Monday, April 27, 2009

Still Waiting,,,,

I have to say that I'm going a little crazy waiting for the rest of the match-ups to shake out. Having outstanding hockey every other night, and then a sweep of the hated Habs, was amazing. However, no hockey this week has left me feeling like a crack whore looking for a big score. Baby needs her dope!!!

The folks over at will be having a contest to name, among others, the Best Bruins Blog award. Make sure to stop by and cast your vote for your favorite B's blog (hint, hint).

I will now go back to killing the spiders that are crawling all over my body until the Bruins know who they are going to play.

Go B's.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

That's my Pepe. He didn't made it an actual Bruins game until March 14th, 2009.

Yesterday would have been my Pepe's 79th birthday. He passed away fifteen years ago, a passing that left his family grieving.

Pepe was the original Bruins fan, literally. He taught my mother and her brothers what it was to be a fan. He taught them to cheer for a team that always left it on the ice. He would sit on his front porch in the middle of winter, a small transistor radio in his lap, listening to the far away voice call out the play from the original Boston Garden. I imagine those nights were cold, dark affairs, as winter nights in northern Vermont are not the definition of hospitable. These were the days before NESN HD, before Jack Edwards or Dale Arnold, or even Fred Cusick.

He taught them to cheer endlessly and never forget that if you're a fan, you're in full-barrel. You don't leave your team because they're dwelling in the basement. You don't stop following because they can't stage one successful defensive zone breakout. You cheer for them regardless of how they play, because you're a fan.

I suppose that being a fan of any team is a bit like marriage, something that I will be part of sooner rather than later. There are going to be moments that are pure bliss, moments that cloud your eyes with tears. There are going to be trying times, gray days that just seem endless. Through it all you endure, as you love your significant other. You will set your jaw, take a deep breath, and believe in your heart that things will get better.

Pepe spread his love of the Bruins across all of his grandchildren. I can remember going to my grandparent's house one night when I was eight or nine. It was a school night, so it was a big deal. I remember Pepe relinquishing his chair to me. I felt like the captain of the house. I don't remember who the Bruins were playing. I remember waking up at some point with balled-up Hershey Kiss wrappers all over me. Apparently Pepe thought it was hilarious to gently toss refuse at his slumbering grandson. Serves me right for having the gall to fall asleep in the middle of a Bruins game. I must have learned my lesson; I have not done that since.

We still judge players, both on and off the Bruins, against Pepe's standards. Pepe would have loved the current mix of Bruins, especially Timmy Thomas. And I know that he would have had a proud smile on his face this past March, when my sixteen year old sister was mistaken for Johnny Bucyk's granddaughter while standing in line at The Garden.

Although a void was left in our lives when Pepe passed away, I know that each and every one of us think about him at least once during a Bruins game. Any time that Kessel scores a beauty of a breakaway goal, as he did tonight, I think of Pepe. Any time that Lucic ragdolls an unwise opponent around the ice, I think of Pepe cheering, jabbering in a language that would quickly turn to an english/french jumble that would have several of his beloved grandchildren laughing and yelling, "English, Pepe!!" I think of these times and I smile.

Tonight the Boston Bruins banished the Montreal Canadiens to the netherworld that is an early exit from the postseason.

I'm not a religious man, or even one that is very superstitious, but I like to think that Pepe was up high tonight, smiling down on his team and his family.

So tonight, Pepe, on a night that you would have been 79 years and 1 day old, I raise a CC and ginger to you, jingling the ice cubes just a bit. We all miss you and love you very much.

Go B's.

Not to beat a dead horse...

To all the Habs fans: watch and learn.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Little something to get your blood going...

1. Turn your speakers up.
2. Turn them up some more.
3. Hit "play."
4. Enjoy.

Araev posted this one last year, but it still gives me cold chills.

Let's go Boys! Put these fuckers out of their misery!!!

I would like to thank Bob Gainey

If the Bruins go on to take the series following a 4-2 victory in Game 3 last night, Bob Gainey's decision to play Carey Price will most likely be the catalyst of his termination. He'll forever have to look over his shoulder for those retarded fans that live in the NOW moment and forget all the blood and sweat he gave the organization over his career.

That being said and from the bottom of my heart, Thank You, Mr. Gainey. Your choice to play Price has resulted in my team going up 3-0 against the only team in the NHL that makes me break out in hives.

Montreal came out like a group of Hell's Angels on a three day homecooked meth binge, hitting everything in sight. If this was last year, the Bruins would have been down by 3 after the first five minutes. However, the boys hunkered down, made simple passes, and weathered the storm. Last night the Habs reminded me a late summer storm that has turned the clouds to the west as black as The Nothing in The Neverending Story. I kept waiting for the Rock-Biter to come by my house and try to pick up me and the racing snail. The clouds build and build and build. They finally hit and the high winds buffet the house, shaking its foundation. The surprising part is that it only lasts about seven minutes instead of the days and days of apocalypse that were expected.

Last night, the Habs came out with all sorts of bluster and energy. They just couldn't keep it up. Injuries, lack of offense, and a sad little boy in their net lead to their demise. A major strength of the B's is their ridiculous depth. They got four goals last night, and their regular season leading scorer Marc Savard had nothing on the score sheet, except for a -1. Everyone else picks up their play when the other guys are quiet. That, coupled with the play of Vezina candidate Thomas, put them in the position they're in.

I would still be surprised if the Bruins sweep the Habs right out, but we'll have to wait and see.

And to you motherfuckers that boo national anthems: sadly this is not something that is limited to Montreal, as it would give me just one more reason to hate all your asses. When the song is being sung, clasp your hands in front of you and Shut. The. Fuck. Up. If it's your national anthem, put your hand over your heart. You don't need to sing, but you need to Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Don't take a sip of your beer, don't point out something to your buddy, don't do a fucking thing. Stand there for the sixty seconds and Shut. The. Fuck. Up. This goes for every national anthem. I don't care if it's Russia's or Iraq's or fucking Kerplakistan's. I don't care if it's obvious that some poor little country "wrote" some fucking song that sounds exactly like "Wake Me Up Before You Go" by Wham!. Shut your fucking suckholes and afford some fucking respect to a country's song.

And God fucking help you if I'm within choking distance when I see you disrespecting a national anthem, you classless assclots.

Game 4 wednesday night. Go B's.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

*****BREAKING NEWS******

Photo courtesy Michelle Lemaire

"At approximately 8:21PM, Montreal police were dispatched to the corner of Avenue Lincoln and Rue Du Fort following a report of a despondent woman stopping traffic.
SPVM spokesman Alain Fremeau reported that responding officers made contact with the female, who was found to be carrying the shattered remains of a goalie stick in her left hand. After refusing to drop the stick, the officers were forced to use pepper spray to subdue the female. Michelle Lemaire, who witnessed the incident and provided the above photo of the female, said that 'she was in traffic, sort of humping this Mercedes that had stopped for the light. When the guy got out of his car, she started screaming something about some guy named 'Savard.' Then she started making this noise that sounded like 'chhhhhhhhaaaaaaaarrrra CHHHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRA charrraaaaa.' It was really creepy.' Two officers were taken to a local hospital with bite wounds and have been placed on bloodborne pathogen treatment. The female was tentatively identified as Montreal Canadiens goalie Carey Price. Price was summarily released on bond approximately three hours after the incident into the custody of Evgeny Milkhanov, a Russian national thought to be associated with the Canadiens' hockey club. When reached for comment, Canadiens' coach/GM Bob Gainey stated, 'Well, I guess that clears up who is starting monday night, huh?'"

Jesus, I always thought Price was a pretty boy. Fucker looks waaaaaaaaaaaaaay different when he's not in his gear.

2-0, Just In Case Anyone Is Keeping Track...

Gonna be a simple post today.
The Bruins PP showed its teeth last night. 3 for 5 on with the Habs a man down. Great puck movement had the Habs looking like their feet were in concrete.
Patrice Bergeron responding to an attempted high elbow by Georges. Who knew that Patty Cake could throw? Who knew that he was a southpaw? That last shot that dropped Georges was a beauty.

That sound you heard after Ryder put one past Price with about two seconds left in the period was Price's fragile psyche shattering into a million pieces.
Savvy is alive and well. Four points is nothing to sneeze at. There was one play where he should have shot, but he passed it off. He has shaken his "selfish" image.

Shane "Bootknife" Hnidy. The guy played tough, solid hockey all year with Caveman Stuart. I was a little pissed when he started getting scratched, but he's a professional and will play the same game regardless of his time on ice. Watching him rip a wrister past Price was good to see.


Lucic and the crosscheck. Looch plays hard, hard hockey. This crosscheck was a bit too much, even for me. I just checked and still can't find anything about getting a game or two off from the NHL. Regardless, I think that Looch learned that there is a line, even in playoff hockey. Just drop the gloves. Don't slash, butt-end, or gouge. Drop 'em and break some faces. No one has an issue with that.

The "Hey hey hey, goodbye" was a bit fucking premature. There is still a lot of hockey left to play. I have confidence in the boys, but why the fuck set them up like that? Karma is a motherfucker.

There aren't many Canadiens that I like, but Bouillon is one of them. Looks like he went down again with an injury, which is too bad. That little fucker plays HARD and he brings quite a bit of grit to the team. Hopefully he'll get well so he can play again shortly. His presence on the Habs blueline makes the Bruins keep their head up, which results in a better game.
Metropolit is another one. He played great hockey for the B's last year, and I wish him success wherever he is. I forgot how much of a slippery little fucker he is. Great 'stache, too. I bet he has The A Team airbrushed on the hood of his '84 van.

The next game can't happen soon enough. I'm curious to see what Gainey will do with their goalie situation. Anyone could see that Price was rattled as shit. Will Halak get in or will Gainey put Pretty Boy back in there? Either way, he is going to get second-guessed to death by the fans and the media. Tough spot.

The Bruins gotta keep it up. It's going to LOUD in Montreal. Constant chants and everyone is on their feet pretty much the entire time. I hear them start cheering and my guts start roiling. The best way to shut them up is to score three early. Half the arena will clear out.

That's all I got.

Go B's.

Friday, April 17, 2009

You likea da sauce?

B's are up 1-0 on the Habs. Great game last night.

Looch started early with a thunderous hit on the far boards. The Bruins fell off a bit in the second, with Timmy making some pretty good saves to keep them in it.

I think that NASA might want to look into the technology in Kovalev's stick, because that shot was an absolute bomb. If a puck is going to go in, I don't really mind when it's like that. Great shot.

That said, I was not impressed with the play of the Habs. Boston could have quickly put it out of reach by going up 3-0, but their power play just didn't have its mojo....until Big Z drilled one past Price. I think that puck going by him that fast might have caused PTSD. We'll have to wait and see.

Much was made about the Canadiens deciding to dress Laraque. Supposedly Lucic was going to pay for what he did to Komi, as if he was 5'9" and 140 pounds, as opposed to being the same fucking size as Looch. Are the Habs fans retarded? Why does Komi need someone else to fight his battles? He plays hard and I respect him for that. Komi is exactly the type of player that the instigator rule was created for. He needs someone else to protect him. What a load of crap. Apparently he has no problem punching much smaller guys in the head, albeit with his gloves still velcroed to the sleeves of his jersey. Watching him rabbit-punch Hunwick in the head as the 3rd period ended had me laughing. Hunwick had the look on his face that you give your little sister when she's pestering you to let her try Playstation: "DUDE, KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!" If this was thirty years ago, Komi would solve his own problems. He does not. Each time he backs down, that sound you hear in the background is John Ferguson spinning like a top in his grave.

The Canadiens could put eleven guys out there and still not get a bench minor for Too Many Men On The Ice. The refs see that there really aren't too many men on this team, so they'll be good to go if they want to take advantage of the loophole.

If this were the regular season, someone might have dropped with Laraque. It is the playoffs. Fights are rare. Because no one fought with him, the Habs fans will be saying that the Bruins are a bunch of pussies. Let them run their mouths.

Putting Laraque on a line with Suckmy Koivu and Comrade Kovalev was.........interesting. I thought that Bob Gainey was one of the smartest people in hockey, but after seeing that, I think he may have an inoperable brain tumor. We'll know for sure if he signs Russ Courtnall and the deceased John Kordic to a two week contract. Word is he's also trying to bring Shayne Corson back. If this happens, there is no doubt Neely will suit up. Could get interesting. Stay tuned.

And for all the blind Hab fans that are saying Looch is a thug, stats don't lie:

Laraque: 13:12 played, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 points, 2 shots on net, and 0 PIMS. No big hits to note, either. He looked like a bloated, reanimated corpse that someone would stand up, put on the ice, and shove towards the net, starting to slow down, knees locked, a little drool falling from his mouth. He would eventually stop gliding, at which point he would be collected at the next TV timeout. Pretty sure it said "Franken-Raque" on his jersey, too.

Lucic: 13:45 played, 0 goals, 2 assists, +2, 1 shot on net, and 12 pims. Several hits that brought the fans to their feet.

The Bruins have to get their power play going and continue to fight throughout the second period.
Can't wait for saturday night. Go B's.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Let me just start by saying that I am enormously entertained by the shit that was stirred up in that last post by my fellow blogger. I'll have her back until the day I die.

Living so close to Montreal (about an hour away), the logical choice for a favorite hockey team growing up would have been the Habs. The fact that John LeClair, a hometown boy, played several years for Montreal should have driven me to wear the bleu, blanc, et rouge.

Playing street hockey, I could have drawn on The Rocket's aggression, or channeled Boom Boom's shot. I could have taken my hat off and pretended I was Guy Lafleur, the wind blowing my hair back as I flew towards the net. I could have pretended to be Saint Patrick, talking to the plastic goal posts in english and french.

Having family from Quebec, I should have done been a Habs fan until the day that I die.

Alas, I am not. I hate the Canadiens. Strong word. It fits.

Montreal has always inspired a visceral reaction for me. I see the jerseys and I want to get violent. Call that "typical American," call it immature, call it what you wish. I simply do not care.

I see that jersey and I feel my jaw set. My neck muscles stiffen. My respiration increases. I subconsciouly flex my hands. I'm ready for a confrontation.

Some great hockey has been played by both teams over the last several decades. Each team has a proud, proud history. It's compelling to see how much the rivalry has come back in the last three years.

The league would do well to market the living hell out of this series. Enough of the Red Wings or the expansion teams that have made it to the post-season for the first time. Focus on two original six teams that have had their share of ups and downs. Proud clubs that can rightly say they were there when the Stanley Cup was just that, a shiny little bowl that grown men would battle and bleed and cry for.

That being said, I'm going to laugh my ass off when the Bruins thrash the living shit out of the club that has had such a proud centennial year.

New coach, headcase pretty boy goalie, euro-trash brothers doing candy up the nose, supposed "stud" defenseman refusing to answer the bell when he hits someone, a midget for a captain that gets away with more than Gretzky, Lemieux, and Crosby EVER got away with combined, the constant whining and pissing and moaning like a pregnant chick on a humid August day, going on and on about how swollen her ankles are and just how bad she wants to eat an entire birthday cake and then wash it down with the juice from a pickle jar.....

That's what a Canadien player and their fans are to me.

Shut your collective mouths. Go check your beaver traps one more time before tomorrow night. Angle that make sure you can pick up the analog signal issuing forth from CBC's studio.

It will be settled on the ice. It will be taken care of shortly.

Go Bruins.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Exponential Douchebaggery

Canadien's Class of 2009 Superlatives

Mike Komisarek - Most Likely to be in the Middle of Shit

I start off this list with my least hated Hab. Simply because he is the only one with a pair of balls you can see without a microscope. He plays tough and because the Bruins don't like to repeatedly beat up women, he often bears the grunt of their force. If he goes to a real team this summer, I'll change his superlative to Most Likely to Succeed.

Andrei Markov - Best Defensemen

Oh wait, the only decent defenseman the Habs have is hurt? Isn't that a pity.

Tomas Plecanek - Most Invisible

Does he still play on the Habs?

Maxim Laperrier/Ryan O'Byrne (Tie)- Most Likely to be Killed

The Bruins will only take so much of yappers and turtlers who won't back up their bark. Neely's been teaching the B's the art of throwing a turtler head first into the boards all week. Hnidy may bypass all of that though and just stab them.

Andrei Kostitsyn- Most Ugly

Even Habs fans need to agree.

Josh Georges - Highest Scoring Defenseman

On his own freaking goal. hahaahaha.

Alexei Kovalev - Most Likely to play Hooky, not Hockey

Kovy cares more about Kovy than anything else in the world. Will he show up?? Nah. He's a self centered pussy to the tenth degree.

George Laraques - Class Clown

This big piece of nothing hasn't done anything substantial in the enforcer role. He's pretty much a 253 lb joke on skates. Nice braids Beyonce.

Saku Koivu - Class Slasher/Diver

This little fucker gets away with murder. If the ref's don't make him pay the B's will.

Carey Price - Headcase of the Class

I almost gave this superlative to Kovalev, but when it came down to it, Kovy isn't a headcase, he's a prick. Carey on the other hand was this moldable, nice, country loving young man who was totally mindfucked by Montreal(remember Jocelyn Thibault?). His confidence is as shaky has his performances. I'm just glad the B's aren't facing the Price they faced last year at playoff time.

Canadiens Fanbase/Media/Organization- Most Delusional

You love them, you hate them, you want to tear down Montreal, you want to build it even bigger. You're love/hate for the Habs is like a yo-yo. Quite entertaining really. You always think the Has are better than they are and you always think they are worse than they are. Down some Xanex and chill. And btw, the fact that Price was awarded the Molson Cup, aka, Habs Player of the Year, just put the nail in the delusional column for me. Perhaps you're trying to give the little headcase a slap in the ass before the playoffs, but personally, if someone gave me an employee of the year award after I lost the company's funds, I think I'd see it as a slap in the face not an encouraging pat on the bottom. I don't care how many effing stars he accrued. Tards.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The B's gave you that point so they can kick your ass in the playoffs

Last night's game was a little redonk, but in a good way. They B's showed they are the tougher, better, and believe it or not classier team (see when O'Byrne turtled like a bitch after he bumped Thornton).

Yes, the B's may be a little rough around the edges, a little raw, and yes one has a fumanchu, but they out classed the Habs in every way last night. (Yes, Looch got a little out of hand last night, but who wouldn't want to give Komo a little face wash?)

Player of the game for me? Lil Patty. He really found his game last night. He was a bad ass and played beautifully. Maybe buzzing his shiny, girly, Quebec, hair brought him back to life.

Favorite Moment of the Night? Reading Thornton's mouth as he yelled to a terrified O'Byrne in the next penalty box over. I'm pretty sure it had notes of, I'm going to fucking kill you, You're dead, etc. Hnidy is brandishing a shiv for Thornton for the next match up so he can make good on his promise. I've missed you the past few games my friend.

I don't have much more as I am in a bit of mourning this morning for the Catamounts, although I'm proud of their effort. I leave you with some words.

A word to Special Jack:
Refer to the picture above. I don't know how you would "toboggan" as a child, but this really doesn't relate. A conga line 'o fight would be more appropriate. Also, I have taken 6 years of Latin, got a 780 in verbal on my SATs and I still had to look up a word you used last night. I still love you in your own "special" way though.

And finally a word to NESN:
I have a rant coming up, reminiscent of when I told you to go fuck yourselves last year. Pretty much consists of the same content, but I plan to make it a tad bit more mean this time around. Stay Tuned.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Celine Dion looking to bid for the Habs along with Cirque du Soleil Founder

No joke. I couldn't make that shit up. And I thought they couldn't get any gayer. Maybe next year the Habs will hit the ice by repelling from the ceiling on glittery ropes. Or the new goal song will be, My Heart Will Go On. Kovy will skate around the ice after each goal, golden hair blowing in the wind, ice dancing, with a tear in his eye. And the Queebs will rejoice, reapply their hair gel and sip their overly sweetened Cokes.

The B's REALLY have to take care of business tonight. Men vs. Celine's future bitches. It's a thing of beauty.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A trip down Memory Lane with Timothy Thomas

While Timmy T is preping for les Habs tomorrow night, you have to believe that a little part of him will be thinking of his alma mater and the battle they also face.

UVM clawed their way to the 2009 Frozen Four in Washington, after being handed a Hockey East thomping at the hands of U-Mass Lowell (aka the kids that didn't get into Amherst).

This sends me back to my sophomore year of high school when me and my good pal at the time were granted early dismisal from our parents to watch UVM's last venture to the Frozen Four in Colorado, circa 1997. My sophomoric crush was on Timmy T. I thought he was dreamy and pretty much the best goaltender ever. Words can not describe my sadness when the puck bounced off of Timmy Thomas' ass in to the UVM goal over the puddle of melting ice in OT. I thought my love affair with Timmy T was over. Little did I know 12 years later, he'd be back in my heart, leading the B's to the Stanley Cup playoffs (tear).

So as the Cats take on BU Thursday (BTW, you may have heard that BU's pretty good this year), Timmy T will be taking the ice against the Habs with a little part of his heart in D.C. Cheer for the Cat's with me, as a cheer for UVM is a cheer for TT.



Friday, April 3, 2009

And the Bruins and Fans Rejoice!

TIM THOMAS. Timmy T has signed a deal with the B's worth aboot 15 million and will keep him in Beantown for 3 more years! I mentioned I love him? Now TT can focus on the Cup and I can sleep at night. Nightmares of the B's letting go of TT and signing EE again this summer have been terrifying.
Now if we can just make the evil enchilada disappear...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

They're back....

Four straight. Ain't nothin' wrong with cornbread!

A few random comments on last night's game:

Chara went after Artichoke like a fat kid goes after the last gummi bear. I hope the linesman didn't get hurt too badly trying to keep them apart.

I couldn't stop laughing when Lucic quickly rearranged that dude's face. Did you see his helmet? It looked like a hooker had been living in it. I don't think he realized who he was messing with.

Big ups to Lecavalier. An all-star player, he decided that he was going to phone-in his performance last night.

Does anyone else think that Stamkos looks a muppet? Freaky.

Obviously they put Timmy in Manny's uniform last night. There's no way they would have gotten out of there with a W if Un Pollo Loco had been in net.

I miss Hnidy.

That's all I got.

Go B's.