Thursday, September 10, 2009

Douchebag 2.0

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Hi! I'm an oft-injured winger that is asking for a whole bunch of money...even though I've really only had one good year. I'm also an extreme defensive liability. Did I mention that I'll sprain a knee if you look at me cross-eyed?

Likes: hockey shorts that show my taint, ProActiv Solution, and money, Money, MONEY!!
Dislikes: when people say that I look like the result of a drunken hook-up between Skeletor and a burn victim (See above, including the effete wrist hang that his father is displaying).

Just go away, Phil. I hope that Chara puts your scrawny, pimply, pale ass through the glass the first time the Bruins play your new team.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha! this is awesome!

Araev16 said...

So considering I'm temporarily mentally and physically handicapped, I have been using that as an excuse not to find the energy to post most of the summer. Then I finally log on for the first time this evening because Phillip pissed me off enough and you beat me to the punch.

I hope he goes to Toronto so Chara and Lucic have ample opportunity to put his ass through the glass.

As much as I can't stand Elliot, he had a good post the other day. Sums it up.
Kessel is a bitch

Anonymous said...

wow, you kids really are drinking KPD's kool-aid, aren't you...

Sheriff25 said...

@ Anonymous:
This has nothing to do with what KPD wrote. It has EVERYTHING to do with Phil Kessel playing the "I Want More Money" game. He's been in the league for a handful of years and is acting like a diva. And it's not just Kessel that draws my ire in situations such as these; it is every single pro athelete that says, "You know what? I really think I deserve about a million dollars more than what you're offering me." Hunwick pissed me off the same way that Ol' One Nut is. I didn't see KPD write anything regarding Hunwick like he did with Kessel. I guess that means I can make my own Kool Aid, huh?

Araev16 said...

I'm thinking you mean KDP.

As Sherrif stated, we drink our own Kool-Aid, much tastier. And we heard from a reliable source months ago that Kessel wanted to play in a place where he could earn the most money and be the "star". Somewhere like Nashville.

We are just normal fans, but we do have some "informants". Just because we don't name drop like Pierre McGuire doesn't mean we can't form thoughts or take in news outside the Boston Globe.

Araev16 said...

I just realized that Kevy likes to use his middle name, so I suppose KPD works, eh? I'm not a big reader of his articles, so I apologize for the error.

scott w. gray said...

I couldn't agree more with this post (or the Koivu post, actually). So brutal.

Well, I guess he got what he wanted, because he just got traded.

I provided a little link back to this post from my blog, just to share your hilarious math with my readers. You can see it here:

http://blackwhiteandgold.blogspot.com/2009/09/breaking-news-kessel-traded-to-maple.html

Keep up the good work.