Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Canadien's Class of 2009 Superlatives
Mike Komisarek - Most Likely to be in the Middle of Shit
I start off this list with my least hated Hab. Simply because he is the only one with a pair of balls you can see without a microscope. He plays tough and because the Bruins don't like to repeatedly beat up women, he often bears the grunt of their force. If he goes to a real team this summer, I'll change his superlative to Most Likely to Succeed.
Andrei Markov - Best Defensemen
Oh wait, the only decent defenseman the Habs have is hurt? Isn't that a pity.
Tomas Plecanek - Most Invisible
Does he still play on the Habs?
Maxim Laperrier/Ryan O'Byrne (Tie)- Most Likely to be Killed
The Bruins will only take so much of yappers and turtlers who won't back up their bark. Neely's been teaching the B's the art of throwing a turtler head first into the boards all week. Hnidy may bypass all of that though and just stab them.
Andrei Kostitsyn- Most Ugly
Even Habs fans need to agree.
Josh Georges - Highest Scoring Defenseman
On his own freaking goal. hahaahaha.
Alexei Kovalev - Most Likely to play Hooky, not Hockey
Kovy cares more about Kovy than anything else in the world. Will he show up?? Nah. He's a self centered pussy to the tenth degree.
George Laraques - Class Clown
This big piece of nothing hasn't done anything substantial in the enforcer role. He's pretty much a 253 lb joke on skates. Nice braids Beyonce.
Saku Koivu - Class Slasher/Diver
This little fucker gets away with murder. If the ref's don't make him pay the B's will.
Carey Price - Headcase of the Class
I almost gave this superlative to Kovalev, but when it came down to it, Kovy isn't a headcase, he's a prick. Carey on the other hand was this moldable, nice, country loving young man who was totally mindfucked by Montreal(remember Jocelyn Thibault?). His confidence is as shaky has his performances. I'm just glad the B's aren't facing the Price they faced last year at playoff time.
Canadiens Fanbase/Media/Organization- Most Delusional
You love them, you hate them, you want to tear down Montreal, you want to build it even bigger. You're love/hate for the Habs is like a yo-yo. Quite entertaining really. You always think the Has are better than they are and you always think they are worse than they are. Down some Xanex and chill. And btw, the fact that Price was awarded the Molson Cup, aka, Habs Player of the Year, just put the nail in the delusional column for me. Perhaps you're trying to give the little headcase a slap in the ass before the playoffs, but personally, if someone gave me an employee of the year award after I lost the company's funds, I think I'd see it as a slap in the face not an encouraging pat on the bottom. I don't care how many effing stars he accrued. Tards.