Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I Guess He IS Human After All...

Mark Stuart has gone down with a broken sternum. Last time I checked, he was the longest current ironman-er on the Bruins, having played in 180+ straight games (or something like that). Now this isn't even close to Steve Larmer back in the day (if you don't know how many straight games he played in, you should be ashamed...and also look it up, as it won't ever happen again), but it was something. Stuart has been solid as hell all year, even when Chara and Chuck Morris and Dennis Wideman and Andrew Ference and Matt Hunwick (getting my drift, here???) have sucked. He and Johnny Boychuk had been playing well together, too.

I can't get over how entertaining the Leaf games have been lately. I keep laughing when the fans boo the ever-living fuck out of Ol' One Nut. It's childish, but damn, it feels good. The contests, though extremely lopsided, have been entertaining as shit to watch, even without LOOCH flying around there. I'm guessing that when they play after he returns, Vaginasarek will do his normal bullshit, but Orr will be the one challenging Looch. We're going to have to wait.

Getting pretty excited for the Winter Classic on the 1st. Hopefully it's cold enough in Boston to make some fucking ice. If not, I'm volunteering the cul-de-sac in front of my house.

Go B's.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Couple Things

I realized yesterday that this thing hasn't been updated for awhile. It seems that Araev is due in just a short while and she is "too busy" to type. What, so just because I'm not pregnant, I have to shoulder the load? Well, I guess that's what teammates are for.
I mean I've been incredibly busy as well. Work and Modern Warfare 2 and some more Modern Warfare 2. Did I mention that I've been running around with my sweet MW2 night vision goggles? I know. I'm almost 30 and I'm acting like a ten year old. That's either endearing (my opinion) or pathetic and infuriating (Branco's opinion). So if there's anyone out there that wants to do some MW2 on XBox Live, look for ANGERFIST25103.
For some reason, the B's have really clicked in as of late. Tuukka has been playing solid hockey in net, as Timmy went down with a strange injury. I'm starting to think that he and Looch had one too many Long Trails and ended up playing bloody knuckles. They both lost.
I know they lost some games that they should have won, but they did okay considering that Looch and Savvy were out for so long. Now that Looch has gone down again, someone is going to have to step up. Bacon Bitz has been playing extremely well, and I think he will keep it up.
Watching the last few games, it's obvious that Julien is trying different mixes. On their four game road trip, it was rare to see the same forward line combo twice. Whatever he's doing, it seems to be working. Patty Cake is playing tremendous hockey and Fake Wheeler is back online. Krejci is still not quite clicking, and Ryder is doing his best Glen Murray impression by playing well and then disappearing for five to ten games.
On defense, Wideman has finally pulled his head out of his bum and is doing well. I still think that Chara needs to get in a fight. His snarl has really appeared yet this year and I know when it does, someone will pay the price.
They have a couple games coming up against the Leafs and the Habs. I was looking foward to Looch and Komisarek seeing each other for the first time since last spring. And Ol' One Nut better keep his head up, because I have a feeling that Begin is going to make him his bitch.
I was getting lunch the other day and there was a guy with a Bruins hat on. We started talking hockey and he said that he misses PJ. I almost hugged him.
So for now, that's all I got. I'm supposed to be cleaning and will be quickly murdered if it's discovered that I'm not. Plus, the faster I get that out of the way, the quicker I can fire up the XBox. Yes, I have issues.
Go B's.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Bruins Hockey and Modern Warfare 2

Could this day get any better?

The Bruins look to continue their one-game winning streak (PLAN THE PARADE!!) against the Pens tonight. They showed some offense, finally, on saturday night (granted, it was against some boot goalie, but we'll take it) and a the fists flew a couple times. I'll say it again: the Bruins are a better team when they fight. I'm not saying it has to be all the time, but you see what happens when they let the tough guys sleep.

If they win, awesome. If not, I'll have my new copy of Modern Warfare 2 to console me.

Go B's.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

If You Can't Get Up For This One, Just Die.

5 Things To Get Excited About Tonight:
-Begin left Montreal pissed off. He'll be a wrecking ball all night long.
-Ryder will continue to punish his old team.
-Remember all those times that Hal Gill decided to fight Chara and ended up getting his ass beat? Yeah, now we're cheering for Chara.
-The rivalry with Komisarek to continue. Oh that's right, he's enjoying life in Toronto now. Snicker.
-Someone (I'm looking at you, Stuart) will smear Gionta into the end boards when he finally gets tired of the waterbug-esqe noises that Gionta emits when he skates.

Let's hope that the absolute domination that the Bruins showed against the fucking Habs continue tonight. It'll be a good way to right the ship and get this fucking season underway properly.

Go B's.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Why Is This Man Crying?

Please pick one:
A. He has realized that he is on a horrible team.
B. He has realized that it's not going to be an easy year.
C. He just got ROCKED.
D. The Bruins can't score.
E. All of the above

If you picked E, good job. You're able to muddle your way through a retarded quiz and get the correct, sarcastic as fuck, answer.

Basically the Bruins lack any fucking consistency right now. Here is what I propose:
Chara needs to get in a fight.
Wheeler needs a gorgeous breakaway goal.
Krejci needs to stop trying cute little fucking passes and maybe shoot or something.
Looch and Savvy need to fucking heal and fucking heal fast.

The Habs are next up and I swear to fucking Christ, if the B's lose to those fucking assclowns, I'm going to demand that Phil Kessel gets traded. Oh wait...

Go B's.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Young, Dumb and Full of Come Over Here and Shake My Hand

Looch? Savvy? Who are those guys? I could feel the clouds gathering earlier, as the fairweather fans started with the "the season is over" and "what are we going to do" bullshit. I have no patience for that.

There are a whole bunch of kids up from Providence, and one new cat from de Boofalo. Sobotka still needs to go away, but I think that Patty Cake and Marchand might have a little something that is going to click pretty well. It was good to see Patty get all jacked up after scoring that goal off of Chara's shot. He normally doesn't show too much, so that shit always makes me smile. I think that Patty must feel like an old man sometimes, as it's his seventh year in the league. I'm sure having some young buck playing on your line makes you realize that this shit can be fun if you want it to be!

Great to see Begin get a goal. He's growing on me. I hate to fucking say it, but he's growing on me. He did miss a golden chance last week to smash Ribiero's teeth down his throat, but what are you going to do?

The D still looks a little disorganized. I miss Hnidy back there. Chuck Morris is trying hard, but he and Chara will find a way to get it done. Timmy looked alright.

I hope they keep this thing going. Sometimes having this much youth in the lineup makes the vets realize that they need to play hungry...which is exactly what the boys need to do.

Go B's.

Friday, October 16, 2009


Anyone happen to see the pre-game opening at the Bell Centre last night? Jesus christ. Yet another reason I can't stand the Habs. But enough about those no-talent assclowns.

The semi-talented assclowns (also referred to as the 09-10 Boston Bruins, I keeeed, I keeeeeeed) will be going with the Stars tonight. Everyone remembers what that game against the Stars did for the B's last year. Avery is gone, but we can count on that little fucker Steve Ott to do something retarded. Also, be on the lookout for Mike Modano to crumble into a pile of dust due to terminal osteoporosis. Modano's first year in the league was 89-90. Great googlie mooglie.

Couple things:
-Look for Looch to get his first of the season.
-Boychuck will continue to play his ass off, making Hunwick look like a mook.
-All four lines will play great hockey tonight, but Begin/Edgecrusher/Bacon will continue to be the most consistent. Plus, Begin and Ott are in the same weight class, so watch for that.
-I'm going with Timmy. Tuuka looked like shit in that last game.

Let's get this season heading in the right direction.

Go B's.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Just found this on John Buccigross' column. Kind of made me smile for some reason.

I had a really cool experience this summer.
I got invited to a private pick-up game. Great group of guys. Among them was Steve Heinze (Bruins, Blue Jackets, Sabres, Kings). It was really cool for me because he was one of my favorite players while he was on the Kings and I'd actually been in the audience at the Staples Center when he scored a goal against the Sharks.
You probably know he retired due to concussions. He's still relatively young and he's kept in shape, so it was cool to get to play against a player of that caliber and see just how good one must be to make it in the NHL. The guy is nuts good.
He casually skated around the most of the time with huge speedskater strides and a big ol' grin on his face. The guy loves the game. He was laughing, joking around the whole time. He wore his jersey inside-out, but I could tell it was one of his old Kings practice jerseys. It was classy of him not to flaunt.
Of course, he played with only half effort most of the time, but he turned it on a few times and made my eyes cross. Several times, he deked through all five guys, skated to the goalie and dished it off to somebody else. Humbling stuff. I know you've skated with Pat LaFontaine and others, but, for a California boy who has to drive two hours to the nearest ice, this was an unreal experience. Just had to share.
PatrickSan Luis Obispo, Calif.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Seriously, What. The. FUCK.

I wasn't at the game tonight, but I have it on good information that the above picture is a true rendering of what Tuuka "The Sucking Black Vortex of Self-Confidence Destroying Dastardley Goalieman-ship-ish" Rask looks like in real life.

What's the word? Floundering. Falling on one's face. Fucked out of the gate. Too fucking skinny to stop a puck flying at 12 mph, let alone 90+. Eat a sandwich. Chug a protein shake for fuck's sake. I don't know if fuck is possessive of sake, but in this case, I'm running with it.

Yes, I'm a little drunk. And yes, I looked forward to watching the game tonight. What I didn't expect was the abortion of a hockey game that I saw, yet again. Hey boys, we came back against the Isles, let's just go ahead and go down against the Avs, too! Sounds great, eh?!?!

I'm a little Chicken Little Jack Daniels right now, but please allow me the trangression. I'm part of the blog. I have many leather-bound books. I'm kind of a big deal.

Ah fuck it. The sky isn't falling. A few games in and some kinks have to be worked out. I'm not freaking. Just a little drunk and a little pissed off. As we would call it in Franklin County, "feeling froggy." If I was from Richford, I would go out on my porch and yell until the police show up, at which point I would fight them, stopping only when a well-timed strike from a maglight imploded my left testicle. Ah yes, nothing wrong with a little flashlight therapy.

Go B's.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

It Is What It Is

Yes, the Bruins pulled one out last night. They came back from three down to push it to OT, eventually winning it in the shootout. Yes, Tuuka got a win for his personal stats.
This game was bullshit. The Bruins did not deserve to win. Yes, the rally was great to watch, but they might have learned more if they had gotten shutout by the fucking New York Islanders.
The Bruins are starting to resemble the menstrual flow of a fourteen year old. They're spotty as hell and you have no idea when they're going to stop and/or start. The Begin/Edgecrusher/Bacon line has been the most consistent, getting quality scoring chances on almost every single shift. They played well again last night, with Bacon sneaking one past the Roloson (it was ugly, but I'll fucking take it).
The consistent effort isn't there for some reason. Apparently the practice that Julien put them through the other day did little blow the rust out of the legs and brains. YOU ARE PLAYING HOCKEY NOW, BOYS. OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES AND REALIZE THIS. Otherwise, it's going to be a very long fucking season.
Some of the crazy folks out there are already freaking out, saying that this is indicative of a larger issue, this team won't go far, blah blah blah. It's four games in, and they are showing some areas that they need to improve on. Relax. There is A LOT of hockey left to play.
Couple things:
-Fake Wheeler (he has grown his hair, put on 15 pounds of muscle and we're all pretty sure it's not the real Blake Wheeler) needs to understand that if he mishandled the puck in the shootout, it would have been over. Nice goal, but it would have been cool to have Ken Baumgartner back on the bench (nugget!) to smack his impostor ass around after that.
-I like what Chuck Morris is bringing to the blue line on the PP. That low, hard shot has me thinking of Raymond.
-Wideman probably ripped up his shoulder last night. Might allow him some time to reflect on his play so far this year. He and Hunwick are in my scope due to their menstrual play (see above).
-Fuck me, it's good to see Sturm back. Forgot how fast that Nazi sonofabitch was.
-Looch, Ryder, Krejci: Wake up please.
-Stuart: Last night I was thinking about how I had wished that the Bruins had traded you instead of Alberts. I now apologize for thinking such a thing. You have grown on me, Oh He of Caveman Strength and 5 O'Clock Shadow.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Where does one's loyalty lay? Is it for an invidual that took one for the team? Or is it to the team as a family concept, with the belief that it was an assault against the team and not one individual?

If it's the former, Scott Walker doesn't have much to worry about tonight. If it's the latter, he better keep his head up. Personally, I think that the boys will be looking for any infraction, no matter how slight, to make Scott rely on a walker to move around for the rest of his life (5 minute major, 10 minute game misconduct, and a review with the league disciplinary board for that one...I apologize).

And let's just treat this as game one of the season. The "effort" against the Caps the other night was a bit too disjointed, half-assed, and slow motion to be the actual Bruins....right? RIGHT???

Go B's.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Is This Really Happening?

I woke up this morning and realized that hockey is supposed to be on tonight. Am I dreaming?

Then I read that Sobotka get sent down to Providence. I'm definitely dreaming. This is the best dream ever. As long as I'm dreaming, I hope tonight's game is entertaining as hell, with the Bruins emerging as the victors. I hope Marco Polo plays well and doesn't blow a knee. Am I'm praying that Krejci isn't rushing his hip. I hope that Hunwick gets laid out and remembers that he's just a pup and needs to prove himself this year. And I hope that Looch comes to help Hunwick, laying waste to whoever was stupid enough to do something like that when Looch was on the ice. And I hope that Patty Cake finally shakes loose all of the cobwebs and has a completely injury-free season.

I hope that someone steps up and realizes the opportunity that the departure of Ol' One Nut has afforded. It's a wide open spot on the number one line. Someone needs to seize that spot with vengeance and show the league that Kessel isn't needed.

I will drink a beer tonight in honor of the departed PJ. For so long (now that I think of it, literally half of my freaking life), number 11 was on the ice each year. I'll miss him and his tireless ways. I'll miss the goofy way he spoke english (like his mouth was full of fun fruits) and the way he could go headfirst into the corner at full speed and bounce right up. Gumby shall live forever.

Is there really hockey on tonight??? Jesus, it's going to be a long day at work. Nothing will get done today.

But really, I just hope that the season is entertaining. I hope the boys play their hearts out and leave everything on the ice. In less than nine hours, they'll take to the ice and start another chapter. I hope they keep the proud tradition going.

Go B's.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Ol' One Nut Heads North

Well, it's over.

After months of rumors, "sources" advising that a deal was in the works, Ol' One Nut aka Midseason Mono aka He Who Shows Taint With Torn Shorts aka Phil Kessel has moved on. Brian Burke wanted his man...and he got him.

Here's why I'm not too upset.

Kessel has an assload of speed. He also reminds me of the kid in Mighty Ducks that can skate like a motherfucker but can't stop (as previously noted). However, he refuses to go into the corners and get a little dirty, instead preferring to float around with his stick in the air, waiting for a sweet Savvy centering pass. His work ethic and attitude have been suspect since day one, as were his backchecking abilities (he had none).

The Bruins emerged with a bunch of high draft picks, similar to when Glen Wesley was offloaded back in the day. Anyone that says draft picks don't mean shit should take a look at who those picks in the Wesley deal turned out to be.

Boston has a good problem right now: they have a bunch of kids in Providence that are chomping at the bit to make it to the bigs. Letting Kessel go will open a much-coveted spot on the side. I have no doubt that someone will fill it and do so in a great manner.

Kessel is young and was in a supportive environment in Boston. He is jumping into an absolutely RABID media situation. He'll be making big bucks over the next five years and will be expected to produce huge goal totals. He is not going to a team that has the offensive depth that he enjoyed on the Bruins. Last year, if Kessel didn't score, Ryder would put one in. If Ryder didn't score, Kobasew would put one in. And if Kobasew failed, Thornton could be counted on for a fight...and then a serious wrist shot that flew past the goalie. The Bruins were/are the definition of "deep." Who is going to feed him this year? Jason Blake, he of albino features? Kessel is bigger than he is (and so is my sixteen year old that I think of it, she can hit better, too). Ol' One Nut benefited from a slick Savvy and a banging Looch. Their presence enabled him to fly all over the ice and...just....wait....for that puck that would undoubtedly end up on his stick. He will not have this backup in Toronto. His cherry-picking days are over.

For those that retort with the "oh, he's so fast that he created his own offensive opportunities," I agree to a point. He does have game-changing speed, but we've all seen what happens 90% of the time. He'll try that little curl and drag move, hoping that the d-man takes the bait. In today's NHL, the majority of d-men are just as agile as the forwards. More often than not, Kessel would get a glove in the face and end up in the corner on his ass, snow in his ears.

The only thing I'm upset about in this entire situation is this: Kessel has shown the "I want more money" bullshit that I've written of in the past. I'm not going to get on my soapbox again (my back hurts from crawling up there so much as of late), but fuck him. He's playing a game and was squabbling over a dollar amount that was (and is) excessive as hell.

I don't wish Kessel ill. However, I know that I will be quietly smirking to myself at the end of this season. He will not produce the way he did in Boston and I'm sure his self-esteem is going to take an absolute fucking beating having to deal with the media up there.

Alas, we make our beds. And we must sleep in them. Hopefully the 5.5 million each year for the next 5 will help him find a good shrink. He'll need it.

Go B's.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Some weird space-time continuum thingy...

I got my first taste of hockey last night. It was great to be able to come home to a game on the DVR.

Immediately I was confronted with Steve Begin. I almost threw my beer at the TV.

I can't stand this dude. I know he is one of those players that you hate but love him if he's on your team, but goddamn...seeing him with a B on his chest was weird as hell. It felt like there was a double agent on the ice.

So he immediately tries to win me over by flying all over the ice. He's hitting everything in sight and then squares off with a dude that would make Looch look small. He did okay, too.

There are two ways that Begin can cement his place in my heart:
1. Crosscheck Mike Ribiero's teeth down his throat
2. Make Comrade Kovalev cry in glorious HD

We'll have to see.

Couple things:
Patty Cake looks good. He played a solid game and assisted on two goals.
Bacon Bitz needs to have a weekend retreat with a MMA fighter. The willingness to drop is there, but the skills to land punches doesn't seem to be. It reminds me of that SNL skit ("I GET IN THREE FIGHTS A WEEK!!" "Yeah, but you lose three fights a week!").
Sobotka needs to go home.
Give Marchand a shot with the big boys.
Burke has installed some manliness on D for the Leafs. Exelby is a stud.

Go B's.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Douchebag 2.0



Hi! I'm an oft-injured winger that is asking for a whole bunch of money...even though I've really only had one good year. I'm also an extreme defensive liability. Did I mention that I'll sprain a knee if you look at me cross-eyed?

Likes: hockey shorts that show my taint, ProActiv Solution, and money, Money, MONEY!!
Dislikes: when people say that I look like the result of a drunken hook-up between Skeletor and a burn victim (See above, including the effete wrist hang that his father is displaying).

Just go away, Phil. I hope that Chara puts your scrawny, pimply, pale ass through the glass the first time the Bruins play your new team.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Class vs. Douchbaggery

Saku Koivu is a classy dude. Dany Heatley is a totally douchebag. I spent a lot of time glued to my twitter updates this week as Free Agency hit and players started to move. One move made me happy and one saga disgusted me.

Class Act
I am first and foremost, a Bruins fan. However, the players are human, and a man with solid character is still a man with solid character even if he is marked with the vile CH. Koivu has solid character. Yes, I think he was a bit hacky on the ice, but they guy always showed up for the fans/media/city that rarely showed him the respect and appreciation he deserved. He also valiantly fought a nasty bout of cancer and never forgot that he beat it. He has spent countless hours with cancer patients and raising money for cancer research.
Saku is my husbands favorite Hab and out of blind love, I bought him a Koivu jersey for his wedding present. At first, the transaction made my skin crawl, but now I'm glad I did it. Saku Koivu has class, is great hockey player, and Montreal didn't deserve him. I will admit there are habs fans out there that knew what they had, but there weren't enough who did. I wish him the best of luck in Anaheim. No one will shit on him for being a Fin there. Even if he can't speak French.

Second Chances
When most people experience a brush with death, it is a life changing experience. Usually for the better. It makes them appreciate life. Appreciate the important things. It seems that Dany Heatley needs to be run head first at 90 MPH into a brick wall again, because he didn't get it the first time. Not only did almost lose his life, but his negligent actions took the life of another man. While he escaped death, he is fucking LUCKY he didn't go to jail. This guy could be some big southern dude's bitch in the ATL right now. Instead he is earning a ridiculous amount of money playing a fucking game. And that is still not good enough for him. He is greedy piece of shit and I wish him the worst of luck on all his future endeavors. Fuck you Dany, ungrateful little shit, you are the epitome of a douchebag. There are millions of people who can't feed their kids right now because they lost their jobs, and YOU are concerned about who is giving you a 4 million dollar bonus??? I think I'm going to drive you into that brick wall myself. I wonder what the Snyder family thinks of your actions.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Getting Paid To Play A Game, Fer Christttsakessss

Douchebag: see above.
See also, Dany Heatley.
You know, if I had killed a teammate because I was driving like a mook in a sports car that I had no business owning in the first place, I might try to change my ways. Demanding a trade, going to the press about his thoughts on the coaching staff, and just acting like a dumbass elevates Heatley to pure douchebag status. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? The sooner he blows a knee and is relegated to a beer league in Ireland (top o' the mornin', Theo Fleury!), the better off the NHL will be.

Just read that Matt Hunwick filed for arbitration. My my, they must have left something in his body cavity when they removed his spleen.
Let's review: He's played 66 games in the bigs. He has 28 career points (6 goals, 22 assists) and 35 PIMs.
And he files for arbitration.

(Note: for those unfamiliar with Girard, he was a promising young Bruins defenseman that had finally cracked the Bruins roster, only to have his career ended when an off-season car accident shattered his pelvis)

I mean seriously, what the fuck? I would love to make what these dudes make at the league minimum, which is currently set at $450,000. I could pay my house off in less than a year. Maybe I was reared (you hear that Branco, reared) wrong. Maybe I wasn't selfish enough. Maybe I looked at my dad, who has been driving freight trains for over 30 years and thought that working hard, day in and day out, was the most important thing. Maybe Hunwick is just showing that the newest generation of players might be selfish little fucks.

Reward a player. If they have had a few great years (notice it's plural, Hunwick), pay them. Show us that you're worth it, then go to the table.

I know this is a business. I know these guys have to provide for their families, but jesus christ. You give me $1,000,000 a year to play hockey and I'm going to leave my teeth on the ice. I'm going to give every little fucking piece of myself. I'll train myself to deflect shots from the point with my forehead, cheekbones, etc (see Ward, Aaron). Just don't give me that shit that "the offer wasn't what we hoped it would be, but we'll get there."

Take a step back, realize that you're PLAYING A GAME AS A LIVING, and shut your suck.

Go B's.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

A Bit Off Topic...

Couple things:

Whenever it's posted, go to Youtube and watch the 1st sixty seconds of the Diego Sanchez/Clay Guida fight. I didn't think that two men could throw punches that fast and that hard. Holy shit.

Secondly: go see The Hangover. Great movie. Can't wait to buy it.

Lastly: go see Star Trek. I've been a Star Wars geek my entire life (Boba Fett, what???) and always thought that Star Trek was just ridiculous. Simliar to Christopher Nolan with the new Batman series, JJ Abrams has brought Star Trek into 2009. The movie was great and the special effects were fantastic. About five minutes from the end the movie, I finally figured out who was playing Nero. Hint: he was in Black Hawk Down, Munich, and The Hulk. Just go see it; you won't be disappointed.

Alright. Going back to the fight. Second round and they're still beating the ever-loving piss out of each other.

As always, Go B's.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Have To Take The Smiles Where You Can Find Them

Yes, their exit from the playoffs was too early. They didn't play the way they should have in the series against the Canes. Scott Walker, who is going to have a HUGE bullseye on him in just a few months, scored a garbage goal that nonetheless won the game.

What can't be taken from the team is their masterful performance during the regular season. The flatout domination, the superb teamwork, the amazing work ethic from all was a great season to watch.

Now this doesn't mean that we (as fans) or they (as players) are happy with what happened (or didn't happen, in this case). However, to fail to recognize their efforts would be ridonkulous.

Julien once again showed why he is so good at getting a group of grown men to get together and compliment each other's individual skill sets. He rarely looked angry at his players, often displaying a Zen-like calm (and not the creepy kind like Robbie Ftorek) that let his boys know that although they had messed up, he still believed in them as players.

Chara showed why he is the most dominant force in the league. Game in and game out, he played hard, hard, HARD and made teams nervous to play against him. Yes, his fighting has tailed off. This is a result of his emergence as a leader, as a force on the power play. He no longer has to scrap just to get ice time, as he did in his early days with the Isles and then with the Senators. He has matured into an on-ice leader that bleeds for his team.

And Timmy Fuckin' Thomas. Let me just say that I'm glad that he got rid of that jacked up helmet that he wore for a few years (even Arturs Irbe thought that thing was silly). His play this year, his competiveness, and his ability to let the good AND bad just roll of his shoulders so he could just play every game like it was the most important game of his career...that's what sets him apart from the rest.

As I said, another early exit from the playoffs is not what this team wanted. Regardless of this is the fact that these guys played absolutely crazy hockey this year. Yes, I would take a season filled with ups and downs but an overall Cup victory over this one...but I have never seen the Bruins play the way they did this year.

Summer is just underway, but they will be at training camp in just three short months. I will get to come home, fire up the DVR, and hear Jack and Brick make goofy-ass statements ("double-barrel offense," "compete level," etc.) before I know it. That's comforting.

No, they didn't win the holiest of holies. But they did play some great freaking hockey.

And that, friends, is something to smile upon.

Go B's.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I don't like it...

I don't like this.
I'm going to Vegas in a few days, and I'm not going to have to search for a bar to watch the B's.
I'm not counting the moments until I get home because I know I have a game to watch.
I'm not avoiding my cell phone, screening any incoming calls or texts in case someone sends me an update on the game.
I don't like this.
It was a great year. Great season. Great effort from all.
But I still don't like this.
Going to have to wait until next year (that refrain seems familiar).


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Just Win

There's about 41 million cliché's that could be said about tonight. Believe me, Versus, the NHL, and the rest of the media used pretty much all of them to build up game 7 for the Caps and Penguins. My fave was "A Game for the Ages". I guess they didn't see a totally boring blowout coming...but I digress.

The B's need to put all that shit out of their heads, show up and just win. They've got every tool to nail Carolina's coffin shut and as long as the show up using them, they'll win.
After watching NESN's airing of the History of the Boston Bruins last night, I still have goosebumps. Those goosebumps wouldn't exist if that program ended with a lukewarm, so-so team. It ended with today's Bruins who are the most exciting bunch to come along in a long,long time. Regardless of what happens tonight, it's been a joy to watch them all season. But please, just win.

Go B's.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

RIP SCOTT WALKER - JULY 19, 1973 - MAY 12, 2009

Raleigh, North Carolina-
Scott Walker, born July 19th, 1973 in Cambridge Ontario, passed away at Tuesday night at the age of 35.

Walker, a member of the Carolina Hurricane, perished after being struck by a flying, 230 lb object. Witnesses still can't say exactly what it was, but all agreed they saw a streak of black and gold, and heard a terrible sound similar to an ancient war cry. In it's aftermath, lay a pile of broken Scott Walker.

Fans and Friends of Walker all agreed this tragedy could have been prevented. Even his family acknowledged Walker should have been sitting out this match and would still be alive today. Paul Maurice was later found crying and holding himself in his truck, glasses, covered in tears and fog. He had no comment.

A funeral for Walker is being postponed. Walker who had a history of bad investments, recently forfeited his last $2,500 to the NHL. Aaron Ward is collecting a few dollars from old teammates on Carolina, Nashville, and Vancouver. He hopes to have enough for a proper burial at weeks end. Just a few days after the Bruins so kindly end Carolina's season so they can mourn for their fallen brother.

On a side note:

Aaron Ward, aka the Warrior, aka IRONMAN, plays a spectacular Game 6, despite a broken face he suffered after being bitch punched by the late Scott Walker.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Glad To See It

Last night, the Bruins played the way they did pretty much all season. They dominated physically. They rained shots down on Ward. Their forwards skated hard. The D shut everything down. If something managed to get through, Timmy showed why he is a Vezina finalist.

The series is now 3-2, and the Bruins can't let up. If they do, they'll soon be getting in fights at the 19th hole with several Habs.

The Bruins had the opportunity to coast pretty much all year due to the felonious amount of points and goals they were putting up. This was the first game, all season, that they truly had to win. An unfamiliar position for the 08-09 Bruins, but one they responded well to.

Here's hoping they keep it going.

Go B's.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Just get game 5 over with

Ward - You suck
Montador - You suck soooo much
Stuart - You're a retard and you suck
Wideman - You suck, not as much as the rest of the D, but you still suck.
Hnidy - You suck
Chara - You suck because you should be the best player on the ice and Eric Staal just made you his bitch.

Jack Edwards - You suck. Matt Huniwick is not the reason the B's have lost their edge in the play offs. Brick, slap him and take his headset away.

Carolina Fans - You suck and are a bunch of honkys. If you can tailgate year round, you shouldn't even be able to have a hockey team. I hate you.

Eric Staal - I hate you, I hate Marc, I hate Jordan, and I hate everyone on your farm. Even the sheeps.

Fuck you, you fucking fucks. You're one game away from ruining a great season. Congrats.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Offense Should Take What This Guy Took

I'm still pissed about the game last night. First period was a good effort and all looked well. They fell off the face of the eartH in the second and 3rd.



I'm sorry. I had to get that out. This is not the same B's team that dominated the regular season. No offense and shitty D does not bode well for a long playoff run.


Go B's.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Still Waiting,,,,

I have to say that I'm going a little crazy waiting for the rest of the match-ups to shake out. Having outstanding hockey every other night, and then a sweep of the hated Habs, was amazing. However, no hockey this week has left me feeling like a crack whore looking for a big score. Baby needs her dope!!!

The folks over at will be having a contest to name, among others, the Best Bruins Blog award. Make sure to stop by and cast your vote for your favorite B's blog (hint, hint).

I will now go back to killing the spiders that are crawling all over my body until the Bruins know who they are going to play.

Go B's.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

That's my Pepe. He didn't made it an actual Bruins game until March 14th, 2009.

Yesterday would have been my Pepe's 79th birthday. He passed away fifteen years ago, a passing that left his family grieving.

Pepe was the original Bruins fan, literally. He taught my mother and her brothers what it was to be a fan. He taught them to cheer for a team that always left it on the ice. He would sit on his front porch in the middle of winter, a small transistor radio in his lap, listening to the far away voice call out the play from the original Boston Garden. I imagine those nights were cold, dark affairs, as winter nights in northern Vermont are not the definition of hospitable. These were the days before NESN HD, before Jack Edwards or Dale Arnold, or even Fred Cusick.

He taught them to cheer endlessly and never forget that if you're a fan, you're in full-barrel. You don't leave your team because they're dwelling in the basement. You don't stop following because they can't stage one successful defensive zone breakout. You cheer for them regardless of how they play, because you're a fan.

I suppose that being a fan of any team is a bit like marriage, something that I will be part of sooner rather than later. There are going to be moments that are pure bliss, moments that cloud your eyes with tears. There are going to be trying times, gray days that just seem endless. Through it all you endure, as you love your significant other. You will set your jaw, take a deep breath, and believe in your heart that things will get better.

Pepe spread his love of the Bruins across all of his grandchildren. I can remember going to my grandparent's house one night when I was eight or nine. It was a school night, so it was a big deal. I remember Pepe relinquishing his chair to me. I felt like the captain of the house. I don't remember who the Bruins were playing. I remember waking up at some point with balled-up Hershey Kiss wrappers all over me. Apparently Pepe thought it was hilarious to gently toss refuse at his slumbering grandson. Serves me right for having the gall to fall asleep in the middle of a Bruins game. I must have learned my lesson; I have not done that since.

We still judge players, both on and off the Bruins, against Pepe's standards. Pepe would have loved the current mix of Bruins, especially Timmy Thomas. And I know that he would have had a proud smile on his face this past March, when my sixteen year old sister was mistaken for Johnny Bucyk's granddaughter while standing in line at The Garden.

Although a void was left in our lives when Pepe passed away, I know that each and every one of us think about him at least once during a Bruins game. Any time that Kessel scores a beauty of a breakaway goal, as he did tonight, I think of Pepe. Any time that Lucic ragdolls an unwise opponent around the ice, I think of Pepe cheering, jabbering in a language that would quickly turn to an english/french jumble that would have several of his beloved grandchildren laughing and yelling, "English, Pepe!!" I think of these times and I smile.

Tonight the Boston Bruins banished the Montreal Canadiens to the netherworld that is an early exit from the postseason.

I'm not a religious man, or even one that is very superstitious, but I like to think that Pepe was up high tonight, smiling down on his team and his family.

So tonight, Pepe, on a night that you would have been 79 years and 1 day old, I raise a CC and ginger to you, jingling the ice cubes just a bit. We all miss you and love you very much.

Go B's.

Not to beat a dead horse...

To all the Habs fans: watch and learn.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Little something to get your blood going...

1. Turn your speakers up.
2. Turn them up some more.
3. Hit "play."
4. Enjoy.

Araev posted this one last year, but it still gives me cold chills.

Let's go Boys! Put these fuckers out of their misery!!!

I would like to thank Bob Gainey

If the Bruins go on to take the series following a 4-2 victory in Game 3 last night, Bob Gainey's decision to play Carey Price will most likely be the catalyst of his termination. He'll forever have to look over his shoulder for those retarded fans that live in the NOW moment and forget all the blood and sweat he gave the organization over his career.

That being said and from the bottom of my heart, Thank You, Mr. Gainey. Your choice to play Price has resulted in my team going up 3-0 against the only team in the NHL that makes me break out in hives.

Montreal came out like a group of Hell's Angels on a three day homecooked meth binge, hitting everything in sight. If this was last year, the Bruins would have been down by 3 after the first five minutes. However, the boys hunkered down, made simple passes, and weathered the storm. Last night the Habs reminded me a late summer storm that has turned the clouds to the west as black as The Nothing in The Neverending Story. I kept waiting for the Rock-Biter to come by my house and try to pick up me and the racing snail. The clouds build and build and build. They finally hit and the high winds buffet the house, shaking its foundation. The surprising part is that it only lasts about seven minutes instead of the days and days of apocalypse that were expected.

Last night, the Habs came out with all sorts of bluster and energy. They just couldn't keep it up. Injuries, lack of offense, and a sad little boy in their net lead to their demise. A major strength of the B's is their ridiculous depth. They got four goals last night, and their regular season leading scorer Marc Savard had nothing on the score sheet, except for a -1. Everyone else picks up their play when the other guys are quiet. That, coupled with the play of Vezina candidate Thomas, put them in the position they're in.

I would still be surprised if the Bruins sweep the Habs right out, but we'll have to wait and see.

And to you motherfuckers that boo national anthems: sadly this is not something that is limited to Montreal, as it would give me just one more reason to hate all your asses. When the song is being sung, clasp your hands in front of you and Shut. The. Fuck. Up. If it's your national anthem, put your hand over your heart. You don't need to sing, but you need to Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Don't take a sip of your beer, don't point out something to your buddy, don't do a fucking thing. Stand there for the sixty seconds and Shut. The. Fuck. Up. This goes for every national anthem. I don't care if it's Russia's or Iraq's or fucking Kerplakistan's. I don't care if it's obvious that some poor little country "wrote" some fucking song that sounds exactly like "Wake Me Up Before You Go" by Wham!. Shut your fucking suckholes and afford some fucking respect to a country's song.

And God fucking help you if I'm within choking distance when I see you disrespecting a national anthem, you classless assclots.

Game 4 wednesday night. Go B's.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

*****BREAKING NEWS******

Photo courtesy Michelle Lemaire

"At approximately 8:21PM, Montreal police were dispatched to the corner of Avenue Lincoln and Rue Du Fort following a report of a despondent woman stopping traffic.
SPVM spokesman Alain Fremeau reported that responding officers made contact with the female, who was found to be carrying the shattered remains of a goalie stick in her left hand. After refusing to drop the stick, the officers were forced to use pepper spray to subdue the female. Michelle Lemaire, who witnessed the incident and provided the above photo of the female, said that 'she was in traffic, sort of humping this Mercedes that had stopped for the light. When the guy got out of his car, she started screaming something about some guy named 'Savard.' Then she started making this noise that sounded like 'chhhhhhhhaaaaaaaarrrra CHHHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRA charrraaaaa.' It was really creepy.' Two officers were taken to a local hospital with bite wounds and have been placed on bloodborne pathogen treatment. The female was tentatively identified as Montreal Canadiens goalie Carey Price. Price was summarily released on bond approximately three hours after the incident into the custody of Evgeny Milkhanov, a Russian national thought to be associated with the Canadiens' hockey club. When reached for comment, Canadiens' coach/GM Bob Gainey stated, 'Well, I guess that clears up who is starting monday night, huh?'"

Jesus, I always thought Price was a pretty boy. Fucker looks waaaaaaaaaaaaaay different when he's not in his gear.

2-0, Just In Case Anyone Is Keeping Track...

Gonna be a simple post today.
The Bruins PP showed its teeth last night. 3 for 5 on with the Habs a man down. Great puck movement had the Habs looking like their feet were in concrete.
Patrice Bergeron responding to an attempted high elbow by Georges. Who knew that Patty Cake could throw? Who knew that he was a southpaw? That last shot that dropped Georges was a beauty.

That sound you heard after Ryder put one past Price with about two seconds left in the period was Price's fragile psyche shattering into a million pieces.
Savvy is alive and well. Four points is nothing to sneeze at. There was one play where he should have shot, but he passed it off. He has shaken his "selfish" image.

Shane "Bootknife" Hnidy. The guy played tough, solid hockey all year with Caveman Stuart. I was a little pissed when he started getting scratched, but he's a professional and will play the same game regardless of his time on ice. Watching him rip a wrister past Price was good to see.


Lucic and the crosscheck. Looch plays hard, hard hockey. This crosscheck was a bit too much, even for me. I just checked and still can't find anything about getting a game or two off from the NHL. Regardless, I think that Looch learned that there is a line, even in playoff hockey. Just drop the gloves. Don't slash, butt-end, or gouge. Drop 'em and break some faces. No one has an issue with that.

The "Hey hey hey, goodbye" was a bit fucking premature. There is still a lot of hockey left to play. I have confidence in the boys, but why the fuck set them up like that? Karma is a motherfucker.

There aren't many Canadiens that I like, but Bouillon is one of them. Looks like he went down again with an injury, which is too bad. That little fucker plays HARD and he brings quite a bit of grit to the team. Hopefully he'll get well so he can play again shortly. His presence on the Habs blueline makes the Bruins keep their head up, which results in a better game.
Metropolit is another one. He played great hockey for the B's last year, and I wish him success wherever he is. I forgot how much of a slippery little fucker he is. Great 'stache, too. I bet he has The A Team airbrushed on the hood of his '84 van.

The next game can't happen soon enough. I'm curious to see what Gainey will do with their goalie situation. Anyone could see that Price was rattled as shit. Will Halak get in or will Gainey put Pretty Boy back in there? Either way, he is going to get second-guessed to death by the fans and the media. Tough spot.

The Bruins gotta keep it up. It's going to LOUD in Montreal. Constant chants and everyone is on their feet pretty much the entire time. I hear them start cheering and my guts start roiling. The best way to shut them up is to score three early. Half the arena will clear out.

That's all I got.

Go B's.

Friday, April 17, 2009

You likea da sauce?

B's are up 1-0 on the Habs. Great game last night.

Looch started early with a thunderous hit on the far boards. The Bruins fell off a bit in the second, with Timmy making some pretty good saves to keep them in it.

I think that NASA might want to look into the technology in Kovalev's stick, because that shot was an absolute bomb. If a puck is going to go in, I don't really mind when it's like that. Great shot.

That said, I was not impressed with the play of the Habs. Boston could have quickly put it out of reach by going up 3-0, but their power play just didn't have its mojo....until Big Z drilled one past Price. I think that puck going by him that fast might have caused PTSD. We'll have to wait and see.

Much was made about the Canadiens deciding to dress Laraque. Supposedly Lucic was going to pay for what he did to Komi, as if he was 5'9" and 140 pounds, as opposed to being the same fucking size as Looch. Are the Habs fans retarded? Why does Komi need someone else to fight his battles? He plays hard and I respect him for that. Komi is exactly the type of player that the instigator rule was created for. He needs someone else to protect him. What a load of crap. Apparently he has no problem punching much smaller guys in the head, albeit with his gloves still velcroed to the sleeves of his jersey. Watching him rabbit-punch Hunwick in the head as the 3rd period ended had me laughing. Hunwick had the look on his face that you give your little sister when she's pestering you to let her try Playstation: "DUDE, KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!" If this was thirty years ago, Komi would solve his own problems. He does not. Each time he backs down, that sound you hear in the background is John Ferguson spinning like a top in his grave.

The Canadiens could put eleven guys out there and still not get a bench minor for Too Many Men On The Ice. The refs see that there really aren't too many men on this team, so they'll be good to go if they want to take advantage of the loophole.

If this were the regular season, someone might have dropped with Laraque. It is the playoffs. Fights are rare. Because no one fought with him, the Habs fans will be saying that the Bruins are a bunch of pussies. Let them run their mouths.

Putting Laraque on a line with Suckmy Koivu and Comrade Kovalev was.........interesting. I thought that Bob Gainey was one of the smartest people in hockey, but after seeing that, I think he may have an inoperable brain tumor. We'll know for sure if he signs Russ Courtnall and the deceased John Kordic to a two week contract. Word is he's also trying to bring Shayne Corson back. If this happens, there is no doubt Neely will suit up. Could get interesting. Stay tuned.

And for all the blind Hab fans that are saying Looch is a thug, stats don't lie:

Laraque: 13:12 played, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 points, 2 shots on net, and 0 PIMS. No big hits to note, either. He looked like a bloated, reanimated corpse that someone would stand up, put on the ice, and shove towards the net, starting to slow down, knees locked, a little drool falling from his mouth. He would eventually stop gliding, at which point he would be collected at the next TV timeout. Pretty sure it said "Franken-Raque" on his jersey, too.

Lucic: 13:45 played, 0 goals, 2 assists, +2, 1 shot on net, and 12 pims. Several hits that brought the fans to their feet.

The Bruins have to get their power play going and continue to fight throughout the second period.
Can't wait for saturday night. Go B's.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Let me just start by saying that I am enormously entertained by the shit that was stirred up in that last post by my fellow blogger. I'll have her back until the day I die.

Living so close to Montreal (about an hour away), the logical choice for a favorite hockey team growing up would have been the Habs. The fact that John LeClair, a hometown boy, played several years for Montreal should have driven me to wear the bleu, blanc, et rouge.

Playing street hockey, I could have drawn on The Rocket's aggression, or channeled Boom Boom's shot. I could have taken my hat off and pretended I was Guy Lafleur, the wind blowing my hair back as I flew towards the net. I could have pretended to be Saint Patrick, talking to the plastic goal posts in english and french.

Having family from Quebec, I should have done been a Habs fan until the day that I die.

Alas, I am not. I hate the Canadiens. Strong word. It fits.

Montreal has always inspired a visceral reaction for me. I see the jerseys and I want to get violent. Call that "typical American," call it immature, call it what you wish. I simply do not care.

I see that jersey and I feel my jaw set. My neck muscles stiffen. My respiration increases. I subconsciouly flex my hands. I'm ready for a confrontation.

Some great hockey has been played by both teams over the last several decades. Each team has a proud, proud history. It's compelling to see how much the rivalry has come back in the last three years.

The league would do well to market the living hell out of this series. Enough of the Red Wings or the expansion teams that have made it to the post-season for the first time. Focus on two original six teams that have had their share of ups and downs. Proud clubs that can rightly say they were there when the Stanley Cup was just that, a shiny little bowl that grown men would battle and bleed and cry for.

That being said, I'm going to laugh my ass off when the Bruins thrash the living shit out of the club that has had such a proud centennial year.

New coach, headcase pretty boy goalie, euro-trash brothers doing candy up the nose, supposed "stud" defenseman refusing to answer the bell when he hits someone, a midget for a captain that gets away with more than Gretzky, Lemieux, and Crosby EVER got away with combined, the constant whining and pissing and moaning like a pregnant chick on a humid August day, going on and on about how swollen her ankles are and just how bad she wants to eat an entire birthday cake and then wash it down with the juice from a pickle jar.....

That's what a Canadien player and their fans are to me.

Shut your collective mouths. Go check your beaver traps one more time before tomorrow night. Angle that make sure you can pick up the analog signal issuing forth from CBC's studio.

It will be settled on the ice. It will be taken care of shortly.

Go Bruins.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Exponential Douchebaggery

Canadien's Class of 2009 Superlatives

Mike Komisarek - Most Likely to be in the Middle of Shit

I start off this list with my least hated Hab. Simply because he is the only one with a pair of balls you can see without a microscope. He plays tough and because the Bruins don't like to repeatedly beat up women, he often bears the grunt of their force. If he goes to a real team this summer, I'll change his superlative to Most Likely to Succeed.

Andrei Markov - Best Defensemen

Oh wait, the only decent defenseman the Habs have is hurt? Isn't that a pity.

Tomas Plecanek - Most Invisible

Does he still play on the Habs?

Maxim Laperrier/Ryan O'Byrne (Tie)- Most Likely to be Killed

The Bruins will only take so much of yappers and turtlers who won't back up their bark. Neely's been teaching the B's the art of throwing a turtler head first into the boards all week. Hnidy may bypass all of that though and just stab them.

Andrei Kostitsyn- Most Ugly

Even Habs fans need to agree.

Josh Georges - Highest Scoring Defenseman

On his own freaking goal. hahaahaha.

Alexei Kovalev - Most Likely to play Hooky, not Hockey

Kovy cares more about Kovy than anything else in the world. Will he show up?? Nah. He's a self centered pussy to the tenth degree.

George Laraques - Class Clown

This big piece of nothing hasn't done anything substantial in the enforcer role. He's pretty much a 253 lb joke on skates. Nice braids Beyonce.

Saku Koivu - Class Slasher/Diver

This little fucker gets away with murder. If the ref's don't make him pay the B's will.

Carey Price - Headcase of the Class

I almost gave this superlative to Kovalev, but when it came down to it, Kovy isn't a headcase, he's a prick. Carey on the other hand was this moldable, nice, country loving young man who was totally mindfucked by Montreal(remember Jocelyn Thibault?). His confidence is as shaky has his performances. I'm just glad the B's aren't facing the Price they faced last year at playoff time.

Canadiens Fanbase/Media/Organization- Most Delusional

You love them, you hate them, you want to tear down Montreal, you want to build it even bigger. You're love/hate for the Habs is like a yo-yo. Quite entertaining really. You always think the Has are better than they are and you always think they are worse than they are. Down some Xanex and chill. And btw, the fact that Price was awarded the Molson Cup, aka, Habs Player of the Year, just put the nail in the delusional column for me. Perhaps you're trying to give the little headcase a slap in the ass before the playoffs, but personally, if someone gave me an employee of the year award after I lost the company's funds, I think I'd see it as a slap in the face not an encouraging pat on the bottom. I don't care how many effing stars he accrued. Tards.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The B's gave you that point so they can kick your ass in the playoffs

Last night's game was a little redonk, but in a good way. They B's showed they are the tougher, better, and believe it or not classier team (see when O'Byrne turtled like a bitch after he bumped Thornton).

Yes, the B's may be a little rough around the edges, a little raw, and yes one has a fumanchu, but they out classed the Habs in every way last night. (Yes, Looch got a little out of hand last night, but who wouldn't want to give Komo a little face wash?)

Player of the game for me? Lil Patty. He really found his game last night. He was a bad ass and played beautifully. Maybe buzzing his shiny, girly, Quebec, hair brought him back to life.

Favorite Moment of the Night? Reading Thornton's mouth as he yelled to a terrified O'Byrne in the next penalty box over. I'm pretty sure it had notes of, I'm going to fucking kill you, You're dead, etc. Hnidy is brandishing a shiv for Thornton for the next match up so he can make good on his promise. I've missed you the past few games my friend.

I don't have much more as I am in a bit of mourning this morning for the Catamounts, although I'm proud of their effort. I leave you with some words.

A word to Special Jack:
Refer to the picture above. I don't know how you would "toboggan" as a child, but this really doesn't relate. A conga line 'o fight would be more appropriate. Also, I have taken 6 years of Latin, got a 780 in verbal on my SATs and I still had to look up a word you used last night. I still love you in your own "special" way though.

And finally a word to NESN:
I have a rant coming up, reminiscent of when I told you to go fuck yourselves last year. Pretty much consists of the same content, but I plan to make it a tad bit more mean this time around. Stay Tuned.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Celine Dion looking to bid for the Habs along with Cirque du Soleil Founder

No joke. I couldn't make that shit up. And I thought they couldn't get any gayer. Maybe next year the Habs will hit the ice by repelling from the ceiling on glittery ropes. Or the new goal song will be, My Heart Will Go On. Kovy will skate around the ice after each goal, golden hair blowing in the wind, ice dancing, with a tear in his eye. And the Queebs will rejoice, reapply their hair gel and sip their overly sweetened Cokes.

The B's REALLY have to take care of business tonight. Men vs. Celine's future bitches. It's a thing of beauty.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A trip down Memory Lane with Timothy Thomas

While Timmy T is preping for les Habs tomorrow night, you have to believe that a little part of him will be thinking of his alma mater and the battle they also face.

UVM clawed their way to the 2009 Frozen Four in Washington, after being handed a Hockey East thomping at the hands of U-Mass Lowell (aka the kids that didn't get into Amherst).

This sends me back to my sophomore year of high school when me and my good pal at the time were granted early dismisal from our parents to watch UVM's last venture to the Frozen Four in Colorado, circa 1997. My sophomoric crush was on Timmy T. I thought he was dreamy and pretty much the best goaltender ever. Words can not describe my sadness when the puck bounced off of Timmy Thomas' ass in to the UVM goal over the puddle of melting ice in OT. I thought my love affair with Timmy T was over. Little did I know 12 years later, he'd be back in my heart, leading the B's to the Stanley Cup playoffs (tear).

So as the Cats take on BU Thursday (BTW, you may have heard that BU's pretty good this year), Timmy T will be taking the ice against the Habs with a little part of his heart in D.C. Cheer for the Cat's with me, as a cheer for UVM is a cheer for TT.



Friday, April 3, 2009

And the Bruins and Fans Rejoice!

TIM THOMAS. Timmy T has signed a deal with the B's worth aboot 15 million and will keep him in Beantown for 3 more years! I mentioned I love him? Now TT can focus on the Cup and I can sleep at night. Nightmares of the B's letting go of TT and signing EE again this summer have been terrifying.
Now if we can just make the evil enchilada disappear...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

They're back....

Four straight. Ain't nothin' wrong with cornbread!

A few random comments on last night's game:

Chara went after Artichoke like a fat kid goes after the last gummi bear. I hope the linesman didn't get hurt too badly trying to keep them apart.

I couldn't stop laughing when Lucic quickly rearranged that dude's face. Did you see his helmet? It looked like a hooker had been living in it. I don't think he realized who he was messing with.

Big ups to Lecavalier. An all-star player, he decided that he was going to phone-in his performance last night.

Does anyone else think that Stamkos looks a muppet? Freaky.

Obviously they put Timmy in Manny's uniform last night. There's no way they would have gotten out of there with a W if Un Pollo Loco had been in net.

I miss Hnidy.

That's all I got.

Go B's.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Let the countdown begin...

Three in a row.

If you're a fan of the Tampa Bay Lightning fan, this would be something to get excited about. Not so much if you're a fan of the Black and Gold. These guys were reeling off ridiculous streaks at the start of the year. Streaks that made true fans pinch themselves...and then pinch themselves again. Is this REALLY the Bruins? Could they truly be this good???

Boston has been mired in a funk for the last month or so that has seen them remain atop of their division and the conference ONLY because they played such insane hockey in the beginning of the year.

Three in a row. They beat the goalie with the most wins in the history of the game 4-1. One was ugly (thank you, Manny). Last night's game against the Goddamn Flyers (as I'm beginning to think of them) was a great, great game. There was a stretch in the 2nd period where I just couldn't believe the tempo, the effort, and the skill shown by both teams.
Three wins in a row does not make or break a team's habits, good or bad. The Bruins relaxed a bit and thanks to Timmy Thomas, got out of there with a win. The Goddamn Flyers were pushing hard, but Timmy was there with a quick save every single time.

Their scorers are shooting again. The defense is hitting again. Timmy is making crazy saves that make my back groan in pain. Recchi is showing that even at 42, he's a consumate pro that skates and skates and skates. If some of the younger guys (I'm looking at you, Lucic and Kessel) put in the effort that he has every night of his career, they would already be on top of their games instead of the slower pace they seem to be following. Don't get me wrong; Looch and Ol' One Nut have had good seasons, but we all know they can do more.

Boston seems to be shaking the webs loose just in time for the real season to begin. Playoff hockey changes teams. It makes mere mortals gods and makes management question the intestinal fortitude of the so-called superstars.

Case in point: last year when the Bruins snuck in and faced off against the Canadiens, the boys played like Julien had their children hidden in a dungeon somewhere. They played like psychos and pushed it to seven games. The Habs obviously thought that the Bruins were going to roll over, show them their bellies, and pee on themselves. This was not the case.

Now that the playoffs are near, they need to concentrate on playing the hockey that got them to this point. Hard, fast, motivated hockey. Julien expects each player to leave it on the ice after every single shift, regardless of their average time on ice. He has shown that he will reward the players that do this and outright challenge the ones that aren't.

I can't stop thinking that if the Bruins meet the Goddamn Flyers in the playoffs, it will be murderous, brutal hockey. Does anyone remember when the Flyers played the Panthers years ago? The Panthers came in as this fringe team that was expected to go 0 and 4. The battles between Jovanovski and Lindros had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. Imagine seven games with Mike Richards (would have made a great Bruin) and the Tree-Hugging Ference battling it out? Imagine Hartnell versus Chara/Stuart/Lucic/everyone else in a Bruins jersey??? These thoughts are getting me excited.

As I've written in the past, an NHL season is a long affair with many ups and downs. The Bruins were almost entirely up this year. They are emerging from really their only down. Just in time.

Just in time to go in and make all sorts of noise. Just in time to show the league that they're not a flash in the pan, just a group of players that have played well together this year. Just in time for Savvy to shake, once and for all, the reputation of a player that will do just enough to get by. Just in time for Chara to show everyone that Lidstrom is no longer the best d-man in the league. Just in time for Timmy to show everyone that he can do this.

The time is now. And holy shit, I can't wait.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

While the Bruins are on Spring Break...

Since the B's have a 10 week break between games right now (and then finish up the season playing almost every other night), I've been able to focus my attention on other games. And last night was a good night to start. It looks like the B's not only proved their Eastern Conference dominance, but set Marty on a shaky course. Flyers owned the Devils, 4-2, last night which is much needed due to the fact the B's can't make the distance between them and NJ til the weekend. While the Bruins have one of the shorter schedules left, this week will see the other teams like NJ playing catch up and will be pretty even with games left by Saturday.
Panthers beat Hurricane's with a score of 4-2 last night and are now tied with the Habs for 8th. But as it stands, Habs win the tie breaker. I swear Gillette bought some points in January when no one was looking. How can such a sucky team still be in it? Florida plays Philly tonight, Habs play Atlanta. Hopefully the Thrashers can muster only a little suckiness tonight so the Habs will be suckier than them. Bottomline is, Panthers win and Habs lose tonight, Habs are FINALLY out of the top 8.
B's catch a flight from Cancun on Friday to face the Leafs on Saturday. Let's hope they shake off their tans and hangovers enough to start making that gap between themselves and the Devils a chasm.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Vote for Timmy!

Remember that segment on Sesame Street when they have a group of things and one of those things don't belong with the others? Well, the new Mark Messier Leadership award has been posted on, and obviously the people who picked the nominee's were big fans of that segment. You may vote for:

Tim Thomas
Vincent Lecavalier
Alexei Kovalev

You are all smart people so I'll let you figure out which one in no way, shape, or form is a LEADER.

But for real, sign on and VOTE FOR TIMMY! (You could also win a trip to the final)


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Time for drama people

I've noticed that when the Bruins don't play for anumber of days, it becomes like a soap opera cliff hanger for me. Especially when they end on a sour note. Complete with the narrator asking questions at the end of the episode over dramatic, foreshadowing music. So here are the cliffhangers that have been in my head for the past few days. I can't wait for them to be wiped away by a big win over the Kings so I can get on with worrying about other things like the economy, terrorism, and hoping my new marriage makes it through the playoffs.

Will Julien's mini training camp be enough to wake up the slumbering Bruins after their days off????

Will Wideman be able to suck up the rest of his suckiness and NEVER play that sucky again???

Will Fernandez finally eat one of the poisoned burrito's I leave on his porch every night???

Will Chara come back refereshed and satisfied after his days off of eating villagers????

Will Thomas once again prove himself to be the bestest goalie around and lead the B's to the Cup????

Will Wheeler shake off his late season uglies, stay out of the box, and stop turning over pucks????

Will Kessel finally have discovered Pro Active and comes back so confident he net's 50 before the season's end???

Will Wardo feel inspired by his new Rambo style posters and come back as the old Wardo we all know and love???


Tune in to the next episode of Boston Bruins Hockey for these answers and MORE!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Brodeur's St. Patrick's Day Party

I don't know any real Bruins fan who can say they LIKE Patrick Roy. It should be impossible to get those words out of your mouth. It's like saying you liked the bout of staph infection you struggled with in the 90's.
So I have been pretty happy to watch Martin Brodeur climb to the top of the record books and finally overtaking Roy's 551 wins last night. He's much easier on the eyes than Roy as well. And how fitting to do it on St. Patrick's Day.

Congratulations Marty! Now that you have the record, I herby hex you to suck ass the rest of the season and playoffs.

Monday, March 16, 2009

When Wideman sucks, he sucks big time.

Go Big or Go Home. Dennis Wideman lives by this code, yet he seems to go both ways with it. Wideman was a great acquisition by the B's, but man, when he sucks, he SUCKS. Normally, he plays great, has great games, is a great defenseman. But he's had several games this year when his suckiness is so great that I wonder if he woke up with amnesia those mornings and forgot how to play hockey.

The first time this happened this year was against the St. Louis Blues. He should have been awarded assists on several of the Blue's goals. At that point, I chalked it up to nerves going up against your the team that traded you.

Then it happened a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. Don't get me wrong, the B's are a better team with Wideman on it. His name should be thrown around in Norris talk. Plus he's one of the more attractive B's, so it's normally a plus to see him out there. However, it becomes very obvious, very quickly when Denny is having one of those games. Bench him. I'm sure he wouldn't care. On his off nights, he's usually responsible for about 2 of the other teams goals. Many of those off of his own sakes. Save him the guilt and bench him. Throw Hnidy a bone on those nights and we can all wipe his bad games out of memory.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Nesn IS weird.

My husband always goes off about how weird Nesn is and how much he hates them. I never gave it much thought because his one flaw is that he is a crazy Habs fan and figured he was totally prejudice, but although I don't hate Nesn, I recently agreed with one of his statements. It IS weird.

It all started crashing in on me when Jack Edwards Bingo was brought to the attention of viewers. But Jack is just the tip of the quirkiness iceberg that is the current Nesn broadcast team. When you start to really dissect the broadcast and put all the quirks together, it's has really become a top notch comedic performance. Far beyond the simple years of Gord and Dale when the craziest shiznit that went down was Gord spilling things like drinks and M&M's.

Let's start with the obvious. Jack. He's annoying, but lovable I suppose. It is nice to hear his excitement, but I'm starting to think the Bingo hoopla is going to his head. He's trying some new material and it's getting weird. Last night my sister pointed out an off color comment after Axelsson was rocked by a couple senators. "They made a sandwich out of PJ and he was all too happy to be the peanut butter." What does that even mean?? This is even starting to rub off on Brick. He's been saying some weird shit lately too.

Next obvious is KTapp. She's a beautiful girl, but she does everything in her power to camouflage that. She dresses like a dowdy, uptight aunt who get's second hand 80's wear. Awkward bows, First lady jackets, weird lines and darts, and a woman with arms that long should not wear 3/4 length sleeves. I desperately want to submit her tape to What not to Wear. Or take her on a spree down Newbury. Or call up Hazel. She knew how to work it. My most recent theory as to why she dresses this way is that her fiancé is super jealous and asks her to be as busted as possible on the air.

Less obvious is Naoko Funyama. I probably spelt that wrong, but I'm don't care enough to look it up right now. Never did I think there would be someone less appealing rinkside than Rob Simpson. But I was proven wrong. Not only is she sucky at her interviews, but have you noticed that the camera guy NEVER gets her in the shot or always shoots the back of her head? I feel like her team is the AV Club from Quincy high school and she's just doing interviews to air during the daily announcements in the morning. Actually, that's rude. They'd probably do a better job.

Finally, the tension has become more and more obvious. Watching Gord and Millbury "interact" is becoming painful. At first, it was kinda funny, assuming that it was just all in good fun. But now it's like watching a couple on the verge of divorce. You just want to leave the room. They hate each other. Really. Last night as they were looking at all old fight reels, I was expecting the segment to end with Gord calling Mike a pussy and Mike trying to beat him with his shoe. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this did actually go down before year's end. Mike also has some tense moments with Barry, but Gord is Mike's true nemesis.

But just like an annoying little brother, you've gotta love Nesn anyway. Infact, I think these quirks make Nesn even more lovable. You can't hate them, it's like hating a handicapped child. That's wrong.

BTW, pretty excited Boston pulled out a win last night, even though they had me wincing and closing my eyes a lot in the third. Wardo awakening was pretty super as well. Sherriff and I will be at Saturday's game and three things better go down.
1- The Sam Adams must flow
2-I want a green B's hat
3-The Bruins better kick the shit out of the Islanders.

PS. Where in the world is Nifty?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Let me get it out of they way because its burning on my tongue.

Ok, now that's out of the way, I have some questions/comments.

Really, Dumas? You don't have a back up helmet for your goaltender? Really? Manny's mask probably smelled of tortillas and cheese. Would you want to be stuck in that? Really!

Really Savard? You can't get a shot off yet, you are still working on fancy little behind the back passes and drop passes? Really??? Here's a thought. Try skating it in and taking a shot. Goes for you too Krecji. Neely said back to basics, not back to fancy ass dipsy doodle bull shit malarkey. REALLY!

Really Kathryn? Since when do eggplant sweaters with a droopy bow seem like a good idea? I'm really surprised you didn't sport snowmen sweater vests during the holidays. You are a cute girl, but where the F did you get your dowdy fashion sense? And I'm not even really surprised that no one at NESN has told you to spruce up your wardrobe since no one at NESN has introduced Jack to teeth whiteners. But don't you have friends? If mi Amiga were on TV looking like that, there would be an intervention asap. Really.

Really Brick? I normally love you, but the term, "High Compete Factor" is nonsense. Really. You are using it like a catch phrase. Enough already.

Really Boston? You really can't sum up a fucking goal to get a point out of a game against the armpit of America? Stop assuming Timmy can keep posting shut outs. TT should have way more W's in his stats, but unfortunately your inability to score goals for him is unreal. Really. He's going to have to play the rest of the games this season due to the total incompetence of his #2, so the least you could do is give the poor man some breathing room. Did you guys give up scoring for Lent? REALLY!

Really #1 Team in the League? Columbus beat you. You looked like sperm bouncing off a diaphragm when attempting to enter the offensive zone, spinning around like tops in the neutral zone after hitting the wall. I have never seen such a clusterF in my life. You looked like Timbits, not Bruins. Really.

Get yourselves together boys or Ovie's gonna be singing his way to the Cup Finals.