Thursday, December 30, 2010

Better Put On The Foil

The Bruins travel to the "hockey hotbed" of Atlanta tonight. This team has managed to put together a pretty good season so far under the tutelage of new coach Craig Ramsey. I miss having his scrawny ass behind the bench, but it's good to see him having success. It's just too bad that the majority of folks down in this area don't seem to know what hockey is and are therefore avoiding the games.
Last time they met, it got nasty at the end. I think that tonight, the choice of whether this game gets nasty will be Atlanta's decision. Looch will obviously be looking for someone to come and "even" the score after he popped that midget last game, but he'll be ready.
Of course, they might also decide to try and let the Bruins sleep. As I've said before and as shown in the game against the Lightning, the boys just don't get into the game unless it's chippy. UFC fighter Forrest Griffin once said that as soon as the fight starts, he likes to get hit in the nose. It wakes him up and lets him know that he's in a fight. I think that the Bruins play in a similar manner. Unfortunately, sometimes they are just too content to lay back. If you watch alot of their games (including the majority of their losses), you will notice one common thread: the lack of any physical play. This version of the Bruins isn't the kind that can remain aloof and coast through the games (like the Red Wings did so often). They need to get the anger juices flowing and get nasty.
Few things:
-Kampfer has impressed me with his offensive skills and willingness to jump into the play. It'll be interesting to see what they do once Caveman Stuart is healthy.
-Great to see Marchand back. That little fucker fills a spot on the roster that has been vacant for waaaaaay to long.
-I'm looking for Savvy to finally shake off the rest of the rust and begin putting up serious points. It's about time and we've seen him making his vintage passes that make you think "how the fuck did he just get that puck through?"
-It wouldn't surprise me if Tuukka gets the start tonight. They still have a few road games left and Timmy will be due a rest at some point. I'm hoping that Tuukka will rediscover his touch.
-Fake Wheeler has begun to impress me on the PK. He's a big, fast dude and he's managed to show some good effort. I liked when he was playing center, as this gave him more duties and he couldn't get out there and just coast through his shift.
-I know that Seguin is young, but his effort hasn't been impressing me lately. I know that I'm just some random dude with an internet connection and a blog, but come on. I say throw the kid back on a line with Patty Cake and Ol' Man Recchi and their good habits will rub off on the boot.
So I guess we'll see how it goes tonight. Either way, it should be entertaining.
Go B's.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Turning Point?

In an early season that has already seen several peaks and valleys, the Bruins responded with a hell of an effort against the Predators. Once more, the vultures were circling high above, spewing rumors of trades and coaching changes. The tone was set early by Shawn Thornton, taking on a hell of a tough customer, Eric Boulton.
For those that don't watch hockey (and many that do), fights are supposedly one of the reasons why the sport will never be as big as football or baseball. I've never understood their line of reasoning: hockey fights are generally one on one, whereas fights in baseball and football look like some type of jailhouse riot/shower gangrape, with what looks like 50 plus people running all over the place. I'm a proponent for fighting, as I believe it can sway the course of a game. Thornton once again already has quite a few majors this year...but with that has come an upswing in his production. There are truly few "goons" left in the game. Today's fighter needs to be able to skate and can't be a liability. I'm still a bit shocked that guys like Derek Boogaard and Colton Orr have a place on their teams. They routinely get less than five minutes a game and are absolute defensive nightmares.
The "4th line" has been the consistently best line for the Bruins this year. Campbell, Marchand and Thornton bring the effort every single goddamn shift and they're always exhausted when they get back to the bench (looking at you, Wheeler).
It was great to see Thornton play out of his mind the other night. He must have wanted to put on a show for his parents, who were in attendance. When the Garden crowd started chanting for him to get out on the ice so he could try for the hatter, I'm sure they had cold chills. I know we did.
I'm not quite sure what Meyers was thinking when he went up high with his hit on Looch, but that was a bad fucking choice. Andrew "Recycle, Motherfucker!" Ference came charging in and gave him a whatfer. Looch ended up drawing the match penalty for his little popshot on Meyers once things had settled a bit, but I'm glad the NHL only fined him instead of giving him a game or two. You could see Looch pull his punch a bit and Meyers would have been hurt badly if he had given him all of it.
I think that this game will help pull the team together and show them (once again), that they play the best when they're nasty and hit everything in sight. It worked a few years ago against the Stars, and I'm thinking that it will have the same result this time.
B's have a few days off and will be back on the ice tomorrow night against the Panthers. Until then, happy holidays to all and as always, Go B's.

Friday, November 19, 2010


I know, I know, I know. It's been forever since this thing has been updated. It has taken me that long to get the bad taste out of my mouth. I swear to god, if the Bruins pull shit like that again, I'll slit my wrists, set the wounds on fire, and put on a Montreal jersey. Okay, maybe I won't put on a Habs jersey, but still.
On top of that, I had to plan an entire wedding ALL BY MYSELF WITH NO SUPPORT FROM MY NOW-WIFE. Apparently playing MW2 on Xbox Live is more important to her than joining one another for all eternity in a sacred ceremony. And yes, honey, before you begin to bleed from your eyeballs, that was a joke. Please don't send the Portuguese mob after me. And stop pinching me when I'm sleeping or I'm going to tell the police.
I did have some thoughts about the Bruins this summer. Thoughts that, if I had put finger to keyboard and updated this fucking blog, would have made me look like a goddamn genius. Alas, I did you'll just have to trust me when I say that I was thinking these things. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Timmy Fuckin' Thomas will come back stronger than ever. To all you goddamn slack-jawed ri-tards that were moaning like a cow that needs to be milked about how Timmy was "done" and "needs to be traded, but who would be stupid enough to take him": go "support" some other team. You threw Timmy under the bus after last year and now look at you. Take a look in the mirror. What you're looking at is someone that doubted a man that has been doubted before. And now, just like before, he's throwing it in your stupid faces. So fuck you.
2. Milan Lucic is going to be scary-good. Last season was basically a wash. He wasn't healthy. Period. He's has become the dominating terrifying man-beast that everyone thought he would. After last night's hatter, teams are going to try and let him sleep. They won't hit him, they won't face wash him. I propose that Marchand kicks Looch in the tip of the dick right before he goes out for his first shift. That should get the hate up.
3. Nathan Horton will be the sniping winger the Bruins have needed for years. If Horton can score twenty-plus goals pretty much every year with the goddamn Panthers, then imagine what he can do with someone that can feed the puck. Plus, his wife was in Playboy. I'm not lying. Google "Nathan Horton's wife". Happy viewing.
Couple other things:
-The "4th Line" has found chemistry that is great to see. Julien has been fiddling with the lines lately, as Thornton keeps scoring (I love seeing that guy score) and appears to be on pace for 86 goals (slight exaggeration).
-I love the way that Marchand is playing. That little fucker makes me laugh every time he's out there. He's also got a nasty wrister that has surprised a few goalies already. Plus, his cheeks get as red as mine. It's nice to see a fellow red-cheeker be successful. Normally we're the guys going "No, no, I'm okay, I'm not having a stroke. This is normal."
-I'm kind of scared to see what will happen with Sturm and Savvy returning right around the corner. There are going to be some tough calls as to who gets sent to Providence or traded. However, if I had to pick right now, I'd go with Paille and Wheeler. The thought of Savvy feeding Horton makes my dick move.
-Did I already mention that all the people that were screaming to trade Thomas need to bend over and stick a telephone pole up their collective asses? Just making sure.
-Patty Cake continues to be the glue on this team. That fucker can play any position Julien wants him to. It was good to see him on the top line and he certainly didn't look out of place.
-Seguin's effort (as well as Caron's) needs to be a little more consistent, but I like what I see. I'm sure that Thornton is hooking them up with hookers from Southie that are showing them a good time.
So all that being said, here's your fucking update (to all three that were requesting it, you know who you are). The B's go with the Kings tonight and it should be pretty fast-paced.

I'll end this on a somber note. I want everyone out there in Hockeyland to bow their heads for a moment and pay their respects to Pat Burns, who passed away after an all-out war with cancer. Burns, who I once despised as the coach of the Habs, was a hockey man through and through. We saw another side of him when he coached the B's, and to me, he'll go down in the pantheon of Bruins coaches that looked good behind the bench of the black and gold and put forth a true hockey team. We'll miss you, Pat. And shame on the Hall of Fame committee for not inducting Pat when they goddamn well should have.

Go B's.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

A Collapse For The Ages

After charging into the lead on gorgeous goals, the Bruins promptly rolled over, showed their bellies and piddled all over the Garden ice.
After completely dominating the Flyers in the first period (they took their timeout like five minutes in!), the Bruins quickly showed just why they limped into the playoffs.
The D made horrible passes and turnovers, time and time again.
There were no smooth passes in the offensive zone.
If they were able to get into the zone, the effort wasn't there.
Rask did not play a good game. His D might have hung him out to dry on a few of the goals, but he was NOWHERE near where the Bruins needed him to be.
Wheeler was a goddamn no-show in a game that could have used his speed. His "forechecking" was Kessel-esque and he brought nothing to the game.
Nothing against Boychuk (who has hopefully cemented his place on the blueline), but he was the best D-man out there. Stuart played a solid game as well, but two out of six defensemen playing well does not a good game make.
Looch played like a beast, but once again, one man can only do so much.
Recchi and Patty Cake looked like rookies out there, which was strange.
Glaring gaps that need to be addressed:
1. SCORING: Obviously. This was an issue all fucking season. Chiarelli better draft well or use some of those picks to get a true sniper.
2. Consistency: Julien generally awards players that are playing well with increased ice time. This didn't hold true this time around, as Wheeler was a fucking no-show. I know I'm beating a dead horse, but he was an absolutely empty uniform. He brought nothing to the table and just looked like he didn't want to be there. This is absolutely unacceptable and needs to be addressed. Someone will challenge for his spot in training camp. Maybe this will provide motivation; the coaching staff has had to push him to hard and they shouldn't have to. He is a professional fucking athlete. If the motivation is lacking, get the fuck out of town and take someone else's fucking roster spot.
3. Rask: Yes, he had a decent run this year. But when the Bruins needed him the most, he folded like a sodden maxipad. Maybe he got too comfortable. Maybe he started buying into all of the hype. Maybe the crowd chanting his name non-stop inflated his head in an already small helmet. Whatever the reason, he didn't rise to the occasion. An obvious learning experience for him, he now knows what it takes and just how intense playoff hockey is. As shown last night, 3-0 leads mean jackshit in this league.
4. A super-fucking stud that can say "Get on my back, boys. I'll bring you to the promised land": Leadership basically evaporated last night. Where is the guy that gets so angry he smashes things in the locker room? Where is the guy that shoots frickin' laserbeams from his eyes when someone mouths off? Where is the guy that single-handedly changes the outcome of the game by his and just his efforts alone? I can tell you where he isn't: the bench of the Bruins. They need a game-changing player that can step up and make the opponents tremble. It's possible that Looch could fill this role, but I'm guessing that his ankle/finger were still an issue.
5. Team Grit: If I could, I would clone Ian Laperriere and make an entire hockey team of him. The Bruins just don't have a guy that is that insanely gritty and it comes out in games like last night's. Steve Begin is the closest they have, but he is still hampered by injuries as well. Too many players were reluctant to go into the corners (LOOKIN' AT YOU WHEELER AND RYDER). And when Ol' Man Recchi is the only one that dares to park his ass in front of the net, something is wrong. The last player that fit this role perfectly was Mike Knuble (who the Bruins let walk, amazingly). Every fucking game that guy would get cut somewhere on his face because he went into the dirty areas. The Bruins just didn't do it this year...and now they're out.
6. CONSISTENT EFFORT: If Sobotka had played like that all year, it could have been a different season for the Bruins. As already stated, Julien awards ice time to the guys that are banging on all cylinders. Conversely, he should sit the motherfuckers that aren't.
I wouldn't change a thing with the coaching staff. Julien is an amazing coach and it's obvious that his players have bought into his system. Julien never gets too high or low and maintains an even keel. The players feed off this. I think that Julien has done a good job of keeping players from getting diva-esque. However, if effort starts slipping, someone else should be inserted into the lineup.
Even if they hadn't won the Cup, the Bruins' march into the playoffs would have left a good taste in everyone's mouth. They battled to get into the dance and advanced. Their outright collapse and subsequent defeat makes this a very, very bitter pill to swallow for the fans.
As a fan, I just couldn't believe what I was seeing last night. I'm still shaking my head today. Training camp starts in MONTHS and there won't be any hockey until October. To end the season in such a way is akin to getting kicked in the dink by a horse.
I'm still a fan of this team and will always be. The part that sucks is this: until they hoist the Cup, they will always be remembered as the team that took a too many men penalty and squandered a 3-0 lead (both goal and series).
See you in October, boys.
Go B's.

Friday, May 14, 2010


If I was God, I would use my powers as such today:
Every player, upon waking up and getting out of bed (after a night of not getting any from the wife/girlfriend), would promptly whack their shin on the wood end table. They would stumble to the kitchen to find that there's no milk in the fridge. Going to start their car, they wouldn't be able to find their keys. After finding them, the car wouldn't start. Upon getting to the rink, they would find that there is no sugar for their coffee, so they have to drink it black. They would then get a phone call from the same wife/girlfriend stating that the toilet on the 2nd floor blew up. During warmups, they would all be looking for their left gloves, which would eventually be found frozen solid in the locker room.
The purpose of this? To put these men in the foulest, most violent and dangerous mood that they have ever been in. Every step is a lesson in taking deep breaths so they don't absolutely explode and murder someone.
Go B's.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A quote from Reg Dunlop comes to mind: "They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us! All right, let's show 'em what we got, guys! Get out there on the ice and let 'em know you're there. Get that fuckin' stick in their side. Let 'em know you're there! Get that lumber in his teeth. Let 'em know you're there! " And if you don't know who Reg Dunlop is, don't ever visit this blog again.
Go B's.

Get You Fired Up


I was so excited for hockey on monday. Unfortunately, I didn't see any hockey least not by the Bruins.
Aside from a few close calls in the first period, there was nothing positive about the "effort" from the Bruins in game 5. They stayed on the periphery and refused to get in front of the net. It was like they were all channeling Phil Kessel.
To date, their playoff run this year has been inspiring. They limped into the postseason after a lackluster 82 games. They didn't even have a passing resemblance to the team last year that utterly dominated every single opponent and swept the Habs in 4 games. The playoffs are a new and different season and the Bruins have been playing some great hockey. Everyone seemed to be clicking and the pucks were getting in the net somehow.
They need to rediscover the motivation that got them through the first round against the Sabres. They need to hit and grind, make sharp passes coming out of the offensive zone, and park their asses in front of that net to wait for a deflection from the point. I'm still not seeing anyone set up in front of the net (aside from Recchi, but he can only do so much). Ryder and Wheeler have been goddamn combat ineffective. I have no idea what these guys need to get going. It's obvious they both have skill...but the way they've been playing, I would scratch them. Give the slots to Marchand and somebody else that will go and go and go.
They go back to Philly tonight and the crowd will be into it. Carcillo, Pronger and Hartnell will be playing huge in front of their home crowd. The Bruins need to score early and often and wrap this thing up before the end of the second. The Flyers have shown some pluck fighting back to win two straight. The B's need to hit hard and often. This helps them get in the game and stay engaged. The sooner they get this thing closed out, the better.
So I'll be watching tonight. We should know within the first five minutes if the Bruins are going to wrap it up or if they're going to lay down and go to a game 7 back in Boston. Hopefully it's the former.
Go B's.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Close It Out, Boys

So even though I missed some hockey, Mexico was a blast. It seemed that everywhere I turned (literally each time and with a drink in both hands), I ran into a hockey fan. I can now say heaven is real. It's next to the swim-up bar, sun high in the sky, with hours of hockey talk. Met some fans from Calgary (what's up, Nick) and talked hockey until my pasty white northern Vermont skin was peeling like a zombie's.
Recovering the next morning at the buffet, it seemed that I would run into everyone from the pool and we'd trade scores gleaned from ESPN (en espanol, or course) and texts from back home (thank you, Charbie). So although I missed hockey, I count the trip a success for the following reasons:
1. The Mexican cartel(s) didn't kill me.
2. A rabid iguana didn't kill me.
3. The spirits from the creepy ruins that were 50 million years old (or something like that) didn't kill me.
4. My fiancee didn't kill me. Seriously, if I disappeared and the story was on Nancy Grace or one of those stupid fucking shows, I would haunt everyone involved from my base camp of the creepy ruins (see #4) with my demonic rabid iguana (see #2).
Strangely, the biggest threat to my life came when we were landing at JFK. A nice 30mph crosswind will do that. Props to Captain Mike for allowing me to continue to live so I could watch some more hockey.
The boys failed to sweep the Flyers out the other night, as it sounds like Gagne channeled some Savvy and scored the OT winner in his first game back. Good for him.
In Boston tonight, where the B's have yet to lose this playoffs (5-0) and I know I'm going to be able to hear the crowd from my house. Tuukka is quickly ascending to a throne of dominance, with The Dark Lord (Hail Satan!) at his side and the Ancient Hell Hound (Ol' Man Recchi) snapping in all the rebounds.
I'm having a feeling that tonight is going to be a great game. Or maybe I'm just hoping that, as I haven't seen them play in a week. They have to come out, skate like a bunch of psychos and put the puck in the net.
Look for Chara to have a big game. And we all know that the bigger the game, the bigger Looch plays. He'll be getting his nose dirty. And it's about time that Ryder scores one of those laser wrist shots from the slot that we've seen him do. Tonight would be a good night.
Go B's.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

It Looks Like God Is Trying To Beam Him Up

The boys played with fire, failing to finish off a Flyers team that refused to give up. They fiddle-fucked around (looking at you, Wideman and Hunwick) when they should have taken the body and dropped some Flyer ass all over rink (i.e. Briere on his "breakaway").
That being said, WHO THE FUCK CARES? Throwing caution (and probably common sense) to the wind, I can't stop smiling about having Savvy back. Even though he played low minutes (which was a good idea, as going from 24 games off due to a concussion to playoff hockey is like jumping out of a space shuttle that's re-entering the atmosphere), it was great to see his passes zinging all over the ice. I'm thinking that he has good mojo on that side of the ice during playoff OT hockey, as he scored from the same general area against the Habs two years ago.
Their D-men got sloppy a few times (Wideman, Hunwick, McQuaid), and losing Sturm certainly doesn't help. However, it means that Thornton wil be back in the lineup, which is good as I'm sure he was throwing a shitfit up in the box.
Few things:
-I really liked Old Man Recchi going at it with Pronger. Pronger is a fucking punk that has been over-rated for so freaking long.
-I don't know what Sobotoka's issue was after he got run into the net. I think he pinched a nut. Hopefully he'll make it back to his prior form.
-Patty-Cake is most likely playing with a broken bone in his wrist/hand. Did anyone else see the slash that Mike Richards gave him? I'm sure we'll find out after the playoffs that he broke something.
-Tuukka looked mortal in Game 1, but I'm sure he will bounce back to his prior form.

Headed to Mexico for a few days. I'll be the big, drunk, loud American extolling the virtues of the Bruins line-up on Cinco de Mayo (which also happens to be the night of Game 3).

Go B's.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Bring on the Pens...errr, the Flyers...WHO THE HELL ARE WE PLAYING?

It would figure that just as the playoffs are starting, my computer would blow up. It has physically pained me not to be able to write about how well the boys have been playing.
They seemed to have picked the perfect time to start banging on all cylinders.
Wideman has appeared to recover from a regular season that we would all like to forget. Hunwick is moving the puck beautifully, and Satan is proving to be a bargain, having scored some big goals.
The emergency of Johnny Fucking Upchuk is giving all Bruins fans something to talk about. He was a healthy scratch the basically the first quarter of the season and he obviously took the time to learn the game, listen to his coaches and practice practice practice. His maturity is showing now.
There are so many positives right now...Tuukka coming up HUGE shot after shot...Patty Cake showing that he should be a contender for the Selke...Old Man Recchi showing the pups how it's done, even after all these years...Sobotka finally showing what he can do (I'm racking my brain to find the last Bruin his size that has had such a sudden impact on the physical tempo of a game...any suggestions?)...Looch playing like we all know he can...
And above all that, Savvy is healthy. Getting their best passer and PP god back in time for the whoever the hell they're going to play in the 2nd round is huge. Unfortunately, it most likely means that Edgecrusher Thornton is going to be sitting. I think they should dress him as an extra forward. The Begin/Thornton/Paille line has resulted in some great cycles down low and some breakout passes that let Paille show just fast he can skate.
With a smug smile on my face, I've read all of the articles on ESPN and TSN that have basically stated, "Ummm, sorry. We thought that the Bruins sucked. Our bad."
This doesn't mean that the boys can rest. They're going to have to dig deep and keep playing just as hard and fast as they have been.
If they face the Pens: Crosby. Malkin. Two of the biggest names in the NHL today. Make Patty Cake shadow them and they should do okay. And although they can't get distracted by him, you better believe that every player will hit Matt Cooke every chance they get.
If they face the Flyers: they're a team that bounced the newly-mortal Martin Brodeur out of the playoffs. They can't be discounted. The Hockey News picked the Flyers to win the Cup this year. Yes, they're a low seed, but we've seen what low seeds can do.
Everything hinges on how the Caps/Habs series ends tonight. I would love to see the Habs get bounced. I wouldn't be a Bruins fan if I didn't. I still don't feel as if the Caps are a Cup-winning team. They have shit tons of skill, but I don't feel it. Either way, it will be interesting.
I just hope that the boys skate fast, hit hard and score some goals. Getting Savvy back, who is a purely sublime passer, might be just what they need to make a deep run.
Can't wait...but we're gonna have to for just a little while longer.
Go B's.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

You can keep talking Colin, but we aren't listening

Just when I thought I couldn't get more annoyed with the whole Savard debacle, I came across this gem. An excerpt from a TSN newsfeed.

It's expected that the league executives will meet personally tomorrow with both general managers -- Boston's Peter Chiarelli and Pittsburgh's Ray Shero - as well as both head coaches - Boston's Claude Julien and Pittsburgh's Dan Bylsma - to ensure that whatever happens in terms of retribution, it falls within reasonable limits.

AKA...I didn't do my job, so don't embarrass me further.

After Claude and Peter meet with Colin, I hope their message to the boys goes something like this…

Fuck up Cooke, then fuck up Sidney. And if Malkin ends up playing, Fuck up Geno. Take a run at that little French Fucker in net too. And while your at it, Orpik is a douche… Fuck him up too.

Screw Colin, Screw Matt Cooke, Screw Sidney. I want to see Randy Couture out there tonight in a B's jersey.

Call Me An Ugly American...

But the Bruins should dismantle Cooke tonight.

And Sidney Crosby better keep his head up.

Go B's.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Keep On Pluggin', Boys

7-2-3 in their last 12. That's a little more like it.
Their 5-1 drubbing of the Flyers was something fun to watch. I don't know who the fuck pissed off Caveman before the game, but he played what was most likely his best game in a Bruins uniform. Aggressive as hell (two fights and a few big ass hits) and making smart choices with the puck, he was a pillar of studness out there. And yes, that's what I call my nether regions as well.
The Bruins are pushing and pushing, as the season is quickly winding down.
Of course, they are going to be doing this without Savard. I'm not going to get into the entire incident with Matt Cooke. If you don't know what happened by now, then you're retarded and you should go back to watch As The World Turns.
I'm reading a book right now called The Code. It's all about hockey fights and retaliation and playing through injuries etc. etc. etc. What pisses me off about the NHL today is the lack of accountability for chickenshit players like Cooke. If this was pretty much anytime before 1995, Cooke would have been smashed into the ice that night...and Crosby would most likely be taken off on a stretcher the next time they play. Best player for best player, eye for an eye. I'm not saying that this was the right or wrong way to do things, but goddamnit, players sure seemed a bit more accountable when they knew that a Dave Semenko or Stu Grimson or Marty McSorley or Joey Kocur or Bob Cokehead, I mean Probert, was going to be coming after them for looking sideways at their superstar. Gone are the days when some random brawler from the minors would be called up for one game because things were going to get nasty. I think that's too bad.
The NHL has missed two golden opportunities to set examples in a very short time frame.
1.The Savard/Cooke incident
2.Daniel Carcillo shoving the linesman after a minor scrum the other night. To the linesman's credit, he stuck a finger right in Carcillo's face and yelled "Don't ever fucking push me!" I love HD and the ability to read lips.
I'm just curious how much longer the NHL is going to let some of this chickenshit happen. I'm going to descend from my soapbox now or else I'm going to start sounding like one of those used tampons over at TSN.
So the boys are in Montreal tonight. Goddamn, I forget how much I hate the fucking Habs. At least they're having a similar season. B's lose to the Leafs in OT the other night. The Habs beat the Oilers in the shootout last night. The Leafs and Oilers are shit.
We'll see how it goes tonight. Check out the Four Habs Fans. Careful clicking on the links, otherwise you might end of up with a screen full of scheisse porn.
Go B's.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Crosby. Gag.

The Bruins have played much better over the past two games, but offense is still an issue. They've beat the Leafs and the Isles, which is like saying you stole a wallet from a dead guy. The Penguins are obviously going to put up a much better defense, so the Bruins will have to go and go hard.

Couple things I would do if I were Julien:

-Make Fake Wheeler a healthy scratch. He isn't even competing and there are P-Bruins (ie Marchand) that deserve a shot. Wheeler needs to learn that consistent effort is just as important as scoring goals.
-Keep Savvy and Satan together. I think that Satan is getting hot, and don't forget, this guy has some pretty decent career goal totals. Yes, they signed him from the bargain bin, but that's also where they got Tim Thomas (and look how that has turned out).
-Bring McQuaid back up and scratch Hunwick. Pair him with Stuart and watch the bodies fly.
-On the PP, let Patty Cake and Wideman man the points. Put Chara in front of the net. They're looking to generate offense and whenever they do this, they always seem to score. I honestly have no idea why they don't do it more often.
-Keep giving Johnny Upchuk minutes. That dude is playing his fucking ass off and his poise makes him look like a veteran blueliner.
-Keep Begin, Edgecrusher and Looch together. They generated some good chances today and it will help remind Looch to keep his game simple. When he gets all artsy fartsy (yeah, I just typed that), he loses all of his effectiveness.

That's all I got. They have a real test in front of them tomorrow. Points are at an absolute premium, so we'll see if they come out looking for the win...or if they're just going to roll over quietly, piddle themselves, and slink back to the locker room. I certainly hope it's the former.

Go B's.

Well It's About Fucking Time

The Bruins have called up Brad Marchand for the game against the Isles today. I'm just curious if he will be allowed to go 10 to 15 games without producing as Sobotka has done/always does. I'm starting to think that young Vladimir has pictures of Chiarelli and Neely doing horrible things to a goat or something.

Couple things:
-The physical play helps the Bruins focus, so they have to keep that up. If they knock Tavares on his ass a few times, he won't be a factor.
-Hopefully Timmy can keep his mojo going. It would be great if he got hot right now.
-If Wheeler doesn't score, I will stab myself.
-If Ryder doesn't score, I will stab myself.
-If the Bruins don't score, I will stab myself.

Go B's.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Ol' One Nut Shoots A Blank...Actually With One Nut, That Might Be All You Can Shoot

Entertaining hockey game, yes? It was good to see Looch get the sand out of his lucina and drop the gloves with fellow big boy Colton Orr. He took a couple right off that Serbian nose of his, but he stayed right in there. And I really enjoyed Begin's suplex on Orr later in the game. I think he almost managed to crack his face open on the ice though.
Couple things:
-Seidenberg: eh. Nothing flashy...with that 44, I actually thought Ward had come back to town.
-I almost shit in my pants when Kessel had a breakaway, and then I almost filled my drawers with happy juice when Timmy stuffed him. I know that at some point Ol' One Nut will score on the Bruins, but it didn't happen tonight, so fuck him and his 5.5 million dollar deal.
-Timmy looked pretty f-ing good, especially in the shootout.
-Satan conjured up some dark magic for his chance in the shootout. It looked like a move I used to do...okay, try in street hockey.
-No shows: Wheeler and Krejci. You guys know that there was a game tonight, right?
-Johnny Fucking Upchuck: the Empire called. They want your shot from the point to go after some rebel scum.
-Hunwick: what the fuck are you doing? And where the hell was Ference? Did his herbal and organic alarm clock not go off?
-I miss PJ.

Entertaining game. They still HAVE to get the scoring going. Fights and hits and physical play are great and fun to watch, but fuck man...goals are nice.
Go B's.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Chiarelli Shakes Up Team With Huge Moves what I would be saying if he had done so.
Alas, he did not. However, there weren't really any players out there that were A. available and B. that I would like to see be a Bruin. Every name that came up (Whitney, Selanne, Tkachuk, etc.) belonged to a senior freakin' citizen (what movie is that from?). I wouldn't take on any of their contracts, nor would I lose draft picks, young players, etc. for them.
So...Chuck Morris has once again headed west. Chiarelli said that Chuck got "a little emotional" when asked to waive his no-trade clause. I'm guessing that Neely had to run down the hallway and save Peter. I mean I really like Chiarelli, but he played college hockey. Thus, he does not know how to fight. (If anyone wants to challenge this, look at Hal Gill - 6'7", 250 pounds, should be a stud...look for any of his fights, EVER, on Youtube, and let me know what you see). Anyway, Chuck didn't really do what he was supposed to do when he signed a one year deal. Yes, he QBed the 2nd PP unit, but he never really clicked with Chara and wasn't as advertised.
I am a bit sad to see Bacon Bitz go away. This kid at least tried...and the fans seemed to get a kick out of him. I would have LOVED to see Sobotka go the fuck away. Why do they continue to think so highly of him? Stick his ass back in Providence. He's one of those guys that can have monster success down there, but it doesn't always translate in the big show.
ANYWAY, some new guys will be in tomorrow, Toronto is coming to town, blah blah blah. After the two week layoff, and the four game winning streak prior to, I was expecting a huge game last night...not the roll over and show them our genitals because we submit (REALLY??? TO AN ALASKAN MEXICAN???) "effort" that they put up against the Habs.
So fuck it. At least Ol' One Nut will be in the Garden tomorrow. I look forward to all the boos every freaking time he touches the puck. And, as long as the Leafs keep sucking (they're worse than the Canes now, and that's fuckin' saying something), the Bruins stand a very good chance of getting some high picks in the first round.
Go B's.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Violence Is Good, Mmmmkay?

Seriously, aside from all the limp wristed naysayers in the world, who the hell doesn't like a physical hockey game? Bodies flying, fists crunching off helmets, everyone keeping their head up so they're not taken off the ice on a stretcher...
Ah, hockey.
That being said, fuck Steve Downie. I was laughing and watched the clip about seven times. Chara was just standing there...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and then AH FUCK THIS SHIT started pounding on that little queefnugget's head. Downie was a punk in junior hockey , a fucker in the AHL and has blossomed to an upright mongol that needs to go into the boards headfirst. Anyone that plays like this needs to fuck off. Normally I like the guys that play on the edge like that and piss the other team off (Matthew Barnaby comes to mind), but Downie is different. It's just too bad Chara has that bum pinkie.
The boys were running away with this one, but Tampa Bay refused to back off, thanks in part to Frenchie the Smurf (Marty St.Louis). Fuck, that dude can still skate like a bastard.
Three game streak going, one game left before the break. Of course they start to heat up right when the majority of them won't play hockey for the next two weeks or so...oh well. Gonna have to see how it shakes out.
Go B's.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Bruins Lose 3-2 In The Shootout...Wait, What?

I'm sorry, the go up 2-0, blow the lead, almost score in OT and then ultimately lose in the shootout refrain is just seared into my brain due to the fact that it's happened at least 73 times this year.
Nice to see the boys pull one out...although I didn't really see it, as my DVR had stopped recording just as Slow Ryder was coming down for his shot. I didn't really expect them to win, so I was surprised as FUCK when I saw the score.
Nice to see the physical element pick up, as well. They've been sleeping for too long and these physical games always do wonders for them. Last night you could see how bad Chara wanted to go with Gaustad, but with his finger all taped up, it would have been extra time. I'm actually surprised he didn't go to the bench, rip it off and come back out.
And Looch: where the fuck have you been, dude? I couldn't stop laughing at the way you went directly for Mair last night and he just kept backing up. Mair got a freebie in, but it was great to see get pissed like that. Even last year when you were playing with Savvy and He We Do Not Speak Of Except To Mock The Fact That We Have His New Team's Draft Picks For The Next 18 Years Or So your physical play kept up. Last night when you were going after Mair, you were rocking that blood lust look that we saw several times last year . KEEP THAT FIRE GOING. Don't lay back. Your physical play can change the tempo of a game.
This sizzling 2 game winning streak simply can't overshadow one event. One event so huge, so earth shattering,'m not sure how to describe it. Your life will be changed once you watch.
I love you for trying kid...but please don't do that again.
Go B's.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


The "Bruins" "Play" The Habs Today

"Bruins" because I don't recognize this fucking team.
"Play" because this is what the "Bruins" are supposed to be doing in each game...but I've yet to see it.
The title is very literal, but cut me some slack. I am wracked with a very nice hangover and my hands have the nice post-Saturday night tremble that signifies just how much beer I drank.
So nothing witty today. I'm just trying not to shit my pants. I'm sure that will come later, like after the Habs win by seventeen or come from behind again to win in the shootout or etc. etc.etc., (insert totally fucked up situation here).
Go B's.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Welcome To Distraction Central

Could this team have anymore shit flying around right now???
Will Ryder be traded?
Chara has been playing hurt.
Caveman goes down with a broken pinkie.
Kovalchuk: yes? No?
Tim Thomas, where are you?
Modern Warfare 2? (a note on that: I've been advised by Phil from Maine that Johnny Upchuck is a bit of a gamer...let's get it on! And Phil, I'm sorry. I was a bit drunk and Assassin's Creed 2 was already in. I'll kick your ass on Rust later on OH SNAP!).
No goals.
More Xbox.
Have we found the real Tim Thomas yet?
None of this shit matters.
They are professional athletes that get paid A LOT of money to play a game.
Tonight they will go with a Habs team that has seen its share of issues this year as well.
Tonight is the night that they will begin to turn this bitch around. They have played so amazingly flat for the past ten games...I don't get how they still have jobs. A bit mind-boggling.
Tonight will be an entertaining game because the B's have realized that this season is very quickly getting away from them. They'll come out large and make the little Habs cryyyy like bebies.
And on another note: in Toronto, Vagisarek is having season ending shoulder surgery. I heard that he watched a clip of his fight with Looch from last year, and the shoulder basically spontaneously combusted as a defense mechanism.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


How fucking brutal was it to watch that game? I've never seen Julien chew ass on the bench like that. Damn.
Wideman has been on my shitlist all year, but that dude didn't miss a shift AFTER SPITTING MOST OF HIS TEETH OUT. Now if that's not tough, I don't know what is.

But they still sucked. And I think that something big has to happen. They have several days off, which could cause them to sink to pretty much dead frickin' last. I'm truly hoping from the bottom of my black, rotten heart that the Olympic break will be a blessing. Guys will be able to heal. If I were Julien, I would tell them that this is basically a season reboot. A do-over. A mulligan. However the fuck you want to think of it. The first fifty games didn't count. Go out like raped apes and win every fucking game down the stretch.

Or just continue to slide quietly into the end of the season, stopping periodically to change your tampon so that TSS doesn't set in (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, BIG V).

Either way, go B's.

Who The Fuck Are These Guys?


I heard that Taken II is coming out in late fall. It seems that Jeremy Jacobs has commissioned Liam Neeson to go find the real Boston Bruins, who are undoubtedly locked in a tiny cell right now, slowly withering away from the heat and lack of food. Then Neeson is going to come and save me, because I'm withering away from lack of goals, lack of fights, lack of effort and lack of effort. Yes, I wrote that twice. It's double-true.

Six Bruins have played well consistently this year: Tuukka, Patty Cake, Old Man Recchi, Caveman Stuart, Edgecrusher Thornton and Frenchy Begin.

Some thoughts:
Wheeler: we paid for you? Really? REALLY? Just because you're breathing hard at the end of your shift doesn't mean you're trying hard.
Ryder: you are resembling Glen Murray more and more every game that you go without scoring.
Krejci: they were calling you "Matrix" last year because you looked like you were slowing time down. This year it just looks like you are moving so fucking slow that some no-talent-assclown (i.e. Komisarek) can lay you out. I swear to Christ, when the season is over, it better come out that you have been playing all year after being paralyzed. This is the only way I will respect your "efforts" this year. The two other centers go down with injuries...and you just disappear as well. Nice.
Bitz: I don't know what Julien was thinking putting you on the top line. You're a mucker and grinder. Keep it ugly.
Sobotka: Hey Comrade Vladimir, I have an idea! Why don't you go the seventh layer of Bruins Prospect Hell and hang out with Ivan Huml, Andy Hilbert and Andre Savage? They're waiting for you and I am sick and fucking tired of watching you fill up a uniform.
Chara: Z. The Big Guy. The Big Z. Z rhymes with V. V is for vagina. Which is how you've been playing. And yes, I would say this to your face. Actually, it would probably be a nipple because of the whole height thing.
Wideman: See Wheeler.
Chuck Fucking Morris: trying to be too smooth.
Ference: oh wait, you're hurt? Still or again? I can't keep track.
Hunwick: all that money you got in arbitration must be slowing you down, because you've been skating like you're lugging around a barrelful of smashed assholes.
Timmy Thomas: man, you're breaking my heart. Where's the snap and the pop? Please please please don't pull a Blaine Lacher/Jim Carey and disappear on us.

Looch and Savvy have missed so much with injuries that they're basically a non-factor. Paille came over and has been a bright spot, as has Johhny Upchuck.

In closing, I miss PJ.

Pull your fucking heads out of your ass, throw some fucking bodychecks, and score some fucking goals.

Go B's.

Friday, January 1, 2010