Nothing else matters. The missed calls are done. The missed opportunities are a moot point. The lack of scoring doesn't matter.
What matters is this:
The Bruins have put themselves in a position to close this out. They are in a familiar place: their backs are to the wall and the doubters are screaming, saying they don't have what it takes to advance past this series.
Perfect.
Even as the defending Cup champions, no one picked them to repeat. The sexy teams of the league, the Pens and Flyers and Red Wings and Canucks were picked ahead of the Bruins. 3 of those teams are gone.
This is the same spot they found themselves in last year. It's been a hard series, but they're home. They have a chance to end it on home ice, in front of their fans that love nothing more than their boys in the spoked B.
It's time to get it done. It's time to close it out, making this series a footnote in another march to the Cup.
Let's go boys. Big game.
We believe.
Go B's.

Angry Ginger Kid Says...

WHAT IS THIS SHIT?
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT??
YOU ARE THE BOSTON BRUINS. YOU WON THE CUP LAST YEAR. YOU DO NOT PLAY LIKE THIS. YOU DO NOT GET PUSHED AROUND BY THE WASHINGTON FUCKING CAPITALS. YOU DO NOT LET SOME RANDOM ROOKIE BOOT GOALIE BE THE "FEEL GOOD" STORY OF THE YEAR, BY BOUNCING THE MIGHTY BOSTON BRUINS IN THE FIRST ROUND.
ENOUGH OF THIS SHITTY SHIT. GET IN FRONT OF THE NET. GET IN THE BOOT'S FACE. MAKE HIM RUE THE DAY HE HAD THE FUCKING GALL TO CHALLENGE THE BOSTON BRUINS. GET PUCKS THROUGH AND HEY HERE'S A THOUGHT, TIP SOME FUCKING PUCKS.
HIT, HIT AND HIT ANY CAPITAL THAT DARES TO COME IN THE OFFENSIVE ZONE. GIVE AN EXTRA FACEWASH AND GET THE NASTY UP. STOP BEING THE TEAM THAT TAKES HITS AND TAKES IT LAYING DOWN. HIT, CRUSH AND DESTROY YOUR OPPONENT.
TO THE TOP TWO LINES THAT ARE DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING: WHERE IS THE EFFORT??? THIS IS THE GODDAMN PLAYOFFS. THIS ISN'T A LITTLE DIPSY DOO OF A SERIES EIGHT GAMES INTO THE SEASON. THIS IS THE STANLEY MOTHERFUCKING CUP MOTHERFUCKING PLAYOFFS. ACT FUCKING ACCORDINGLY. GET IT DONE. NOW.
YOU ARE THE BOSTON GODDAMN BRUINS. YOU DO NOT BOW OUT IN THE FIRST ROUND TO SOME SUB-PAR TEAM THAT STRUGGLED ALL YEAR. YOU DO NOT LET THE CAVEMAN LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER TAKE HIS TINTED VISOR INTO THE 2ND ROUND. YOU DO NOT LET ONE OF THE DIRTIEST PLAYERS IN LEAGUE HISTORY COME IN AS A ROOKIE COACH AND GET HIS TEAM OF FUCKTARDS INTO THE 2ND ROUND. YOU DO NOT BACK DOWN, YOU DO NOT GIVE AN INCH AND YOU SURE AS FUCK DON'T LOSE THIS SERIES.
IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL FIND A TREAT IN YOUR STALLS. I'M NOT QUITE POTTY-TRAINED AND I WILL TAKE SPECIAL CARE TO EAT ALL OF MY FISHSTICKS AND APPLESAUCE AND I WILL BREW YOU A SPECIAL CIRCLE OF HELL THAT WILL THEN BE SMEARED ALL OVER YOUR STALLS.
GET. IT. DONE.
Gotta go. Mom has a Capri Sun waiting for me.
Go B's.

The Capitals Done Messed Up

The Bruins have taken a 2-1 lead against the Caps. Our boys have been struggling to score (UNDERSTATEMENT). Looch/Krejci/whoever have failed to convert on pretty much every single chance they've had, few and far between as they've been. Even the normally "steady as she goes" line of Patty/Marchand/Seguin have been stymied. The 3rd and 4th lines have been the most consistent performers, getting good solid chances and scoring some goals.
Here's why all of this is about to change:
The Caps have made the horrible choice to wake up the slumbering Boston Bruins.
We who watch the Bruins game in and game out know that they are their most engaged when things are physical, chippy and nasty. We know that they excel in these games, that there isn't a team in the league that can't stand with or up to them when they have a hair across their collective ass. The Big Bad Bruins come together as a team when their opponent decides to try and play mean.
There's a difference between playing physical and playing Bruins hockey. Up to Game 3, the play had been physical, mostly on the part of the Caps. There were some big hits (i.e. Ovechkin running around like a Communist retard), but nothing really nasty.
This has changed.
Karl Alzner made the extremely ill-advised decision to grab onto Looch's head and try to act tough. Looch had been absolutely asleep so far this series. Alzner has woken him up. I haven't seen the snarl on his face in quite some time and it was heartening to see. And then, with no time remaining, Backstrom made the smart choice to crosscheck Peverley in the head (and we're still waiting on any supplemental punishment, but Shanny being Shanny, Peverley will probably get fined for having his head in the way of Backstrom's stick).
The Caps won't realize the error of their ways until they are broken and bleeding at the end of the 1st period in the next game. To use Jack Edwards' term, they've poked the bear.
This will not end well for them. The Bruins turn into absolute gods when they are pissed off and dropping shoulders into the chests of their opponents.
Can't wait for thursday. It's funny because I'm sure Alzner can...hope he gets his will squared away.
Go B's.

Is This Real Life?

I decided to read the second Hunger Games book over the past couple of days to get me through some intense hockey withdrawal. I’m excited and amped up for the playoffs to start, so I thought I would fuel that with some good ole fashion kid killing fantasy fiction.

So about 11pm last night, I finish the book and am having a hard time getting to sleep as I want to just start reading the next one to see what happens. But finally I doze off around 11:45 and start dreaming about Katniss, Peeta, Finnick...

During my dream I hear some buzzing and realize that it’s coming from my phone. It’s blowing up with what sounds like, text after text. When I finally adjust my eyes and take a look I realize I’m getting push notifications from my Bruins app.
That’s odd. Apparently the Bruins marketing team couldn’t sleep either, but sending out notifications at well past midnight? Come on guys. So I take a look and the first one I see is the third one down in this pic.

I start to panic. What time did the game start??? THE CAPS ARE ALREADY FUCKING UP 2-0??? I frantically reach for my remote in a desperate act to find NESN and send my winning vibes to the game and start watching. As I do this, I’m too tired and filled with images of Gale and Peeta to calmly realize, No, the game did not start Tuesday night at midnight you silly goose.
But no, panic sets in, I can’t find my remote, the B’s are already down 2-0 and my Cup dreams are being dashed. Seconds later the app sends another notification. Please note the 4th one down.

Whaaaaaa?? Power play goal by Matt Read? Are the playoffs like the Hunger Games this year? Bettman controls the Arena and change the rules at a whim, even morphing 2 teams into one. So now the Bruins are taking on the mutant Washingdelphia Flyertals?

And then it hits. Common Sense, full alertness, and the realization that Apps get glitches. The Bruins are not playing right now. The Caps are not winning. The playoffs have not started. Now it’s about 1am. My book is done and the withdrawal hits big time. Luckily this emotional rollercoaster caused by the Bruins Marketing geniuses has exhausted me and I drift off to sleep. But before I’m out completely, I think, What if Marcus Johansson really does scores an even strength goal assisted by Ovechkin at 9:54 to bring the Caps up 2-0 on Thursday… (Insert Twilight Zone music here).

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Am I the only one that feels like we were just here? Am I the only one that still feels like the boys look weird, because I'm used to them sporting their playoff beards? Well fret not folks, it's time for some playoff hockey.
The season started blah, went OH MY GOD HOW ARE THEY PLAYING THIS WELL, went south fast and hard and brutal, and finally started looking up again.
The boys have rounded into form and are set for a push into the playoffs for another run at Lord Stanley...there's no better time of year. Although fans of the Habs would beg to differ. I can hear their arguments already..."Yeah, but who has the most Cups?" Weak. Have fun swinging those golf clubs.
Several teams were in a dog fight for the final few spots in the Eastern Conference and I'm sure I'm not the only one that is surprised our boys will be facing the Caps. We were all mentally preparing ourselves for the Senators. Alas, it's the Caps. Here are my thoughts, in no particular order.
-The Bruins had problems with Washington this year. They couldn't seem to string together good efforts against them for some reason. The thing I love about the playoffs is that the regular season means exactly JACK....SQUAT. Throw everything out the window because it's not worth a goddamn thing.
-Stamkos got his 60. Malkin got his 50. The Bruins had multiple players score 20 plus goals. It's this depth that had them winning the Cup last year and I have no doubt it will be a boon once again. Patty/Seguin/Marchand have been their normal reliable, point-producing selves. Lucic/Krejci/Whoever have been up and down, but Krejci turns into a beast in the playoffs and I'm hoping that Looch won't fall asleep like he did last year. Kelly/Rolston/Pouliot have had some crazy chemistry in the last few weeks.
-Washington's goaltending has been struggling all year and it looks like they are facing issues for the playoffs. The Bruins got through what was one of the most jacked up scenarios in Boston goaltending history that I can remember (Timmy obviously not on his game, Tuukka hurt, Turco coming in, Khudobin being injured and then playing). Timmy appears to be back, letting up only a handful of goals over the stretch. Just like last year, as goes Timmy, so go the Bruins. He will be playing every game unless something happens.
-Finally, the key point to the series: Ovechkin. He had a mere-mortal year, not even breaking the 40 goal mark. This would be nothing to scoff at for any player, but he's set the bar high over his career. The Caps have yet to have playoff success with Ovechkin on-board and it's just about to the point of San Jose and Joe Thorton. The guy (normally) plays like a god in the regular season and then pulls a Houdini and dis-a-fucking-ppears in the playoffs (just like the Sedin sisters did in the Cup final). Ovechkin is one more bad postseason away from being officially labeled as one of these players until he wins a Cup. This could go either way. He could come out like a raped ape and tear things up or be frustrated by the two studs that wear #33 and 44 on the Bruins blueline. Ovechkin has had difficulty producing in the playoffs and he's never faced off against these two guys. They turned into absolute gods last year (Seidenberg especially, because I don't think anyone had any idea he could play like that) and I'm thinking they are going to do the same this year. Chara is his normal dominating self and I'm curious how Ovechkin will stand up to the pounding he's about to take. There remains no team in the league that can stand toe to toe with the Bruins and the playoffs lend itself to this time of toughness. Fights will be down (but when they do happen are generally spectacular) but the physicality will be that much higher. Ovechkin is one of those guys that likes to try and throw his body around...but how will he respond when he is ground into the boards on each and every shift by every player on the ice? If nothing else, he'll take stupid penalties (we've seen this in the past) and the Bruins will be on the PP...which may not be a good thing, now that I think about it.
Regardless, it's time for playoff hockey. The boys that are close (McQuaid, Boychuk) will get some extra time and I'm sure we'll see them at some point.
And on a side note, the Pens/Flyers series is going to be some nasty hockey. Ol' Captain Whiny Pants (Crosby) better keep his oft-concussed head up.
LET'S GO YOU BASTARDS, IT'S TIME TO RESUME THE MARCH!!!
Go B's.

Finish Strong

Here's a scary thought: even as horrible as the Bruins have been playing for the last two months, they are still in playoff contention. The tear they went on from November to January set them so far ahead of everyone else in their division that they could afford to go to sleep for the next two months (which, though not preferable, is exactly what they did). I had no problem with a slump, as long as it didn't last too long and continue into the playoffs. The Bruins got so used to scoring goals by the bushel and winning games 6 to 1 that they forgot how to deal with adversity, leading them to forget how to dig deep to gut out a goal with time winding down.
But this stretch of barely .500 hockey has gone on for far tooooooo long. Little things that are easily overshadowed by huge victories become the focal point for everyone to stare at. That, coupled with both Tuukka's injury and Timmy's sudden mere mortal play, exposed a chink in the armor that is Bruins hockey.
For the most part, the injury bug has left the Bruins alone for the last few seasons. A few weeks ago, players were dropping like flies. Horton, Bergeron, McQuaid, Pouliot, etc. etc. etc. These guys are no doubt still banged up, and it's only going to get worse. Playoff hockey is some of the most brutal in all of sports.
Couple things:
-I thought that the 8-0 assrapery the Bruins put on the Leafs would help them shake the funk. Yes, it's just the Leafs, but a win like that can make guys remember what it's like to score and score and keep on scoring. It can help them regain confidence and have some fun instead of dreading coming to the rink. They've played a little better since then, but questions persist.
-It comes out that Timmy has been battling a virus, which could account for his recent play. I know what it's like to do my job feeling like shit and I can only imagine what it's like to try and stop a puck that's being ripped in your direction at over 90 mph about 30 times a game. That being said, the Bruins defense had/has become a shadow of its former self. It got so bad that Corvo is a healthy scratch (I don't want to pile on, but thank fucking christ), and Chara and Seidenberg are being paired together. It's one thing if those two get together when playing against someone like the Penguins. It's an entirely different matter when the team is just trying to right the ship.
-Caron's play has finally picked up, but remains as spotty as an older woman's period. He just about fucked his team HARD last night, taking a penalty with about 4 minutes left in the 3rd. If it had been a double minor, I think we would have seen a different result. Yes, Timmy played an outstanding game last night, but again, questions persist.
-Good to see that Rolston has settled in and is producing. I'm still a bit surprised that the PP continues to struggle, as Rolston can help run the point just like Bergeron. This may go away whenever Peverley returns and shakes the rust. Though still surprisingly quick for his age, Rolston has lost a step and a big increase in minutes might mean that his play slips.
-Timmy has hit the amount of games played that Chiarelli spoke of before the season. It doesn't help that he's started so many in a row. He will once again be the number one goalie heading into the playoffs and he plays his best when he's had some rest (no shit). The Bruins will have to figure something out before the season ends. Does Turco get some time? Do they call up the healed Khudobin for some games? This wouldn't be an issue if they weren't in a dog fight for the lead of the Northeast with the suddenly hot Senators. All of it could have been avoided if they hadn't pulled a Rip Van Winkle and passed the fuck out for the better part of thirty games.
-Does anyone else feel that Seguin is trying to be too cute when he's rushing the puck? He's fine if he's already in the zone and someone passes it to him, but I've noticed that if he has one man to beat, he's pulling a Kessel and trying this one move over and over, which results in a mitt to the face and the puck quickly cleared back out. The kid remains fast as fuck and defensemen are aware of this. He always cuts to the outside. Maybe go middle? I don't know.
-Good to see that the Bruins locked Thornton up for two more years. I bristle when the idiots at The Hockey News call him a goon. Yes, he fights. He fights frequently. To me, a goon is Colton Orr. Donald Brashear. Jody Shelley. They get four to seven minutes a night and are a liability at all times, whether it's with their play with the puck or from taking stupid penalties. That asshole Pierre McGuire always says "Thornton's out there, running around." Thornton does not run around. His line consistently puts forth outstanding effort. They're not scoring like they were last year, but that's okay. Thornton is a guy that will call players out when they're coasting. His efforts keep everyone honest. He was rewarded for it. Love the guy.
The west coast swing continues tonight against the Ducks. Here's to hoping the Bruins string several victories together and enter the playoffs with the right mindset.
With so few games remaining, now is the time to get back into the good habits.
Go B's.

Seriously, What's Happening?

If I were a fan of the Jets or even the Leafs (just threw up in my mouth AND had the urge to listen to Justin Bieber), the last month or so of hockey would have been okay to watch. However, I actually have a set of testicles and I cheer for the Bruins...though there hasn't been much to cheer about lately by Boston standards.
The goals dried up. The goaltending was shaky. They've been shutout in their last 73 games. The physical play wasn't there. The boys were coasting, resting on their laurels and all of the points that they got early on in the season, when they were playing like the Stanley Cup finals were just going to be a formality and they should just be presented with the Cup right now.
Oh, how times have changed.
Remember when the Bruins would head into the 3rd period up by several goals? Yeah, me neither. It's been that long.
Normally the All-Star break is a good time for the team to go their separate way for a few days, heal up (or damage your liver in Vegas) and prepare for the final push. It couldn't have come at a better time for the Bruins.
It didn't work.
The team that was just entering a tailspin came back and played some of the least inspired hockey I've ever seen from this current squad. Where the fuck were the Timmy and Tuukka that we know? Gone were the amazing saves and solid consistency from the goalies, the "get me one goal and I'll do the rest" that was so prevalent when they went on their insane tear. Gone were the goals that made it look like Bruins had set their opponents on the NHL 94 retard settings.
Things have looked just a bit better as of late. The Bruins were playing so well that we Bruins fans (even though our team is the current Cup champ) were waiting for the other foot to drop, as we've been kicked in the nuts time and time and fucking time again.
A team playing that well, that isn't used to battling through adversity (injuries, hot goalies, etc.) scares me come playoff time.
Here's what I'm hoping:
-The Bruins will pull their heads out of their asses and get back to their physical ways, Shanahan and his arbitrary suspensions be damned. I gave the guy a clean slate at the beginning of the year, but he's fucked up in several instances that has now soured my opinion. I'm not going to whine and bitch about it, but it's there nonetheless. The game against the Canucks marked the beginning of the slide for the Bruins. I don't think that's a coincidence.
-Timmy and Tuukka will reclaim whatever they need to once again form the best duo in the league. Timmy has his opinions and Tuukka was quoted as saying he wanted to play more. Both items are distractions in their own right. Suck it up and do what's best for the team.
-I thought Chiarelli said it best when he dumped Kampfer, saying that he had lost his "swagger". This rings true for the entire team. The boys used to come onto the ice like they had 9 inch cocks and huge, pulsing balls. Opponents would piddle quietly into their hockey shorts and feign injuries. This has to come back. Play like you're the Stanley Cup champs, for fuck's sake.
-I don't want to pile on, but I'm going to. Corvo has to sit. The fact that the Bruins had to pick up two defensemen at the trade deadline says it all. Corvo has not been as advertised and he's a goddamn liability. The last game and his multiple turnovers just cemented my thinking that he needs to be watching from the pressbox. Sorry, Joe. It wasn't fun while it lasted.
-Zanon has played one game and I'm already loving the dude. Seidenberg 2.0. I'm down with that. Rolston has lost a step or two, but I still like the guy as well. I think we'll be seeing him on the point during power plays. He might just have the Recchi magic. Time will tell.
-The indestructible Johnny Upchuk proved that he is actually mortal and went down with a concussion on one of the hardest hockey hits I've ever seen. Some people were saying that Neil was faking injury so Chara wouldn't tear him apart, but anyone that has watched Neil play knows that he would stand their and fight if he could. Upchuk sounds like he's healing well and should be back soon...
-...but Horton is still watching from afar. I've almost gotten used to not seeing his simian looking face skating around out there and I'm not okay with that. Heal up, kid.
-Oh yeah, and Corvo has to sit.
-Claude is looking pretty fucking smart with his line changes the other night. He finally got Krejci to wake the FUCK UP and play some hockey. The Bruins cannot afford to have/let Krejci sleep through hockey games. Patty/Marchand/Seguin can't do all the scoring. The scoring buffer that the Bruins had last year isn't quite there, as the 4th line, though playing their normal solid hockey, hasn't produced the same amount of goals this year. An active Krejci is just that much more important to the success of the team. Even Lucic looked reenergized, busting down the boards like a fucking Serbian freight train to set up one of the goals. If that fucker keeps his feet moving, guys get the fuck out of his way. It's already proven that he's thought of as one of the toughest players in the league and you know for damn sure that any defenseman that sees him busting down the ice has that somewhere in the back of his mind.
So all that said, sorry for the long layoff. Normally Bruins hockey is a great escape from everything. The last month or so has been like an extended kick in the nuts with a pair of shitkickers tipped with craggy rocks. Here's hoping our boys pull themselves up, get back to that method of play that got them so much success and make a deeeeeeep push into the playoffs.
And as always, regardless of how much frustration I may feel with my team: Go B's.

Too Disinterested To Come Up With A Title

Yeah, these posts have been lacking. As in there haven't been any. As in I had to blow the dust off the keyboard.
There are two reasons for that.
1. Skyrim. Enough said.
2. The "play" of the Bruins. It's hard to justify sitting down for almost three hours and watching your chosen team when they appear to be this disinterested. It's even harder to want to sit and write about the team that is frustrating the living shit out of me right now.
Pens today. I'm hoping the Bruins will crawl out of their funk and play some great hockey...but that's becoming a familiar refrain, isn't it?
As always, and forever, go B's.

Bad Habits

Was anyone else positively underwhelmed with the effort the Bruins showed last night? The game was blah and had me flipping back and forth between the Patriots game. Anyone that knows me knows that a Bruins game is a sacred experience (don't talk through the anthem, hockey-only talk throughout the game, etc.), so I am slightly ashamed with myself. And I'm not even that much of a football fan.
For the second straight game, the Bruins were present on the ice...and that's about it. They did not appear engaged in the process and I'm thinking that Claude is going to snap the belt pretty hard shortly. He somewhat called out the team after the victory against the Habs (shows you how well the Bruins have been playing this year by getting called out after a victory). He said that bad habits were creeping back. They were on full display last night.
Couple things:
-Just how much is the lack of Marchand playing into this? Yes, he's a VERY important part of the "2nd" line, but the Bruins have depth...well they did until now. Normally they'd be able to insert anyone in the line-up and just keep plugging away. About the most positive thing I can say about Pouliot for last night is that he didn't take any horrible penalties. That's kind of like saying "well at least I didn't kill anybody." You're not supposed to. Patty Cake has the ability to make an average player rise above their normal level, but it wasn't there last night.
-Campbell and Kelly have to get it going. I'm starting to think that they are both nursing some type of nagging injury, as their play has tailed off in the last few weeks.
-I'd like nothing more than to have him prove me gloriously wrong, but I'm starting to think that Caron is the modern-day Andy Hilbert. Highly touted, apparent skill, tears shit up at the AHL level...but just can't string it together in the NHL. Caron was in some bad spots last night and had a few turnovers. He's getting pushed around and doesn't appear to have adjusted to the speed of the big leagues. As previously stated, I'm not a fan of the late season trade, but I wouldn't be surprised if the Bruins brought in a bottom six forward at the deadline. They did the exact thing with Kelly and Peverley last year and that paid huge dividends.
-Corvo...I've had enough. Once again, he's an improvement over Kaberle, but that's like saying you only severed an artery instead of cutting your whole damn arm off. He hasn't panned out as the team has hoped. He skates smooth and has a hard shot, but so did Dennis Wideman. And the fact that he NEVER takes the body, even when it's there and could kill a play, has me thinking his time in Boston may be short.
-I'm going to organize a blood drive. We need to learn Adam McQuaid's blood type, because he is blocking so many shots with his legs, arms, chest and balls that I'm pretty sure he has heavy internal bleeding. He keeps going though. That's one tough kid...it's gotta be the mullet.
So there's no reason to panic, as it was next to impossible to maintain the level the Bruins were playing at for so long. The season is coming up on the midway point, and the majority of the boys will get some time off. One of my fears was that the team would peak way too early and have nothing left for the playoffs. They looked tired last night, as on several occasions the Canes had sustained and brutal pressure in the offensive zone. I thought for sure Julien was going to call a timeout and give them the ol' "boys, what the fuck are you doing?" speech, but a TV timeout saved them.
All that being said, our team remains in a good spot. It's not like they've been wallowing around, playing shit hockey for seven or eight games, but eventually the hockey gods that gave them crazy goal totals and all the right bounces will turn their attention elsewhere and the Bruins will have to find victories on their own.
Panthers on monday night. Maybe a day of R&R in Florida will do the boys well.
Go B's.

Listen Up

Okay, people. It's time to stop whining like a bunch of pussies. I'm going to state a few things that are bothering me:
1. The Bruins aren't a dirty team. We who watch them every night know this.
2. The league, for whatever reason, has decided that the hit Subban threw on Krejci the other night wasn't dirty. Though I disagree, it is what it is.
3. The Bruins have seen the Canucks once this year. They won't see them again unless they're playing for the Cup. Let's get past the bullshit that's still falling on us from that one game.
4. Too much talking is going on. The shit off the ice has become a distraction. Marchand was on Twitter for all of 12 hours and then supposedly deleted his account. I love the kid, but him being on Twitter would only lead to bad things.
The Bruins, as well as the fans, need to suck it up, realize that they are playing under a different set of rules (for some fucking reason) and drive on. Enough with the pissing and moaning. Play the goddamn game. Don't change a fucking thing. Hit hard. Fight hard. Score goals. Defend your teammates. Fuck what the league and writers from Vancouver are saying or doing. It is what it is.
If the whining continues, the team and the fans run the risk of turning into an entity that is constantly crying and boo-hooing and looks like a bunch of women that are on coordinated menstrual cycles.
Like I said, it is what it is and no amount of belly aching is going to change it. The Bruins need to press on and forget all the bullshit that seems to swirl around them. To do anything else could have huge negative implications for the rest of the season. The Bruins have been conducting themselves like professionals for quite some time. The last two weeks have driven a spike into their conduct. Although it was great to see Thornton take apart that reporter on-air, that's the exact shit I'm talking about. All of the talking is going on BECAUSE the Bruins are once again the team to beat this year. They can't stoop to the level of all the fuckers that want to distract them. Time to shut up and play some hockey, boys. And to all the fans: time to shut up and watch our boys as they continue on with their season.
Go B's.

5 Games? Yeah, okay.

Long time, no write. The boys were continuing their crazy ways, scoring goals by the assload and getting support from everyone.
The spousal unit and I were excited to go to the Garden and watch the rematch against the fucking Canucks, and we weren't disappointed. I honestly just wanted the Bruins to kick the living shit out of them after all of the bullshit Vancouver pulled last spring. A victory would be nice, but not required.
I guess I got my wish.
The game started off with a bang, with half of the Canucks thinking it wise to pile on Shawn Thornton, who has more sandpaper on his dick than the entire Vancouver bench combined. I'm thinking they could have chosen a better time to start shit, as the Bruins had several of their toughest guys out there. I guess Burrows doesn't think ahead.
Anway, Looch gets ejected for "coming off the bench", which turned out to be bullshit. I generally don't give the refs too much shit, because they are doing a hard job in the world's fastest game. But the fact that their call took Lucic out of what turned out to be a one-goal game about four minutes into the first was not correct. Hindsight's 20/20, right?
And then the "Marchand incident" occurred. I'm honestly tired of thinking about it and seeing it, mainly because YouTube is basically overflowing with clips of the same exact thing happening (one of which happens to be a Vancouver player doing the same thing to Marchand) and no suspensions came of it. Whatever. He'll serve his five game. The Bruins will be without one of their best players for this timeframe, but their depth is what makes them so good.
The bullshit flowing out of Vancouver is at an all-time high, with all of the players saying that Marchand is dirty, he's cheap, blah blah blah, but to me it smells exactly like guys on Pittsburgh calling out players for headshots when they're sitting next to Matt Cooke in the dressing room. It just seems that Vancouver always wants to play the victim and hide behind the refs. Like I said, whatever.
The season will go on and things will even out and I have no doubt that this kind of hit will happen again. I just hope that Shanahan treats it the same way he treated this one. Guess we'll have to see.
Time to drive on and realize that there are three games in the next six days, one of which is Montreal. Maybe chanting "CAREY, CAREY, CAREY" will make everyone feel better.
Go B's.

Jesus Christ, Shoot It

Good thing that this picture was taken at a hospital. I'm sure Tuukka scared a few kids so badly that they needed the crash cart. Yet another reason to be proud of and love our team: they give so much back to the community.

Our boys continue to put up an amazing amount of effort and the wins are just piling up. It's just ridiculous. I've been walking around, all light on my feet, giggling like a retard with a huge plate of nachos topped with gummi bears, and I realized that it's because our team has just been playing crazy hockey. They've managed to go from last in the East to first in a very short time frame and are making other teams look like the 40 and older teams in some northern Quebec beer league.

Few things:

-Although they gave up a HUGE amount of shots in Chara's absence, they showed that they are not a one sasquatch team. Yes, he is a huge part of their lineup, but when everyone pulls in the same direction, they just continue to roll over teams. Guys step up when the big man is out, and that's a beautiful thing to see. Chara showed just how much of a leader he is by single-handedly setting the tone of the recent Flyers game. He stepped up and went with Jody Shelley. I'd like to see just how many Norris trophy-winning defenseman would do such a thing. Lidstrom? Yeah, okay. He'd stare at Shelley with his blue Swedish eyes until Shelley started creaming like a Bieber fan and threw his panties, OR he would punch Lidstrom until there was nothing left but a pile of equipment and blood.

-Good to see Pouliot stepping up and getting some consistent playing time WITHOUT taking any stupid penalties. Claude showed once again that he knows when to sit players and when to put them back out there. It's funny to think that just a short time ago, there were certain "fans" out there that were calling for his head. These were the same fucktards that were calling to trade Thomas. No goddamn loyalty or trust. Weak.

-Seguin has/had cooled off as of late, and I'm guessing that his healthy scratch after the alarm clock incident had something to do with it. Once again, I'm going to put my trust in Claude. He knows what he's doing.

-And it just doesn't matter who you put in net, the Bruins have a better than average chance of winning the game. And this is a great fucking "problem" to have.

The boys FINALLY get back on the ice tomorrow night, and I couldn't be more stoked. It feels like they've been off for at least three months. I'm hoping for a few fights, many goals and a proper send-off into the holiday break.

That being said, Merry Christmas to all my fellow Bruins fans.

Go B's.

Time To See What This Team Is Made Of

I don't know if I've ever felt so much disgust after a Bruins victory.
The game against the Blue Jackets was one of the ugliest hockey games I've ever seen. I don't care if Lucic had three assists. It doesn't make up for the fact that he took multiple stupid minors. I would have used some industrial grade staples to stick his ass to the bench. It was good to see Corvo get a few, as he's been trying but with no results.
That being said, we'll now see what the boys can do without their captain.
Chara took a strange open-ice hit and his knee did that nasty sideways wang chung move that generally means someone is going to be spending some time on the IR.
For such a big man, Chara has been remarkably durable in his time with the Bruins. I have no doubt that his fitness level has played a part in this. I can't even imagine the bumps and bruises he accrues over a season. This once again speaks to the competitive streak he has running through his bones. Hockey is a fast game, with full grown men flying around at an incredible pace. All it takes is a little bastard like Steve Ott to low bridge Chara and knee tendons snap.
So he'll be out for a few games. The Bruins have had amazing depth for the past few seasons, but this will be a huge test. For at least a game, they will be without their captain, who leads the team in ice time. Chara is like a robot that just sucks up minutes, routinely staying on the ice for longer than I thought humanly possible. Kampfer will be in and it may end up with the Bruins having to make a tough decision. Kampfer may be this year's Johnny Upchuk, who was a healthy scratch for almost a quarter of the season before taking advantage of an injury and playing his way into his current gig as Chara's defensive partner. We've seen what Kampfer can do when he's healthy. Here's hoping that he practiced as hard as he could and paid attention while in the pressbox.
Campbell may be out as well, as he took a shot off the skate. The Bruins have called up Hamill, who has done less than Caron (if that's possible). I like Caron, and it's apparent that he has skill, but he kind of resembles last year's Seguin, in that his effort on each shift isn't quite consistent enough.
We'll see the Kings tomorrow night. They just fired their head coach and are having a hard time putting a good season together. Chara's out and Tuukka will most likely get the start. Timmy looked all ate up last game, but even he has to appear mortal at least once a year to make think that he is in fact human.
Go B's.

It's All Tyler's Fault

Just kidding. It figures that the boys would roll over the Penguins and then have trouble with the Jets. Oh well, you gotta lose sometime.

I was heartened to see that the Bruins don't care who you are or what you do. The team comes first. Anything that detracts from that will be dealt with. The fact that they sat Seguin shows just how strong of an organization this is. Neely and Chiarelli are both strong leaders that demand accountability. They have taught Seguin a very valuable lesson early on in his career. The team comes first. Period. No room for negotiation. He obviously wasn't happy sitting in the press box and I feel bad for the Panthers tonight. Seguin is going to come out like a raped ape....unless he sleeps through the game again. OH SNAP

Go B's.

....Is This For Real?

I mean seriously, we know our team is good, having just won the Cup and having made minimal roster changes, but what the fuck is going on?

It all starts at the back end, where St. Timmy of Thomas got his TENTH STRAIGHT WIN last night. I mean seriously, what the fuck is going on? The entire team is feeling it and it's just amazing to watch.

In a VERY entertaining hockey game last night, the Bruins made the Penguins their bitch. Imagine how frustrating it must be for guys like Crosby and Malkin to actually make their way through what looks like thirteen layers of defense, only to have the entire net bricked off by Timmy. They had some good chances, and Timmy was there every single time (Cooke goal aside, which Timmy had pretty much no chance on). #30 is playing just beautiful hockey right now. He is making everyone else look like a bunch of no-talent assclowns and his numbers look fake.

Couple things:

-I want to know what Crosby and Krejci were talking about. Not that it would happen, but the gloves getting dropped would resemble two three year olds fighting over the same Transformer toy. Krejci can't fight and Crosby flails like a drowning woman. I would have been laughing like a retard eating Pop Rocks.

-Johnny Upchuk looked like Ray Bourque putting shots on net. How? They were low, accurate, HARD and there were about thirty of 'em. Bourque had the ability to get the shots through time and time again, and Johnny was obviously channeling him last night. I'm kind of glad he didn't score though, because everytime Jack Edwards says "Johnny Rocket", all I can think of is a dog rolling around with a boner. Red rocket, Sparky, red rocket!!

-I get my own red rocket going when a frustrated team starts taking runs at Bruins players, or lo and behold, gives Timmy an extra whack or two. The Pens are just the latest team to find out that you don't want to wake up the Bruins, and you ESPECIALLY don't want to give Timmy a whack on the glove hand when he's covering the puck. He hunts fucking bears in the offseason, so some turd in an opponent's uniform really doesn't stand a chance. Campbell's fight was a good one. Both landed several big punches and it was a good bout.

-Last night showed, YET FUCKING AGAIN, that the Bruins can do it either way. To all teams that are going to be playing the Bruins: pick your poison. You can try outskating the boys and going the skill route, but you're going to lose. When your "4th" line has guys like Thornton, Campbell and Paille, I'm honestly not too concerned about matching lines with the other team. The Pens have two of the best players in the NHL in Bitch Pants Crosby and Malkin, and they did exactly fuck all last night (unless you count Crosby running into his own player and Malkin taking a thundering hit from Cheddar Bob Paille as something). If you want to go the physical route, well, they got that covered as well. So go ahead and give it a whirl, but it's not going to end well for you.

The boys are in Winnipeg tonight and I'm thinking Tuukka will get the nod. The last game with this team was entertaining, and I'm hoping the boys can keep it going. What a streak...my god, the red rocket is coming back.

Go B's.

An Open Letter To Dion Phaneuf

Dear Dion,
You are lucky in the fact that you are among the relatively chosen few that are able to earn insane amounts of money playing a child's game. You work only several months out of the year (it would be more, but your team can't make the playoffs), you travel on private jets and you stay in five star accommodations. Yes, you are away from home and I'm sure the traveling gets tiresome, but ask a worker on a paving crew which life he would rather deal with, and I'm guessing he will say its yours.
You are able to date Hollywood actresses (sloppy seconds not withstanding) and hockey players are well known for their abilities to pick up women wherever they go. If you want, you can probably have a different woman in your bed each night.
You play for a team in Canada that has an absolutely rabid fan base, even though the on-ice team of the last few years has been weak. You are in the hockey headquarters of the world, playing for an Original Six franchise that has a long, storied and proud history.
If I were a fan of the Leafs or a fellow teammate, I would be absolutely ashamed to have you as my captain.
To play in Toronto is to be judged against all past players. These were men that didn't make the money, didn't travel the way in which you do and had to literally go home and work on the farm when the season was over. As is the case with Boston, the names of the old-time greats still adorn multiple trophies and legendary stories abound.
My shame would come from the fact that you do not lead. The captain in the sport of hockey must lead his team when times are both good and bad. He must have broad shoulders to carry the weight and step up when issues need dealing with. At times, he must strap his team to his back and say, "Let's go boys. Follow me." After the Bruins spent over two minutes in your zone in a five-on-five situation, where were you? Where were you with a thundering hit or the asschewing from the bench or the rush up the ice to try and get your team back into it? If you had been leading soldiers on D-Day, your men would have been shot to shit on the beach, waiting for you to issue an order or take command of the situation as German machine gun fire continued to decimate your ranks.
You were invisible until with about three minutes left in the third period, with a Bruins victory all but a certainty, when you took a run at Tyler Seguin.
I am happy to the very center of my core that the Bruins don't have one player anything like you. Even David Krejci, who appears to be disinterested in the game at times, has more heart than you.
If I were Brian Burke, I would have guys like Doug Gilmour and Wendel Clark stage an intervention. These two guys knew what it took to be a captain and lead a team. You couldn't find two players with more different playing styles, but they both inspired their team with their efforts. Maybe a little wall to wall counseling behind the Air Canada Center would do you some good. I'm guessing it wouldn't. The rumors out of Calgary were that you were a diva, and you gained the nickname "Neon Dion". After a monster rookie season in which you destroyed everything on the ice, and had me thinking that you would look good in black and gold, you have totally dropped off of the radar as an effective player. Like Komisarek, who apparently has never recovered from the beating that Milan Lucic gave him when he was in Montreal, you have lost the ability to control a game with your physical tempo.
Instead, you will most likely choose to sit on the bench, hiding your eyes behind your visor, thinking about how soon it will be before the team, the management and the fans have had enough of your ability to remain aloof as your team continues to struggle and ships you out of town.
Sincerely,
Sheriff25
Bruins versus Pens tonight. Matt Cooke's in town. Yeahhhhh, boyyyyyy.
Go B's.

November Was Beddy Beddy Good To Boston

12-0-1 in November. 25 out of a possible 26 points. Goals galore. Timmy Thomas putting up numbers worthy of another Vezina. The release of a new Modern Warfare.

Yes, November was kind to us all.

Aside from the shootout loss to the Red Wings (and I was okay with that, as it was a fucking great game), the Bruins were perfect. The boys were putting heaps of shots on net and scoring like a crackhead on the first of the month. Just think about where they'd be if they had actually showed up at the beginning of the season. Man oh man, my dick just moved.

Few things:
-I'm going to go ahead and keep beating the dead horse, but how fucking important were the pickups of Peverley and Kelly? Goddamn. In my mind, they are the only two players on this team that hustle each and every shift like Patty Cake.

-Seguin. Oh Tyler, watching you has become a joy. You're like that scene in Avatar where the cripple gets into his alien body for the first time and is enjoying just how strong it is and how fast it can move. You've figured out what you can do and just keep pushing yourself. It is so fucking apparent that teams are watching video of you, because opposing d-men are now trying to plan for dealing with your speed...but they keep tripping over themselves as they try and get into a better position as you blow right the fuck past them. Keep it up, kid. You're doing great.

-Hey Z, we knew you were good, but the points you're putting up may have Bobby Orr coming after you. He wants his points by a defenseman record to be safe, and if you keep this up, they'll have to put up a statue of you in front of the Garden. And that would be a biiiiiig fucking statue.

-Krejci: you're still on my shit list and I think the Bruins have overpaid with your new contract. Let's pretend this is the end of Saving Private Ryan. I'm Tom Hanks and I'm laying there, bleeding from numerous wounds. You (Private Ryan) lean in. I look at you and say, "Earn this." Earn it, Napoleon Krejci. You have the money now. No more excuses. Show us that you deserve it. Or the Nazis will kill you.

-One thing I've noticed a bit is that over the past few games, the opponents have been playing the skill game. Specifically against the Red Wings and the Leafs, who have less grit than my morning coffee, the Bruins showed that they can hang and even excel with these teams. Once again, the Bruins are showing their maddening (for the opponents) depth. Every single line can go out and hustle their asses off or put bodies through the boards. Again, my dick just moved. I'm also thinking that aside from watching video on Seguin, other teams are getting instructions to let the sleeping dogs slumber. Don't facewash them. Don't touch the goalie. Don't even really try and lay anyone out. Because the Bruins will respond with an all-out physical assault that makes WWII look tame. And then they'll rattle off a multi-game winning streak.

The Leafs are in Boston tonight. The Phil-Haters will be out in force and yes, call me classless, but I still laugh every time he touches the puck and gets booed like a cop at an Occupy Whatever rally. And I laugh even harder when someone puts Kessel into the boards, like a cop firing a pepper ball into a dirty hippy's nuts.

One thing I have found to be an insane amount of fun (call me lame) is tweeting during the Bruins game. My Twitter account is a different name, but I'm sure that you'll be able to spot my tweets if you're a reader of this blog. They'll be the tweets that are moderately to excessively inappropriate. Just check #Bruins and #NESN during the games. Let the hilarity ensue.

Go B's.

Happy Thanksgiving, Motherfuckers

10 fucking wins a row. I haven't been this happy with Bruins hockey since they won the Cup. Granted, that wasn't all too long ago, but I could get kicked in the taint with a pair of steel toes right now and still come away smiling.

I was able to score a press pass to the locker room after the game in Buffalo last night and asked a few of the Bruins what they're thankful for:

Zdeno Chara: "No criminal charges from the province of Quebec."

Timmy Thomas: "I've had seven straight wins! My wife promised me backdoor love after I got six!! What's going to happen with seven? Gosh, my mind is spinning with the possibilities!"

Tyler Seguin: "Can't talk, playing Modern Warfare 3. PREDATOR MISSILE UP THE ASS, BITCHES!!!"
Brad Marchand: "The velcro tabs I had surgically implanted on my shoulders to help keep my shirts on. They've been a godsend.

Benoit Pouliot: "The shootout winner, baby! That'll buy me AT LEAST two or three bullshit minors before I'm back in the doghouse! Yeah, baby!"

Adam McQuaid: "The mullet shampoo my mom sent me. It smells like pears and parsley. The ladies love it."

Timmy Thomas: "Maybe it will be two Swedish chicks!!!"

Chris Kelly: "Me llamo Sanchez Kelly. Me gusta...ahhh..como se dice green card en espanol?"

Rich Peverley: (laughing like a crazy hobo) "The fucking fact that I was traded to a Cup contender, WON the Cup and don't have to live in Winnipeg!! I mean, holy fuck, would someone please pinch me?"

David Krejci: "snnnnnnnnoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrreee......sniffff......snnoooore...what? Is it time for the game? I must have slept through it. When's pre-game?"

Andrew Ference: "I would just like to remind everyone to properly dispose of all the plastic silverware that will undoubtedly be used on this holiday. Baby seals and seagulls can ingest a plastic fork, thereby causing them to stop gaining nutrients from any food they may find. Oh yeah, and hug a tree or I'll kick your fucking ass and truss you up on the handlebars of my eco-friendly Huffy and peddle all over Boston, inviting people to laugh and throw biodegradable objects."

Tuukka Rask: "I get to play again this season, right? Okay, cool."

Nathan Horton: "My smoking hot wife. HEY GUYS, I JUST MADE A TALLADEGA NIGHTS REFERENCE!! EVERYONE LOOK AT ME!! NATHAN BOBBY OVER HERE, WHOOP WHOOP!"

Timmy Thomas: "What if they're wearing a thong? Or maybe it's some kind of underwear I've never seen before."

At this point, security kicked me out, where I found still-concussed Ryan Miller making beef stew out of rotten buffalo wings and urine. He said it has some kind of healing properties, but I'm not so sure that he's an actual shaman...more like a whiny baby that forgot he was playing a contact sport.

So Happy Thanksgiving to all. Red Wings tomorrow. I'm feeling kind of "meh" about this game, as Detroit doesn't really get the dander up. Maybe they'll drag Darren McCarty out of whatever whorehouse he is currently living in, strap some skates on him and tell him to cool Lucic. Now THAT would prove entertaining.

Go B's.

I Ain't Gettin' Him No Fuckin' Bagel

...is what Rick "Sand In My Vagina" DiPietro must have been thinking after he was yanked last night. The only thing rougher than that game for the Isles was the fact that "Let's go Bruins" was being chanted so loud that I thought the Garden had undergone some kind of ghetto-fied transition. How nasty is that arena? The security team wears Limp Bizkit concert-esque shirts (that's two Limp Bizkit references in the last two blogs, for those keeping score at home) and I'm pretty sure players were dodging chunks of concrete falling from the roof after every Bruin goal. If the Olympic Stadium and a dead crack whore had a baby, it would look like that arena.
And the Isles head coach? Jesus Christ. He looks like that asshole that has one too many Budweisers on his monthly "date" at TGI Fridays and then gets arrested in the parking lot later for domestic assault.
How good is our chosen team right now? The test will come this week.
With the "criminal probe" against Chara officially and FUCKING FINALLY closed, the fans in Montreal will let bygones be bygones.
Wait, no they won't. They'll continue to bitch about it and run their marble-filled mouths, booing the boys at every turn. What I'm trying to get at is that we'll see how the Bruins will decide to play in the most hostile of arenas while trying to push their streak to 9 games in a row. To me, this is a huge fucking game. A loss to the Habs tomorrow night wouldn't spell the end of the season that is finally going in the right direction, but it would leave a sour taste in my mouth nonetheless.
They just have to continue to play their hockey. Fuck Subban and the midget with the goatee. Fuck the obnoxious fans that leave if their team goes down by three goals in the first five minutes. Fuck their stupid U2 goal song (What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono). And fuck the fact that the Habs are the one team that seem to be able to get into the heads of the Bruins.
The boys have to play focused hockey tomorrow night. They can't get distracted by the fact that they have put on the foil...snicker...and be ready to face..snicker...the badass Sabres...snicker...wednesday night. I'm sure Miller will be up in the press box, all concussed, tossing used tampons at Lucic from seventy feet above.
ANYWAY.
Big game tomorrow night. The boys have to score often and fucking skate. They always seem to hold back and hunker down during the first ten minutes of games against the Habs. I say fuck that. I say skate skate SKATE from the first puck drop and drive those fuckers through the boards. Don't let up and put pucks on net and let's see if Bruins fans can take over the Bell Centre like they did the arena of the Islanders.
Monday night. Bruins versus Canadiens. God and country. Subban and an apparent love of throwing haymakers that make him fall down go boom. Sanchez Kelly and his efforts. Paille and his cage. Chara and his STILL FUCKING CLEAN CRIMINAL RECORD. Seguin and his hot ass, HANDS, I MEAN HANDS. Horty and his nasty wrister. Hall and Oates.
Go B's.

Keep Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Seven fucking games in a ROW has me so excited I'm quoting Limp Bizkit. Now excuse me while I put on a Yankees cap and act like a douche.

I can't remember last time the Bruins scored goals like they have been as of late. The SO win against Columbus aside, the boys are scoring like a frat house that just got a fresh shipment of GHB on the first weekend of college. Actually, that's not an apt comparison. The Bruins are just scoring goals, not committing felonies on daddy's dime.

What's going right? Everything.

The goaltending is there. Production from all four lines is there. Physical, nasty play is there. The only thing missing is Brad Marchand taking his shirt off and dancing on the half-wall.

This is the team we know. This is the team we cheer for. Apparently gone are the hang dogs that were wearing the uniforms to start the season. It's a long season and weird shit can happen, but I'm hoping that we won't have to endure what we were put through earlier in the season. It felt like being stationed in Richford for all of July and August, when the weather is hot, muggy and the welfare checks are late. Good things don't happen.

Couple things:

-How fucking good is Patty Cake? Goddamn, I know I give him cyber-head with almost every post, but goddamn, how fucking good is he? I'd carry his child. I might even breast-feed it if he asked nicely. I know for a FACT that I would at least pump.

-Chiarelli's trades for Pevs and Chris "Sanchez" Kelly may just go down amongst the wiliest of all-time. These guys bring so much to this team.

-Seguin almost threw a body check last game! I saw it with meeeee own eyes, I did! Once he does that, it will be proof that he has finally transistioned into full-on swingin' balls (note the plural, Kessel) manhood. He is on the cusp...previous comments aside.

-I have come to the decision that I will breast feed Patty Cake's child.

Word on the street (okay, Twitter, but it's the same as a seedy, dark, night-walker infested street) has it that a bunch of the boys play Modern Warfare. This is my sad, pathetic call to all Bruins players and fans...come find me. ANGERFIST25103. Add me. Come play with me. I know my way around a SCAR, rocking the red dot (Omega sights) with the suppressor. I can't promise that I won't kick my Xbox through the window in excitement if I actually hear from one of you. I'll give a passphrase....I'm thinking "Harry Sinden likes scotch" works. Or maybe "Marshy's cheeks are redder than mine". Either way, drop me a line. And WinstonSmith, we have to do some Team Deathmatch.

Several big games coming up next week. The boys will be in Buffalo and I'm sure those meanie pants that call themselves "hockey players" will try and do something to Looch OR whoever is tending net for the Bruins. I almost laugh at it, because the meanest guy on the Sabres makes David Krejci look like a cock-swaggering pugilist.

Saturday night. Bruins hockey. I love America.

Go B's.