Friday, November 19, 2010


I know, I know, I know. It's been forever since this thing has been updated. It has taken me that long to get the bad taste out of my mouth. I swear to god, if the Bruins pull shit like that again, I'll slit my wrists, set the wounds on fire, and put on a Montreal jersey. Okay, maybe I won't put on a Habs jersey, but still.
On top of that, I had to plan an entire wedding ALL BY MYSELF WITH NO SUPPORT FROM MY NOW-WIFE. Apparently playing MW2 on Xbox Live is more important to her than joining one another for all eternity in a sacred ceremony. And yes, honey, before you begin to bleed from your eyeballs, that was a joke. Please don't send the Portuguese mob after me. And stop pinching me when I'm sleeping or I'm going to tell the police.
I did have some thoughts about the Bruins this summer. Thoughts that, if I had put finger to keyboard and updated this fucking blog, would have made me look like a goddamn genius. Alas, I did you'll just have to trust me when I say that I was thinking these things. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Timmy Fuckin' Thomas will come back stronger than ever. To all you goddamn slack-jawed ri-tards that were moaning like a cow that needs to be milked about how Timmy was "done" and "needs to be traded, but who would be stupid enough to take him": go "support" some other team. You threw Timmy under the bus after last year and now look at you. Take a look in the mirror. What you're looking at is someone that doubted a man that has been doubted before. And now, just like before, he's throwing it in your stupid faces. So fuck you.
2. Milan Lucic is going to be scary-good. Last season was basically a wash. He wasn't healthy. Period. He's has become the dominating terrifying man-beast that everyone thought he would. After last night's hatter, teams are going to try and let him sleep. They won't hit him, they won't face wash him. I propose that Marchand kicks Looch in the tip of the dick right before he goes out for his first shift. That should get the hate up.
3. Nathan Horton will be the sniping winger the Bruins have needed for years. If Horton can score twenty-plus goals pretty much every year with the goddamn Panthers, then imagine what he can do with someone that can feed the puck. Plus, his wife was in Playboy. I'm not lying. Google "Nathan Horton's wife". Happy viewing.
Couple other things:
-The "4th Line" has found chemistry that is great to see. Julien has been fiddling with the lines lately, as Thornton keeps scoring (I love seeing that guy score) and appears to be on pace for 86 goals (slight exaggeration).
-I love the way that Marchand is playing. That little fucker makes me laugh every time he's out there. He's also got a nasty wrister that has surprised a few goalies already. Plus, his cheeks get as red as mine. It's nice to see a fellow red-cheeker be successful. Normally we're the guys going "No, no, I'm okay, I'm not having a stroke. This is normal."
-I'm kind of scared to see what will happen with Sturm and Savvy returning right around the corner. There are going to be some tough calls as to who gets sent to Providence or traded. However, if I had to pick right now, I'd go with Paille and Wheeler. The thought of Savvy feeding Horton makes my dick move.
-Did I already mention that all the people that were screaming to trade Thomas need to bend over and stick a telephone pole up their collective asses? Just making sure.
-Patty Cake continues to be the glue on this team. That fucker can play any position Julien wants him to. It was good to see him on the top line and he certainly didn't look out of place.
-Seguin's effort (as well as Caron's) needs to be a little more consistent, but I like what I see. I'm sure that Thornton is hooking them up with hookers from Southie that are showing them a good time.
So all that being said, here's your fucking update (to all three that were requesting it, you know who you are). The B's go with the Kings tonight and it should be pretty fast-paced.

I'll end this on a somber note. I want everyone out there in Hockeyland to bow their heads for a moment and pay their respects to Pat Burns, who passed away after an all-out war with cancer. Burns, who I once despised as the coach of the Habs, was a hockey man through and through. We saw another side of him when he coached the B's, and to me, he'll go down in the pantheon of Bruins coaches that looked good behind the bench of the black and gold and put forth a true hockey team. We'll miss you, Pat. And shame on the Hall of Fame committee for not inducting Pat when they goddamn well should have.

Go B's.