Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Feel Good Moment of the Day

I am not what most people would consider to be "nice". Most beings in the world, I merely tolerate and the rest I do not. There is a small few who fall into the category of those I enjoy. Some of those would be my fiance, Tim Thomas, Conan O'Brien, Tina Fey, my Pops, Jesus, Cam Neely, and David Boreanez.

The list of those who are not on the list of enjoyable or tolerable are on a list of which shall not be named. This list is far to big to even begin, and for a long time, Manny Fernadez has been on the top of the list.

However recently, my cold thoughts of the Evil Enchilada have begun to warm. Could it be that Christmas has warmed the heart of this Grinch? Perhaps, but I believe that the good vibes of Timmy T have started to absorb into the greasy folds of my once nemesis. I feel this warmth when I hear the EE speak to the press. No longer does he find a way to blame everyone else but himself. No longer are his comments cutting with a negative undertone. He is jovial, Thomasesque, and dare I say accountable? I warm when I see him skate off the ice after a game with his new BFF Timmy T, lauging and smiling all the way.

At first, I was surprised I was feeling this way, but really, if anyone could wipe away evil, team ruining vibes, of course it would be Tim Thomas.

So Merry Christmas Manny Fernandez. I no longer hate you. You're Welcome.

You are at the bottom of my tolerable list, but stick with TT and you may find yourself climbing. Avery, Commies, Hilter, Spencer Pratt, and Tom Cruise, you are still on the list that shall not be named, and unless TT comes into your life anytime soon, enjoy a long run on it. TSN was on the top of thislist, but Finally, FINALLY, they have put the Bruins where they belong, as #1 on the power rankings 2 weeks in a row. Now they are back in the middle of the pack...for now.

Finally, I was going to ignore the fact that I have neglected this blog like a fat red headed step child, but I plead wedding again. Only 10 more days to go and I can finally focus my attention to where it needs to be. The B's.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Saturday, November 29, 2008

A Night for the Ladies

Usually I always look forward for a game versus Detroit. Good, bad or in the middle, the Bruins always show up for a game against the Red Wings. However, tonight, my mind will not be on the game as I am about to be whisked away by my bridesmaids for a night of debauchery. Tonight is my bachelorette party. While I don't know what is in store for me, I do know that I will not be treated to a strip tease set to Ironman by Aaron Ward, or I'm Too Sexy along with an exotic dance by Marco Sturm, or a seductive number set to Bad to the Bone by Milan Lucic. No the boys will have their hands fulls tonight at the Garden and I will have my hands full of god knows what, god knows where.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Turtle Fight 2008: Lucic and Lemieux?

It appears that someone in the San Jose organization believes that in order to keep their hot streak alive, they must perform some charitable acts to keep Karma happy. Their first act has been to give 43 year old Claude Lemieux a try out on their farm team. The bag ala douche has been playing in China and believes that he is ready to make his way back to the NHL. Perhaps watching Steve "karma's a bitch, hope your hand really hurts" Ott and Sean Avery has inspired him to bring back his own helping of annoying piss-antness.

If we do in fact see Claude make his way into the NHL again, I want to see a rematch of Cammer Bammer and Claude "the Turtle" Lemieux, yet in the place of Cam, a young, angry Milan Lucic.

Call me Crazy but...

I've never been a big fan of TSN power rankings. I can understand them "favouring" Canadian teams, but come on. The Habs are TANKING big time and have been all month. Yet not only have they be able to stay in the top ten, but they rose to #9 this week. So losing a bunch gets you higher in the standings? TSN justifies their loses by stating they haven't lost by more than two goals. Wow. Sorry kids, but if you miss the bus by 2 seconds, you still missed the bus. Teach me the logic TSN, because I am eager to learn your tomfoolery.

I am also convinced that there is some gay Canadian law prohibiting Bruins from making #1. Yes San Jose is good, but the B's should be at #1 this week.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

This is what happens when you Fuck with Jesus.

Sabres fans were punished by the Lord last night for the blasphemy a fan decided to put up on their site.
My Pepe was a wise man and he always told us NOT to pray for the Bruins. He said the Big Guy upstairs has bigger issues to deal with. Besides, the Bruins can handle their own shit. And handle their own shit they did.

With a spectacular win 7-4 win against the Sabres (despite the sloppiness of the Evil Enchilada ) the B's are continuing to put space between themselves and their NorthEast foes.

Friday will be an interesting test, as the B's have had the tendency to play down to the level of shitty teams, I.E Florida Panthers. The below .500 Panthers will not make the play offs, really don't have any notable players, exist in one of the hockey armpits of the world, and shouldn't really have a reason to get out of bed and tie up the skates in the morning. They don't even have any hot guys on the team. Trust me I looked. No eye candy.

However, the today's B's can not be compared to any B's of recent history, so tomorrow night's could go well for the boys in black and gold.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Transition! Game on Versus tonight!

It's one of those rare nights when we get to listen to Brick, yet do not have to deal with the trite, repeating Jack Edwards (also nice to not have to look at his mustard colored teeth). I prefer the Versus shit show to Jack's lines. But incase any of you actually miss his blabbering jargon tonight, please look to these gems below to get your Edwards fill.

-And he sends it down the river
-On the diagonal
-He's looking for transition
-Over and Under, OVER AND UNDER
-Sticks a fork in it
-Inaudible, excited screaming
-Inevitable apology for inaudible, excited screaming after the commercial break.

I miss you Fred. Come back, please....

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Test Subject #2: Rangers

The Bruins are another step closer to prove that their position in the standings is much more than a fluke. After a decisive win against the Habs Thursday night, the stage is set for their next big test just two days later against the red hot, powerful NY Rangers.

Thomas will most likely get the start tonight with another match up of hot goalie vs hot goalie (literally, I'm not gonna lie, Henrik is fairly dreamy). Lundqvist, who is legitmately in 1st place in fan All Star voting, has been great all season, yet still trails Timmy T in Save % (TT 1st in the league) and GAA (TT 2nd in the league). And may I point out for the millionth time, Timmy T is NOT on the all star ballot.

As for the degree of Hate towards the Rangers,it's pretty high. I've never been a big fan of teams who buy heartless players who decide when they want to put forth effort. However, I think the Ranger management is beginning to see the error of their ways because they have put together a team minus their usual Douchebaggery that seems to have more heart and grit.

Yet, regardless of how I feel about the Rangers, the B's will have their hands full tonight. Yet their ability to overcome the mindfuck the Habs had held over them for 12 games, should have them coming out with extra intensity tonight.

Look for TT to continually prove himself, Lucic to still be fired up and come out hitting everything in Blue, and Marcoooo to continue to light it up. D will be hurting a bit with Ference out, hopefully for just two games, although that block sent pangs of pain up my leg. This could be the push Chara needs to pick up his game. The Captain has not played poorly of late, but he has not played like Chara. He needs to step it up and join the efforts the rest of his team is putting forth.

The B's showed their true colors on Thursday. As my Pops says, Neely has his fingerprint all over that team. This the the team Bruins fans have been waiting for.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Simply. Outstanding.

The NHL schedule is a long, torturous affair. 80+ games of high-speed collisions, flying sticks, blades attached to churning feet, and a black, vulcanized object being propelled at ungodly speeds.

Teams go through cycles. Anyone that has played sports knows this. Sometimes everything goes your way. The ball bounces in your favor and it's like everyone can read each other's mind. Other times you feel like a little kid running around with grown men, men that have been playing the game for eons longer than you.

To get too excited about a pretty decent streak (5 game winning streak, 8-1-0 in the last nine) is a bit foolhardy. The ride will come to an end at some point. Players will look like they can't communicate even when they're two feet apart.

A bit of reason and reserve is prudent in a situation like this.

But in the quiet words of the Virgin Mary, "Fuck that shit, Sheriff 25."

Yes, ma'am. You don't fuck around with the Virgin Mary.

Tonight was the most complete effort I have seen from the Bruins in a very long time. I have come to feel as if the Habs are a sort of boogeyman, a spectre that steals into your soul and takes all of your hope, all of your reason to go on. I was recently speaking with a man from Ireland. He was telling me tales of the banshees that parents still use to goad their children into sleep. The Habs had assumed this kind of stature in my mind.

Tonight that came crumbling down. They looked like a weak expansion team, trying like hell to skate with the other guys, but repeatedly falling on their faces. They looked resigned to the fact that they're pretty much going to suck for the next 8-10 years until they build up their draft picks, similar to the Senators.

The game started with Edgecrusher putting a quick, pretty backhander past Price. Thornton has been playing outstanding hockey, as I've previously noted. That fourth line doesn't realize that they're supposed to go out, cycle, bang, cycle some more, and then politely return to the bench. They are relentless. Yelle has found his legs and is showing the skills that he has picked up over his many years in the league.

The B's just never stopped tonight. They kept pouring it on. Kept pushing. Kept skating, hitting, kept the snarl going.

It was phenomenal to watch.

Up to this point, Manny's name has been shit in Boston and in fan nation. He came into a tough situation, with cult hero Timmy playing amazing hockey. He got hurt and never got to prove himself.

Tonight Manny became a Bruin. He stood tall on the shots that came through and gave the boys the reassurance they needed to keep attacking. Tonight, Manny was accepted into my circle. I will never jeer him again. Anyone that is part of a game like tonight's can sleep with my sister.

It was pathetic to watch Georges come to Looch. I read his lips when he was talking. I'm pretty sure he said, "Hey Looch, Komi is a total vajine. Seriously dude, I know. I room with him, and he's always watching Lipstick Jungle and A Baby Story. Just fight me so we can be done with this." It's always sad to see a smaller man trying to fight a larger man's battles.

Finally, finally, FINALLY, I felt the Earth lurch. The fans began screaming and the camera zoomed back...to show Looch pummeling Komi. My heart lifted.

I have seen, intervened in, and been part of quite a few fist fights. There is nothing that makes me angrier than someone that will yap and yap and yap, but just won't throw knuckles. To me, as long as two people are willing combatants, let 'em go.

I think Komi finally realized that if he was going to continue withhis physical play, not only against the Bruins but league-wide, he would have to answer the bell.

Now, I'm not an easily intimidated individual. I've squared-off with all sorts of people in my life. Large, small, fat, scrappy, drunk, drugged, pissed-off. Tonight, you could have given me all the money in the world, any weapon I could think of, with the most advanced body armor available today, and I would not have engaged Milan Lucic. He looked like an animal. That look of wild bloodlust on his face, howling to his team, the opponents, the fans, the World, was truly terrifying.

Words cannot express how much I enjoy having this young man wear the spoked B.

I'll end this now. It's been a bit of a departure from what I normally write, but tonight was a game that deserved a different kind of post. As I stated earlier, the season is long and I'm sure there will be twist and turns.

But what a game. What a night to be a fan of the Boston Bruins.


Lucky 13? B's finally, FINALLY, beat Habs in the regular season. BTW Timmy would have gotten a shut out. To be clear, they won DESPITE the Evil Enchilada (he gave Koivu his goal). And props to Komo for finally dropping the gloves with Lucic. Although it became very clear, very soon why he hadn't til this point.

See you on the 22nd bitches!

Bruins Bliss

There are so many things I want to say about the boys right now, but my mind is a clusterfuck. My wedding is less than 2 months away, my fiancé is about to take off for a long business trip, and then the holidays are upon us. The only thing I have been able to do besides work, sleep, eat, and plan the wedding, is blissfully watch the Bruins the best hockey I've seen them play in years, like a mental patient with a lobotomy.

The Bruins have been my therapy this season, and while I've supplemented their medicine with Jameson and Nyquil, they are really all I need to get by.

While last night's SO win against was less than blissful due to the 3.8 million penalties called and the complete lack of flow, I still derived some thoughts from my Nyquil'd out, boozed up state last night as I pondered the season this far during the lackluster win.

Timmy. Thomas.
From the Gut to the Garden, you've always been my favorite goaltender. How could they not put him on the ballot? A great injustice of the world.
But maybe this will be a good motivator because it reminds me of when you have a personal crisis and people you didn't know liked you bakes you a Bundt cake or offers to walk your dog. And you feel loved. All of the hullaballoo about the write in campaign will probably give Timmy that same warm gooey feeling inside which will further his confidence and solidify his supreme dominance over Manny and the World. Also showed UVM what's up by stonewalling Patrick Sharp on a Penalty Shot in OT last night. Just to add to the point...

Kessel learning out to Score
Must have stayed up real late this summer and found some juiced up Pro Active infomercial that not only clear up his face, but his path to the back of the net.

Slappy Smurf vs Skeezy Smurf
Savard beating down Avery with his gloves still on was classic. But also a good call. B's pay too much for those hands so break on that skeezball's face. Plus Looch can stick up for himself. Beating someone down with your gloves on only works if you are Chara who took a Blackhawk down last night with just glove slap.

Attending My First Bruins Event while not Employed by the Bruins
I have to admit, I almost didn't go to the Ben and Jerry's signing due to lingering bitterness I had after having my grand illusions my beloved Bruins shattered while working with them. However, I have finally been away long enough to block that out and become a real Fan again. It was definitely the last step in my program, as I am now 100% back on board. Plus the ice cream helped.

B's Vs Dallas
That game was the epitome of all things I love about the Bruins. At one point during the game I looked at my Habs loving fiancé and said, Tell me you aren't entertained. He could not, and for the first time I think he finally got why I loved this team. I think this is as far as close as we'll get to a mutual understanding of each others hockey views, but for me, it was huge.

Marco Sturm as a Cougar, not a dried up MILF, but a real one.
I love the new We Want it As Bad as You commercials, but Marco roaring at the end is a bit much. Plus it sounds like a Cougar, not a bear.

Hub Hockey
Best discovery of the summer. It's nice to know there are people in Boston who give a fuck about the Bruins and can talk about them for 3 seconds without any Red Sox talk. Plus their Photoshop's of Phillip make me laugh.

B's Vs Habs
Tonight, the B's are in the best position to finally beat these MFs. I have been eagerly awaiting this game all week and because I want to be more lucid, I will only have booze or Nyquil. Some things are meant to be seen with a clear mind.
Goaltending tonight? Better be Thomas. I'm not even reading the Boston papers today because if I see that the fucking rotten chalupa is starting, I will flip shit, punch a coworker, get fired, and have to face this fucking shit economy unemployed.
Thomas will play. The Bruins will score goalS and Lucic will beat down Komo. Finally.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Gross! He's getting cancer on me!

Yes, I made a cancer joke. Get over it.

The Bruins got over their inability to score more than 2 goals a game last night in a 5-2 win of the Leafs. And obviously Wheeler was not too effected by being wiped by Blake's cancer, as he netted his first career hat trick last night (even though 1 was an ENG, not that there's anything wrong with that...)

Bruins brought on the pressure most of the game, especially early on when it seemed as though the Leafs were avoiding the Bruins zone like a fat girl avoids horizontal stripes. Timmy T was his usual Timmy T self, not that anyone seems to notice (especially the dirty douches that picked the names on the all star ballot). I will be writing in TT on a daily basis, as should. Even my Hab lovin' fiancé can't believe he was left off. Dipietro? Really? He's been hurt all season. And if you want an easy laugh, give me a call and ask me to say his name. I can't. I've practiced endlessly, my fiancé has even tried to help, I just can't say it. I add about 3 extra syllables to his name. For that reason alone, I think he should be left off the ballot. Tim-my Tho-mas. Easy to say, easy to write in.

Saturday night I will be attending my wedding shower, so my attention will not be on the B's/Buffalo game, but I assure you, if there is a television at the venue, they game will be tuned in. And I'm also not wearing anything gay like a plate with bows on my head. Has nothing to do with the Bruins, but I'm just putting it out there.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Fight Nights Are Fun!!!

I was in West Virginia all week. Down there, they live for football. All I know is that I managed to miss two games. I feverishly checked for updates on my laptop, but it's just not the same.

I was stoked to be able to sit down last night and watch the B's take on the Stars. Now, I figured that Sean Avery would be up to his normal tricks; talking smack, being a pain in the ass all over the ice, etc. It's too bad this guy plays that way, because it's apparent that he does have skill.

I had forgotten that the Stars have Steve Ott. He is another Avery, only less known.

Timmy continued his stellar play and the offense finally woke up. It was good to see Sturm respond to getting demoted to the third line. The "fourth" line continues to play great hockey. Thornton continues to show that he can actually play and Yelle is proving that he is this year's Metropolit. He can play anywhere, at any time, and not look out of place.

I almost fucked my back up again springing off the couch after Ference caught Ott looking the other way. I'm pretty sure that Jack Edwards left a nugget in his underwear as well. Great hit and it really livened things up.

I thought that before the game Lucic would finally drop the gloves for the first time this season. Little did I know it would be after Avery cheap-shotted him. It was good to see Savvy pounce on him and deliver a great flying knee as Avery huddled on the ice, looking very much like Claude Lemieux when Cammer Bammer grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and slammed his ass into the boards.

It's too bad these teams won't play each other several more times this year. I think it could be the building of a huge rivalry, different conferences not withstanding.

The situation that broke out after Avery took out Lucic (I hesitate to call it a brawl, as not everyone was swinging) will help draw the team together. Hnidy was swinging for the fences with his dance partner. I'm sure that dude still has a headache after eating the fifteen or so punches Hnidy fed him.

It brought a smile to my face. It reminded me of when the Bruins were a tough, tough team. Remember when NESN came back from a commercial break and Ray Bourque had Mats Sundin on the ice, showing him how to throw huge punches? Sundin had given Bourque a funny face when he was talking to the ref and Ray just lost it.

What about when the B's and Caps had a nice little get-together that ended with Dafoe and Kolzig tangoing around the ice?

Not only entertaining to watch, but these things do wonders for a team's morale and comradeship.

Ference continues to impress me with his skating, toughness, and willingness to jump up in the play.

Great effort by the boys.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Who's #1? Timmy's #1

Julien, being the diplomat he is, all but said, Timmy T is number one. He will get his third start in a row tonight, leaving Manny where he belongs: on the bench.

Is Manny happy with that? Let's look at the facts. It is known around the league that he has a bad attitude, plays the blame game, and his own uncle didn't want him. Think he's happy sitting there, playing #2? Heck no, and Julien's statement in the Herald today seems to be doused in a bit of vinegar. I'm thinking Julien's had a pissy Manny on his hands as the B's travel the prairies of Canada.

Thomas vs. Kiprusoff should be a great match up, as he was able to handle Roberto well against the Canucks Tuesday night. Thomas really couldn't do anything better against the Flames tonight, but the rest of the B's need to step it up a notch and do one thing: Score dammit! More than one fucking goal. There is no NHL goal limit, please feel free to rack em up. Timmy can't get any better unless he starts shitting out golden pucks after every save to give to starving children in Africa to sell for food.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Leafs to Blow big time in Boston tonight

I have a hate list. This is in random order.


My grandmother views the word hate as the worst swear. She said you never hate anyone but the devil. Well to me, the Habs, Leafs, Rangers, and Flyers are agents of the devil.

While the list is random, these teams rise and fall on my list depending on the year. This current year my hate list is as follows:


Today I focus on the hatred for the Leafs since the take on the B's tonight.

I hate them for three reasons. I can't stand all the bitches on their team, (even though Darcy Fucker/Mats being gone helps a bit). I can't stand their retarded fans. They make Terrence and Phillip look smart. And finally I hate that they get so much media coverage, air time, etc even though they are horrible. Plain and simple. And until recently, I thought they all believed they were the best even when sucking pond scum. While I believe this to be true in most cases, I did stumble upon a site which proved that some Leaf fans have come to their senses.

So tonight I hope the Bruins play with as much hate as I feel for the Leafs and give Kaberle a reason to have cheeks that red.

To finish this hate filled post, I feel I must end with Love because, LOVE after all is the theme in my day.

I LOVE the fact that their superstar Jeff Finger is on the IR. Muhahahahaha.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Apparently one constant failure/pit of despair is not enough...

The Toronto Maple Leafs, or the "Laffs" as many call them, are a constant disappointment to rabid hockey fans in the greater Toronto area. Once, the heralded team in O Canada, the Leafs are slowly drifting into red headed step child territory while the Habs rapidly becoming Canada's team. So why, one might ask, would you want to double the agony. Well today, TSN reports that the city of Toronto is looking to do just that. Perhaps they want a fresh start, perhaps they are into S & M, or perhaps they are just that dumb.

So here's to you, America's Hat ,keep striving for okness. There are a couple ex high school hockey coaches in the area who need work, good GM material. Let me know if you need their contact info for the new team.

Monday, October 20, 2008

So close....so close......

So it's been awhile, but here I am. I just returned from a wedding in the greater Toronto area. It's always fun going up there, as every single town has an OHL team or is the homestead of some (sometimes several) NHL players. It's also great to talk to Leaf fans who realize that their team sucks goat balls. I take every opportunity to rub this in their collective faces.

I'll say this: if you haven't had the opportunity to attend a Portuguese-Greek wedding, DO IT. It's a great time and you won't be disappointed.

But enough about that.

I was excited as hell tonight to plant my ass on the couch, as it meant that I was out of the car after an eight hour drive and the Bruins were to finally take part in their home opener.

Random thoughts:

-I couldn't stop laughing when they managed to forget to announce Mark Stuart. He could be seen standing in the runway, slipping roofies in the drinks of unsuspecting interns. He came out like a raped ape (no fratboy pun intended on that) and actually played well.

-I'm starting to think that Chuck Kobasew is as fra-jee-lay (it's a major award!) as an early-blooming flower. It seems that if you look at him crossed-eyed, he goes down with a groin or fracture somewhere in his leg. And he still looks like the kid from Jumanji.

-Ol' One Nut Kessel continues to find the back of the net. I think he actually spent some money on Xbox Live and bought some new moves. Good to see.

-Looch seems to realize that he has yet to grow Gretzky hands and that he needs to keep banging bodies in the corner. Orpik didn't seem to like the way he was assaulted in the corner by him, but he wisely decided to keep his gloves on. Maybe they're sewn to his jersey ala Sean Hill. Though entertaining, it's never good to watch a product of the American collegiate system going toe-to-toe with a tough Canadian boy.

-Savvy had a nice little purse-swinger with Crosby. He better watch his back; I heard that Betteman already dispatched a hit squad to take him out after he DARED to touch the annointed. Also, Savvy appears to have the physique of a possum. I think that when he retires, he'll immediately gain sixty-three pounds, like Brett Hull has. Have you seen him lately???

-Ference continues to impress me. Good to see him getting quality time. Fucker's got a cannon, too.

-Wideman makes me wonder why the B's gave him all that money.

-Ryder appears nervous. Good to see that he is still cocking his stick waiting for those sweet passes from Savvy. Murray would have gone down with a torn groin already.

-Speaking of Muzz, I think I saw him in Brampton this weekend at an offramp near the 401 holding a sign detailing the savings that could be found at an area furniture store.

-TIMMY! That is all.

-Manny looked nervous, as I think there was a group of Border Patrol agents sitting behind the Bruins' bench.

-Thornton, who I would immediately shoot on-sight if I stopped him and saw him and his trucker mustache unfold out of a car, had a quick go with Godard. He left his balance in the locker room. They'll meet again.

-Malkin is in the running for ugliest Ruskie with Ovechkin. Seems that orthodontics aren't a priority in the land of the sickle and hammer. He should ask Comrade Kovalev for the number of a good teeth guy.

-Crosby is a woman. I'm pretty sure he would draw my Pepe's ire, similar to the way Pavel Bure used to. "Look at those lips! They're so pretty! He isn't a real hockey player!"

All in all, a very entertaining game from the boys. It might just be the best birthday week ever, as they play three games in the next four nights. Hopefully they'll grab a few points.

Until next time.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Marriage: Already ruining my life

So not only did I have a chance to go to tonight's game against the B's and Habs, but I can't even watch the game. Tonight marks the start of our Pre Cana course. Apparently we will learn how Jesus will save our marriage and how not to use birth control and have 40 kids. We may need divine intervention however, if this marriage between a crazy B's fan and Habs fan is going to stand the test of time (especially when I begin my plan to turn our children into my own little B's fan army).

Hopefully with the self combustion of the Sox on the horizon, Boston fans will turn their attention to the B's tonight and show them a little love as they take on their nemesis and biggest threat. I hate to say it, but the Habs are freakin good. Really good. Saying that gives me the taste of a sour burp in my mouth, but alas it is true. I've watched their last two games, and they just don't stop. Their offensive is always on the attack. Fuck.

At least Timmy T, who thank the freakin lord, will be starting tonight is used to getting completely hammered with shots. Ryder is hungry for revenge (note photo) and could also be a blessing tonight if he lights it up a couple times. Expect Laraque to be back tonight. Habs will need a big guy on the ice tonight, because if all else fails for the B's, they'll just resort to kicking ass literally. And look for Kovalev's lack of glowing mullet. Sporting a new shorter and someone manlier do, probably due to the fact the Kostitsyn brother's where trying to make him their girlfriend.

Should be a humdinger tonight boys!


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Who's the most grossly overpaid player(s) on the B's?? Hmmm...

Tonight as the B's face the Habs in Montreal, I'm more concerned about their team salary. Seems as though a trade is imminent, and Schafer seems like the most obvi candidate for me. He just doesn't fit. And Manny. Fucking Manny. How does that man hold up his head and look his teammates in the eye walking into that locker room? For that matter, Peter must feel the same. 2.1 mil? What the F have you done?

There are players who are worth their weight in gold making peanuts compared to both of them. But who's the most over paid? Goes with out saying, 4.3 million is disgusting for a has been, mindfucked, shitty goaltender. Put the douchebag on waivers. Who is going to want him? (BTW, I did pull my t-shirt away from him at the signing and said, no thank you).

He is dead weight and fucking up the cap. Wheeler/Rask will take up 6 mil alone to sign. In addition, word on the street has thrown around PJ and Phil's names a bit. I will be livid if either are traded. PJ shows up for EVERY game. Plus he wears purple suits with pink pinstripes. That's hot. And Phil will be another Brad Boyes if traded away. They shouldn't have to pay for the fact that Fernandez and Schafer are dead weight and eating up a shit ton of salary space.

But, going back to tonight's game, my Pops will be there and I pray that he doesn't have to sit through their gay goal song even once. Unfortunately that won't happen though. Fucktard is starting, and despite Ryder getting a hat trick tonight, this is going to be a tough one for the B's.


Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tortured? Nah.

Fan Nation, a SI run blog, named Boston Bruins fans as the 4th most tortured fans in sports.

Yes, the B's have made me cry, swear, hit, throw things, swear off hockey, and worse, but after being amidst the whole team and Heath Bar Crunch last night, tortured does not properly express how I feel at the moment.

This rare gesture of accessibility and fan interaction was a good step in the right direction of getting Bruins fans back on board. I am a die hard fan, and would put up with heartbreaking losses until the day I die, but I am few and far between.

The B's need to continue their efforts to meet their fans, but much more important than that, they need to win. And win big.

Game 6 of last year's playoffs for the B's was winning big. Sleepy B's fans woke up and realized that this current team under the leadership of Julien was one worth watching. They are not disappointing, they are exciting. They are not tired, they are rejuvenated.

While I appreciate the sympathy from Fan Nation, I will happily decline the title. I am not tortured, I am excited. The B's are young, hungry, and with Cam Neely running the show, I think they want it more than the fans do.

P.S. Claude signed the Habs Suck shirt too...

Monday, September 29, 2008

Per Feck Tion

And for good measure, Michael Ryder signing a Habs Suck tee. The gods are smiling.

My Bruins senses are tingling...

For the second year in a row, the B's took a preseason trip to Stowe, and rested their heads just 15 miles from my house. Must be why I slept so peacefully last night.
As the B's settled in to the Ten Acres Lodge, Timmy T snuck off to his first B-Town, to grab a pint at What Ales You for old times sake. He was probably quickly dismayed to find it has turned into a St. Mike's hang out and left dissapointed.

This year the boys will spend 3 days, 1 day longer than last, and most likely fall in love with the place all over again, vow to buy summer homes on the Lake and invite me over for BBQ's and to oil up Looch and Andrew all summer.

They took 31 players to Stowe, and will most likely dump 8 or 9 next week. Really, the only one who's a shoe in is Wheeler. The rest will have a strong year in Providence, but Lashoff needs to go. I'm over the kid. He's been on the cusp for too long now and it's time he tried elsewhere. Perhaps the Stowe Raiders
need to bloster their D this season.

On Wednesday the boys invade Montreal for a preseason game with the Habs. I had tickets, but ended up selling them to my Pops. I'm a good daughter, eh?

In addition to having to deal with the annoying OLE'S! of the Hab fans, the B's may have to sit through the Hab's new goal song. It's a gay reworking of a Simple Plan song (yeah, apparently they are still around), called Go Habs Go. Did I mention it was gay . I've been reading some Habs blogs and even Habs fans are pissed about it. I really didn't think they could have anything worse than Vertigo, but apparently they out gayed even themselves.

I was kinda hoping that the Habs would score 5 goals on the game I'm going to 12/4 against the Rangers because you get 8 free wings at La Cage Aux Sports ( 5 buts, 8 Ailes!), but I don't think 8 free wings will kill the pain of hearing that song 5 times. Pray for a shut out by the B's on Wednesday. Even if Manny is playing.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Fuck the economy...

Who cares that WaMu just got bought out and the Dems and GOP are squabbling over the bailout...Savard and Ryder aren't "clicking" (after playing 2 games together)! The Bruins are deep into the preseason and Savy and Ryder still haven't generated many scoring chances. Time to signal the collapse, sound the sirens, beg for a bailout, and lose interest....blah blah blah.

In the spirit of the B's being the red headed step child of Boston sports, this popular attitude of finding some little issue quickly and use it as your reason to not show interest in the Bruins this season.

However, being one of the few New England faithful who actually gives a fuck about the Bruins, could care less about Tom Brady, and is soooo over the Red Sox, I would just give them a few more games to find some chemistry during the handful of pre season games left. Or Julien could God Forbid, change up the lines??

Anyway, I will finally get to see the B's first hand this season tomorrow when they take on Washington. All signs are pointing to Ovechkin playing who always seems to bring the nasty when playing Boston, but luckily our D is pretty solid right now. Something I haven't been able to say in some years now.

Timmy T made his first preseason start with a loss last night (against Detroit). Boston Herald's Harris said he looked shaky, but he did redeem himself quickly by stating loud in clear that Timmy T is the Bruins NUMBER ONE GOALIE. Hear that Manny? TIMMY T NUMERO UNO.
Yes Manny had a win, but lets compare the numbers shall we?

Thomas - GAA 4 Saves 36 Save % .900
Stupid - GAA 2 Saves 10 Save % .833

I'm one of those people who believe good will prevail in the end, and good is Timmy T.

Finally tomorrow night we get the pleasure of NOT having to look at the rainbow bangs of Rob Simpson and will test out a new rink side commentator, Naoko Funayama. Not gonna lie, the name concerns me. I'm a Vermonter, I'm allowed to be a little narrow with my stereotypes.

B's vs Dee-Troy-It again tonight. Looks to be Manny in net. God help us.

And for the record, I blame Manny Fernandez for the US Economy's recent collapse.

God Bless America.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Begin/Carbo/Habs Fans: Stop Whining

Stevie, please stop crying because a big mean man hit you. You are a vet, you are a "tough guy" in Queeb standards, so when a guy bigger than you comes after you, don't cry about it with your coach after the game. Be a man, stop being a bitch.

In a brighter note: Patrice!
Words to not describe how happy I am seeing him back in black.

On a retarded note: Manny. Yeah, yeah, you won, but you faced 10 shots. Big whoop.

On a false sense of hysteria note: Listening to 990 and Habs fans are already freaking out. Whining about the pressure of just being the Habs, pressure of 100th celebration, how it will lead to a collapse, yada yada yada yada, blah blah blah.

Chill out people. You still have a great team. Don't jump off the Pont Champlain if they lose big in a game. The sun will still rise, Kovelev will still have a perfect golden mullet and the Kostisyen brothers will still be ugly as hell. Take some xanex and relax.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Hell of a way to start a sunday

So I wake up this morning and check out the Globe's blog about training camp. I learned that Manny Fernandez will be starting in the B's first exhibition game.

Now that my day is effectively ruined, I might as well start drinking.

Friday, September 19, 2008

So we haven't posted since July...so what?

Sherriff broke his back and I've been in wedding bedlam. Besides a few mid summer nights dreams about Lucic sunbathing a top a Canadian waterfall, I really haven't thought about much besides centerpieces, cakes, and dresses. And sheriff has been so doped up on pain killers his posts would have belonged on Terry Gilliam's blog.
Anyway, a chill is in the air, and I am off to Bruins Training camp this weekend. Hopefully my love for this team will return in full force and save me before I become a full fledged Bridezilla.

And to my fellow Bruins fans, I must apologize in advance. I will be attending the Habs Centennial Celebration on 12/4. And they aren't even playing the Bruins. Love does crazy things to you kids. Since they are playing the Rangers, I can't root for anything except the beer man who will hopefully frequent our section. The only satisfaction I will receive from this is that there are many Habs fans who would love to attend this celebration, and I will be wasting their ticket. And I will try to put a hex on Kovey.

Please stay tuned, as sheriff and I will have a season opener shortly.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Welcome Ryder! (Goodbye Muzz)

Congratulations! You get to play for the team you belong on. From day one, I liked Ryder. And me likeing a Hab doesn't happen very often.

The jokers on Team 990 are calling it the worst deal of the day. Their retardness was at a high simply because of two words: Jeff Finger. If you really think that the Ryder deal was the worst of the day, regardless of your affliations, start watching basketball, because you don't know jack about hockey. However, I think part of this is due to the fact they fear Ryder will do well in Boston.

I'm really excited to see Ryder in black and gold this season and can't wait to wear my Ryder tee up to the Centre Bell this winter.

Best Headling of the Day:
Leafs Management Officially Gives Fans the "Finger"

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Quick thoughts thus far...

While some teams are putting their puzzle together nicely, other teams look like they are just creating a cluster fuck.

Tampa Bay : Seriously? Did you forget your main problem last year??? You had no DEFENCE. So why are you signing every damn forward in the league? You are gonna score 8 goals a game next year but let in 9. They should have gone after Huet too.

Mats Sundin: Really? Word on the street is that offers are coming out to be aboot 10 million per year. I may be bias, but really? He's worth that???

I've like what you've done. Let's just hope their injury prone core stays healthy.

Stillman: From shitty hockey city, to an even shittier hockey city. Good for you.

Malkin = Crosby: I like that move. At this point in time, it's the way it should be.

1 Asshole down, 1 Asshole to go: So Tucker has a home, I don't know why. Avery is still homeless...

Bruins Front: Hossa, 100 million over 12 seasons? I don't want him that much. Charelli just reported that they made offers too 2 high profile UFA's. One said Boston isn't high on their list, and one is interested. My hopes is its Hossa saying no and Ryder saying yes. He's cheaper and a much better fit. We can't pay someone 10 million a year for the next decade. There are youngin's on the rise that are going to get mad pricey in the near future. Stay Tuned!

Monday, June 30, 2008

A Look Back: Boston, career suicide for promising goaltenders.

Back in 2004, Andrew "Rayzor" Raycroft, seemed like the next big thing in goaltending. "Seemed" is the important word. After being dealt to Toronto, Rayzor became dull. His last three years have been dismal, and now the word on the street is that he'll play in Russia next year along with another former "promising" goaltender, John Graham. This news made me a bit nostalgic as I took a trip down memory lane, remembering a few failed Bruins goaltenders of the past....

Jim Carey, born May 31st, 1974
6ft 2, 190 lbs
Interesting Fact: Beat out Hasek for Vezina Trophy

Carey began his promising career in the height of Hasek's net domination. After turning heads with his outstanding play in Washington, he stole some of the limelight from Hasek and was able to wrangle the Vezina in 1996. While in Washington, he averaged a .909 save percentage. The subsequent year he was in a blockbuster trade which shipped off fan favorite Adam Oates, Bill Ranford and Rick Tocchet to Washington and Carey Boston.
And that is when shit hit the fan for young Carey. The Vezina winner looked like a fish in front of the B's net. In his 4 years with the B's, he played only 69 games, more than half of those being with the Baby B's. After an embarrassing 4 years, he signed with the Blues, played 4 games and was never to be heard from again.

Parting Quote:
"The funny thing about that trade was that when David said he wanted [veteran goalie] Bill Ranford, I said we had to have a goalie back and David asked if I wanted Kolzig or Carey,'' Bruins GM Harry Sinden said. ``Of course, I went for the younger guy who had won the Vezina. Obviously, that wasn't one of my smarter decisions.''

Byron Dafoe, born February 25th, 1971
5ft 11, 190 lbs
Interesting fact: Memorable on ice fight with opposing goaltender Olaf Kolzig who was later Dafoe's Best Man at his wedding.

Out of all the Bruins failed goaltenders, Lord Byron probably garnered the most success with a solid 4 year run with the B's. Dafoe, also brought up by the Caps, was picked up by the B's in 1997 after they realized Carey's goose was cooked. While Dafoe found some success with the B's (he was a Vezina finalist in 1999), he signed with the Thrashers in 2002 as a UFA. He retired in 2004 after being plagued with injuries.

Parting Quote:
"Couldn't match his Vezina Trophy-finalist status from '98-99, possibly because he felt the effects of his early-season contract holdout. A late-season knee injury also didn't help. An aggressive and athletic butterfly-style puck stopper, Dafoe has chalked up 20 shutouts in his career thus far. Trade rumors surrounded him last season. Dafoe will want to bounce back with a vengeance after his worst campaign in Beantown.

And last but certainly not least...

Blaine Lacher, born September 5th, 1970
6ft 1, 205 lbs
Interesting Fact: Was dubbed, Let 'Em In Lacher in 1995.

Not much to say about Blaine other than, he was a stand out goaltender in college and much was expected from him when he reached the NHL. While he started out strong in goal for the B's it was short lived. His last 10 games with the B's yielded a 3.93 GAA and .845 Save percentage. He then signed with the Grand Rapids Griffins in 1995 where things went from bad to worse. So bad, he was dubbed, Let 'Em in Lacher. ouch...
After winning 1 game with the Griffins, he retired from hockey after only 3 years in the pros.

Parting Quote:
"If the Bruins don't make a deal for an established goalie, Lacher (barring a terrible training camp) looms as the favorite to win the starting job. The club likes Lacher's feisty attitude, which has drawn comparisons to Ron Hextall. He is big (6-foot-1, 200 pounds), cocky and confident that he can stand the pressure of playing in Boston. He posted a 1.98 goals-against average for Lake Superior State last year."

There are several more failed B's goaltenders worth mentioning, but after writing the third, I realized that this is fucking depressing. It also brought on fears of this coming season and a potential Manny debacle.

So I am going to end this piece, get another cup of coffee, write a poem about Lucic, and find my happy B's place.

Friday, June 6, 2008


Detriot won? Who knew? Good for them. Stupendious effort. Way to work! You guys are swell. Neato. Well done. Never saw this one coming. Splendid! Superb perfomance. WAHOO!

Now that the inevitable is over, let's get on with our lives and focus on the summer details.

Bruins go into year 2 of development camp July 7th. Many point to it's 1st season as one of the reason Lucic was so successful this year. Habs have been doing it for awhile now, and obvi they have had success with it. Let's hope year 2 for the B's is even more successful than the 1st. Looking forward to pics of pasty, pale teens with man/boy pecs getting weighed and measured which will surely be pasted on the Bruins site shortly.

Big guys are signed. Waiting on Metro. I'm thinking he will sign. He's doing a camp with his pal Timmy this summer, and geez, who wouldn't want to spend more time with Timmy T? This will surely motivate him to sign.

Claude, Claude, the Christmas Dawg, has been locked up for several years. This is pleasing to me. He may look like a turtle, but the man knows how to coach. Plus he is so giving. He even gave his Christmas blanket to his friend Bummer.

Chuckles will hopefully drink copius amounts of milk this summer and come back strong with his new multi year contract. Wardo, is probably in the shop as we speak getting some parts replaced and will continue his tenure on the B's blue line for years to come.

And here's to hoping Manny eats a poisoned taco this summer and never return. I don't wish death, just chronic diarreha. Bring on Timmy and Tukka.

While my fiance hate's it when I refer to Marco with Italian flair like he's Chef Boyardee, I am pleased to announce that for a few weeks this summer, its totally valid. Maaarcoooo, will be touring Italy, his "favorite" place with his family.

As Marco dons a red striped shirt, neck scarf, and beret, Thornton is becoming familar with his new hometown. He has attended several Sox games, gone to the BC lacrosse finals, and even played golf with Alice Cooper. Good for him. He will be pawking his cahhh in no time.

Hey, I know this shit isn't that exciting, but at least they aren't doing anything gay like interning at Vogue

That's all the random retardedness I have for now. I'll be updating you with additional RR as the summer progresses.


Friday, May 9, 2008

Lesser of evils

Although my interest in the playoffs has diminished quite a bit, my love for hockey overall keeps me paying attention. It's also boring to have no one to root for, so I am going to root for Pittsburgh. Why you ask? Because I hate them the least.

Detroit: Detroit is like that really hot girl in your dorm in college who all the guys loved and didn't gain the freshman 15, the kid in calculus who ALWAYS knew the answers and stifled giggles when someone said, "I still don't get it", and meathead jock who won all the awards and got all the tail, rolled into one mass of obnoxiousness. And Babcock getting a nod for the Jack Adams? Really? I could have coached that team to Cup. But by all means, if you are the kind of sports fans who roots for Tiger Woods, The Yankees, etc, whose gear is readily available in stripmalls across the US, then the Red Wings are for you.

Dallas: If Ribeiro was on fire, not only would I not piss on him to help put it out, but I'd throw an 8 month old Christmas tree soaked in propane on him. Enough said.

Philadelphia: Steve Downie, Jesse Boulerice, Randy Jones, Scott Hartnell, Bobby Clarke. All a bunch of thugs who don't deserve to play the game.

Pittsburgh: Fairly non offensive. Has hockey's golden boy who happens to remind me of Andy Samberg whom I love. They were also featured on Sudden Death . Any team that shows up in a Jean Claude Van Damme movie can't be bad, right? Although I occasionally get flashbacks of Ulf and Jagr and start to twitch a bit...

So there you go folks. Pittsburgh is the least offensive team left in the the playoffs. So I give them a half hearted, Go PENS!
In the meantime, I encourage Sidney to keep up with the shirtless photo shoots. His man/boy pecs are oddly enough appealing to me.

Monday, May 5, 2008


Tim Thomas started in net for Team USA in their first IIHF game against Latvia with 24 saves in a 4-0 win. In USA's second game, Timmy T faced an agonizing 12 shots. Lone Slovenia goal was scored by Anze Kopitar, who handcuffed Thomas with his ugliness. Also during the game, Kopitar was nailed into the boards by Bag Ala Douche, Keith Ballard, who received a 10 minute unsportsmanlike penalty for the nasty hit. Kessel, Phil Kessel, What, tallied a hat trick in USA's 5-1 win over Slovenia in the IIHF. This event poses two questions.

1) Try scoring a fucking hat trick with a B on your chest. (I guess that is more of a statement)
2) Slovenia is a country?

US takes on Canada next on Tuesday. Most of Canada's eyes should be on this match seeing that Canada's hopes and dreams of a Canadian team winning the Cup this season were shattered, destroyed, obliterated, smashed, ruined, broken, and demolished by the Habs second round exit.

Speaking of retards, now that the Habs are out of the playoff scene, the Sagging Tits and the Flying Mullet will be joining team Belarus. This is Sergei's first appearance in the Worlds, and boy, he is still ugly. The utter failure of the Hab's playoff run also gave a boost to the Czech team as they will be adding Tomas "the little girl" Plekanec to their roster.

Updates to follow.

Running Tally
Thomas: 2
World: 0

Saturday, May 3, 2008


Habs are out.

My fiance is actually still watching this game as I type this. I know the outcome, but he had paused it several times and there is still 6 minutes left. He is in the dark about the grim reality that the Habs are currently facing. There is still hope, for him that is. It's kinda sad watching him sit on the edge of his old Forum seat, clinging on to the hope that the Habs won't completely blow it. Part of me feels sad for him, but evil part of me is quite pleased. However, I will continue to sit here, with my headphones on, playing Alchemy. I will not give him shit, I will now rub it in his face, I will not gloat. At least not tonight.

Let's go Pens!!!!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Going, going...

The Habs try to act all french with their little frenchy coach and Maxipad, but really people, we know what's going on. They are Rouge, Rouge, and Rouge all over. The commie sect taking over the Habs can no longer be ignored. And as much as I hate the Flyers, they are taking on the role of Charlie Wilson, and stopping the Commies from progressing.
Keep your heads high and alert Philly. You have almost won the war, but you never know when Comrade Kovalev could actually decide to stay and fight. Good Luck!
Really though, the only way I can deal with the Flyers progressing in the playoffs is looking at is as a win for the USA.

Bears Rejoice!

It is official that Timmy T will not be bow hunting bear this May. Bear hunting, ironically enough, is a tradition for this Bruins goaltender. Why isn't Timmy taking up his old past time? Playoffs, family, age, who knows... I personally think that he is thinking about Karma. Bruins don't kill bears. He has not shut the door on a possible open season on Ribeiro's, Avery's, and Kovalev's.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Suggestions For Next Year

In an effort not to take a bath with Drano and a toaster, I am thinking hard about next season. The Bruins weren't supposed to make any noise this year. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, doubted that they would make the playoffs. If you factor in that their best player was hurt for the entire year and all the other injuries they had to deal with, it does show the kind of sac this team is packing. Below you will find suggestions for each player to follow in the off-season.

Savvy: Don't change anything. You're good to go.

Bergeron: Heal up. Get your dome squared away. DO NOT engage in any shenanigans like Joe Thornton did a few years ago when a couple police officers were trying to arrest his drunk brother (you get that pepper spray out of your hair yet, Joe?).

Murray: Just be happy that an NHL team is still willing to pay your salary. Yes, you score forty goals a year. That's nice. Where were you in the playoffs? You were next to my mittens that I misplaced in first grade in the Lost and Found box and City School. If you decided to go elsewhere, I wouldn't cry. It's been a good run, but you're showing your age...and the fact that you don't do ANYTHING but score goals. Julien should have scratched you and inserted Reich into the lineup. At least he hits people.

PJ: See Savvy's suggestion.

Sturm: Gary Betteman called and said that your goal scoring face (you know the one that I'm talking about, you look like a 3rd Reich lieutenant leading a blitzkrieg through Poland in 1939) is scaring people in Florida. Try a smile. That is all.

Krejci: Go to L.A., find a good plastic surgeon, and get a chin implant. Having a young promising rookie that looks like Napoleon Dynamite's brother is a bit disturbing. Better yet, set yourself up with an agent. You can probably get a number from Glen Featherstone (angry Apache brave #4 in Dances With Wolves).

Kobasew: Am I the only one that has realized that you were the little kid Jumanji that cheats and gets turned into a monkey? Stay away from the bananas. And heal up. You're fast.

Looch: Go to a skating clinic. Your skating improved markedly during the season. Refine it a bit more. You will soon be unstoppable. Love ya, kid.

Metropolit: Stay in shape. Boston took a chance with you, and it paid off. Your veteran leadership was a benefit to all. You're a trench fighter, and the fans appreciate what you bring to the team.

Ol' One Nut: Eat some protein. Hit the gym. Put some mass on. And for fuck's sake, learn a new move. You show flashes of brilliance and then hide for three games. The sooner you figure out that you can't hypnotize a defenseman by flashing your gooch through those shorts (did you find them in a ditch?), the better.

Reich: Keep your head up. You'll no doubt be fighting for a job come training camp time. You should have played every game against the Habs. Unfortunately, Julien thought that Murray was going to actually hit the net for once.

Hakapalita Nokelainen: I liked what you showed towards the end of the year. Keep it up.

Schaefer: You should be less concerned with what trendy way you're going to style your facial hair and more with playing hockey. If you played for the Kings, you would have OD'd on an eight ball by now. You will have to prove that you want it in training camp. We might as well have kept Shean Donovan. At least he brought something to the team (rally helmet).

Sobotka: Get your teeth fixed. You're going to have a break out year. Go with Krejci when he gets his chin fixed. You guys can heal up together.

Edgecrusher Thornton: Please please please. Either grow a mustache or a beard. That Village People biker look you were rockin' was a bit unsettling. Other than that, build those knuckles up. Keep hitting the brick wall behind the Garden. And work on your shot just a bit. You could easily score ten goals a year with the space that opposing d-men give you.

Big Z: I know you're banged up. Heal, my yeti. Heal.

Wideman: Sometimes you skate up the ice like Orr. Maybe you could start finding the net like him too, huh? Move back in with your parents, get a bag of pucks, and commence to breaking the garage door.

Ference: When Don Sweeney retired, only Bruins fans knew just how solid that little fucker was. I missed him a lot. You are Sweeney 2.0. Your improvements include the ability and willingness to fight. Keep it up.

Ward: Best pick-up the Bruins have made in the last two years. Can you imagine if a baseball player took the kind of punishment you take in one period? They would be on the DL for the entire year. Whatever potion you're drinking, but more. Share it with Ol' One Nut. Don't let the federal government know that you order the stuff from Zimbabwe and that it's distilled from the testicles of lions, black rhinos, and spotted leopards.

Stuart: When you are partying with your Alpha Beta Theta brothers this summer, make sure to use the fact that you're a pro hockey player, and not roofies, to seal the deal. Maybe you could have some of your hair follicles transplanted onto Auld's head. You hairy like caveman. He not.

Hnidy: I always thought you would look good in a Bruins jersey. Throw some more knuckles next year. You came in late in the season. You will endear yourself to Bruins fans by pounding some faces in (see Lucic 07-08).

Alberts: Don't let Stuart get jammed up at those frat parties. Heal up. We will need your physical presence next year.

Auld: I always feel bad for the back-up goaltender. You came in to a tough situation and played admirably. You will probably be put on waivers next year. Manny Fucking Fernandez will heal up and you won't be needed anymore. For this, I am sorry. Thank you for your efforts.

TIMMAY: Fucking A, brother. They should call you Seabiscuit. Always the underdog. You showed your ability this year. Spend some time with your family. If you go hunting, please don't get eaten by a bear.

Can't wait for next year. Gonna have to.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Best is Yet to Come...

Today the B's head to the Garden, gather their things, and say good bye for the summer.

For the first time in recent history, this good bye is not too bitter. The Bruins really should have lost. They were the 8th place team. Yet they came into this giving 110% and shaking the foundation of the Habs (and their fans). We watched the youth on this team play like veterans and come into there own. And guess what? They are only going to get better.

So goodbye for now Bruins. Have a good summer. I can't wait to see what they have in store next year.

And now for some personal goodbyes and things to work on this summer. In random order...

Per Johan - Just keep being you...Just no more slap fights next year. That may be ok in Montreal, but in Boston, men hit with closed fists.

Kessel, Phil Kessel, What? - I think you need to be scratched more often. And keep the buzz. You're hair just looks like cotton candy when it grows out. You don't want to look like Therrien do you? Didn't think so.

Kobasew - Don't break a leg.

Krecji - Wow. Amazing year end and series. If you and Looch are the future of the B's then I am wicked excited.

LOOOOCH- Main reason my faith has been restored.

Maaaaarcooooo- Look at this man's face after he scores a goal and you will see his intensity. Best damn German in the NHL.

Manny F - Get the F out of Boston. You suck at life. I hate you. Really.

Timothy Thomas Jr. - What can I say about Timmy? We go way back to UVM. I loved you back then and I love ya now. The only thing I fear about next year is as hard as you've worked, you need to fight for #1 again. But I know even if you have to, you'll do it again and be that much better. GO CATS GO!

Z-Z-Zdeno- I grew to love you this year, you big goon. Geez, I don't know why I was so hard on you at first. Have fun eating villagers in the off season.

Metro - I love your commercials.

Claude- Jack Adams for you, sir.

Wardo- You are Ironman. I seriously think you are built like Robo Cop. I've never seen anyone get wrecked so much then come out to play the next game/period/shift.

Andrew (Ference) - Your mohawk was as crooked as Hnidy's nose. That aside though, you rock too.

Savvy - I'm not a Fan... Just Kidding. This isn't Sinden's blog. I am a fan. A Big one.

Hnidy - Bruin most likely to stab someone in bar fight. Solid D, though.

Reich/ Thornton - You guys go together like PBJ. Best 4th line EVER. Have fun at Space Camp this summer you two! No fighting!

Denny - I don't even miss Boyes. Sorry your mom named you Dennis though.

Schaefer - Where the F were you all season?

Nokelainen and Sobotka - You're names are silly, but your playing is anything but. Welcome to the B's!

Muzz - I love all the penalties you get because you just can't skate. Makes me chuckle. Your redonk one timers make up it though...when they are on net.

Stuart/Alberts/Allen - Interchangable, but loved equally.

Patrice - What could have been this year, eh? Randy Jones should go to Sucks At Life island with Manny and never return. I can't wait to see this team with you next year.

Monday, April 21, 2008

"Disperse, you rebels; damn you, throw down your arms and disperse!"

No matter how large, how great the foe, no one is unbeatable. If a casual observer had been reading about the Battle of Lexington, which we celebrate today, on this Patriot's Day, they may have scoffed at the idea that a small rebellion would be able to overcome and defeat the world's greatest army. But in retrospect, you can see that it all comes down to desire. Who wants it more?

This is how the Bruins have come back to tie the series, and this is how they will win tonight. Yes, the Habs are more skilled, they look more mighty on paper, yet they seem uninterested in winning.

The Bruins are playing like the hungry, aggravated, driven Rebels who decided, unbeknownst to their enemies, that they decided to win long ago.

"By my physical constitution I am but an ordinary man... Yet some great events, some cutting expressions, some mean hypocrisies, have at times thrown this assemblage of sloth, sleep, and littleness into rage like a lion."

-John Adams

May the Bruins rage like lions tonight and shut down the Redcoats once and for all.

Happy Patriot's Day!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Busy Morning

As of 9:35 EST, the Associated Press is reporting that the Boston Bruins have brought on an expert to keep the momentum up. The Bruins have pushed the Habs to the brink, and it doesn't appear that they will be stopping anytime soon. The move of bringing a motivation expert onto the team so late in the season is extremely unorthodox, but apparently Lucic put a good word in for the gentleman that was hired on. It seems that Lucic has been training with this expert all season, and the B's management team thought the entire team could benefit.

This morning, Coach Claude Julien was quoted as saying "You know, the guys have been playing really hard. I hope they can keep playing the way they have been. One of the informants I have hidden in the Montreal organization [thought to be Suckmy Koivu], told me that they had hired an expert to try and keep their spirits up. I don't want my guys to be happy; I want them to be mean. So I called Looch, he set me up with the guy, and here we are."
When reached for comment, Cam Neely was surprised, but happy, at the news. "The whole reason I got back into the B's organization was to show the young guys what it means to wear this jersey. It's not about diving or churching up a hook. It's about beating your opponent, hard, every single time he (or she in Comrade Kovalev's case), touches the puck. I'm talking the "it doesn't matter that I just spit out four of my teeth, I have blood dripping out of my ear, and my elbow bone is sticking out of my jersey" kind of passion. It has been missing for a long time, but now it's back. Now that this new guy has been hired, my forehead will be able to heal." Neely is quite often seen headbutting Bruins players that are having an off game.

The newly-hired member of the team will most likely be on the bench for Game 7. When the godforesaken "Ole'" chant starts, he will fly into the crowd and dole out Gorilla Slams.

This just in....

As of 9:15 EST, the Associated Press is reporting that the Canadiens have brought in an expert to try and break the team out of the funk that they are mired in. The report states that the "life coach" will be spending most of his time with Carey Price, as he has been proven to be mortal after all. Tune in monday to see if this pays off.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Ole' This, Mothertrucker

Game six in the books, and what a game it was.

The NHL should show tapes of this game to anyone that has never seen a game, or swears that they can't stand hockey. The intensity of this game was amazing. The fans were loud, the boys were banging, and the pucks kept finding the back of the net. It every game was like this, hockey would be the world's favorite game.

Lucic continues to impress with his rapid improvements. The kid can play in every situation, and more importantly, can be depended on to give an extra jab or facewash when a scrum ensues. It's just too bad that it's the playoffs. Komisarek has one coming to him, as does Hamrlik. On second thought, it probably wouldn't happen. Their gloves seemed to be sewn to their jerseys similar to Sean Hill's. Check out the extra-strength thread they bought for this at www.idontfight.com/products/habsvajayjay. (No, it's not a real link, so don't get on my ass about the page not coming up)

Sobotka...where the hell did you come from? Now, I'm not complaining, but it would have been nice to see the physical side of your game during the regular season.

It seems the two games that Ol' One Nutter (Kessel) watched from the box made an impact. He's shown that he wants to play. However, I think that someone should stitch up his shorts a little bit...I think I saw his taint on a slow-mo HD low angle replay. I'm sure Hamrlik could provide him with the aforementioned thread.

Sturm has finally tasted the back of the net. Murray, however, could use a night off. Give the kids a chance to get in there. I know the guy as loads of playoff experience, but if you're not scoring, you better contribute in some other way. To my thinking, he hasn't. He coasts, get the puck on his stick, and rips one...which promptly slams off the glass thirteen feet above Price's head. He's always been spotty (like Suckmy Koivu's period), but it's the freaking playoffs. Put the puck in the net and stop screwing around.

All in all, great effort from the boys tonight. They didn't stop pushing. Price seems to be thinking, "Holy shit, it's not supposed to be like this." Kovalev was a non-factor. Keep grinding him into the boards and he'll disappear, similar to Jagr.

Big game monday. Heal up, hydrate, then gargle with whiskey and razorblades to keep the mean up.


Who gets married in April anyway?

So not only am I still sick, but I need to put on a pretty little party dress and act happy for a wedding that dares to take place during this oh so important game. I have to smile and congratulate the happy freakin couple all the while thinking, you are making me miss my game you jerks. And its not even open bar.

Anyway, thanks to DVR, by the time I watch the game, it will probably be over. I pray that I can avoid the score until then.

Final thoughts: The Bruins are doing everything right. They are shooting, scoring, and Timmy T is the man. All they need to do is keep it up and pray that the Habs stay in whatever rut they are in right now.

On the injury front, hopefully they'll rush back Koivu who will be more of liability than a boost. Doesn't look like Bergy's going to play. That's for the best. He's still aboot 7lbs below playing weight. All signs point to Ward playing however. He is such a rock for them, it will be great to get him back on the blue line. Other than that, I see no need for change from the other night. Oh, and keep Phil in! He got the message. Loud and clear.

Also, win or lose, I hope that all Bruins fans act like decent human beings. I was disgusted to read about the drunk retard who beat up the Habs fan. While you never want the opposing fans to feel at home in your house, feeling the need to kick the shit out of them goes beyond bad sportsmanship. This O'Brien character obviously sucks at life (another sign other than the beating is that he was wearing an Allison Jersey) and I hope karma gets him back ten fold.

All I can say to my boys now is, Good Luck, Keep your head up, and Get some goals. I'll see you on the other side.

Friday, April 18, 2008

And the Thunder Rolls....

And we have finally, FINALLY, seen Price shaken and downright suck. I was beginning to wonder if that is possible. Sobotka is still wondering if the final goal last night really happened. This should give the B's a huge boost going into Saturday's game, but kids, this is FAR from over.

The B's have a huge feat ahead of them. But all signs point to the fact that is IS possible. This is a far cry from the sentiment before Game 1. I'm not going to lie, I was just hoping the B's would win one freakin game against that Habs. But oh, how the tides have turned.

And a word of advice. This blog exists because of our Pepe who meant the world to us and instilled a love for the Bruins in all of his grandkids. Although he is not with us anymore, every time I watch a game or think about the Bruins, Pepe is with me. And there are two things I remember that he has said about Hockey that has stuck with me the most:

1- Pavel Bure has the prettiest lips he has ever seen. (That picture up top makes sense now huh? And tell me you don't agree!)

2- NEVER bother God with prayers about Bruins. He has bigger things to deal with.

Well Pepe, I have always kept God out of hockey. And last night, while strolling the Habs blogs to see what they thought of this game, I came across a comment calling Carey Price, Jesus Price. Ouch... Now my fiance is the biggest Habs fan around, but also a devout Catholic. As soon as I told him that he got a little nervous.

Whether you report a higher power or not, keep hockey prayers, comments, out of the ears of the big guy. He's got wars, famine, plauge, etc. to contend with. Bugging him with hockey will just piss him off. Remember he is a loving God, but a vengeful God. However, all Habs fans, feel free to pray away....

Enough for cliches, Garth Brooks, and sappy memories today. The stress of this series has made me sick, so I am taking a PTO day today. I must rest to cure my aliments and get ready for Saturday.
More tomorrow.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

WHY I HATE NESN AND THE RED SOX...even more than the Habs

The Red Sox are playing the Yankee's tonight. The world must stand still. Everyone must stop what they are doing and pay homage because the Red Sox are playing the fucking Yankees. Who knows when that may happen again???????? Oh wait, it will happen about 3 million more times over the course of this summer.

So why I ask you would NESN even THINK of bumping the Bruins biggest game of the year to another channel which people may or may not get? And not only THINK of doing it, but actually do it? NESN. You know, I thought you stood for New England SPORTS Network. Not Never Ending SOX Network. You suck. You suck at life.

So here's to you Nesn. Here's to all the red faced, fat, obnoxious Red Sox fans who would rather watch Manny pick his ass in right field tonight than watch a real game. I wish upon the Red Sox another 80 years without a World Series win. I wish upon you embarassing losses against the Yankees. Maybe if NESN pretends to support the Bruins, the rest of Boston will too and we won't see 10 fucking million Habs fans in our own rink.

And Red Sox fans, if you suddenly realize you'd like to see real atheltes compete, the Bruins will be on NESN Plus. Who knows what channel that is, but I'm sure by the time you find it, the game will be over anyway.

Now, I must go burn my Varitek Jersey, gather with the 12 other real Bruins fans in the world, and pray with all of our might that the B's show up tonight to save their season despite the utter disrespect they are shown in their own sports community.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


The next Cam Neely, you are. Come to restore balance in the hockey universe, you have. Strong with you, the force is. Use the force wisely Looch, you must. If you beat the Habs, destroy the dark side, you will.

Seriously though, enough Yoda. But this is as Star Warsy as it gets. A little scrappy rebellion trying to take down an huge dark empire with a young warrior emerging as their future leader. Just like Star Wars, however recast with the B's.

-Looch, the young Padawan learner, as Luke Skywalker
-Timmy Thomas, the steady sidekick, as Han Solo
-Savard, the little bot coming in clutch, as R2-D2
-Aaron Ward, the mechanical wonder that some how shakes off his 42 injuries, as C3PO
-Thomas Plekanec, the little girl, as Princess Leia (hey, his shitty play is technically helping the Jedi Cause)
-Zdeno Chara, the calm, yet sometimes fierce beast, as Chewy.
-The rest of the team can be Ewoks because they are just so freakin cute.
-Julien, enough said, as Master Yoda
-Cam Neely, training his young Jedi Apprentice to become the fierce warrior his was/is, as Obi-Wan Kenobi

As long as the B's continue to steer away from the darkside, they can win these games. The darkside is getting weak. If anything, the Habs have stolen these games (with the exception of Game 1) from the B's. Keep grinding, and the wins will come. Just a winning tomorrow night will be enough to send the Habs ambitions out the window faster than Mace Windu. As they penetrate the Death Star tomorrow night, they need to remember that while the Empire's army is great, a small, concentrated attack will be enough to set off the destruction of the whole ship. Hit em' hard and make it count. Once great, evil republics have been taken down before. Just ask Kovy, maybe that will bring back some (any) emotion.
Win, the B's must and will.