Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Exponential Douchebaggery


Canadien's Class of 2009 Superlatives

Mike Komisarek - Most Likely to be in the Middle of Shit


I start off this list with my least hated Hab. Simply because he is the only one with a pair of balls you can see without a microscope. He plays tough and because the Bruins don't like to repeatedly beat up women, he often bears the grunt of their force. If he goes to a real team this summer, I'll change his superlative to Most Likely to Succeed.

Andrei Markov - Best Defensemen

Oh wait, the only decent defenseman the Habs have is hurt? Isn't that a pity.

Tomas Plecanek - Most Invisible

Does he still play on the Habs?

Maxim Laperrier/Ryan O'Byrne (Tie)- Most Likely to be Killed

The Bruins will only take so much of yappers and turtlers who won't back up their bark. Neely's been teaching the B's the art of throwing a turtler head first into the boards all week. Hnidy may bypass all of that though and just stab them.


Andrei Kostitsyn- Most Ugly

Even Habs fans need to agree.


Josh Georges - Highest Scoring Defenseman

On his own freaking goal. hahaahaha.

Alexei Kovalev - Most Likely to play Hooky, not Hockey

Kovy cares more about Kovy than anything else in the world. Will he show up?? Nah. He's a self centered pussy to the tenth degree.

George Laraques - Class Clown

This big piece of nothing hasn't done anything substantial in the enforcer role. He's pretty much a 253 lb joke on skates. Nice braids Beyonce.


Saku Koivu - Class Slasher/Diver

This little fucker gets away with murder. If the ref's don't make him pay the B's will.


Carey Price - Headcase of the Class

I almost gave this superlative to Kovalev, but when it came down to it, Kovy isn't a headcase, he's a prick. Carey on the other hand was this moldable, nice, country loving young man who was totally mindfucked by Montreal(remember Jocelyn Thibault?). His confidence is as shaky has his performances. I'm just glad the B's aren't facing the Price they faced last year at playoff time.

Canadiens Fanbase/Media/Organization- Most Delusional

You love them, you hate them, you want to tear down Montreal, you want to build it even bigger. You're love/hate for the Habs is like a yo-yo. Quite entertaining really. You always think the Has are better than they are and you always think they are worse than they are. Down some Xanex and chill. And btw, the fact that Price was awarded the Molson Cup, aka, Habs Player of the Year, just put the nail in the delusional column for me. Perhaps you're trying to give the little headcase a slap in the ass before the playoffs, but personally, if someone gave me an employee of the year award after I lost the company's funds, I think I'd see it as a slap in the face not an encouraging pat on the bottom. I don't care how many effing stars he accrued. Tards.

45 comments:

JT UTAH said...

good post, you're creative. Quite different then Habs sucks because their french. Habs fan base is kind of true. Anyway, here's my reply. It's in english and french

http://www.25stanley.com/home/why-the-boston-bruins-and-their-entourage-suck.html

Annie said...

maybe that if AT LEAST you can report the real facts AND write the names correctly ... Try this, maybe after it'll be better.

Joan said...

It's was O'Byrne (#3 if you did know) that score in his own goal. Not Josh Gorges.

oh and it's Maxim Lapierre (not Laperrier, please, use Google if you can't spell correctly!).

The problem with the B's fans it's that you can't enjoy a game without violence. And you totally don't know hockey because you only care about your team. You probably doesn't heard about the Nordiques and/or can't name the other teams' player before looking on the web!

big baby campbell said...

The big bad bruins seem to be overcompensating.

Heavy heavy favorites but talking like they are underdogs. You guys are shook (just like timmy thomas' fragile psyche).

Araev16 said...

I think I've said before that the less I care about a person, the less I care about spelling their name correctly. I will not spend a second of my life on Google for a Hab. Especially Maxim.

And a response to:
"You probably doesn't heard about the Nordiques and/or can't name the other teams' player before looking on the web!"

I'm not sure how to answer someone who shits on my spelling then butchers a sentence like that, but I could probably name (and know about) 50 times more players on other teams than you. I watch other games, I enjoy other teams, and I can form a sentence. And for the record, I'm not 8 so yes, I do know a thing or two about the Nordiques.

Anonymous said...

you don't spend your time to spell habs names correctly but you spend your time on writing posts on them!?!? heu... so when you don't care about a person you talk about her....maybe a B's fan particularity that us french canadians don't understand

Mat said...

I'm a Habs fan and I have to agree with the Andrei Kostitsyn one. probably the ugliest player in the NHL besides Rod Brindamour.

MYS said...

mate, Mike Ricci was and will forever be, the ugliest hockey player.

http://mattgunn.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/ugly-chelios.jpg

chelios seems to agree.

Le Limier said...

I only have one thing to say: 19 wins, 63 loss. Hahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

Chara: mmmm....what a beauty

Anonymous said...

I am from Montreal, and a Habs fan. Some of that stuff is funny. Nothing wrong with a bit of bashing.

Fans need to chill a bit.

Anonymous said...

Do you think you have some beauty in your team OMG .Chara maybe HAHA =)!You're so jalous of our team.stop crying =)

GO HABS GO =D

Anonymous said...

LOL OK STFU
UR SERIOUSLY SO UGLY!!!
BTW, IT'S JOSH GORGES BOT GEORGES YOU DOUCHEBAG LMAO

Catherine said...

It's not our fault if you're jealous of our team's success over the past 100 years.. You don't have to write STUPID and FALSE things about the players on your blog to try to convice you that this year, you will win, because you won't. Habs always win in playoffs against the Bruins ;) What is it, 24 for us and.. 7 for you? But don't cry too much. With some luck, maybe next year you will pass the first round of the playoffs playing against another team than the Canadiens.

Araev16 said...

Ya'll are very entertaining. A bit tightly wound for my liking, but entertaining. Obviously you didn't get to the end of the Post because you didn't take my advice and pop a few Xanex to chill out a bit. I'm afraid all your heads may explode before the series even starts.

Anonymous said...

Araev16, you're just an idiot that doesn't know nothing about hockey. Why don't you just watch football and go to war. Hockey is not about fighting and hitting. Hurting the other players and make them weak enought to not be able to play it's not playing hockey. Why don't your players show us some trick with the puck instead. We would probably give them more credits as a hockey player. Anyway, if the Bruins wins, it's not because they know how to play hockey, but most likely because they hurt all the other team's players.

Anonymous said...

go Bruins go, that's all I gotta say. So sorry Hab fans, but this year just isn't your year. Have a good time golfing.

Anonymous said...

You guys in boston really suck :)
Why don't you talk about the ugliest guy in the NHL : Chara

:O:O

Anonymous said...

Freaking moron, look at your players, all lousy bastards that can't make the difference between their ass and their elbow. FUCK DOUCHEBAG CHARA TOO, btw

Anonymous said...

its nice to see that barely any B's fans posted comments on a B's blog. Funny how only habs fans have posted stuff about your stupid remarks. Maybe if you actually knew something about the Habs it would be interesting.

Anonymous said...

So I'm pretty excited to see the reaction to the Hab's sucking more dick in the playoffs than Kovalev and Koivu do before games to get the team "together". I mean really, are you guys this fucking stupid about hockey in general? Really? You guys don't realize that no matter what we say this season, it's not anywhere near as bad as what you idiots have been saying for the past 100 years. Congratulations on your 100th anniversary of your first season you guys still are full of grade A douche bags. Your fans are still dumb as shit, and you guys flip-flop about your team's fate than anyone I've ever seen. One week they're amazing and going to win the cup, than the next trade them all and bring in Vinny to save the team? Fire Charbonneau because you guys fucked up your goalies and are playing the shitty one more than the decent one? I'm so glad you guys make even us beer drinking, Queeb beating, purple faced Bruin's fans look sane. I mean if it weren't for you guys we'd still have fans who chant "Ole Ole" after every goal like a bunch of soccer fans. I mean let's steal another sports chant because we can't come up with decent ones ourself. And we can't get a decent band to write a song for us. I hope you guys all burn eachother to the ground once your precious little Habs get eliminated. Seriously though, save the bars, they've done nothing wrong.

Anonymous said...

that was not a very respectful comment.queb beating? Bergeron would love to hear that one!

Loge19.com said...

Hey Arav16,

Great post. Funny that when you come up with some clever remarks about the Habs you are inundated insults. We had the same thing over at the Loge with our post on dealing with terrible Habs fans in Boston! http://loge19.com/2009/04/14/habitants-remember-one-thing/

They are a different breed up there. I think your suggestion to "Down some Xanex and chill" is the best advice they could get right now.

I can just picture the Frenchie that wrote this below with his squeeky little voice, v-neck t shirt, gelled up hair and PRICE jersey in his parents basement:

Anonymous said...

Freaking moron, look at your players, all lousy bastards that can't make the difference between their ass and their elbow. FUCK DOUCHEBAG CHARA TOO, btw
April 15, 2009 8:35 PM

Anonymous said...

At least all habs players have all their balls...

(phil kessel = 1 testicle)

Anonymous said...

Let's all remember, it is a game, the best Game in the world and the best rivalry in the NHL will unfold tonight, again... The Hab fans have always been the most obnoxious in the league and the least loyal... the Bruin fans are a hearty lot, yes, we get pissed, but our team is Family and Loyalty is a Key.... so everyone take a deep breath, relax and prepare for one helluva game! Go Bruins!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha its funny too see how Bruins fans suck :) they create a blog to bash a team, and only habs fans post comments:) You are so ridiculous its incredible! im just anxious to see our team kick your phony asses, in 4 games:) btw don't talk about uglinest, because your organisation is full on crumb-bums, like lucic , chara ( eww he's really depressing) and of course the dumbass that got kicked out of Montreal, your stupid humpty-dumpty head coach Claude Julien:)

Go habs go! :D

Anonymous said...

Why Bruins suck

1.The Boston Bruins fans, especially the blondes, do not know how an escalator works.

2. When they are too drunk, they try to pee on our head. Just ask Walter Cutler.

3. Their organization does not understand that a hockey game without beer is boring. 25 years or older to order a beer at the Garden, is a little bit pathetic.

4. Michael Ryder is a moron who pushed Chris Higgins to party constantly.

5. The goalkeeper from the Providence Bruins, Tuukka Rask, has a serious short temper problem.

6. Tim Thomas mourns in a small lump in his bed before every game against the Canadiens.

7. Although the Bruins fans hate us, they still want to hook up with our beautiful French ladies.

8. When they laugh at Quebecers, they forget they also make fun of one of their best player, Patrice Bergeron.

9. Their national anthem singer, Rene Rancourt is so tired of seeing the Bruins lose in series that he has decided to quit his job.

10. Claude Julien looks like the Humpty Dumpty man.

Anonymous said...

Good luck for your SIXTH Cup...

Anonymous said...

GO FUCK YOURSELF DUMBASS, with HUMPTY DUMPTY has your head coach, you think you're going far ? hahahahahahahahahahah

Anonymous said...

I JUST CAN WAIT TO SEE GEORGE SMASH CHARA AND BREAK HIM IN TWO,

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to see the blood on Chara's face after a fight agaist Georges Laraque.

Anonymous said...

Laraque! Laraque ! Laraque!

Anonymous said...

Is Lucic gonna hide again? What a pussy!

1hockeychics said...

Carey Price is becoming the equivalent of Celine Dion's favorite goalie boy Jose Theodore. www.chicshockey.com

74SK74 said...

I love the habs, and I love watching them play the bruins because they are a great team. I don't see how trying to get into the fan's heads will help my team win. Both teams have grit, both teams want it, gonna be a great series!

GO HABS GO!

Anonymous said...

Haha look at all you fuckers. You shit on the blog for shitting on the Habs...my question is then why the are you wasting your time commenting on the blog? Why don't you check out Four Habs Fans. They do the same thing and, even though I'm a bruins, I can read it and appreciate it. You talk about "stating the fact" it's a fucking blog. It's for fun. Get over it. Your panties are just in a bunch because you're going down in four. Hahaha oh it's going to be a gooooood series. Short, but good.

Anonymous said...

Hey just so all of you fans who can't get their shit and think the Habs are gonna sweep had better watch the replay of the game tonight and quiver with fear. Laraque didn't do shit, Kovalev had a hell of a goal, Koivu got away with cheap shit, Chara bombed one past Price, and Ryder played like shit. Big fucking deal. It's gonna be a good series no matter what. I'm a Bruins fan and commented on this earlier, but seriously I agree with the one above me, this is a blog. If you are seriously that offended by something on the blog, don't fucking read the blog or just remember that its a fucking blog for fun. You guys need to chill out. I can't wait to be able to read by light from the burning wreckage of Montreal once the Habs gets eliminated. Have fun with your riots and whatnot you idiots.

Anonymous said...

The last 3 posts on this were the only posts with some sort of class. I don't care if you are a Bruins or a Habs fan, it's going to be a tough, rough, exciting and awesome series - there's really no need to get your panties all caught up in a bunch.

For all you dumb Habs lovers out there, if you don't like what is being said on a BRUINS BLOG than don't read a fucking BRUINS BLOG. Go back to where you belong and don't let the door hit you in the tight ass on your way out.

GO BRUINS!!

Anonymous said...

Hey les gros nounours poilus!!!

Quand on fait un article sur quelqu'un on s'informe du nom de la personne (Maxime Lapierre) et de ses actes (Ryan O'Byrne et non pas Josh Gorges). Suit au match d'hier soir, combien la direction des Bruins a-t-elle payé les arbitres pour qu'ils les avantagent à ce point, parce que sans cela votre équipe de clowns poilus serait à la traine?

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming that you're a Canadien's fan because you're typing in French. This is an American Blog about an American team, leave that French bull shit at home. Oh and here's the only French I know. FU Toi!

Anonymous said...

Hey, you seriously should learn french, because your only comments are from habs fan, anyway. And don't forget that your best player talks that "french bull shit", I guess you guys in Boston don't know it. But, thursday was a great game, both teams played well, the bruins were a bit lucky, with the penalties but I guess that's hockey. No matter who wins tonight, I am still able to appreciate a good hockey game when I see one, those two teams work their buts off, it's really nice too see.

Habs all the way .

Anonymous said...

Ouais c'est po mal drole que les criss de fans de boston comprennent absolument rien, sont tellement ignorants. Nous faudrait parler parfaitement anglais, pi eux sont même pas capable de dire bonjour en francais. Ostie de gang de gros obèses plein de cholestérol:)

DIELUCICDIE said...

ayoye CRISS que yon pas de classe les fans des bruins esti. Vous avez pleins de joueurs québécois et apres vous vnez critiquer notre langue ? tu pense pas que votre marc savard, patrice bergeron, stéphane yelle sont québécois :) BRUINS SUCK

Anonymous said...

First i can speak both language french and english but since i hate poeple who speak english i'll do my post in french :

Bon on dirait bien que les quebecois n'auront pas le dessus sur boston cet année mais je voudrais dire que peut-etre que les fans de boston ne sont pas si loin du compte ils on plus de joueur quebecois que nous a montreal ,Il faut remercier notre ami bob gainey pour ce fait plustot décevant . j'ai meme pas le gout de faqire de bashing sur boston cette année il ont jouer jusqua maintenant beaucoup que nos ''fier'' canadiens
A quand le retour de nos glorieux Nordiques ou du moin des joueur quebesoi qui joue au quebec

Anonymous said...

Damn it I wished you guys would just separate from Canada already...you give all Canadians a bad fn name! Leave!!! We don't want you!!!

p.s. GO BRUINS!