So close....so close......

So it's been awhile, but here I am. I just returned from a wedding in the greater Toronto area. It's always fun going up there, as every single town has an OHL team or is the homestead of some (sometimes several) NHL players. It's also great to talk to Leaf fans who realize that their team sucks goat balls. I take every opportunity to rub this in their collective faces.

I'll say this: if you haven't had the opportunity to attend a Portuguese-Greek wedding, DO IT. It's a great time and you won't be disappointed.

But enough about that.

I was excited as hell tonight to plant my ass on the couch, as it meant that I was out of the car after an eight hour drive and the Bruins were to finally take part in their home opener.

Random thoughts:

-I couldn't stop laughing when they managed to forget to announce Mark Stuart. He could be seen standing in the runway, slipping roofies in the drinks of unsuspecting interns. He came out like a raped ape (no fratboy pun intended on that) and actually played well.

-I'm starting to think that Chuck Kobasew is as fra-jee-lay (it's a major award!) as an early-blooming flower. It seems that if you look at him crossed-eyed, he goes down with a groin or fracture somewhere in his leg. And he still looks like the kid from Jumanji.

-Ol' One Nut Kessel continues to find the back of the net. I think he actually spent some money on Xbox Live and bought some new moves. Good to see.

-Looch seems to realize that he has yet to grow Gretzky hands and that he needs to keep banging bodies in the corner. Orpik didn't seem to like the way he was assaulted in the corner by him, but he wisely decided to keep his gloves on. Maybe they're sewn to his jersey ala Sean Hill. Though entertaining, it's never good to watch a product of the American collegiate system going toe-to-toe with a tough Canadian boy.

-Savvy had a nice little purse-swinger with Crosby. He better watch his back; I heard that Betteman already dispatched a hit squad to take him out after he DARED to touch the annointed. Also, Savvy appears to have the physique of a possum. I think that when he retires, he'll immediately gain sixty-three pounds, like Brett Hull has. Have you seen him lately???

-Ference continues to impress me. Good to see him getting quality time. Fucker's got a cannon, too.

-Wideman makes me wonder why the B's gave him all that money.

-Ryder appears nervous. Good to see that he is still cocking his stick waiting for those sweet passes from Savvy. Murray would have gone down with a torn groin already.

-Speaking of Muzz, I think I saw him in Brampton this weekend at an offramp near the 401 holding a sign detailing the savings that could be found at an area furniture store.

-TIMMY! That is all.

-Manny looked nervous, as I think there was a group of Border Patrol agents sitting behind the Bruins' bench.

-Thornton, who I would immediately shoot on-sight if I stopped him and saw him and his trucker mustache unfold out of a car, had a quick go with Godard. He left his balance in the locker room. They'll meet again.

-Malkin is in the running for ugliest Ruskie with Ovechkin. Seems that orthodontics aren't a priority in the land of the sickle and hammer. He should ask Comrade Kovalev for the number of a good teeth guy.

-Crosby is a woman. I'm pretty sure he would draw my Pepe's ire, similar to the way Pavel Bure used to. "Look at those lips! They're so pretty! He isn't a real hockey player!"

All in all, a very entertaining game from the boys. It might just be the best birthday week ever, as they play three games in the next four nights. Hopefully they'll grab a few points.

Until next time.