Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Couple Things

Tonight. Big game. Huge game. The series will be tied up, or the B's will be down 3-1, which only a handful of teams have ever returned from to win a series.

1. Shawn "Edgecrusher" Thornton will need to watch out. The refs are eyeing him like a little retired couple watches the hippy that just moved in across the street. They have their little notebook where they note his movements, vehicles entering his driveway, and just how many frisbee catches in a row his dog named Piper can make. Play the game hard, and don't let Steve Begin-inning to look like a pile of wet leaves get on your nerves. Yes, it would be nice to relegate him to wheelchair status, but he's not worth it.

2. Don't be distracted by the Flying Brothers' Kostitsyn. Yes, their trapeze act is fun to watch, but at the end of the day, you'll be sunburned, have too much cherry slurpee in your stomach, and you'll be out $56. Hopefully Cirque du Soleil will finally get back to them and they'll leave the Habs to fulfull their lifelong amibition of wearing brightly colored tights.

3. Watch Mike "I Wish I Was Drafted By The B's" Komisarek. He's been playing to hurt someone. I think Axie should go for an old time hockey hip check and knock this freak flying. He'd never expect it.

4. Whatever Lucic ate before the last game, it worked. I'm thinking that Metropolit spiked his food with GHB, or perhaps some pharmaceuticals normally reserved for racehorses. I thought I heard "HI HO SILVER AWAY!" several times throughout the last game, but I could be mistaken.

5. Chara needs to keep his anger up. If they slash him, he should give them a facewash that will clog their pores for years to come. If they hit him, he should palm their head, give a sharp twist, and summarily end a career.

6. Watch for acorns and beechnuts that Simon Stunt Double Suckmy Koivu will be throwing on the ice from up high. They could tweak a knee or turn an ankle.

7. If there's a scrum in front of the net, keep an eye on Comrade Kovalev. Word on the street has it that he has a dagger (with a sickle and hammer on the hilt) strapped to his right forearm. He is KGB trained. Use extreme caution.

8. Continue to channel the passion and toughness of so many Bruins past...Robby Dimaio, Stan Jonathan, PJ Stock, Dougie Doull, and the ultimate, Cammer Bammer. If you catch a high stick, spit your fragmented teeth into their eyes and keep playing. Apparently the refs aren't calling high sticks on the Habs anymore, so feel free to take it into your own hands.

9. Sturm will find the net tonight. He's been skating like a V2 rocket all series, and it will pay off.

10. GET SOME TRAFFIC IN FRONT OF THE NET. Put Edgecrusher on a line with Savvy and Looch. Put him in front of the net. Zip shots at him. Maybe one will deflect off his stick, leg, or face. Either way, it's a goal. Count it.
11. Thornton, as well as Reich, have been playing outstanding hockey. It's refreshing to see a coach that will award icetime to the muckers and grinders in the playoffs. Kessel would be well served to watch the way that Sobotka played last game. Phil, we know you can skate fast. We get it. It's gotten to the point where other teams know exactly what you do. You're like the friend that we used to play NHL 94 against. You have one move (go outside, fast). It works once or twice. After that, EVERY TIME, you're going to end up on the ice, writhing around, with copious amounts of your blood and brain fluid leaking out.
12. Come out fast, hard, and aggressive. Get out there and spread some hate and discontent. Don't suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder; go out and cause it.
Enough said. Get some.


Araev16 said...

Man, I miss Robbie "LOOK AT MY FUCKING NOSE" DiMaio.

Sheriff25 said...

Imagine listening to that guy eat cereal? It would be like listening to a pig root through mud looking for beetle grubs.

eav2616 said...

don't worry about Kovalev. we all know hnidy would stab someone without thinking twice.

Jaybird said...

Lol good blog! Although I'm a habs fan I would die to have Lucic on our squad. He is your new Cam Neely and future! I don't know if the fact is correct but I heard he's the only rookie to have his own room ever since he snores so loud from his broken noses no one can handle it. The should keep him in a cage until gametime anyways...

HabsFan29 said...

welcome to blogtopia kids! we'd love for you to stick around, but your season will end soon, so there's really no point

seriously, as I said over on FHF, you guys have the B's blog we have been waiting for all year. we just assumed it existed, but it didn't. glad to see you guys realised that. keep it up

Araev16 said...

Well if you can admit you would want Lucic, I must say, I wouldn't mind seeing Komo adorned with the spoked B.

The blog is still in its infant stages, we have the whole summer to ramp up for next season.

However, I have to mention that back in 2004, a certain 1st place team was up 3-1 in a series against a certain 8th place team. I remember it well, as I was interning with the B's at the time. History tends to repeat...