Is This Really Happening?

I woke up this morning and realized that hockey is supposed to be on tonight. Am I dreaming?

Then I read that Sobotka get sent down to Providence. I'm definitely dreaming. This is the best dream ever. As long as I'm dreaming, I hope tonight's game is entertaining as hell, with the Bruins emerging as the victors. I hope Marco Polo plays well and doesn't blow a knee. Am I'm praying that Krejci isn't rushing his hip. I hope that Hunwick gets laid out and remembers that he's just a pup and needs to prove himself this year. And I hope that Looch comes to help Hunwick, laying waste to whoever was stupid enough to do something like that when Looch was on the ice. And I hope that Patty Cake finally shakes loose all of the cobwebs and has a completely injury-free season.

I hope that someone steps up and realizes the opportunity that the departure of Ol' One Nut has afforded. It's a wide open spot on the number one line. Someone needs to seize that spot with vengeance and show the league that Kessel isn't needed.

I will drink a beer tonight in honor of the departed PJ. For so long (now that I think of it, literally half of my freaking life), number 11 was on the ice each year. I'll miss him and his tireless ways. I'll miss the goofy way he spoke english (like his mouth was full of fun fruits) and the way he could go headfirst into the corner at full speed and bounce right up. Gumby shall live forever.

Is there really hockey on tonight??? Jesus, it's going to be a long day at work. Nothing will get done today.

But really, I just hope that the season is entertaining. I hope the boys play their hearts out and leave everything on the ice. In less than nine hours, they'll take to the ice and start another chapter. I hope they keep the proud tradition going.

Go B's.

Ol' One Nut Heads North

Well, it's over.

After months of rumors, "sources" advising that a deal was in the works, Ol' One Nut aka Midseason Mono aka He Who Shows Taint With Torn Shorts aka Phil Kessel has moved on. Brian Burke wanted his man...and he got him.

Here's why I'm not too upset.

Kessel has an assload of speed. He also reminds me of the kid in Mighty Ducks that can skate like a motherfucker but can't stop (as previously noted). However, he refuses to go into the corners and get a little dirty, instead preferring to float around with his stick in the air, waiting for a sweet Savvy centering pass. His work ethic and attitude have been suspect since day one, as were his backchecking abilities (he had none).

The Bruins emerged with a bunch of high draft picks, similar to when Glen Wesley was offloaded back in the day. Anyone that says draft picks don't mean shit should take a look at who those picks in the Wesley deal turned out to be.

Boston has a good problem right now: they have a bunch of kids in Providence that are chomping at the bit to make it to the bigs. Letting Kessel go will open a much-coveted spot on the side. I have no doubt that someone will fill it and do so in a great manner.

Kessel is young and was in a supportive environment in Boston. He is jumping into an absolutely RABID media situation. He'll be making big bucks over the next five years and will be expected to produce huge goal totals. He is not going to a team that has the offensive depth that he enjoyed on the Bruins. Last year, if Kessel didn't score, Ryder would put one in. If Ryder didn't score, Kobasew would put one in. And if Kobasew failed, Thornton could be counted on for a fight...and then a serious wrist shot that flew past the goalie. The Bruins were/are the definition of "deep." Who is going to feed him this year? Jason Blake, he of albino features? Kessel is bigger than he is (and so is my sixteen year old sister...now that I think of it, she can hit better, too). Ol' One Nut benefited from a slick Savvy and a banging Looch. Their presence enabled him to fly all over the ice and...just....wait....for that puck that would undoubtedly end up on his stick. He will not have this backup in Toronto. His cherry-picking days are over.

For those that retort with the "oh, he's so fast that he created his own offensive opportunities," I agree to a point. He does have game-changing speed, but we've all seen what happens 90% of the time. He'll try that little curl and drag move, hoping that the d-man takes the bait. In today's NHL, the majority of d-men are just as agile as the forwards. More often than not, Kessel would get a glove in the face and end up in the corner on his ass, snow in his ears.

The only thing I'm upset about in this entire situation is this: Kessel has shown the "I want more money" bullshit that I've written of in the past. I'm not going to get on my soapbox again (my back hurts from crawling up there so much as of late), but fuck him. He's playing a game and was squabbling over a dollar amount that was (and is) excessive as hell.

I don't wish Kessel ill. However, I know that I will be quietly smirking to myself at the end of this season. He will not produce the way he did in Boston and I'm sure his self-esteem is going to take an absolute fucking beating having to deal with the media up there.

Alas, we make our beds. And we must sleep in them. Hopefully the 5.5 million each year for the next 5 will help him find a good shrink. He'll need it.

Go B's.

Some weird space-time continuum thingy...

I got my first taste of hockey last night. It was great to be able to come home to a game on the DVR.

Immediately I was confronted with Steve Begin. I almost threw my beer at the TV.

I can't stand this dude. I know he is one of those players that you hate but love him if he's on your team, but goddamn...seeing him with a B on his chest was weird as hell. It felt like there was a double agent on the ice.

So he immediately tries to win me over by flying all over the ice. He's hitting everything in sight and then squares off with a dude that would make Looch look small. He did okay, too.

There are two ways that Begin can cement his place in my heart:
1. Crosscheck Mike Ribiero's teeth down his throat
2. Make Comrade Kovalev cry in glorious HD

We'll have to see.

Couple things:
Patty Cake looks good. He played a solid game and assisted on two goals.
Bacon Bitz needs to have a weekend retreat with a MMA fighter. The willingness to drop is there, but the skills to land punches doesn't seem to be. It reminds me of that SNL skit ("I GET IN THREE FIGHTS A WEEK!!" "Yeah, but you lose three fights a week!").
Sobotka needs to go home.
Give Marchand a shot with the big boys.
Burke has installed some manliness on D for the Leafs. Exelby is a stud.

Go B's.

Douchebag 2.0

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Hi! I'm an oft-injured winger that is asking for a whole bunch of money...even though I've really only had one good year. I'm also an extreme defensive liability. Did I mention that I'll sprain a knee if you look at me cross-eyed?

Likes: hockey shorts that show my taint, ProActiv Solution, and money, Money, MONEY!!
Dislikes: when people say that I look like the result of a drunken hook-up between Skeletor and a burn victim (See above, including the effete wrist hang that his father is displaying).

Just go away, Phil. I hope that Chara puts your scrawny, pimply, pale ass through the glass the first time the Bruins play your new team.

Class vs. Douchbaggery

Saku Koivu is a classy dude. Dany Heatley is a totally douchebag. I spent a lot of time glued to my twitter updates this week as Free Agency hit and players started to move. One move made me happy and one saga disgusted me.




Class Act
I am first and foremost, a Bruins fan. However, the players are human, and a man with solid character is still a man with solid character even if he is marked with the vile CH. Koivu has solid character. Yes, I think he was a bit hacky on the ice, but they guy always showed up for the fans/media/city that rarely showed him the respect and appreciation he deserved. He also valiantly fought a nasty bout of cancer and never forgot that he beat it. He has spent countless hours with cancer patients and raising money for cancer research.
Saku is my husbands favorite Hab and out of blind love, I bought him a Koivu jersey for his wedding present. At first, the transaction made my skin crawl, but now I'm glad I did it. Saku Koivu has class, is great hockey player, and Montreal didn't deserve him. I will admit there are habs fans out there that knew what they had, but there weren't enough who did. I wish him the best of luck in Anaheim. No one will shit on him for being a Fin there. Even if he can't speak French.



Second Chances
When most people experience a brush with death, it is a life changing experience. Usually for the better. It makes them appreciate life. Appreciate the important things. It seems that Dany Heatley needs to be run head first at 90 MPH into a brick wall again, because he didn't get it the first time. Not only did almost lose his life, but his negligent actions took the life of another man. While he escaped death, he is fucking LUCKY he didn't go to jail. This guy could be some big southern dude's bitch in the ATL right now. Instead he is earning a ridiculous amount of money playing a fucking game. And that is still not good enough for him. He is greedy piece of shit and I wish him the worst of luck on all his future endeavors. Fuck you Dany, ungrateful little shit, you are the epitome of a douchebag. There are millions of people who can't feed their kids right now because they lost their jobs, and YOU are concerned about who is giving you a 4 million dollar bonus??? I think I'm going to drive you into that brick wall myself. I wonder what the Snyder family thinks of your actions.

Getting Paid To Play A Game, Fer Christttsakessss

Douchebag: see above.
See also, Dany Heatley.
You know, if I had killed a teammate because I was driving like a mook in a sports car that I had no business owning in the first place, I might try to change my ways. Demanding a trade, going to the press about his thoughts on the coaching staff, and just acting like a dumbass elevates Heatley to pure douchebag status. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? The sooner he blows a knee and is relegated to a beer league in Ireland (top o' the mornin', Theo Fleury!), the better off the NHL will be.

Just read that Matt Hunwick filed for arbitration. My my, they must have left something in his body cavity when they removed his spleen.
Let's review: He's played 66 games in the bigs. He has 28 career points (6 goals, 22 assists) and 35 PIMs.
And he files for arbitration.
ARE YOU FUCKING SMOKING SOMETHING, YOUNG MAN? DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU'RE GETTING PAID TO PLAY A FUCKING GAME? DO YOU REALIZE THAT ALTHOUGH YOU HAD A DECENT LITTLE RUN LAST YEAR, THAT DOES NOT DEFINE YOUR FUTURE? DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU SHOULD JUST BE HAPPY TO BE PULLING ON A FUCKING JERSEY? MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL JONATHAN GIRARD; HE COULD MOST LIKELY TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOUR STUPID ASS.

(Note: for those unfamiliar with Girard, he was a promising young Bruins defenseman that had finally cracked the Bruins roster, only to have his career ended when an off-season car accident shattered his pelvis)

I mean seriously, what the fuck? I would love to make what these dudes make at the league minimum, which is currently set at $450,000. I could pay my house off in less than a year. Maybe I was reared (you hear that Branco, reared) wrong. Maybe I wasn't selfish enough. Maybe I looked at my dad, who has been driving freight trains for over 30 years and thought that working hard, day in and day out, was the most important thing. Maybe Hunwick is just showing that the newest generation of players might be selfish little fucks.

Reward a player. If they have had a few great years (notice it's plural, Hunwick), pay them. Show us that you're worth it, then go to the table.

I know this is a business. I know these guys have to provide for their families, but jesus christ. You give me $1,000,000 a year to play hockey and I'm going to leave my teeth on the ice. I'm going to give every little fucking piece of myself. I'll train myself to deflect shots from the point with my forehead, cheekbones, etc (see Ward, Aaron). Just don't give me that shit that "the offer wasn't what we hoped it would be, but we'll get there."

Take a step back, realize that you're PLAYING A GAME AS A LIVING, and shut your suck.

Go B's.

A Bit Off Topic...

Couple things:

Whenever it's posted, go to Youtube and watch the 1st sixty seconds of the Diego Sanchez/Clay Guida fight. I didn't think that two men could throw punches that fast and that hard. Holy shit.

Secondly: go see The Hangover. Great movie. Can't wait to buy it.

Lastly: go see Star Trek. I've been a Star Wars geek my entire life (Boba Fett, what???) and always thought that Star Trek was just ridiculous. Simliar to Christopher Nolan with the new Batman series, JJ Abrams has brought Star Trek into 2009. The movie was great and the special effects were fantastic. About five minutes from the end the movie, I finally figured out who was playing Nero. Hint: he was in Black Hawk Down, Munich, and The Hulk. Just go see it; you won't be disappointed.

Alright. Going back to the fight. Second round and they're still beating the ever-loving piss out of each other.

As always, Go B's.