Game F'n 7

I'm still not sure what happened last night. The Bruins played a solid game 5 on 5. They had multiple chances and were skating well.
And then the refs took over.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT A FUCKING PENALTY IS ANYMORE. IS THAT A SLASH? IS THAT A HOOK? IS THAT A GAME MISCONDUCT? OH DON'T WORRY, THE REFS HAVE THE REQUISITE SKILLS NEEDED TO MAKE THE CALLS...RIGHT??? RIGHT?????
There were so many offenses that the Habs got away with that I can still feel the bile rising in the back of my throat. This game should have been 8-1 with all the PP time the fucking Habs had, but solid defensive play and some sparkling saves by Timmy kept the boys in it.
I don't often hide behind the excuse that the effing reffing decided the game, but last night was indeed a case of this. There were two clear-cut calls: Patty's delay of game and Looch's hit (and on this one, I would have given him a 2 minute minor, not the game misconduct). The refs were obviously trying to keep the game under control. Aside from those two calls, the Bruins were penalized for offenses that I've seen all fucking series from the french assclots that call themselves the Habs.
I'm so sick and fucking tired of watching Gomez lope up the ice and Hamrlik's "my skates are filled with cement" and Subban's "oh look at me, I'm god's gift to skating" and Gionta's perfect little goatee and Spacek's mongoloid features and White's nasty, crackhead trucker haircut, which looks like it smells like dead hooker in a trash bag sprinkled with rotten hemorrhoids. And don't even get me started on that sallow-skinned Kostitsyn. I know for a fact that guy has some communicable disease that results in his white blood cells eating all of his red blood cells. And his asshole.
So Game F'n 7. In Boston. Playoffs. The Canadiens. If the Bruins can't muster the effort and drive to win this game, then they don't have what it takes to win the Cup anyway.
Oh yeah, and Kaberle still sucks. If I see him flub one more pass, skate at half-speed to a puck or do his little blueline spin-move one more time, I'm seriously going to start looking into methods of eye removal so I don't have to gaze upon that bullshit anymore. Or maybe I'll just catch myself on fire circa 1967 Buddhist monk.
All or nothing.
Do or die.
Win or go home.
Fries or onion rings.
Hall and Oates.
Go B's.

HEY REFS, IF YOU'RE GOING TO FUCK THE BRUINS THAT HARD, AT LEAST HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO GIVE THEM A REACHAROUND.
Game 7. Boston. Go, you fuckers.

Let's End This

My blood pressure has finally dropped from near-fatal levels.
That last game was what playoff hockey is all about. Back and forth, big hits, big saves.
I have learned one thing: I can't watch Bruins OT hockey. Every single time the Habs crossed the blueline, I began hiding my eyes, rubbing my forehead. I'm surprised I have any skin left. Apparently Timmy made some beautiful saves, but I'd be lying if I said I saw any of them.
Horton finally broke through and scored what is undoubtedly the biggest goal of his career. The Bruins are in a good place and they'll be back in Montreal tomorrow night to close this fucker out.
Couple things:
-Looch had a better game, dishing several beautiful passes, but if the Bruins are going to continue their march, he will have to find the back of the net. Krejci, who is 1A on my shitlist (That Useless Fuck From Toronto is 1), needs to fucking do something. I scream at the TV and begin bleeding out of my eyes when he gets the puck and does...nothing.
-Seidenberg has found his nasty this playoff season. He actually wanted to go with Subban who looked willing until he realized that Seidenberg is a willing German that would probably fuck him up. Subban tried to laugh it off, but I know I saw some spotting on his shorts.
-Marchand, who was the target of a ridiculous tweet from Lord Snapped Neck, has stepped up and keeps getting better and better. He's trying things other than the dump and chase that the Bruins seem to covet. He's creative as hell and the sandpaper in his game has guys hating him. That's good.
-That Useless Fuck From Toronto needs to sit. He is bringing nothing to his team and I wouldn't even try to re-sign him. What a fucking joke. He does everything at half-speed and just doesn't compete. I can't believe they had to move Stuart to land this guy.
-Campbell/Thornton/Paille got basically no ice time in the OT. I'm sure Claude knows what he's doing, but rolling all four lines keeps guys fresh. And we've seen time and again this year what those guys can do.
-Have to love the little conversation that future captain Patty Cake had with Subban. I can only imagine what it was about...although the desultory shove he gave Subban (who promptly dropped like a Komisarek) when he was done said it all.
Can't wait for tomorrow night. Hoping the B's win won and shut these fuckers up once and for all.
Go B's.

Ask And The Frenchman In The Sky Will Provide

I have absolutely no doubt that the birthday boy provided the Bruins with the determination it took to battle down from being down for the majority of the game. I'm going to submit that the Bruins are only allowed to play important games on April 21th. They don't lose when we're honoring Pepe with his drink of choice.

I just want to provide a few of the texts I received after pivotal moments in the game that still have me laughing:

"Kelly should wear the mask all the time! He sees the puck much better! It's like blinders on a horse!" - CC

"Who would win in a slowest skater race...Lucic or Recchi? Although if I'm 43 and can still move, I am happy." - CC

Few things:

-Kelly did indeed have his best game as a Bruin. As CC so succinctly stated, he sees the puck better. Maybe he has a cool holographic display up in that bitch that helps him track the puck, puts trajectories in place, etc. Sort of like what an Apache helicopter pilot has...but this one helps him shoot a puck instead of putting several dozen 30mm rockets up some terrorist's ass.

-Great to see Ference get a goal. This kid is a true team player and all eco-friendly bullshit aside, I really like him as a Bruin. And though he denies it, I love that he told those fucking Hab fans that they're all #1...as my fellow blogger Araev16 put it, "Best $2,500 he ever spent."

-Props to Claude for calling the timeout when he did. We've seen him do this several times as of late and it really seems to work. The game was a c-hair away from getting completely out of control and it settled them down.

-Timmy has been fighting the puck this entire series, giving up HUGE rebounds. I would be remiss not to mention that he made several monster saves late in the 3rd, especially after Seidenberg got called for interference (he kind of looked like Jesus without a cross when he was trying to show that refs that he wasn't interfering with the Hab player...I would have been laughing had my blood pressure not been 300/758).

-Mikey Fucking Ryder. What is it with this guy? He coasts along, sleeping on the majority of his shifts and then suddenly wakes up, scoring two goals, one of which is the OT winner? Fuck. Keep shooting the puck, Ryder. We likely.

-And it might be mean, but I couldn't stop laughing when they did the little Dunkin Donuts "high energy play of the game" with Seguin. He popped up on the screen and I lost my shit. Who the fuck is this kid? OH YEAH, Tyler Seguin. They should count it as a playoff appearance. I almost forgot what he looked like.

-Not Bruins-related, but what's with all the OT going on league-wide? I love it, there's crazy hockey everywhere. And props to the Sabres and Predators for not just rolling over. They now both lead their series. And if you haven't seen Bobby Ryan's goal from last night, Youtube it. Holy shit. He's pretty good when he's not trying to murder people with his skate.

Big game tonight in B-town. Let's go boys.

I'll end this with the best text of the evening, which I received from The Hairy Frenchman, about five seconds after Ryder ended it:

"They finally have the lead."

Go B's.

Happy 81st Pepe!

This blog wouldn't exist without the Greatest Bruins fan who lived and died. We miss you! B's have a big advantage tonight that the Habs haven't anticipated.

Oh, You Mean We're In The Playoffs?

To be frank, I was terrified to watch the game last night. I was thisss close to asking the Canuck if it was even worth watching the game.
Good thing I did.
Last night was a true playoff game. Back and forth chances, great tempo, big hits and quick saves. The Bell Centre was pretty loud until the Bruins went up by a few and seats started emptying out. I may live to be 150 years old and I'll never ever figure out why people leave when their team is down by a few goals.
The boys finally realized that they needed to skate and generate offense. Every single player, even Krejci (!), was skating like a meth head on...well, meth. The Habs had their chances but Timmy stood tall.
Couple things:
-Chara showed no ill-effects from his dehydration bout. I would have liked to see him get some more shots through, but he was shutting people down left and right. And the look he gave the ref after Cami-gina submarined him was one for the ages. I'm surprised the ref's head didn't burst into flames.
-Kaberle continues to dipsy-doodle around on the blueline when they have a PP. Just face it: he's not going to bring the "skill" that he had while in Toronto. Of course, he probably looked awesome compared to their D over there...as would I, and I have exactly 0 minutes of hockey playing time to my credit.
-Seidenberg elevated his game last night. That dude is obviously built like a tank and he was throwing his body around last night. The hits, along with the old time crosschecks he was throwing out, were great to see.
-Marchand continued buzzing like an annoying little gnat all over the ice and I'm glad this kid is on the B's. He can fucking skate and it helps open the ice up.
-Aside from his breakaway effort, Looch was playing like we all know he can. I'd still like to see him park his ass in front of the net for some deflections, but one thing at a time I guess.
-For continued success, the boys will need to figure out how to get some shots through from the point. Even a quick wrister is getting blocked by the Habs so they'll have to come up with something else.
-Timmy looked like his old self again, flopping and humping all over the ice. He made several HUGE saves in the last few minutes to preserve the lead.
-I'm guessing that Benoit Poooo-yot wishes he didn't go in high on Upchuk. That violent lover of Mother Earth, Andrew Ference, set his french ass straight.
The boys have two days off, and I hope they use the time wisely. Rest up, hydrate (LOOKING AT YOU, CHARA) and think of the game on thursday. To win two in Montreal would be quite a feat, considering their history in that fucking Bell Centre over the last few seasons. I'm just thinking that perhaps the Habs were more concerned over their choice of hotpants for the upcoming Lady Gaga concert than they were with winning a hockey game.
Go B's.

Game 3...Play Like It's Game 7

The Bruins that have taken the ice so far this postseason are not the Bruins that played during the regular season. Gone is the snarl. Gone is the swagger that comes with having balanced scoring. Gone is the defense that takes every entrance into their zone and calmly plays the puck back out. Where the fuck did this team go? The Bruins looked absolutely lost without their captain out there. Upchuk looked like a scared little kid that just saw his puppy get hit by a bus. Kaberle, who should have stepped up and taken the load on his shoulders, was bent in half by the weight time and time again. Losing Chara at the last minute should have made them realize that they had to play HUGE. It did not. Krejci, he of "we'll win the next game", did absolutely jack shit. Did he realize that when you make such a promise you need to come out and play the best game of your life? Guess not. Timmy has not been as sharp as he was during the regular season. Looch and Horton have been non-factors. They will take the ice in Montreal tonight and the noise up there is a physical entity that the Bruins will have to fight along with all of the Habs players. Let's just hope they can get out of the first fucking 90 seconds of the game without being down at least 1 to 0. I know this isn't an uplifting post, but trying to muster the enthusiasm is a bit of a difficult task right now. I'm still behind my team, but we'll know in the first five minutes of this game whether or not they have what it takes. Go B's.

Don't Panic...Yet

One minute into the game last night, I could tell that the other Bruins showed up to play. Anyone that has watched this team this over the season can spot, almost immediately, when the Evil Bruins have showed up. The Evil Bruins try to be too cute, they can't get the puck past the red line and the defense can't clear the puck, instead trying to pin it to the boards and hope for a...I don't know what the fuck they hope for, maybe a situation that doesn't turn into a goal against? Aside from a few good chances and a portion of the 2nd where a 5 on 5 looked like a 5 on 3 for the Bruins, in my opinion there were few positives in this game. I was curious which Price we would get last night, and unfortunately it was the "I'll stop everything you send my way" model that I don't care for. After the Bruins had failed to score in the 1st, I was feeling that Price was going to get the shutout. That turned out to be true. It's not that I'm a psychic, it's just that none of the fucking Bruins seemed to be getting good shots on. Few things: -I remain frustrated with Kaberle's play. At this point, he would have to score a Bobby Orr-esque Cup winner to get my vote that the trade wasn't a total fleecing. He continues to look disinterested and his game has no grit. The PP was supposed to immediately improve, but I think his bright red cheeks are blinding him, as his passes and shots look like a drunk Dennis Wideman is manning the point. -Kelly and Peverley...I don't think I could have picked two guys that would fill me with such an amazing amount of underwhelm-edness (that's not a word, not even close to a word). Peverley has shown speed and Kelly has shown shit. I would double shift Patty Cake at this point. And to be honest, and I never thought I would say this, I'm sort of missing Wheeler. At least you know what he did or didn't bring. Kelly is like that extra in a movie that is in a few shots, sort of obscured by a tree in the background. He is so low on my radar that every time I see #23, I think that the Bruins have re-signed Steve Heinze for the playoff run. I don't know what Heinze is doing these days, but I'm thinking maybe they should approach him, as at this point anything would be better than this Kelly dude. They gave up a 2nd round pick for him, which normally doesn't seem like a bad deal for an "impact player"...until you realize that Milan Lucic was a 2nd round pick. HEY PETER, GET ON THAT! -I failed to mention this in the previous post, but I was stoked to see Shawn Thornton out there. As shown early on in the first when he had a great scoring chance, Thornton should be out there. He's bled for this team and though known throughout the league as a fighter, he has skill and should play in the post season. -The higlight of the game for me was in the first when Chara drilled Kostitsyn with a shot. He left the ice and didn't play the rest of the first. In HD, Kostitsyn is absolutely terrifying looking. He has this gray complexion like he's been eating dinosaur shit fossils his entire life and his hair makes him look like some kind of eastern European radiation wrangler. I can't stand the way he looks, the way he plays and the way he looks (did I already mention that?). I think the last time I hated a Canadien on looks alone was when they employed that pointy-nosed clown looking motherfucker Lyle Odelein. And if that isn't the best child molester name ever created, then I don't know what is. -Krejci better keep his fucking head up. He continues to skate around like the previously mentioned clown in a forcefield and he just missed getting drilled several times like he did last year. I know he'll get lit up in the next game or two and I'm just hoping it doesn't result in a demolished wrist...only because that would mean that Seguin would be reinserted into the lineup and my fragile (it must be italian) heart can't fucking take that. To be honest, I fast forwarded through the majority of the 3rd, as I was trying to kill my sickness with some JD and it's a fucking miracle that I didn't throw my remote, the cat and myself through the 50 inch in my frustration with this game. 2 to 0 isn't a huge loss, and it's only game one, but one would think that the boys would realize they are in the playoffs. One more game in Boston before they head north to the land of eurotrance and hair gel. Hopefully they'll come out of the game saturday night with a tied series. Go B's.

What Does This Series Mean?

The Garden will be absolutely rocking tomorrow night for Game 1. The boys have had a few days off and have been able to take a breather before the grind continues. The Habs had continued their dominance of the Bruins this year...that is until their last game, when the B's skated away with the 7-0 victory. In a game that supposedly would be a grudge match for the Pacioretty "hit", it was surprisingly non-physical. After that game, the B's are obviously in the heads of the Habs. Those fuckers from the north are small and fast, but will this style hold up in the playoffs? Normally it doesn't, but we will know shortly. Couple things: -As goes Timmy, so goes the Bruins. He should be fairly well rested and needs to continue his "good luck scoring on me" ways. He set a modern era record for GAA, but this stat means shit (I'm sure to him and Bruins fans everywhere) if he doesn't keep it going in the playoffs. -Horton needs to continue his torrid pace and Looch needs to wake up a bit. He had been skating like a large robot out there for the last few, but I'm sure it's hard to focus when you know that you're playoff-bound. -I'd be surprised if we see Seguin at all in the postseason. He is fast, blindingly so, but he just doesn't have the strength to match it...yet. His skill is apparent, and I have little doubt that he will turn into a very good player, but he should not cut his teeth in the playoffs. The tempo is going to be insane and I think that if he did play, he'd be beat to shit after his first five shifts. -I was glad to see that the Bruins won't be staying in Montreal between games 3 and 4. That city is going to be absolutely insane and I wouldn't put it past someone to try and fuck with them in some manner. -Chara will need to stand tall (no pun intended) and lead this team. After the incident in Montreal, it was readily apparent in the next few games that he didn't change his style. He wasn't hesitating and if someone gave him a shove, he'd give them a whack. Often times players become gun-shy when they're involved in something like that, but Chara showed no negative effects, even stringing together great numbers in the next several games. -I'm really looking at Gregory Campbell to have a great playoffs. He has been such an important addition to this team this year. Good numbers, good fights and great effort every single fucking shift...what more could you ask for? His defensive skills will be on display and I'm sure he'll sneak a few past the goalie as well. -Two things I'm kind of nervous about: Price's play and Subban. Price either plays like a Vezina finalist or one of those plastic tarp things you put over your street hockey net. I'm curious to see which one we'll get. And Subban has skill, but I'm more worried about Bruins players putting themselves out of positions to try and light that slick skating fucker up (Upchuk: take note). A great open ice hit is great to see, but more often than not they miss and it leaves a yawning chasm in the blue line. That being said, I can't wait to settle in a watch some hockey tomorrow. Go B's.