey for the next two weeks or so...oh well. Gonna have to see how it shakes out.
Go B's.

Bruins Lose 3-2 In The Shootout...Wait, What?

2010-02-10T10:16:00.006-05:00

I'm sorry, the go up 2-0, blow the lead, almost score in OT and then ultimately lose in the shootout refrain is just seared into my brain due to the fact that it's happened at least 73 times this year.
Nice to see the boys pull one out...although I didn't really see it, as my DVR had stopped recording just as Slow Ryder was coming down for his shot. I didn't really expect them to win, so I was surprised as FUCK when I saw the score.
Nice to see the physical element pick up, as well. They've been sleeping for too long and these physical games always do wonders for them. Last night you could see how bad Chara wanted to go with Gaustad, but with his finger all taped up, it would have been extra time. I'm actually surprised he didn't go to the bench, rip it off and come back out.
And Looch: where the fuck have you been, dude? I couldn't stop laughing at the way you went directly for Mair last night and he just kept backing up. Mair got a freebie in, but it was great to see get pissed like that. Even last year when you were playing with Savvy and He We Do Not Speak Of Except To Mock The Fact That We Have His New Team's Draft Picks For The Next 18 Years Or So your physical play kept up. Last night when you were going after Mair, you were rocking that blood lust look that we saw several times last year . KEEP THAT FIRE GOING. Don't lay back. Your physical play can change the tempo of a game.
This sizzling 2 game winning streak simply can't overshadow one event. One event so huge, so earth shattering, so...so...I'm not sure how to describe it. Your life will be changed once you watch.
I love you for trying kid...but please don't do that again.
Go B's.

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO

2010-02-07T17:38:00.001-05:00

The "Bruins" "Play" The Habs Today

2010-02-07T11:33:00.002-05:00

"Bruins" because I don't recognize this fucking team.
"Play" because this is what the "Bruins" are supposed to be doing in each game...but I've yet to see it.
The title is very literal, but cut me some slack. I am wracked with a very nice hangover and my hands have the nice post-Saturday night tremble that signifies just how much beer I drank.
So nothing witty today. I'm just trying not to shit my pants. I'm sure that will come later, like after the Habs win by seventeen or come from behind again to win in the shootout or etc. etc.etc., (insert totally fucked up situation here).
Go B's.

Welcome To Distraction Central

2010-02-04T10:11:00.003-05:00

Could this team have anymore shit flying around right now???
Will Ryder be traded?
Chara has been playing hurt.
Caveman goes down with a broken pinkie.
Kovalchuk: yes? No?
Tim Thomas, where are you?
Modern Warfare 2? (a note on that: I've been advised by Phil from Maine that Johnny Upchuck is a bit of a gamer...let's get it on! And Phil, I'm sorry. I was a bit drunk and Assassin's Creed 2 was already in. I'll kick your ass on Rust later on OH SNAP!).
No goals.
Putting Recchi out there in the shootout (CLAUDE, ARE YOU HIGH??? YES, OL' MAN RECCHI MIGHT HAVE A BAZILLION CAREER GOALS, BUT HE CAN'T SCORE IN THE FUCKING SHOOTOUT!!!! PLEASE STOP!!!! PUT THE ASIAN LADY THAT HAS SEASON TICKETS AND SITS RIGHT BEHIND YOU OUT THERE FOR FUCK SAKE!!! I BET SHE COULD PUT DOWN HER FRENCH FRIES LONG ENOUGH TO SCORE A FUCKING GOAL AND WIN A FUCKING SHOOTOUT!!!!!).
More Xbox.
Have we found the real Tim Thomas yet?
None of this shit matters.
They are professional athletes that get paid A LOT of money to play a game.
Tonight they will go with a Habs team that has seen its share of issues this year as well.
Tonight is the night that they will begin to turn this bitch around. They have played so amazingly flat for the past ten games...I don't get how they still have jobs. A bit mind-boggling.
Tonight will be an entertaining game because the B's have realized that this season is very quickly getting away from them. They'll come out large and make the little Habs cryyyy like bebies.
And on another note: in Toronto, Vagisarek is having season ending shoulder surgery. I heard that he watched a clip of his fight with Looch from last year, and the shoulder basically spontaneously combusted as a defense mechanism.
GO B'S.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

2010-01-24T21:08:00.002-05:00

How fucking brutal was it to watch that game? I've never seen Julien chew ass on the bench like that. Damn.
Wideman has been on my shitlist all year, but that dude didn't miss a shift AFTER SPITTING MOST OF HIS TEETH OUT. Now if that's not tough, I don't know what is.

But they still sucked. And I think that something big has to happen. They have several days off, which could cause them to sink to pretty much dead frickin' last. I'm truly hoping from the bottom of my black, rotten heart that the Olympic break will be a blessing. Guys will be able to heal. If I were Julien, I would tell them that this is basically a season reboot. A do-over. A mulligan. However the fuck you want to think of it. The first fifty games didn't count. Go out like raped apes and win every fucking game down the stretch.

Or just continue to slide quietly into the end of the season, stopping periodically to change your tampon so that TSS doesn't set in (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, BIG V).

Either way, go B's.

Who The Fuck Are These Guys?

2010-01-24T10:41:00.002-05:00

WHERE, OH WHERE HAVE THE BRUINS GONE?
OH WHERE THE FUCK CAN THEY BE???

I heard that Taken II is coming out in late fall. It seems that Jeremy Jacobs has commissioned Liam Neeson to go find the real Boston Bruins, who are undoubtedly locked in a tiny cell right now, slowly withering away from the heat and lack of food. Then Neeson is going to come and save me, because I'm withering away from lack of goals, lack of fights, lack of effort and lack of effort. Yes, I wrote that twice. It's double-true.

Six Bruins have played well consistently this year: Tuukka, Patty Cake, Old Man Recchi, Caveman Stuart, Edgecrusher Thornton and Frenchy Begin.

THAT MEANS THE REST OF YOU ARE ON NOTICE.
Some thoughts:
Wheeler: we paid for you? Really? REALLY? Just because you're breathing hard at the end of your shift doesn't mean you're trying hard.
Ryder: you are resembling Glen Murray more and more every game that you go without scoring.
Krejci: they were calling you "Matrix" last year because you looked like you were slowing time down. This year it just looks like you are moving so fucking slow that some no-talent-assclown (i.e. Komisarek) can lay you out. I swear to Christ, when the season is over, it better come out that you have been playing all year after being paralyzed. This is the only way I will respect your "efforts" this year. The two other centers go down with injuries...and you just disappear as well. Nice.
Herr Sturm: BE MORE FUCKING CONSISTENT!
Bitz: I don't know what Julien was thinking putting you on the top line. You're a mucker and grinder. Keep it ugly.
Sobotka: Hey Comrade Vladimir, I have an idea! Why don't you go the seventh layer of Bruins Prospect Hell and hang out with Ivan Huml, Andy Hilbert and Andre Savage? They're waiting for you and I am sick and fucking tired of watching you fill up a uniform.
Chara: Z. The Big Guy. The Big Z. Z rhymes with V. V is for vagina. Which is how you've been playing. And yes, I would say this to your face. Actually, it would probably be a nipple because of the whole height thing.
Wideman: See Wheeler.
Chuck Fucking Morris: trying to be too smooth.
Ference: oh wait, you're hurt? Still or again? I can't keep track.
Hunwick: all that money you got in arbitration must be slowing you down, because you've been skating like you're lugging around a barrelful of smashed assholes.
Timmy Thomas: man, you're breaking my heart. Where's the snap and the pop? Please please please don't pull a Blaine Lacher/Jim Carey and disappear on us.

Looch and Savvy have missed so much with injuries that they're basically a non-factor. Paille came over and has been a bright spot, as has Johhny Upchuck.

In closing, I miss PJ.

Pull your fucking heads out of your ass, throw some fucking bodychecks, and score some fucking goals.

Go B's.

January 1st Is Now "Marco Sturm Day"

2010-01-01T16:48:00.002-05:00

What a game.

I Guess He IS Human After All...

2009-12-16T21:39:00.002-05:00

Mark Stuart has gone down with a broken sternum. Last time I checked, he was the longest current ironman-er on the Bruins, having played in 180+ straight games (or something like that). Now this isn't even close to Steve Larmer back in the day (if you don't know how many straight games he played in, you should be ashamed...and also look it up, as it won't ever happen again), but it was something. Stuart has been solid as hell all year, even when Chara and Chuck Morris and Dennis Wideman and Andrew Ference and Matt Hunwick (getting my drift, here???) have sucked. He and Johnny Boychuk had been playing well together, too.

I can't get over how entertaining the Leaf games have been lately. I keep laughing when the fans boo the ever-living fuck out of Ol' One Nut. It's childish, but damn, it feels good. The contests, though extremely lopsided, have been entertaining as shit to watch, even without LOOCH flying around there. I'm guessing that when they play after he returns, Vaginasarek will do his normal bullshit, but Orr will be the one challenging Looch. We're going to have to wait.

Getting pretty excited for the Winter Classic on the 1st. Hopefully it's cold enough in Boston to make some fucking ice. If not, I'm volunteering the cul-de-sac in front of my house.

Go B's.

Couple Things

2009-11-28T09:54:00.003-05:00

I realized yesterday that this thing hasn't been updated for awhile. It seems that Araev is due in just a short while and she is "too busy" to type. What, so just because I'm not pregnant, I have to shoulder the load? Well, I guess that's what teammates are for.
I mean I've been incredibly busy as well. Work and Modern Warfare 2 and some more Modern Warfare 2. Did I mention that I've been running around with my sweet MW2 night vision goggles? I know. I'm almost 30 and I'm acting like a ten year old. That's either endearing (my opinion) or pathetic and infuriating (Branco's opinion). So if there's anyone out there that wants to do some MW2 on XBox Live, look for ANGERFIST25103.
ANYWAY...
For some reason, the B's have really clicked in as of late. Tuukka has been playing solid hockey in net, as Timmy went down with a strange injury. I'm starting to think that he and Looch had one too many Long Trails and ended up playing bloody knuckles. They both lost.
I know they lost some games that they should have won, but they did okay considering that Looch and Savvy were out for so long. Now that Looch has gone down again, someone is going to have to step up. Bacon Bitz has been playing extremely well, and I think he will keep it up.
Watching the last few games, it's obvious that Julien is trying different mixes. On their four game road trip, it was rare to see the same forward line combo twice. Whatever he's doing, it seems to be working. Patty Cake is playing tremendous hockey and Fake Wheeler is back online. Krejci is still not quite clicking, and Ryder is doing his best Glen Murray impression by playing well and then disappearing for five to ten games.
On defense, Wideman has finally pulled his head out of his bum and is doing well. I still think that Chara needs to get in a fight. His snarl has really appeared yet this year and I know when it does, someone will pay the price.
They have a couple games coming up against the Leafs and the Habs. I was looking foward to Looch and Komisarek seeing each other for the first time since last spring. And Ol' One Nut better keep his head up, because I have a feeling that Begin is going to make him his bitch.
I was getting lunch the other day and there was a guy with a Bruins hat on. We started talking hockey and he said that he misses PJ. I almost hugged him.
So for now, that's all I got. I'm supposed to be cleaning and will be quickly murdered if it's discovered that I'm not. Plus, the faster I get that out of the way, the quicker I can fire up the XBox. Yes, I have issues.
Go B's.

Bruins Hockey and Modern Warfare 2

2009-11-10T09:44:00.002-05:00

Could this day get any better?

The Bruins look to continue their one-game winning streak (PLAN THE PARADE!!) against the Pens tonight. They showed some offense, finally, on saturday night (granted, it was against some boot goalie, but we'll take it) and a the fists flew a couple times. I'll say it again: the Bruins are a better team when they fight. I'm not saying it has to be all the time, but you see what happens when they let the tough guys sleep.

If they win, awesome. If not, I'll have my new copy of Modern Warfare 2 to console me.

Go B's.

If You Can't Get Up For This One, Just Die.

2009-11-05T10:05:00.002-05:00

5 Things To Get Excited About Tonight:
-Begin left Montreal pissed off. He'll be a wrecking ball all night long.
-Ryder will continue to punish his old team.
-Remember all those times that Hal Gill decided to fight Chara and ended up getting his ass beat? Yeah, now we're cheering for Chara.
-The rivalry with Komisarek to continue. Oh that's right, he's enjoying life in Toronto now. Snicker.
-Someone (I'm looking at you, Stuart) will smear Gionta into the end boards when he finally gets tired of the waterbug-esqe noises that Gionta emits when he skates.

Let's hope that the absolute domination that the Bruins showed against the fucking Habs continue tonight. It'll be a good way to right the ship and get this fucking season underway properly.

Go B's.