If I was God, I would use my powers as such today:
Every player, upon waking up and getting out of bed (after a night of not getting any from the wife/girlfriend), would promptly whack their shin on the wood end table. They would stumble to the kitchen to find that there's no milk in the fridge. Going to start their car, they wouldn't be able to find their keys. After finding them, the car wouldn't start. Upon getting to the rink, they would find that there is no sugar for their coffee, so they have to drink it black. They would then get a phone call from the same wife/girlfriend stating that the toilet on the 2nd floor blew up. During warmups, they would all be looking for their left gloves, which would eventually be found frozen solid in the locker room.
The purpose of this? To put these men in the foulest, most violent and dangerous mood that they have ever been in. Every step is a lesson in taking deep breaths so they don't absolutely explode and murder someone.
NOW CHANNEL THAT SHIT, AND ONCE THAT PUCK DROPS, GOOOOOOOOO YOU FUCKERS. TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT.
Go B's.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKERS PLAY?
THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO A CHALLENGE?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO END YOUR SEASON, BY BEING REMEMBERED FOR BLOWING A 3-0 LEAD?
THIS IS HOW YOU PLAY FOR A FRANCHISE THAT HAS A LONG AND STORIED HISTORY?
THIS IS HOW YOU HONOR ALL THOSE PLAYERS THAT CAME BEFORE YOU, SKATED BEFORE YOU, BLED AND SPIT THEIR FUCKING TEETH OUT BEFORE YOU?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO END IT?
PULL YOUR FUCKING HEADS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASSES AND PUT SOME FUCKING PUCKS ON NET AND HIT SOME FUCKING FLYERS AND SCORE SOME FUCKING GOALS.
MAKE YOURSELVES PROUD. MAKE YOUR FANS PROUD. MAKE THIS FUCKING TEAM FROM PHILADELPHIA CRAWL BACK INTO THEIR FUCKING CITY WITH THEIR TAILS TUCKED BETWEEN THEIR FUCKING LEGS AND WONDER WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS THAT JUST RAN THEIR ASSES OVER.
A quote from Reg Dunlop comes to mind: "They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us! All right, let's show 'em what we got, guys! Get out there on the ice and let 'em know you're there. Get that fuckin' stick in their side. Let 'em know you're there! Get that lumber in his teeth. Let 'em know you're there! " And if you don't know who Reg Dunlop is, don't ever visit this blog again.
Go B's.
THIS IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO A CHALLENGE?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO END YOUR SEASON, BY BEING REMEMBERED FOR BLOWING A 3-0 LEAD?
THIS IS HOW YOU PLAY FOR A FRANCHISE THAT HAS A LONG AND STORIED HISTORY?
THIS IS HOW YOU HONOR ALL THOSE PLAYERS THAT CAME BEFORE YOU, SKATED BEFORE YOU, BLED AND SPIT THEIR FUCKING TEETH OUT BEFORE YOU?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO END IT?
PULL YOUR FUCKING HEADS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASSES AND PUT SOME FUCKING PUCKS ON NET AND HIT SOME FUCKING FLYERS AND SCORE SOME FUCKING GOALS.
MAKE YOURSELVES PROUD. MAKE YOUR FANS PROUD. MAKE THIS FUCKING TEAM FROM PHILADELPHIA CRAWL BACK INTO THEIR FUCKING CITY WITH THEIR TAILS TUCKED BETWEEN THEIR FUCKING LEGS AND WONDER WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS THAT JUST RAN THEIR ASSES OVER.
A quote from Reg Dunlop comes to mind: "They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us! All right, let's show 'em what we got, guys! Get out there on the ice and let 'em know you're there. Get that fuckin' stick in their side. Let 'em know you're there! Get that lumber in his teeth. Let 'em know you're there! " And if you don't know who Reg Dunlop is, don't ever visit this blog again.
Go B's.
I TOLD YOU TO CLOSE IT OUT
I was so excited for hockey on monday. Unfortunately, I didn't see any hockey played...at least not by the Bruins.
Aside from a few close calls in the first period, there was nothing positive about the "effort" from the Bruins in game 5. They stayed on the periphery and refused to get in front of the net. It was like they were all channeling Phil Kessel.
To date, their playoff run this year has been inspiring. They limped into the postseason after a lackluster 82 games. They didn't even have a passing resemblance to the team last year that utterly dominated every single opponent and swept the Habs in 4 games. The playoffs are a new and different season and the Bruins have been playing some great hockey. Everyone seemed to be clicking and the pucks were getting in the net somehow.
They need to rediscover the motivation that got them through the first round against the Sabres. They need to hit and grind, make sharp passes coming out of the offensive zone, and park their asses in front of that net to wait for a deflection from the point. I'm still not seeing anyone set up in front of the net (aside from Recchi, but he can only do so much). Ryder and Wheeler have been goddamn combat ineffective. I have no idea what these guys need to get going. It's obvious they both have skill...but the way they've been playing, I would scratch them. Give the slots to Marchand and somebody else that will go and go and go.
They go back to Philly tonight and the crowd will be into it. Carcillo, Pronger and Hartnell will be playing huge in front of their home crowd. The Bruins need to score early and often and wrap this thing up before the end of the second. The Flyers have shown some pluck fighting back to win two straight. The B's need to hit hard and often. This helps them get in the game and stay engaged. The sooner they get this thing closed out, the better.
So I'll be watching tonight. We should know within the first five minutes if the Bruins are going to wrap it up or if they're going to lay down and go to a game 7 back in Boston. Hopefully it's the former.
Go B's.
Aside from a few close calls in the first period, there was nothing positive about the "effort" from the Bruins in game 5. They stayed on the periphery and refused to get in front of the net. It was like they were all channeling Phil Kessel.
To date, their playoff run this year has been inspiring. They limped into the postseason after a lackluster 82 games. They didn't even have a passing resemblance to the team last year that utterly dominated every single opponent and swept the Habs in 4 games. The playoffs are a new and different season and the Bruins have been playing some great hockey. Everyone seemed to be clicking and the pucks were getting in the net somehow.
They need to rediscover the motivation that got them through the first round against the Sabres. They need to hit and grind, make sharp passes coming out of the offensive zone, and park their asses in front of that net to wait for a deflection from the point. I'm still not seeing anyone set up in front of the net (aside from Recchi, but he can only do so much). Ryder and Wheeler have been goddamn combat ineffective. I have no idea what these guys need to get going. It's obvious they both have skill...but the way they've been playing, I would scratch them. Give the slots to Marchand and somebody else that will go and go and go.
They go back to Philly tonight and the crowd will be into it. Carcillo, Pronger and Hartnell will be playing huge in front of their home crowd. The Bruins need to score early and often and wrap this thing up before the end of the second. The Flyers have shown some pluck fighting back to win two straight. The B's need to hit hard and often. This helps them get in the game and stay engaged. The sooner they get this thing closed out, the better.
So I'll be watching tonight. We should know within the first five minutes if the Bruins are going to wrap it up or if they're going to lay down and go to a game 7 back in Boston. Hopefully it's the former.
Go B's.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Close It Out, Boys
So even though I missed some hockey, Mexico was a blast. It seemed that everywhere I turned (literally each time and with a drink in both hands), I ran into a hockey fan. I can now say heaven is real. It's next to the swim-up bar, sun high in the sky, with hours of hockey talk. Met some fans from Calgary (what's up, Nick) and talked hockey until my pasty white northern Vermont skin was peeling like a zombie's.
Recovering the next morning at the buffet, it seemed that I would run into everyone from the pool and we'd trade scores gleaned from ESPN (en espanol, or course) and texts from back home (thank you, Charbie). So although I missed hockey, I count the trip a success for the following reasons:
1. The Mexican cartel(s) didn't kill me.
2. A rabid iguana didn't kill me.
3. The spirits from the creepy ruins that were 50 million years old (or something like that) didn't kill me.
4. My fiancee didn't kill me. Seriously, if I disappeared and the story was on Nancy Grace or one of those stupid fucking shows, I would haunt everyone involved from my base camp of the creepy ruins (see #4) with my demonic rabid iguana (see #2).
Strangely, the biggest threat to my life came when we were landing at JFK. A nice 30mph crosswind will do that. Props to Captain Mike for allowing me to continue to live so I could watch some more hockey.
ANYWAY.
The boys failed to sweep the Flyers out the other night, as it sounds like Gagne channeled some Savvy and scored the OT winner in his first game back. Good for him.
In Boston tonight, where the B's have yet to lose this playoffs (5-0) and I know I'm going to be able to hear the crowd from my house. Tuukka is quickly ascending to a throne of dominance, with The Dark Lord (Hail Satan!) at his side and the Ancient Hell Hound (Ol' Man Recchi) snapping in all the rebounds.
I'm having a feeling that tonight is going to be a great game. Or maybe I'm just hoping that, as I haven't seen them play in a week. They have to come out, skate like a bunch of psychos and put the puck in the net.
Look for Chara to have a big game. And we all know that the bigger the game, the bigger Looch plays. He'll be getting his nose dirty. And it's about time that Ryder scores one of those laser wrist shots from the slot that we've seen him do. Tonight would be a good night.
Go B's.
Recovering the next morning at the buffet, it seemed that I would run into everyone from the pool and we'd trade scores gleaned from ESPN (en espanol, or course) and texts from back home (thank you, Charbie). So although I missed hockey, I count the trip a success for the following reasons:
1. The Mexican cartel(s) didn't kill me.
2. A rabid iguana didn't kill me.
3. The spirits from the creepy ruins that were 50 million years old (or something like that) didn't kill me.
4. My fiancee didn't kill me. Seriously, if I disappeared and the story was on Nancy Grace or one of those stupid fucking shows, I would haunt everyone involved from my base camp of the creepy ruins (see #4) with my demonic rabid iguana (see #2).
Strangely, the biggest threat to my life came when we were landing at JFK. A nice 30mph crosswind will do that. Props to Captain Mike for allowing me to continue to live so I could watch some more hockey.
ANYWAY.
The boys failed to sweep the Flyers out the other night, as it sounds like Gagne channeled some Savvy and scored the OT winner in his first game back. Good for him.
In Boston tonight, where the B's have yet to lose this playoffs (5-0) and I know I'm going to be able to hear the crowd from my house. Tuukka is quickly ascending to a throne of dominance, with The Dark Lord (Hail Satan!) at his side and the Ancient Hell Hound (Ol' Man Recchi) snapping in all the rebounds.
I'm having a feeling that tonight is going to be a great game. Or maybe I'm just hoping that, as I haven't seen them play in a week. They have to come out, skate like a bunch of psychos and put the puck in the net.
Look for Chara to have a big game. And we all know that the bigger the game, the bigger Looch plays. He'll be getting his nose dirty. And it's about time that Ryder scores one of those laser wrist shots from the slot that we've seen him do. Tonight would be a good night.
Go B's.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
It Looks Like God Is Trying To Beam Him Up
The boys played with fire, failing to finish off a Flyers team that refused to give up. They fiddle-fucked around (looking at you, Wideman and Hunwick) when they should have taken the body and dropped some Flyer ass all over rink (i.e. Briere on his "breakaway"). That being said, WHO THE FUCK CARES? Throwing caution (and probably common sense) to the wind, I can't stop smiling about having Savvy back. Even though he played low minutes (which was a good idea, as going from 24 games off due to a concussion to playoff hockey is like jumping out of a space shuttle that's re-entering the atmosphere), it was great to see his passes zinging all over the ice. I'm thinking that he has good mojo on that side of the ice during playoff OT hockey, as he scored from the same general area against the Habs two years ago.
Their D-men got sloppy a few times (Wideman, Hunwick, McQuaid), and losing Sturm certainly doesn't help. However, it means that Thornton wil be back in the lineup, which is good as I'm sure he was throwing a shitfit up in the box.
Few things:
-I really liked Old Man Recchi going at it with Pronger. Pronger is a fucking punk that has been over-rated for so freaking long.
-I don't know what Sobotoka's issue was after he got run into the net. I think he pinched a nut. Hopefully he'll make it back to his prior form.
-Patty-Cake is most likely playing with a broken bone in his wrist/hand. Did anyone else see the slash that Mike Richards gave him? I'm sure we'll find out after the playoffs that he broke something.
-Tuukka looked mortal in Game 1, but I'm sure he will bounce back to his prior form.
Headed to Mexico for a few days. I'll be the big, drunk, loud American extolling the virtues of the Bruins line-up on Cinco de Mayo (which also happens to be the night of Game 3).
Go B's.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Bring on the Pens...errr, the Flyers...WHO THE HELL ARE WE PLAYING?
It would figure that just as the playoffs are starting, my computer would blow up. It has physically pained me not to be able to write about how well the boys have been playing.
They seemed to have picked the perfect time to start banging on all cylinders.
Wideman has appeared to recover from a regular season that we would all like to forget. Hunwick is moving the puck beautifully, and Satan is proving to be a bargain, having scored some big goals.
The emergency of Johnny Fucking Upchuk is giving all Bruins fans something to talk about. He was a healthy scratch the basically the first quarter of the season and he obviously took the time to learn the game, listen to his coaches and practice practice practice. His maturity is showing now.
There are so many positives right now...Tuukka coming up HUGE shot after shot...Patty Cake showing that he should be a contender for the Selke...Old Man Recchi showing the pups how it's done, even after all these years...Sobotka finally showing what he can do (I'm racking my brain to find the last Bruin his size that has had such a sudden impact on the physical tempo of a game...any suggestions?)...Looch playing like we all know he can...
And above all that, Savvy is healthy. Getting their best passer and PP god back in time for the whoever the hell they're going to play in the 2nd round is huge. Unfortunately, it most likely means that Edgecrusher Thornton is going to be sitting. I think they should dress him as an extra forward. The Begin/Thornton/Paille line has resulted in some great cycles down low and some breakout passes that let Paille show just fast he can skate.
With a smug smile on my face, I've read all of the articles on ESPN and TSN that have basically stated, "Ummm, sorry. We thought that the Bruins sucked. Our bad."
This doesn't mean that the boys can rest. They're going to have to dig deep and keep playing just as hard and fast as they have been.
If they face the Pens: Crosby. Malkin. Two of the biggest names in the NHL today. Make Patty Cake shadow them and they should do okay. And although they can't get distracted by him, you better believe that every player will hit Matt Cooke every chance they get.
If they face the Flyers: they're a team that bounced the newly-mortal Martin Brodeur out of the playoffs. They can't be discounted. The Hockey News picked the Flyers to win the Cup this year. Yes, they're a low seed, but we've seen what low seeds can do.
Everything hinges on how the Caps/Habs series ends tonight. I would love to see the Habs get bounced. I wouldn't be a Bruins fan if I didn't. I still don't feel as if the Caps are a Cup-winning team. They have shit tons of skill, but I don't feel it. Either way, it will be interesting.
I just hope that the boys skate fast, hit hard and score some goals. Getting Savvy back, who is a purely sublime passer, might be just what they need to make a deep run.
Can't wait...but we're gonna have to for just a little while longer.
Go B's.
They seemed to have picked the perfect time to start banging on all cylinders.
Wideman has appeared to recover from a regular season that we would all like to forget. Hunwick is moving the puck beautifully, and Satan is proving to be a bargain, having scored some big goals.
The emergency of Johnny Fucking Upchuk is giving all Bruins fans something to talk about. He was a healthy scratch the basically the first quarter of the season and he obviously took the time to learn the game, listen to his coaches and practice practice practice. His maturity is showing now.
There are so many positives right now...Tuukka coming up HUGE shot after shot...Patty Cake showing that he should be a contender for the Selke...Old Man Recchi showing the pups how it's done, even after all these years...Sobotka finally showing what he can do (I'm racking my brain to find the last Bruin his size that has had such a sudden impact on the physical tempo of a game...any suggestions?)...Looch playing like we all know he can...
And above all that, Savvy is healthy. Getting their best passer and PP god back in time for the whoever the hell they're going to play in the 2nd round is huge. Unfortunately, it most likely means that Edgecrusher Thornton is going to be sitting. I think they should dress him as an extra forward. The Begin/Thornton/Paille line has resulted in some great cycles down low and some breakout passes that let Paille show just fast he can skate.
With a smug smile on my face, I've read all of the articles on ESPN and TSN that have basically stated, "Ummm, sorry. We thought that the Bruins sucked. Our bad."
This doesn't mean that the boys can rest. They're going to have to dig deep and keep playing just as hard and fast as they have been.
If they face the Pens: Crosby. Malkin. Two of the biggest names in the NHL today. Make Patty Cake shadow them and they should do okay. And although they can't get distracted by him, you better believe that every player will hit Matt Cooke every chance they get.
If they face the Flyers: they're a team that bounced the newly-mortal Martin Brodeur out of the playoffs. They can't be discounted. The Hockey News picked the Flyers to win the Cup this year. Yes, they're a low seed, but we've seen what low seeds can do.
Everything hinges on how the Caps/Habs series ends tonight. I would love to see the Habs get bounced. I wouldn't be a Bruins fan if I didn't. I still don't feel as if the Caps are a Cup-winning team. They have shit tons of skill, but I don't feel it. Either way, it will be interesting.
I just hope that the boys skate fast, hit hard and score some goals. Getting Savvy back, who is a purely sublime passer, might be just what they need to make a deep run.
Can't wait...but we're gonna have to for just a little while longer.
Go B's.
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