Seriously, what the fuck was that?
After watching the boys positively steam to a fucking 3 to 0 lead, I thought that things were going to go their way and they would leave the Sunfuck State with a 3-1 series lead.
However, the Bruins being the Bruins, they promptly went to sleep and stopped fucking skating. Not even a great individual effort by the recently concussed Patty Cake could shake this team loose from the cement that seems to have filled their skates.
I finally got a chance to mow the fucking lawn today, as the rain clouds fucked off to some other fucking area.. I would like to take you through what was rolling through my brain as I was doing so:
"Fuck Kaberle. This guy is horrible. Burke raped Chiarelli on this trade. Seriously, fuck Kaberle. And what's the deal with your fucking current choice of facial hair? It's a playoff BEARD. BEARD. I know the word translates into your native language, because Chara speaks the same fucking tongue and he has grown a Chuck Norris worthy version of the playoff beard. Seriously, fuck Kaberle. Fuck this no-talent assclown, he of breathless speculation every fucking trade deadline...fuck this guy. Soft in corners, never shoots, never hits, can't fuck a woman properly, probably pees sitting down and fuck his stupid playoff facial hair. Ference has something similar, but at least he's scored a goal AND flipped off the stupid Hab fans. Seriously, if they bring you back for next year, you better be working like an indentured servant, working off your contract where they pay you in hockey tape and fucking kicks to the groin, because anything more than that is a fucking travesty. You shouldn't even count against the salary cap, you should qualify as some type of tax write-off, similar to the way that some teams will let a developmentally disabled guy hang around. Fuck you, Kaberle. Your new name is Corky. You can live above the Garden in a little loft, we'll let you pretend that you have your own house, but it's wired with cameras to make sure you don't burn the fucking place down because you want to make mozarella sticks in your little easy bake oven. The boys will take turns watching these cameras, and they'll bitch about it, because it will stop them from going out to get some hot snatch on their fly, and they'll have to watch you as you trounce around your stupid little 'tard loft, dancing to Justin Beiber or some fucking Lady Gaga song. And then weeks later, you'll emerge with a dance routine intact, and you'll dance in the dressing room, because they have to be nice to you, because you're the tax write-off and if they laugh and point, they lose the fifty dollar credit that you afford the team. Seriously, fuck you. Fuck you and your PP skills. Fuck you for everything you have brought to this team in their push for the Cup. I laughed today when you took that shot off your skate and crumbled like the wilted pansy that you are. Seriously, fuck you."
That being said, fuck Corky Kaberle.