Jesus Christ, Shoot It

Good thing that this picture was taken at a hospital. I'm sure Tuukka scared a few kids so badly that they needed the crash cart. Yet another reason to be proud of and love our team: they give so much back to the community.

Our boys continue to put up an amazing amount of effort and the wins are just piling up. It's just ridiculous. I've been walking around, all light on my feet, giggling like a retard with a huge plate of nachos topped with gummi bears, and I realized that it's because our team has just been playing crazy hockey. They've managed to go from last in the East to first in a very short time frame and are making other teams look like the 40 and older teams in some northern Quebec beer league.

Few things:

-Although they gave up a HUGE amount of shots in Chara's absence, they showed that they are not a one sasquatch team. Yes, he is a huge part of their lineup, but when everyone pulls in the same direction, they just continue to roll over teams. Guys step up when the big man is out, and that's a beautiful thing to see. Chara showed just how much of a leader he is by single-handedly setting the tone of the recent Flyers game. He stepped up and went with Jody Shelley. I'd like to see just how many Norris trophy-winning defenseman would do such a thing. Lidstrom? Yeah, okay. He'd stare at Shelley with his blue Swedish eyes until Shelley started creaming like a Bieber fan and threw his panties, OR he would punch Lidstrom until there was nothing left but a pile of equipment and blood.

-Good to see Pouliot stepping up and getting some consistent playing time WITHOUT taking any stupid penalties. Claude showed once again that he knows when to sit players and when to put them back out there. It's funny to think that just a short time ago, there were certain "fans" out there that were calling for his head. These were the same fucktards that were calling to trade Thomas. No goddamn loyalty or trust. Weak.

-Seguin has/had cooled off as of late, and I'm guessing that his healthy scratch after the alarm clock incident had something to do with it. Once again, I'm going to put my trust in Claude. He knows what he's doing.

-And it just doesn't matter who you put in net, the Bruins have a better than average chance of winning the game. And this is a great fucking "problem" to have.

The boys FINALLY get back on the ice tomorrow night, and I couldn't be more stoked. It feels like they've been off for at least three months. I'm hoping for a few fights, many goals and a proper send-off into the holiday break.

That being said, Merry Christmas to all my fellow Bruins fans.

Go B's.

Time To See What This Team Is Made Of

I don't know if I've ever felt so much disgust after a Bruins victory.
The game against the Blue Jackets was one of the ugliest hockey games I've ever seen. I don't care if Lucic had three assists. It doesn't make up for the fact that he took multiple stupid minors. I would have used some industrial grade staples to stick his ass to the bench. It was good to see Corvo get a few, as he's been trying but with no results.
That being said, we'll now see what the boys can do without their captain.
Chara took a strange open-ice hit and his knee did that nasty sideways wang chung move that generally means someone is going to be spending some time on the IR.
For such a big man, Chara has been remarkably durable in his time with the Bruins. I have no doubt that his fitness level has played a part in this. I can't even imagine the bumps and bruises he accrues over a season. This once again speaks to the competitive streak he has running through his bones. Hockey is a fast game, with full grown men flying around at an incredible pace. All it takes is a little bastard like Steve Ott to low bridge Chara and knee tendons snap.
So he'll be out for a few games. The Bruins have had amazing depth for the past few seasons, but this will be a huge test. For at least a game, they will be without their captain, who leads the team in ice time. Chara is like a robot that just sucks up minutes, routinely staying on the ice for longer than I thought humanly possible. Kampfer will be in and it may end up with the Bruins having to make a tough decision. Kampfer may be this year's Johnny Upchuk, who was a healthy scratch for almost a quarter of the season before taking advantage of an injury and playing his way into his current gig as Chara's defensive partner. We've seen what Kampfer can do when he's healthy. Here's hoping that he practiced as hard as he could and paid attention while in the pressbox.
Campbell may be out as well, as he took a shot off the skate. The Bruins have called up Hamill, who has done less than Caron (if that's possible). I like Caron, and it's apparent that he has skill, but he kind of resembles last year's Seguin, in that his effort on each shift isn't quite consistent enough.
We'll see the Kings tomorrow night. They just fired their head coach and are having a hard time putting a good season together. Chara's out and Tuukka will most likely get the start. Timmy looked all ate up last game, but even he has to appear mortal at least once a year to make think that he is in fact human.
Go B's.

It's All Tyler's Fault

Just kidding. It figures that the boys would roll over the Penguins and then have trouble with the Jets. Oh well, you gotta lose sometime.

I was heartened to see that the Bruins don't care who you are or what you do. The team comes first. Anything that detracts from that will be dealt with. The fact that they sat Seguin shows just how strong of an organization this is. Neely and Chiarelli are both strong leaders that demand accountability. They have taught Seguin a very valuable lesson early on in his career. The team comes first. Period. No room for negotiation. He obviously wasn't happy sitting in the press box and I feel bad for the Panthers tonight. Seguin is going to come out like a raped ape....unless he sleeps through the game again. OH SNAP

Go B's.

....Is This For Real?

I mean seriously, we know our team is good, having just won the Cup and having made minimal roster changes, but what the fuck is going on?

It all starts at the back end, where St. Timmy of Thomas got his TENTH STRAIGHT WIN last night. I mean seriously, what the fuck is going on? The entire team is feeling it and it's just amazing to watch.

In a VERY entertaining hockey game last night, the Bruins made the Penguins their bitch. Imagine how frustrating it must be for guys like Crosby and Malkin to actually make their way through what looks like thirteen layers of defense, only to have the entire net bricked off by Timmy. They had some good chances, and Timmy was there every single time (Cooke goal aside, which Timmy had pretty much no chance on). #30 is playing just beautiful hockey right now. He is making everyone else look like a bunch of no-talent assclowns and his numbers look fake.

Couple things:

-I want to know what Crosby and Krejci were talking about. Not that it would happen, but the gloves getting dropped would resemble two three year olds fighting over the same Transformer toy. Krejci can't fight and Crosby flails like a drowning woman. I would have been laughing like a retard eating Pop Rocks.

-Johnny Upchuk looked like Ray Bourque putting shots on net. How? They were low, accurate, HARD and there were about thirty of 'em. Bourque had the ability to get the shots through time and time again, and Johnny was obviously channeling him last night. I'm kind of glad he didn't score though, because everytime Jack Edwards says "Johnny Rocket", all I can think of is a dog rolling around with a boner. Red rocket, Sparky, red rocket!!

-I get my own red rocket going when a frustrated team starts taking runs at Bruins players, or lo and behold, gives Timmy an extra whack or two. The Pens are just the latest team to find out that you don't want to wake up the Bruins, and you ESPECIALLY don't want to give Timmy a whack on the glove hand when he's covering the puck. He hunts fucking bears in the offseason, so some turd in an opponent's uniform really doesn't stand a chance. Campbell's fight was a good one. Both landed several big punches and it was a good bout.

-Last night showed, YET FUCKING AGAIN, that the Bruins can do it either way. To all teams that are going to be playing the Bruins: pick your poison. You can try outskating the boys and going the skill route, but you're going to lose. When your "4th" line has guys like Thornton, Campbell and Paille, I'm honestly not too concerned about matching lines with the other team. The Pens have two of the best players in the NHL in Bitch Pants Crosby and Malkin, and they did exactly fuck all last night (unless you count Crosby running into his own player and Malkin taking a thundering hit from Cheddar Bob Paille as something). If you want to go the physical route, well, they got that covered as well. So go ahead and give it a whirl, but it's not going to end well for you.

The boys are in Winnipeg tonight and I'm thinking Tuukka will get the nod. The last game with this team was entertaining, and I'm hoping the boys can keep it going. What a streak...my god, the red rocket is coming back.

Go B's.

An Open Letter To Dion Phaneuf

Dear Dion,
You are lucky in the fact that you are among the relatively chosen few that are able to earn insane amounts of money playing a child's game. You work only several months out of the year (it would be more, but your team can't make the playoffs), you travel on private jets and you stay in five star accommodations. Yes, you are away from home and I'm sure the traveling gets tiresome, but ask a worker on a paving crew which life he would rather deal with, and I'm guessing he will say its yours.
You are able to date Hollywood actresses (sloppy seconds not withstanding) and hockey players are well known for their abilities to pick up women wherever they go. If you want, you can probably have a different woman in your bed each night.
You play for a team in Canada that has an absolutely rabid fan base, even though the on-ice team of the last few years has been weak. You are in the hockey headquarters of the world, playing for an Original Six franchise that has a long, storied and proud history.
If I were a fan of the Leafs or a fellow teammate, I would be absolutely ashamed to have you as my captain.
To play in Toronto is to be judged against all past players. These were men that didn't make the money, didn't travel the way in which you do and had to literally go home and work on the farm when the season was over. As is the case with Boston, the names of the old-time greats still adorn multiple trophies and legendary stories abound.
My shame would come from the fact that you do not lead. The captain in the sport of hockey must lead his team when times are both good and bad. He must have broad shoulders to carry the weight and step up when issues need dealing with. At times, he must strap his team to his back and say, "Let's go boys. Follow me." After the Bruins spent over two minutes in your zone in a five-on-five situation, where were you? Where were you with a thundering hit or the asschewing from the bench or the rush up the ice to try and get your team back into it? If you had been leading soldiers on D-Day, your men would have been shot to shit on the beach, waiting for you to issue an order or take command of the situation as German machine gun fire continued to decimate your ranks.
You were invisible until with about three minutes left in the third period, with a Bruins victory all but a certainty, when you took a run at Tyler Seguin.
I am happy to the very center of my core that the Bruins don't have one player anything like you. Even David Krejci, who appears to be disinterested in the game at times, has more heart than you.
If I were Brian Burke, I would have guys like Doug Gilmour and Wendel Clark stage an intervention. These two guys knew what it took to be a captain and lead a team. You couldn't find two players with more different playing styles, but they both inspired their team with their efforts. Maybe a little wall to wall counseling behind the Air Canada Center would do you some good. I'm guessing it wouldn't. The rumors out of Calgary were that you were a diva, and you gained the nickname "Neon Dion". After a monster rookie season in which you destroyed everything on the ice, and had me thinking that you would look good in black and gold, you have totally dropped off of the radar as an effective player. Like Komisarek, who apparently has never recovered from the beating that Milan Lucic gave him when he was in Montreal, you have lost the ability to control a game with your physical tempo.
Instead, you will most likely choose to sit on the bench, hiding your eyes behind your visor, thinking about how soon it will be before the team, the management and the fans have had enough of your ability to remain aloof as your team continues to struggle and ships you out of town.
Sincerely,
Sheriff25
Bruins versus Pens tonight. Matt Cooke's in town. Yeahhhhh, boyyyyyy.
Go B's.

November Was Beddy Beddy Good To Boston

12-0-1 in November. 25 out of a possible 26 points. Goals galore. Timmy Thomas putting up numbers worthy of another Vezina. The release of a new Modern Warfare.

Yes, November was kind to us all.

Aside from the shootout loss to the Red Wings (and I was okay with that, as it was a fucking great game), the Bruins were perfect. The boys were putting heaps of shots on net and scoring like a crackhead on the first of the month. Just think about where they'd be if they had actually showed up at the beginning of the season. Man oh man, my dick just moved.

Few things:
-I'm going to go ahead and keep beating the dead horse, but how fucking important were the pickups of Peverley and Kelly? Goddamn. In my mind, they are the only two players on this team that hustle each and every shift like Patty Cake.

-Seguin. Oh Tyler, watching you has become a joy. You're like that scene in Avatar where the cripple gets into his alien body for the first time and is enjoying just how strong it is and how fast it can move. You've figured out what you can do and just keep pushing yourself. It is so fucking apparent that teams are watching video of you, because opposing d-men are now trying to plan for dealing with your speed...but they keep tripping over themselves as they try and get into a better position as you blow right the fuck past them. Keep it up, kid. You're doing great.

-Hey Z, we knew you were good, but the points you're putting up may have Bobby Orr coming after you. He wants his points by a defenseman record to be safe, and if you keep this up, they'll have to put up a statue of you in front of the Garden. And that would be a biiiiiig fucking statue.

-Krejci: you're still on my shit list and I think the Bruins have overpaid with your new contract. Let's pretend this is the end of Saving Private Ryan. I'm Tom Hanks and I'm laying there, bleeding from numerous wounds. You (Private Ryan) lean in. I look at you and say, "Earn this." Earn it, Napoleon Krejci. You have the money now. No more excuses. Show us that you deserve it. Or the Nazis will kill you.

-One thing I've noticed a bit is that over the past few games, the opponents have been playing the skill game. Specifically against the Red Wings and the Leafs, who have less grit than my morning coffee, the Bruins showed that they can hang and even excel with these teams. Once again, the Bruins are showing their maddening (for the opponents) depth. Every single line can go out and hustle their asses off or put bodies through the boards. Again, my dick just moved. I'm also thinking that aside from watching video on Seguin, other teams are getting instructions to let the sleeping dogs slumber. Don't facewash them. Don't touch the goalie. Don't even really try and lay anyone out. Because the Bruins will respond with an all-out physical assault that makes WWII look tame. And then they'll rattle off a multi-game winning streak.

The Leafs are in Boston tonight. The Phil-Haters will be out in force and yes, call me classless, but I still laugh every time he touches the puck and gets booed like a cop at an Occupy Whatever rally. And I laugh even harder when someone puts Kessel into the boards, like a cop firing a pepper ball into a dirty hippy's nuts.

One thing I have found to be an insane amount of fun (call me lame) is tweeting during the Bruins game. My Twitter account is a different name, but I'm sure that you'll be able to spot my tweets if you're a reader of this blog. They'll be the tweets that are moderately to excessively inappropriate. Just check #Bruins and #NESN during the games. Let the hilarity ensue.

Go B's.

Happy Thanksgiving, Motherfuckers

10 fucking wins a row. I haven't been this happy with Bruins hockey since they won the Cup. Granted, that wasn't all too long ago, but I could get kicked in the taint with a pair of steel toes right now and still come away smiling.

I was able to score a press pass to the locker room after the game in Buffalo last night and asked a few of the Bruins what they're thankful for:

Zdeno Chara: "No criminal charges from the province of Quebec."

Timmy Thomas: "I've had seven straight wins! My wife promised me backdoor love after I got six!! What's going to happen with seven? Gosh, my mind is spinning with the possibilities!"

Tyler Seguin: "Can't talk, playing Modern Warfare 3. PREDATOR MISSILE UP THE ASS, BITCHES!!!"
Brad Marchand: "The velcro tabs I had surgically implanted on my shoulders to help keep my shirts on. They've been a godsend.

Benoit Pouliot: "The shootout winner, baby! That'll buy me AT LEAST two or three bullshit minors before I'm back in the doghouse! Yeah, baby!"

Adam McQuaid: "The mullet shampoo my mom sent me. It smells like pears and parsley. The ladies love it."

Timmy Thomas: "Maybe it will be two Swedish chicks!!!"

Chris Kelly: "Me llamo Sanchez Kelly. Me gusta...ahhh..como se dice green card en espanol?"

Rich Peverley: (laughing like a crazy hobo) "The fucking fact that I was traded to a Cup contender, WON the Cup and don't have to live in Winnipeg!! I mean, holy fuck, would someone please pinch me?"

David Krejci: "snnnnnnnnoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrreee......sniffff......snnoooore...what? Is it time for the game? I must have slept through it. When's pre-game?"

Andrew Ference: "I would just like to remind everyone to properly dispose of all the plastic silverware that will undoubtedly be used on this holiday. Baby seals and seagulls can ingest a plastic fork, thereby causing them to stop gaining nutrients from any food they may find. Oh yeah, and hug a tree or I'll kick your fucking ass and truss you up on the handlebars of my eco-friendly Huffy and peddle all over Boston, inviting people to laugh and throw biodegradable objects."

Tuukka Rask: "I get to play again this season, right? Okay, cool."

Nathan Horton: "My smoking hot wife. HEY GUYS, I JUST MADE A TALLADEGA NIGHTS REFERENCE!! EVERYONE LOOK AT ME!! NATHAN BOBBY OVER HERE, WHOOP WHOOP!"

Timmy Thomas: "What if they're wearing a thong? Or maybe it's some kind of underwear I've never seen before."

At this point, security kicked me out, where I found still-concussed Ryan Miller making beef stew out of rotten buffalo wings and urine. He said it has some kind of healing properties, but I'm not so sure that he's an actual shaman...more like a whiny baby that forgot he was playing a contact sport.

So Happy Thanksgiving to all. Red Wings tomorrow. I'm feeling kind of "meh" about this game, as Detroit doesn't really get the dander up. Maybe they'll drag Darren McCarty out of whatever whorehouse he is currently living in, strap some skates on him and tell him to cool Lucic. Now THAT would prove entertaining.

Go B's.

I Ain't Gettin' Him No Fuckin' Bagel

...is what Rick "Sand In My Vagina" DiPietro must have been thinking after he was yanked last night. The only thing rougher than that game for the Isles was the fact that "Let's go Bruins" was being chanted so loud that I thought the Garden had undergone some kind of ghetto-fied transition. How nasty is that arena? The security team wears Limp Bizkit concert-esque shirts (that's two Limp Bizkit references in the last two blogs, for those keeping score at home) and I'm pretty sure players were dodging chunks of concrete falling from the roof after every Bruin goal. If the Olympic Stadium and a dead crack whore had a baby, it would look like that arena.
And the Isles head coach? Jesus Christ. He looks like that asshole that has one too many Budweisers on his monthly "date" at TGI Fridays and then gets arrested in the parking lot later for domestic assault.
How good is our chosen team right now? The test will come this week.
With the "criminal probe" against Chara officially and FUCKING FINALLY closed, the fans in Montreal will let bygones be bygones.
Wait, no they won't. They'll continue to bitch about it and run their marble-filled mouths, booing the boys at every turn. What I'm trying to get at is that we'll see how the Bruins will decide to play in the most hostile of arenas while trying to push their streak to 9 games in a row. To me, this is a huge fucking game. A loss to the Habs tomorrow night wouldn't spell the end of the season that is finally going in the right direction, but it would leave a sour taste in my mouth nonetheless.
They just have to continue to play their hockey. Fuck Subban and the midget with the goatee. Fuck the obnoxious fans that leave if their team goes down by three goals in the first five minutes. Fuck their stupid U2 goal song (What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono). And fuck the fact that the Habs are the one team that seem to be able to get into the heads of the Bruins.
The boys have to play focused hockey tomorrow night. They can't get distracted by the fact that they have put on the foil...snicker...and be ready to face..snicker...the badass Sabres...snicker...wednesday night. I'm sure Miller will be up in the press box, all concussed, tossing used tampons at Lucic from seventy feet above.
ANYWAY.
Big game tomorrow night. The boys have to score often and fucking skate. They always seem to hold back and hunker down during the first ten minutes of games against the Habs. I say fuck that. I say skate skate SKATE from the first puck drop and drive those fuckers through the boards. Don't let up and put pucks on net and let's see if Bruins fans can take over the Bell Centre like they did the arena of the Islanders.
Monday night. Bruins versus Canadiens. God and country. Subban and an apparent love of throwing haymakers that make him fall down go boom. Sanchez Kelly and his efforts. Paille and his cage. Chara and his STILL FUCKING CLEAN CRIMINAL RECORD. Seguin and his hot ass, HANDS, I MEAN HANDS. Horty and his nasty wrister. Hall and Oates.
Go B's.

Keep Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Seven fucking games in a ROW has me so excited I'm quoting Limp Bizkit. Now excuse me while I put on a Yankees cap and act like a douche.

I can't remember last time the Bruins scored goals like they have been as of late. The SO win against Columbus aside, the boys are scoring like a frat house that just got a fresh shipment of GHB on the first weekend of college. Actually, that's not an apt comparison. The Bruins are just scoring goals, not committing felonies on daddy's dime.

What's going right? Everything.

The goaltending is there. Production from all four lines is there. Physical, nasty play is there. The only thing missing is Brad Marchand taking his shirt off and dancing on the half-wall.

This is the team we know. This is the team we cheer for. Apparently gone are the hang dogs that were wearing the uniforms to start the season. It's a long season and weird shit can happen, but I'm hoping that we won't have to endure what we were put through earlier in the season. It felt like being stationed in Richford for all of July and August, when the weather is hot, muggy and the welfare checks are late. Good things don't happen.

Couple things:

-How fucking good is Patty Cake? Goddamn, I know I give him cyber-head with almost every post, but goddamn, how fucking good is he? I'd carry his child. I might even breast-feed it if he asked nicely. I know for a FACT that I would at least pump.

-Chiarelli's trades for Pevs and Chris "Sanchez" Kelly may just go down amongst the wiliest of all-time. These guys bring so much to this team.

-Seguin almost threw a body check last game! I saw it with meeeee own eyes, I did! Once he does that, it will be proof that he has finally transistioned into full-on swingin' balls (note the plural, Kessel) manhood. He is on the cusp...previous comments aside.

-I have come to the decision that I will breast feed Patty Cake's child.

Word on the street (okay, Twitter, but it's the same as a seedy, dark, night-walker infested street) has it that a bunch of the boys play Modern Warfare. This is my sad, pathetic call to all Bruins players and fans...come find me. ANGERFIST25103. Add me. Come play with me. I know my way around a SCAR, rocking the red dot (Omega sights) with the suppressor. I can't promise that I won't kick my Xbox through the window in excitement if I actually hear from one of you. I'll give a passphrase....I'm thinking "Harry Sinden likes scotch" works. Or maybe "Marshy's cheeks are redder than mine". Either way, drop me a line. And WinstonSmith, we have to do some Team Deathmatch.

Several big games coming up next week. The boys will be in Buffalo and I'm sure those meanie pants that call themselves "hockey players" will try and do something to Looch OR whoever is tending net for the Bruins. I almost laugh at it, because the meanest guy on the Sabres makes David Krejci look like a cock-swaggering pugilist.

Saturday night. Bruins hockey. I love America.

Go B's.

You Can Thank Me Now

I'm just going to go ahead and take full credit for the winning streak the boys are currently enjoying.

It has absolutely nothing to do with any of the following:

-the offense finally coming alive and outscoring their opponents something like 957-6 over the last four games

-Looooooch finally parking his ass in front of the net and getting his nose dirty

-the man-child Tyler Fuckin Seguin finding another level and making everyone else look like they are in stuck in ssssssllllllowwwwwwwwww motion

-Krejci finally waking the fuck up and realizing that he needs to skate

-playing the hard and nasty, but not stupid and dirty, brand of hockey that paid such huge dividends last year

-Johnny Upchuk getting some rockets through from the point

-Corvo finally remembering how to make some slick passes on the PP

-Chris Kelly's steady influence each time he is on the ice, regardless of who he is playing with

-Patty Cake's example-setting efforts and habits that I would gladly pay $10 million a season for

-Goal and defensive support for Tuukka

As I stated, it has NOTHING to do with that. It has everything to do with the fact that I haven't posted any new blogs. I'm a team player and I knew the boys would eventually realize that they were letting me down. So like I said, you can thank me now. I accept cash, personal checks and sexual favors from attractive women that wear the wedding ring I bought for them. So you're fucking welcome. My imagined inattention to the actions of the Bruins have brought about this winning streak. NOW DON'T LET ME DOWN YOU FUCKERS. KEEP PLAYING THIS BRAND OF HOCKEY AND WE'LL BE WATCHING YOU RAISE THE CUP AGAIN IN A FEW MONTHS.

Sabres tonight. Hockey on a saturday night. Fuck yeah.

Go B's.

Alright You Fuckers...

The Bruins are doing nothing, and I mean FUCKING nothing, to show people that there is no such thing as a Stanley Cup hangover. A few (and I mean few) bright spots aside, the Bruins bear no resemblance to last year's team. About the only thing that has been there is the goaltending, which has let up only a goal or two on the majority of occasions.

The goal support has been nil. The physical play, which has taken a few postive steps in the last few games, is barely there. The Bruins are doing nothing to make teams pay for every foot they gain on the ice. Frankly, I don't understand what is going on.

Drastic times call for drastic measures. Here is what I propose each player's game day should look like until they turn back into the players we saw last year:

1. Wake up after yet another night of not getting ANY loving, as the Jacobs family is now paying off wives, girlfriends, and random Southie slampigs with Coach handbags not to have any sexual contact.

2. Shower with cold water because the gas/heat has been shut off.

3. Cold oatmeal for breakfast. Warm extra-pulpy orange juice.

4. Take a cab to the rink, because their car has been towed for lack of paying parking tickets (which were fake anyway).

5. Arrive at the rink, only to be mistaken as an imposter and be kicked off the property.

6. Eventually make it to lockerroom after bribing security guards, only to find that each stall has been inverted.

7. When taking the ice for the pre-game skate, immediately take a puck in the nuts.

8. Fall down and lose and edge in front of all the girls behind the nets during warmups. Crash into the boards ass first.

9. Let a fart loose and find that it was actually a shart, thereby having to skate with chafed ass cheeks and endure the taunts of the other team ("Hey Shit Shorts," "Hey Captain Crapped My Pants," etc.).

10. Get angry and finally give into frustration.

11. Channel the rage and have an all-star game, scoring 4 goals, having two helpers and finally getting kicked out after a 2nd fighting major of the evening (the game misconduct for refusing to leave the ice).

Voila. The season is back on track.

Montreal tonight. I can only hope that these guys bring their games, because I can't remember a game that will be in a more hostile environment. All I ask is this: play rough and tough, but don't cross the line (LOOKING AT YOU, LUCIC. The Montreal police are already well-acquainted with your captain, so I'm guessing that you won't have to ask if they know who you are).

Saturday night.

Boston versus Montreal.

Go you fuckers, go.

Go B's.

Time To Turn It Around

To date, the season has been a no-go. Goals seem to be in short supply and the power play still isn't producing. Tonight is the night to turn it around.

I mean seriously, what better way to do it than come out with two wins in a home and home against the Habs?

If it's possible, they've been playing worse than the Bruins and responded by making some coaching changes last night. The Habs have never been ones to take the patient route, instead tying people to posts and burning them alive.

Couple things:

- Chiarelli said he wants Tuukkaa to get some more time. I don't know what it is, but the defensive support is never there when he's in net. They turn into huge babies in front of him and basically let shots come from all angles.

- Corvo hasn't done much for me thus far. He is much faster than Corky Kaberle, but that's not a huge accomplishment. He needs to get his shots through and go up ice more. I'm starting to think that Corvo is this year's Derek Morris experiment.

- Seguin continues to look like a man out there. He is so much more confident and is going into the dirty areas on the ice. Good to see.

- Hopefully Chara won't wear his bunny costume on the ice tonight. I think he should wear it in Montreal, as that place is going to be going insane with him back in the building.

All that being said, this is the time that the boys need to stand up and start playing a full 60 minutes of hockey. If this continues for another 5 games, they could very easily find themselves fighting for their playoff life in December.

Go B's.

Come On, Boys.

Stanley Cup hangover? No such thing.

Rrrrrright.

After seeing the Bruins dramatically under perform in their last two outings, I'm starting to think that the hangover may be a real thing.

They were outskated by the Avs and stimied by the Hurricanes, finally mustering some offense (late though it may have been) in the 3rd period. About the only thing going right so far in this young season is the goaltending. Timmy and Tuukka have been fairly sharp, but the offense has yet to find its groove.

Couple things:

-It looks like Krejci might be missing some time after suffering a "core" injury in practice. I'm honestly surprised that he doesn't get hurt more, as he skates at half speed pretty much all the time and his build does not lend itself to taking hits from big defenseman.

-Seguin did not look out of place centering the top line. The kid has definitely gotten stronger and has shown that he will take a huge hit to make a play...something that was lacking last year. He generally did the patented "Kessel turnaway" when he saw anyone coming to hit him. Seguin's goal against the Hurricanes was about as pretty as a wrist shot can get.

-Looch. Seriously man, what the fuck? You've thrown no hits. You've had no fights. You've had like two decent scoring chances in the past four games. Get it going, lad. It's time to play hockey.

-Like Chuck Norris, the only person that can hurt Adam McQuaid appears to be Adam McQuaid. I think he should be prohibited from trying to hit people in that spot behind the net, as it generally doesn't work out for him. It's kind of scary to see a tough dude like McQuaid obviously off in lala land. Hope he heals up quick.

-I was kind of surprised that Peverley got as much money as he did with the signing of his extension, but he's a good fit on the Bruins. He can play on every line and the effort is always there. I'm hoping some of that will rub off on a few of the other guys (looking at you, Looch).

-The Cup is in Boston (in part) because the Bruins play such a physical game. Sadly, I've seen nothing this year to make me think that the boys are thinking physical this year. They let up before hitting someone, the scrums are minimal and they've yet to have a fight. The Bruins had the 2nd most fighting majors of all teams last year, and I think it's time to get it going. Thornton was trying to get some folks to go with him last game, but no one would oblige. Maybe they should just fast forward to their game with Dallas, as the Stars seem to bring the beast out of everyone.

Blackhawks tonight. An Original 6 match up on a Saturday night. I'm excited to settle in and watch the two best uniforms in the league skate around. I just hope they give me something to cheer about.

Oh yeah, and I am SOOOO fucking happy that Kaberle isn't on the Bruins anymore. Just seeing that stupid fucking red-cheeked, no-chinned tampon of a "man" skating for the Hurricanes the other night pissed me off. The Department of Defense can add "Corky Kaberle" to their list of things that can cause PTSD, along with a deployment to a war zone, Snooki, a sudden and unexpected lack of peanut butter in one's house and Xbox Live going down (oh the humanity).

Go B's.

0-1, THE SEASON'S OVER...

...is what I'd be typing if I was a Montreal fan.
Overall, it was an entertaining game, though the boys couldn't muster the goals to win it. After the classiest pre-game ceremony I've ever seen, I'm sure they had trouble concentrating. I know I did and all I was doing was sending texts about how badly I wanted Ol' Man Recchi to stay in uniform and pull some shifts.
Couple things:
-Patty Cake, Nipple Cancer and Peverley looked awesome. That line is going to have a HUGE season.
-Seguin already looks like a different player out there. He was going into corners, using his speed and creating chances. As I wrote earlier, he obviously didn't like sitting in the playoffs last year and I think that it has carried over to this new season. He knows that the ball is in his court as to just how much playing time he gets. The extra effort, whether it's on a rush or getting back to help out the D, has to be there on every single shift. Julien has always rewarded the guys that are doing it right with more time, and I think that Seguin will show his true colors this year. He had dominated in junior hockey, but the NHL is just that much faster. That, coupled with playing against grown, nasty men had him running into walls all year. Along with Clark and Caron, he had a few good chances. And that frickin' sizzling wrist shot of his is something to behold.
-How fucking obnoxious is Claude Giroux? I didn't like him during the All-Star Skills Competition, as he was wearing a mic and just couldn't be bothered to spit his Juicy Fruit out. That, coupled with missing front tooth, made him look like he should be giving blowjobs at some glory hole at a Flying Tiger in southwest Lexington. Shoooooooot boy, you got a purdy mouth...
-The numbers on the front of the helmet need to go. Makes everyone look like a Tron reject.
-I was glad to see Bobby Orr on the ice, as I'm sure he needed a distraction from his dumb bitch of a daugther-in-law, who managed to get trashed, wreck her SUV and then pull the Lucic "Do you know who I am" routine.
-Pronger still looks like someone cut the head off of a five year old and slapped it on a sasquatch. And Chris: please get a helmet that fits. I'm sure there is a kid's section in the CCM catalog.
The boys will go against Tampa Bay tonight. I'm thinking that we'll see Tuukka in net. Time to go outside and enjoy some of this weather...as I'm sure we won't see the sun again until next May or so.
Go B's.

Yet Another Long Summer...

is what I'd be typing if the Bruins had done their normal "win a few playoff games and bow out" routine that we fans had gotten used to. Every other fucking team in Boston has won what seemed like a billion combined championships, rubbing it in our faces with every parade and trophy presentation.
But not last year.
After the shortest off season for the Bruins that I can remember, they'll take the ice this thursday. That's probably a good thing, because I was starting to get nervous that young Bradley Marchand, Captain No-Shirt, was going to dramatically increase his chances of nipple cancer due to his lack of clothing above the waist. That, coupled with the now-infamous misspelled tattoo, helped make it a summer that no Bruins fan will ever forget.
After getting to touch the Cup when Timmy brought it to Vermont (and then thinking I was going to have to whip out my CPR skills on the Canuck (and I mean that in a "Canadian" Canuck way, not those teething assclots from Western Canada way) wife), I am ready for some fucking hockey!
Gone is Kaberle (no big loss, except I was developing a pretty good Marine Corps drill instructor rasp to my voice from yelling at the flat screen for him to "SHOOT", "SKATE" or "FUCKING DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T RESULT IN YOU GOING -1"). Gone is Ryder (he of the vaunted glove save that helped the Bruins continue their push into the playoffs). Gone is Ol' Man Recchi, he of the indestructible ilk, playing harder and better than pups less than half his age (literally).
So many teams these days just about implode after winning the Cup (the Blackhawks come to mind), and the Bruins have actually managed to improve in several areas. They came close to having issues signing Nipple Cancer Marchand (who was THIS close to going on my shit list) and Milan "Do You Know Who I Am" Lucic. Looch: your bullshit explanation on your supposed words, and I quote: "I meant in the sense of I'd never be doing what those people are saying because 'Do you know who I am?' I have so much to lose.", should have your mother traveling to Boston to throw you over her knee and spank your fucking ass. Really? Seriously? I've had people pull that line on me, and believe me when I say it makes a cop (even the "hey, let's go hug some kittens" kind of cops) want to smash you in the fucking throat with their Maglite. Aside from that, words like that make you look like The King Douchebag Cocksucker Of The North End. I know you're young, and all eyes are on you, but if you pull that shit again, I'm getting rid of my Lucic t-shirt and getting a Kessel jersey. I just threw up in my mouth as I typed that.
ANYWAY.
It's time for some random and bold predictions:
-I'm going to pencil Young Seguin, who has no doubt sprouted some pubes by now, in for 20 to 25 goals. He looked better in the playoffs, as I'm sure having to sit burned his ass up. I think that bodes well for the future, as it shows he has a competitive streak a mile wide.
-The arrival of Corvo from Carolina will help the PP. I guess that's not so bold, as there's really no way it could have gotten any worse. Fuck you, it's my blog. But seriously, how different would the playoffs have been if the boys could have just converted at a normal rate instead of going 4 for 12301214748121651Q16513CORKYKABERLESUCKS135161000??? I lost years, fucking years, off of my life due to their inability to convert. When I enter a nursing home at age 38, I will be forwarding my diaper bills to the Jacobs family.
-I'm thinking that Timmy and Tuukka will split the season almost 50-50. There's no doubt that Claude (I bet he tells awesome bedtime stories) will go with who's hot, but they have to get Tuukka some time this year.
-Krejci will continue to remind me of Napoleon Dynamite.
-Chiarelli's acquistions of Peverley and Kelly will continue to look pretty fucking slick. Peverley will no doubt continue to surprise other teams with his speed. He looked awesome skating with Patty Cake and Nipple Cancer in the preseason. And how can Kelly not continue to impress? He's the kind of grinder (I mean come on, the guy had a broken fucking FACE in the playoffs) that means so much to a team (a nod to you, P.J. number #11 forever!).
-Call him by whichever nickname you wish (Darth Quaider, Lonewolf,etc.), other teams would/will want to let that sleeping dog lie. Like Probert in the 80's and early 90's, if you wake that fucker up, your teeth are going to look like Chiclets all over the ice. I mean anyone that keeps that haircut all summer is obviously a bit touched, and best not to be fucked with (just kidding Mr. McQuaid, please don't find my house and murder me in my sleep).
-Campbell will hit 15 goals.
-Ference will continue to stick up for his teammates, showing that a dude that is gunslinger tough can also hug trees.
-Thornton will once again hit double digits in goals and fights, as well as introduce astute lip-reading hockey fans to new swear words ("dude, he just called that guy a fucking tamponfuck. what does that mean?").
-Neely will suit up for one game in which he scores 50 goals in one period, gets in three fights and then bangs Phil Kessel's sister while Rene Rancourt sings "Black Betty" (which strangely enough, is what Kessel has named his remaining testicle).
-Harry Sinden will get drunk. Or remain drunk. Whatever.
-Craig Janney will finally come out of the closet, propose to Adam Oates, come to Vermont to marry his new steely-eyed lover, and retire to run a bed a breakfast called "The Grrrden" in western Connecticut.
-Patty Cake will finally win the Selke Trophy, because the league has been ignoring him for too fucking long.
-Chara will once again win the hardest shot at the skills competition, this time forgoing the composite stick and instead just using his 6'9" Slavic cock. The puck will be clocked at 33 million miles per hour. He will celebrate by biking to the moon, where he will slay Megatron in a battle to the death. He will then enjoy a bowl of maple oatmeal (Chara, not Megatron).
-Horton will get even more tattoos, soon resembling a Maori warrior. He will even start doing that traditional dance after each goal he scores (pencil him in for 25-30, with 6 fighting majors as well).
-My Canuck wife will continue to think about Johnny Boychuk's eyes while we attempt to make babies (NO MOM, THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE BABIES...or are we?). I'll be okay with it, because I'll be thinking about his eyes as well.
-The Habs will try, key word being "try", to get "justice" for what happened with Pacio-fuckwad. The Bruins, who no doubt have the best team toughness in the league, will pummel all comers. The result will be the frying of all 911 call centers across Quebec due to the sheer amount of incoming calls for an immediate police investigation. The history books will later say that it was the worst 911 outage since the Vidal Sassoon hair gel shortage scare of 1999.
-When the Canucks come to town on 01/07/11, all of the bullshit that happened during the Finals will be squared away once and for all. Two days before the game, Burrows will go the dentist and have all his teeth pulled, saying to his boyfriend that "I don't want to give Lucic the satisfaction of smashing them out of my stupid head." The Sedins will not play, begging off due to "extreme cramping of the Swede-gina." Nipple Cancer will break into their hotel room and punch whichever one he punched in the face several times in the playoffs, several more times.
Okay, the meth has worn off.
Thursday night. The Cup defense begins. It's finally, FINALLY FINALLY back in Boston, and I am fucking stoked (can you tell?).
Can't wait to see that banner raised, hear Rene sing the anthems, and finally get back to some hockey.
Go B's.

Victory for the Fans

The Cup is Home

Game 7.

I'm having trouble going to sleep tonight. The last time the Bruins were in the Cup finals, I was ten years old. My biggest concern was where my next glass of Kool-Aid was coming from and whether or not I could ride my bike for just five more minutes, Mom!
I've always been proud to be a Bruins fan. I've had t-shirts, hats, jerseys and posters. When all of my buddies jumped ship and started cheering for hometown boy John LeClair as he skated for the Habs, I remained with my team.
It hasn't always been busy. For a long time, the Bruins were just good enough to keep fans interested. They never payed for talent and Harry Sinden more than once drove players of town. So many coaches...Bowness, Sutter, Ftorek...the Bruins just couldn't seem to put together a team that was capable of stringing together the wins needed to advance as far as the playoffs.
The only constant on the team was Raymond Bourque and Donny Sweeney. And every single Bruins fan had their heart broken just a little when Bourque was traded west to realize his dream of winning the Cup. It was great to see him finally hoist the Cup after so many amazing years manning the blueline, but it was in a different uniform. And that cut us to our core.
And then things started to get better. Peter Chiarelli came in and Julien came on board. It seemed that the organization was finally tired of icing a team that barely drew interest from a city that has long been disappointed with the mismanagement of one of hockey's most storied teams.
Chara and Savvy came in and we started feeling our hopes raise. After so many years of watching a team seemingly cobbled together at random, stakes were being placed in concrete. Bergeron began to mature into the bedrock player that he is today. Some smart drafting turned up a monster from East Vancouver named Milan Lucic. Some kid named David Krejci came up from the Baby B's and had an impact, sticking with the team due to his crafty passes and deft skating.
Through Claude's steady, no-drama style, the Bruins progressively got better. They regained their sound defensive play that they've always been known for. After ripping through more goalies than we fans care to remember (Casey, Lacher, Grahame, Blue, Dafoe, Carrey, etc.) the Bruins "took a chance" on a man that was the veteran of about a dozen different leagues and just as many teams. Tim Thomas signed his contract with the Bruins and we true fans rejoiced, because we had seen this kid cut his teeth at UVM, earning All-American honors while wearing one of the goofiest helmets we had ever seen. We knew what this goalie brought to the table and that when his skills were in doubt, he played his best hockey.
All of these years brings us to tonight.
The Bruins will line up against the Canucks one last time, in the most important Bruins game that I can ever remember. With Timmy's help, they've stood tall against the "most powerful team in the league," the team with "the offense that can bury any team." Every road game has been close and every home game has been an absolute killing.
Being the fan of a team such as the Bruins isn't always easy. This isn't the Blue Jackets, where they have yet to build a strong tradition. They aren't measured against the names of players past...Schmidt, Shore, Orr, O'Reilly, Bourque, Neely...these names are almost impossible to measure up against. Many see anything less than a Stanley Cup as a failure, and when you're compared to names like that, it's easy to see why.
The players will step on the ice tonight wearing the spoked B on their chest. On their shoulders will be not only their hopes and wishes and dreams, but also the cheers and claps and joyful screams of so many fans of the Boston Bruins, spread to all corners of the world. I love wearing Bruins gear, whether it's in this country or abroad and see how many people will give me a thumbs up. It always stops me in my tracks and makes me proud to be a supporter of such a team.
Whatever happens tomorrow night, I will be proud of my chosen team. They will have no reason not to hold their heads high. They've left it all on the ice up to this point...and all we're asking for is one more game, boys.
One more game. Go out there for sixty minutes and cement your place in the history and tradition that is Boston Bruins hockey. Wear that sweater proudly and make every Bruin past, present and future proud.
Black and gold. It doesn't get more classic than that.
Go, boys. Go. One more game.
Go B's.

Wednesday Night...

With their inspired play, the boys have pushed this series to the holiest of all things hockey: Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Finals.
I don't think it gets much better than this.
After answering questions and making comments that obviously woke Karma up from a deep sleep, Luongo once again looked like a scared little pup in the Garden last night. He let up three quick goals and the Canucks never recovered.
Couple things:
-Horton waving the towels. Pure. Fucking. Cold. Chills.
-Marchand's sniper-ish wrist shot that got things going set the tone and set it early.
-Bodies flying everywhere, with the boys refusing to back down.
-Continued flopping and diving by the Canucks, specifically Tampon #1 and Tampon #2. Apparently since they're not helping on the scoreboard, they're resorting to these bullshit moves that is doing nothing to further their reputation in the league. And the fact that Marchand could punch one of those fuckers FOUR TIMES in the face, and he doesn't respond except to whine to the ref, shows just how much backbone these dudes have.
-Old Man Recchi...if this is your final skate into the sunset (and it sounds more and more like it is), you are doing yourself proud. Whatever happens in Game 7, there will be no doubt that you did everything you could to help your team win.
-Thornton/Campbell/Paille...good to see the "4th" line turning and burning on every single shift. The intensity these guys bring is something to behold.
-And still, as always, Timmy Fucking Thomas. At this point, he has the Conn Smythe locked up. Not that his teammates have needed the help in Boston, but when they have those few moments of help back there, Timmy has stood tall again and again and again. Timmy will forever drink for free in Boston.
The Bruins have boarded Bear Force One for the long flight to Vancouver. I have no doubt the rink up there is going to be loud and nasty. The Bruins have flat-out molested Luongo (it puts the lotion in the basket, Roberto) with each game in Boston and they'll have to keep this going up north.
Timmy will no doubt give them the support in goal that they've had all series. 7 goals in 6 games? Once again, the man is posting what appear to be doctored numbers.
After wednesday night, hockey is over. No more high sticks, no more busted noses, no more balls-out hustle to get that icing, no more scrums in front of the net.
All of New England is cheering for you, boys. We believe in our Bruins. Our team was not picked to advance far into the playoffs and every single commentator and watcher of hockey has doubted you. We know deep down that you guys can do this. We know that you are the better team and that when your backs are to the wall (like they were last night), you play your best hockey. Take your inspiration from wherever you need it (pre-game videos, Cam Neely talking to you, seeing Horty walking around), and let's wrap this shit up. Bring the Cup home to Boston, to the city that has cheered so loudly for each and every good effort you've put forth.
The time is now. Finish this. We want the Cup.
Go B's.

Complete And Total Domination

If the Canucks weren't doubting themselves after their 8-1 loss on monday night, they will be now. Last night the Bruins put together their best game of the postseason and just ran those fuckers over.
The team is obviously rallying around their fallen teammate, Nathan Horton, and using his loss to get motivated. The hometown crowd is also giving these guys an extra jump in their step and they've been feeding off of the flat out amazing noise emanating from the faithful.
Couple things:
-What an amazing sight to see the one and only Bobby Orr waving Horton's flag prior to the opening faceoff. As an organization, the Bruins do alot of things right, and this just further exemplifies that thought. I'm sure it got the boys riled up.
-Last night I was speaking to someone and stated that Chiarelli is looking pretty smucking fart right now for picking up Kelly and Peverley. Though a bit underwhelming after their trades, these guys have stepped up and played like stars during the playoffs. Peverley is a sneaky fucking skater that is consistently surprising opposing dmen with his hustle and skill. Last night's two goals is my case in point. His first was just beautiful, beating Luongo cleanly and his second was a direct result of his hustle and constant push to get to the net. Kelly has been dependable as hell, though I'm still lobbying for him to put the cage from the first round back on.
-Perhaps wisely, the Canucks decided not to make things too chippy early on in the game. Team toughness is something the Bruins had all frickin year long, and the Canucks learned they just can't play that game with them.
-Speaking of toughness, the insertion of Thornton into the lineup has brought further motivation to the team. He's obviously a vocal guy on the bench and when he's there, the boys play with more intensity. As a Bruin, Thornton has never been the prototypical "tough guy" (i.e. Brashear, Laraque, etc.). Yes, he can trade punches with the best of him, but unlike the other guys, he can actually score some goals and draw calls. More importantly, he is not a liability out there. It was great to see Thornton/Campbell/Paille together, because anyone that watched Bruins hockey this year knew that they were one of the most consistent lines. I liked that Claude put them out there pretty much after every Bruins goal, as if to show the other guys that they still needed to hustle and muck it out even though the score was climbing.
-There are some that were saying what Marchand did to Tampon #1 or #2 was cheap. I would love to see how they would react if you're much smaller than the guy coming in at full speed trying to take your head off. And the fact that Rome almost killed Horton last game makes me take a deep breath and want to yell FUCK. YOU. Marchand was protecting himself. It's not his fault that Tampon #1 or #2 can't challenge a guy properly.
-The secret is finally out on Adam McQuaid. This kid is just a pillar of nasty and no one wants to go with him. He's turned into such a reliable dman back there and the Bruins are lucky to have him. I'm thinking that Erhoff must have tinkled in his shorts a little bit when he saw that it was McQuaid trying to get at him. The fact that McQuaid's haircut makes him look like an extra from Mad Max is even better. He's making Corky Kaberle look like an even larger vagina and has me pining for a D-pairing of McQuaid and Mark "Caveman" Stuart.
-And in what is a recurring theme: Timmy. Fucking. Thomas. Jesus Christ. In four games, the Canucks have scored 5 goals. That's it. Five goals. The Bruins were supposed to be blown away with the offensive output of the Canucks. That just hasn't happened. Timmy played his best game yet last night, stopping every puck they threw at him. Players are starting to figure out that he's not a bump on a log like Luongo and he will...how should I put this..."interact" with you if you get in his crease, knock his stick out of his hands, etc. Burrows found out the hard way last night that Timmy is an emotional guy and won't take any shit. I mean this is the guy that once faced down A FUCKING BEAR THAT WAS TRYING TO CLIMB THE TREE HE WAS IN. You think pressure or Burrows can get in Timmy's head? Please.
The boys have battled back from 2-0. They've outscored the Canucks 14 to 5 in the series. They're used to being doubted, they're used to having to play catch-up in the series. When their backs are to the wall, this year's version of the Bruins play their best hockey. All tied up, they will head back to Vancouver for a friday night showdown. Seriously, does it get much better than this?
G0 B's.

THIS IS OUR HOUSE

Both teams finally showed their true colors on Monday night. The Bruins, obviously happy to be home and in front of their faithful supporters, put together a game for the ages. What a fucking game...after a pretty tight 1st period, the flood gates opened and the boys scored goal after goal after goal. Luongo looked like a terrified sorority girl at her first frat party. That fucker couldn't stop anything. After the game, my hand was sore from giving so many high fives to my fellow fans in Section 313. My voice is blasted and I'm not sure it will ever come back. The last time my ears rang for that long was when I went to see Metallica...the crowd's noise was a physical beast in the Garden and the Canucks obviously had no idea which way was up.
Couple things:
-What a pussy hit on Horton. That poor fucking kid had no idea Rome was there and Rome just lit him the fuck up. Some fucktards out there were saying that Horton was watching his pass...Rome went out of his way to deliver an incredibly late hit. Fuck him. It was probably a good thing they only showed the replay once on the big screen, as they might have had a riot on their hands. Horton's a tough kid and has put together pretty decent numbers for his first go in the playoffs, and the Bruins will have to shuffle some lines. Here's hoping to a fast recovery, Horty. And go burn in hell, Rome. I'm sure next year Horton will say hello to your yellow ass.
-Marchand had just about the prettiest shorty I've ever seen. The creativity and speed of this kid was on display as he passed himself the puck off of the boards and blew around the d-man. He waited and waited and waited...and roofed that fucker right over Luongo. The roof almost came off the Garden. I read somewhere that twice the noise level in the Garden reached 118 decibels, and this was one of those times. There's no better way to make a team your bitch...
-Although they readily admitted it was a "classless" move, and although Looch and Recchi got their asses chewed for doing it, the finger in the faces of Lapierre and Chompers was great. The NHL failed to send a message when Burrows fucking BIT Patty Cake. Betteman should have stepped in and said "No, this is the fucking NHL, we don't tolerate that bullshit", but he failed to do so. When I finally got home, I watched the game and rewound the part several times when Looch chopped Burrows down from behind and then gave him a left to the head....fucking awesome. The Canucks tried to play a street fight kind of game...don't they know that this is the kind of game the Bruins prefer??? Guess not.
-And then the bullshit, pussy-ass play of the Sedins...what a bunch of whiny babies. Yeah, put Ference in a headlock. That will definitely increase your chances of living to see next season.
-And finally, Timmy. Fucking. Thomas. Some people (probably the same ones that were mooing like cattle last year to trade him) said that he was too aggressive and lost Game 2 for his team. That aggressivess is what makes this guy the best goalie in the league. Timmy was just putting on a fucking clinic out there. We were trying to figure out how he sees the fucking puck. He must have some type of classified radar built into that helmet of his, because it's just not human. And his hit on one of the Sedins (I'm not sure which one, Tampon #1 or Tampon #2) was fucking classic. Stay the fuck out of my crease, Swede!
It's going to be a hot day in Boston. It's going to be an even more important game inside tonight. The boys have to keep up that physical tempo, because no one can hang with them when they do. Seguin will be back in and Thornton (who was loudly cheered every time he came on the ice) will get some time again. It was great to see Thornton out there. That guy put his ass and face on the line all season for his teammates and I'm sure they got a lift out of having him out there. The refs threw him out on a bullshit call, trying to keep control of a game that they had already lost control of. He didn't like it and I'm sure will channel some of that rage into tonight.
Game 4. You're in Luongo's head. You're down a first line winger. You're playing the most important hockey of the year. Check them hard and let them know you're there.
Go B's.

Love ya Horton

Tough Way To Lose Redux

My head is still spinning from last night's game.
Up 2 to 1. Blow the lead. Push them to OT.
And then about two fucking seconds in, Chompers beats Timmy, who was on some sort of expedition to the far boards.
So many things are going through my mind, but there are children in the world. OH WAIT, IT'S MY FUCKING BLOG.
-WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU BOYS FORGET HOW TO HIT? THE GODDAMN CANUCKS WERE PLASTERING YOUR ASSES ALL OVER THE ICE! LOOCH, HORTON, WAKE THE FUCK UP AND USE THOSE HUGE BODIES THAT THE SICK LORD BLESSED YOU WITH! AND HORTON, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SHOOT THE FUCKING PUCK, AT LEAST PUT SOME LUMBER ON THEIR TEETH!
-CHOMPERS SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SUITED UP FOR THE GAME, BUT THE MOTHERFUCKING PUSS-ASS FUCKING NHL DECIDED NOT EVEN TO FINE THAT FUCKING ASSCLOT. WHAT'S THE FUCKING DEAL WITH THAT? FUCK HIM AND HIS WEAK ASS PLAYOFF BEARD AND THOSE FAR APART MONGOLOID EYES! HEY CHOMPERS, MAYBE SOMEONE CAN SCHEDULE A PLAYDATE FOR YOU AND CORKY KABERLE AND YOU CAN MAKE SOME FUCKING BROWNIES IN HIS EASY-FUCKING-BAKE OVEN.
Deep breath.
I grinned happily when I saw the replay of Rich "Paul Bunyan" Peverley chopping down Bieksa. Fine, NHL. You want to let Chompers play, well we got your apples right here.
The hockey gods have smiled upon my pasty ass, and I'll be at the game tomorrow night. I'm sure the boys will be glad to play in their rink and Rene will do his part to get everyone pumped up. I'll be doing my best to make that place as fucking hostile as possible. And if I see those stupid fucking green dudes, they're going to learn just how it feels to shit spandex after having it unceremoniously stuffed up their asses.
Let's win this one...
Go B's.

Tough Way To Lose

I didn't think that Game 1 would be a battle like I saw last night. I was sure the Canucks would get on the board often and early, even with the amazing play of Timmy.
I guess I was wrong.
Although I'm not happy with the loss of Game 1, the Bruins played a solid game. They didn't back down from the physical aspect (or the pussy-ass aspect that Chompers Burrows brought into the game) and they had their share of great scoring chances.
Timmy and Luongo played amazing games, and it looked like it was going to OT until that Torres fucker scored.
Few things:
-The PP finally got some good looks and all it took was getting Chara to plant his ass in front of the net. Both teams had 5 on 3 opportunities and both failed to put one past the other goalie.
-I was impressed with the play of Ference and Seidenberg. These guys are showing up game after game and their physical play hasn't trailed off.
-Ryder needs to fucking SKATE. Kelly was his usual self, and even Seguin was putting the body on people, but Ryder was coasting yet again. This is not the time of year for that shit, young man.
-Krejci was trying to be too cute again. Looch has to do the north/south thing and establish presence in front of the net. I wasn't too impressed with Horton's chances either.
They are down by one game now and shouldn't hang their heads. It was a great game all around. Regroup and be ready for Game 2.
Go B's.

Game 1

It seems like just yesterday that we were wondering what kind of team the Bruins would be in the 2010/11 season. So many faces are gone (Wheeler, Stuart, Hunwick) and many new arrived.
The Bruins have played some strange hockey this year. Some nights the swagger would be there, lead from the rear by a resurgent Timmy Thomas. Other nights (mainly when poor Tuukka was there), the team tucked its tail and just looked happy to make it through the game with no deaths on the ice.
That being said, the Bruins are challenging for their first Stanley Cup in longer than I care to remember.
I'm glad that the puck is finally going to drop tomorrow night. It's been several days of "The Canucks are going to blow them out of the water," "the Bruins can't match the offense of the Canucks" and so on. Frankly, I think it's bullshit. The games against the Canucks this year turned out to be a preview of the upcoming final round...and the Bruins fared pretty damn well.
Here's what I'm looking for:
-I'm expecting Patty Cake and his linemates to shadow those fucking Swedish twins for the entire series. If they don't get any breathing room, they'll be a non-factor. These guys are good, and they can hurt you with just one missed check, but I think Patty is up to the task. It wouldn't surprise me to maybe see Campbell swap out with Recchi, as he's faster and has a more defensive game. Of course, Recchi has been around since Christ was a kid, so I'm sure he has some tricks up his sleeve.
-Chara will have to be at his best. He'll be playing HUGE minutes against the top line and I'm ready for some crazy line-matching from both coaches. Boucher tried getting Lecavalier/Stamkos/St. Louis out there every time Chara was getting a breather and I'm thinking the Canucks will do the same.
-Seidenberg has been playing simply outstanding fucking hockey. The way that he plays with Chara reminds me of the Bourque/Sweeney pairing we fans enjoyed for so many years. They know where the other guy is at all times and their styles compliment each other. He'll continue to eat huge minutes as well.
-Watch for Looch to finally break out of his funk. He has decent numbers and I have no doubt that when the season is finally over, we'll learn of the injury that has been nagging him. However, he'll obviously want to play well in his hometown. When the money is on the table, Looch is a money fucking player.
-As goes Timmy, so go the Bruins. Timmy will face off head-to-head with fellow Vezina finalist Luongo. He'll need his absolute best, and though there were doubters after last year, we knew that Timmy had it in him. He's rounding into top form at the most important time of the year.
-Total team defense will be the most imporant thing in this series. Game 7 against the Lightning was one of the best hockey games I've ever seen. It was tight, fast and decided by one goal. It showed just what the Bruins can do when every single player is pulling in the same direction.
Can't wait for tomorrow night. It's going to be a long day at work, waiting for the 8PM start time. And it's on NBC, so I'm sure the announcers are going to know exactly what they're talking about (I miss Jack and Brick).
That being said, SKATE YOU FUCKERS, SKATE!!!!
Go B's.

Horton Hears a FUCK YOU!

Yes, he's a professional, yes they NHL warned them, blah blah blah. They were being attacked by fucking...I don't know what they were but they were being pelted by thingys. So what do you do? Cool a bitch down.
If anything Tampa should be fined for providing weapons to a bunch of idiots and lacking security for the team as they walked out. That tool should have been stopped and removed by security before Horton even got off the ice. Maybe the rest of the team didn't hear or notice this frosted tipped douche, but we all know that Horton has keen sense of hearing. A tool's a tool no matter how small.

SHIT FUCK PISS SHITBALLS FUCKER

Game 7. Boston. Friday night.
Go B's.

GAME 6

GO YOU FUCKERS!
PUT IT ALL ON THE ICE! MAKE YOUR COACH AND FANS PROUD! PLAY LIKE GODS AND WIN THE EASTERN CONFERENCE!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT THE LIGHTNING WILL DO, JUST GO OUT AND PLAY YOUR GAME! HIT 'EM, STICK 'EM, FUCKIN' CHRIST POP 'EM! PUT YOUR LUMBER IN THEIR TEETH, LET 'EM KNOW YOU'RE THERE!
MAKE ALL THAT CAME BEFORE YOU AND WORE THE SPOKED B PROUD! MAKE THIS QUEST FOR THE CUP ONE FOR THE AGES, ONE THAT I'LL BE RECOUNTING TO MY GRANDCHILDREN YEARS FROM NOW! PUT ASIDE ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT THIS CURRENT VERSION OF THE BRUINS CAN'T WIN THE CUP! SHUT THE CRITICS UP, SHUT THE OTHER TEAMS DOWN AND SCORE SOME FUCKING GOALS! AFTER YOU'VE SCORED ONE, KEEP POURING THEM IN, DON'T HESITATE AND DON'T BACK DOWN! PUSH 'EM ONTO THAT SUNNY GOLF COURSE SOONER THAN THEY WANT TO BE THERE! YOU WILL WEAR YOUR SALLOW SKIN PALLOR PROUDLY, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARCHING TO THE CUP FINALS! MAKE THEM PAY FOR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING INCH OF ICE THEY WANT TO TAKE AND WHEN THEY STOP, KNOCK 'EM DOWN, STEAL THAT PUCK AND CHASE THAT FUCKING GOALIE!
GO YOU FUCKERS GO!

What The Fuck Was That?

Seriously, what the fuck was that?
After watching the boys positively steam to a fucking 3 to 0 lead, I thought that things were going to go their way and they would leave the Sunfuck State with a 3-1 series lead.
However, the Bruins being the Bruins, they promptly went to sleep and stopped fucking skating. Not even a great individual effort by the recently concussed Patty Cake could shake this team loose from the cement that seems to have filled their skates.
I finally got a chance to mow the fucking lawn today, as the rain clouds fucked off to some other fucking area.. I would like to take you through what was rolling through my brain as I was doing so:
"Fuck Kaberle. This guy is horrible. Burke raped Chiarelli on this trade. Seriously, fuck Kaberle. And what's the deal with your fucking current choice of facial hair? It's a playoff BEARD. BEARD. I know the word translates into your native language, because Chara speaks the same fucking tongue and he has grown a Chuck Norris worthy version of the playoff beard. Seriously, fuck Kaberle. Fuck this no-talent assclown, he of breathless speculation every fucking trade deadline...fuck this guy. Soft in corners, never shoots, never hits, can't fuck a woman properly, probably pees sitting down and fuck his stupid playoff facial hair. Ference has something similar, but at least he's scored a goal AND flipped off the stupid Hab fans. Seriously, if they bring you back for next year, you better be working like an indentured servant, working off your contract where they pay you in hockey tape and fucking kicks to the groin, because anything more than that is a fucking travesty. You shouldn't even count against the salary cap, you should qualify as some type of tax write-off, similar to the way that some teams will let a developmentally disabled guy hang around. Fuck you, Kaberle. Your new name is Corky. You can live above the Garden in a little loft, we'll let you pretend that you have your own house, but it's wired with cameras to make sure you don't burn the fucking place down because you want to make mozarella sticks in your little easy bake oven. The boys will take turns watching these cameras, and they'll bitch about it, because it will stop them from going out to get some hot snatch on their fly, and they'll have to watch you as you trounce around your stupid little 'tard loft, dancing to Justin Beiber or some fucking Lady Gaga song. And then weeks later, you'll emerge with a dance routine intact, and you'll dance in the dressing room, because they have to be nice to you, because you're the tax write-off and if they laugh and point, they lose the fifty dollar credit that you afford the team. Seriously, fuck you. Fuck you and your PP skills. Fuck you for everything you have brought to this team in their push for the Cup. I laughed today when you took that shot off your skate and crumbled like the wilted pansy that you are. Seriously, fuck you."
That being said, fuck Corky Kaberle.
Go B's.

Go Boys, GO

After waiting what feels like an eternity, the Bruins will FINALLY take the ice tonight. I've been going out of my mind this week, waiting for the series to start.
The big focus this week has been the fact that Seguin is going to get some time, as Patty Cake is trying to heal up. The Hairy Frenchman and I were talking and we both felt that something was coming. The Bruins would bounce the Flyers, but not without losing someone hugely important to the team. I thought it was Chara, as he took a puck somewhere in the legs that took him down. He didn't miss a shift, so I thought they were in the clear.
And then Patty got lit up. Fuckin' Giroux.
Anyway, Seguin is going to get his chance tonight. When it was initially announced that he was going to be scratched, I thought it was a wise choice. I wrote that although he has skill, he was pushed around all year long and the playoffs are just that much more intense.
I haven't changed my thinking. Seguin is going to be rustier than an old padlock on Cape Cod, and he's going to have to try and adjust with limited ice time. I'd be surprised if he gets more than 8 minutes time on ice tonight.
Few things:
-Two positives about this long layoff between games: A. Tampa Bay was also off and B. it gave the boys (especially Timmy) some time to rest up. It's that time of year where the bumps and bruises are adding up and guys are playing through things that would have them out for a few games during the regular season.
-I'm expecting good tempo in the first, but both teams will most likely trying to find their legs. The Bruins will have to fight through this and push as hard as they can.
-Kelly is no longer playing with the cage. I vote that they leave it on the bench very a quick re-attachment should the boys need the luck. At this point, I would superglue that thing to his fucking face and make him wear it forever.
-Good to see Looch wake up in the last game against the Flyers. Krejci and Horton had been producing at a torrid pace and it's about time that Looch gets in on this shit. I'm guessing that he'll be getting some good face time with Hedman tonight. The good thing is that although Hedman is a monster, he plays like a soft little vagina. The other good thing is that if Hedman starts to get squirrely, either Looch or Chara will be there to bitch slap him back to the ice.
-I'm hoping that Claude rolls all four lines. This keep everyone fresh and we've seen time and fucking time again that Thornton/Campbell/Paille have some weird kind of chemistry that works for them. The boys rarely make mistakes and are an offensive threat.
-I think the battle of the series is going to be between Downie and my little friend Bradley Marchand. Both play the same type of game, though Downie takes it to Steve Ott-esque dirty levels, while Marchand is content with just giving someone a little jab to the nuts when the ref isn't looking. I'd be surprised if we get out of the first without Downie and Marchand getting pulled apart by the linesman.
-The Bruins will have to be aware of Stamkos. Pound the shit out of him (looking at you, McQuaid...and please don't miss another check where you then almost kill yourself). They'll have to do their best to contain St. Louis as well, though hitting him is harder than picking up a penny from a glass table. Lecavalier is the kind of guy that plays well but can get pulled off his game and get pissy if you grind his ass into the boards every single shift.
-Old "friend" Randy Jones also skates with this team, and I hope that cocksucker gets booed everytime he touches the puck.
Game 1. Tonight. Eastern Conference Finals. Keep pushing. 8 more wins.
Go B's.

Game 7 (Sort Of)

After utterly destroying the Flyers in Game 3, the Bruins look good to continue the trend and sweep them right out of the playoffs.
But.
The now-infamous implosion from last year is still hanging in the air, making all Bruins fans hold their tongues. The eerily familiar spot the Bruins find themselves in right now is making me nervous.
I'd like to think that this year's team is different, that this version of the Bruins is the one that is going to advance to face the Lightning (thank god they bounced Ovechkin, I'm sick of that guy).
After watching last night's game, it's feeling that the Bruins might be this team.
But hopefully you'll forgive me if I'm a bit hesitant. I'm ready to run my mouth like a crackhead in a holding cell, but I'll hold my tongue...for the moment.
NOW GO YOU FUCKERS! BOUNCE THIS TEAM AND SHOW THEM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF! SMASH THEM INTO THE BOARDS, DROP YOUR SHOULDERS INTO THEIR CHEST, MAKE THEM SOIL THEIR SHORTS! WIN THIS GAME AND SHUT THE ANNOUNCERS, THE PRESS, AND THE FLYERS UP!
MAKE THIS GAME THE DEFINING MOMENT OF THE 2011 PLAYOFF RUN! SCORE AND SCORE AND SCORE AGAIN! DON'T LET UP FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND! PLAY THIS GAME LIKE IT'S GAME FUCKING 7!
Game 4. Friday night. The opportunity to once and forever put aside the failure of last year.
Go B's.

So I was up in Canada for the past few days, and we swung into Ottawa late. My BlackBerry started pinging with updates regarding an upcoming statement from President Obama.

Hearing that it was going to be something regarding national security, I figured that he was going to announce that a major terror plot had been foiled.

Not so much.
The president of our nation walked out and announced that Osama Bin Laden finally met his demise at the end of some American .223 ammunition. I didn't think it could get any better, but it did.

As more details came forth, I learned that someone, some human being, an actual American, and not a missile fired by a UAV, had put the sights of their rifle on that cocksucker and pulled the trigger.

In my old profession, on occasion I was able to meet and interact with former members of the special operations community (SEALs, Delta, Rangers, Force Recon) and without fail, I came away impressed with their professionalism and (what would be absolutely terrifying if they weren't Americans) skill sets. These guys are studs of the highest order. Whether they're built like Marchand or Chara, they all have the calm and self-assured vibe to them that makes you be on your best behavior (without even realizing you're doing so). Think of a lion that is just kind of sitting there, looking around...but could jump up and fuck shit up in a moment's notice. That's what these guys are like. The movies don't do them credit. And you can generally tell them by their huge watches and Popeye-ish forearms.

There is yet another huge game tonight, with the boys going again with the fucking Flyers, but I'm having trouble focusing on hockey. The fact that bin Laden is finally dead, with American lead in his dome, has me grinning from ear to ear. People have already forgotten all of the attacks that he planned and funded (must have been too much of a pussy to get his hands dirty) over the years against so many innocents, including Americans.

I am not one of those individuals.

I'm hearing some distressing chatter from certain corners regarding the fact that he didn't receive a trial. I counter with this: think about all of the innocent Americans that were just trying to get down dark, smoky stairwells when the towers collapsed on them. Now take that "he didn't get a trial" bullshit and stick it so far up your ass that you're gagging on it.

I'll never get to meet the members of SEAL Team 6 that carried out this mission, and that's a shame. I have no doubt that these quiet men will continue to serve their country just as they did before: quietly, anonymously, and honorably. And though it's a quiet community, they will never have to buy a drink in a military bar for the rest of their days.

To all that put themselves in harm's way to protect America and our way of life, thank you. You will have forever my respect and gratitude.

America, fuck yeah!

Assuming Timmy T was able to get SOME sleep last night and didn't run around the streets of Philadelphia chanting, USA! USA!, I feel there is a even clearer goaltending advantage tonight.
Our All American goalie loves being a devout Patriot like the Frenchies in Canada love Celine Dion, like Pronger loves being a douchebag, like Ference loves trees...
Timmy T will be jacked up for a big win tonight. He will make saves like you've never seen before, finishing each move with a guttural roar. Tim "Tank" Thomas will be your American Hero tonight.
Beware of the US, Beware of the Bear.
GO BRUINS!

Game F'n 7

I'm still not sure what happened last night. The Bruins played a solid game 5 on 5. They had multiple chances and were skating well.
And then the refs took over.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT A FUCKING PENALTY IS ANYMORE. IS THAT A SLASH? IS THAT A HOOK? IS THAT A GAME MISCONDUCT? OH DON'T WORRY, THE REFS HAVE THE REQUISITE SKILLS NEEDED TO MAKE THE CALLS...RIGHT??? RIGHT?????
There were so many offenses that the Habs got away with that I can still feel the bile rising in the back of my throat. This game should have been 8-1 with all the PP time the fucking Habs had, but solid defensive play and some sparkling saves by Timmy kept the boys in it.
I don't often hide behind the excuse that the effing reffing decided the game, but last night was indeed a case of this. There were two clear-cut calls: Patty's delay of game and Looch's hit (and on this one, I would have given him a 2 minute minor, not the game misconduct). The refs were obviously trying to keep the game under control. Aside from those two calls, the Bruins were penalized for offenses that I've seen all fucking series from the french assclots that call themselves the Habs.
I'm so sick and fucking tired of watching Gomez lope up the ice and Hamrlik's "my skates are filled with cement" and Subban's "oh look at me, I'm god's gift to skating" and Gionta's perfect little goatee and Spacek's mongoloid features and White's nasty, crackhead trucker haircut, which looks like it smells like dead hooker in a trash bag sprinkled with rotten hemorrhoids. And don't even get me started on that sallow-skinned Kostitsyn. I know for a fact that guy has some communicable disease that results in his white blood cells eating all of his red blood cells. And his asshole.
So Game F'n 7. In Boston. Playoffs. The Canadiens. If the Bruins can't muster the effort and drive to win this game, then they don't have what it takes to win the Cup anyway.
Oh yeah, and Kaberle still sucks. If I see him flub one more pass, skate at half-speed to a puck or do his little blueline spin-move one more time, I'm seriously going to start looking into methods of eye removal so I don't have to gaze upon that bullshit anymore. Or maybe I'll just catch myself on fire circa 1967 Buddhist monk.
All or nothing.
Do or die.
Win or go home.
Fries or onion rings.
Hall and Oates.
Go B's.

HEY REFS, IF YOU'RE GOING TO FUCK THE BRUINS THAT HARD, AT LEAST HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO GIVE THEM A REACHAROUND.
Game 7. Boston. Go, you fuckers.

Let's End This

My blood pressure has finally dropped from near-fatal levels.
That last game was what playoff hockey is all about. Back and forth, big hits, big saves.
I have learned one thing: I can't watch Bruins OT hockey. Every single time the Habs crossed the blueline, I began hiding my eyes, rubbing my forehead. I'm surprised I have any skin left. Apparently Timmy made some beautiful saves, but I'd be lying if I said I saw any of them.
Horton finally broke through and scored what is undoubtedly the biggest goal of his career. The Bruins are in a good place and they'll be back in Montreal tomorrow night to close this fucker out.
Couple things:
-Looch had a better game, dishing several beautiful passes, but if the Bruins are going to continue their march, he will have to find the back of the net. Krejci, who is 1A on my shitlist (That Useless Fuck From Toronto is 1), needs to fucking do something. I scream at the TV and begin bleeding out of my eyes when he gets the puck and does...nothing.
-Seidenberg has found his nasty this playoff season. He actually wanted to go with Subban who looked willing until he realized that Seidenberg is a willing German that would probably fuck him up. Subban tried to laugh it off, but I know I saw some spotting on his shorts.
-Marchand, who was the target of a ridiculous tweet from Lord Snapped Neck, has stepped up and keeps getting better and better. He's trying things other than the dump and chase that the Bruins seem to covet. He's creative as hell and the sandpaper in his game has guys hating him. That's good.
-That Useless Fuck From Toronto needs to sit. He is bringing nothing to his team and I wouldn't even try to re-sign him. What a fucking joke. He does everything at half-speed and just doesn't compete. I can't believe they had to move Stuart to land this guy.
-Campbell/Thornton/Paille got basically no ice time in the OT. I'm sure Claude knows what he's doing, but rolling all four lines keeps guys fresh. And we've seen time and again this year what those guys can do.
-Have to love the little conversation that future captain Patty Cake had with Subban. I can only imagine what it was about...although the desultory shove he gave Subban (who promptly dropped like a Komisarek) when he was done said it all.
Can't wait for tomorrow night. Hoping the B's win won and shut these fuckers up once and for all.
Go B's.

Ask And The Frenchman In The Sky Will Provide

I have absolutely no doubt that the birthday boy provided the Bruins with the determination it took to battle down from being down for the majority of the game. I'm going to submit that the Bruins are only allowed to play important games on April 21th. They don't lose when we're honoring Pepe with his drink of choice.

I just want to provide a few of the texts I received after pivotal moments in the game that still have me laughing:

"Kelly should wear the mask all the time! He sees the puck much better! It's like blinders on a horse!" - CC

"Who would win in a slowest skater race...Lucic or Recchi? Although if I'm 43 and can still move, I am happy." - CC

Few things:

-Kelly did indeed have his best game as a Bruin. As CC so succinctly stated, he sees the puck better. Maybe he has a cool holographic display up in that bitch that helps him track the puck, puts trajectories in place, etc. Sort of like what an Apache helicopter pilot has...but this one helps him shoot a puck instead of putting several dozen 30mm rockets up some terrorist's ass.

-Great to see Ference get a goal. This kid is a true team player and all eco-friendly bullshit aside, I really like him as a Bruin. And though he denies it, I love that he told those fucking Hab fans that they're all #1...as my fellow blogger Araev16 put it, "Best $2,500 he ever spent."

-Props to Claude for calling the timeout when he did. We've seen him do this several times as of late and it really seems to work. The game was a c-hair away from getting completely out of control and it settled them down.

-Timmy has been fighting the puck this entire series, giving up HUGE rebounds. I would be remiss not to mention that he made several monster saves late in the 3rd, especially after Seidenberg got called for interference (he kind of looked like Jesus without a cross when he was trying to show that refs that he wasn't interfering with the Hab player...I would have been laughing had my blood pressure not been 300/758).

-Mikey Fucking Ryder. What is it with this guy? He coasts along, sleeping on the majority of his shifts and then suddenly wakes up, scoring two goals, one of which is the OT winner? Fuck. Keep shooting the puck, Ryder. We likely.

-And it might be mean, but I couldn't stop laughing when they did the little Dunkin Donuts "high energy play of the game" with Seguin. He popped up on the screen and I lost my shit. Who the fuck is this kid? OH YEAH, Tyler Seguin. They should count it as a playoff appearance. I almost forgot what he looked like.

-Not Bruins-related, but what's with all the OT going on league-wide? I love it, there's crazy hockey everywhere. And props to the Sabres and Predators for not just rolling over. They now both lead their series. And if you haven't seen Bobby Ryan's goal from last night, Youtube it. Holy shit. He's pretty good when he's not trying to murder people with his skate.

Big game tonight in B-town. Let's go boys.

I'll end this with the best text of the evening, which I received from The Hairy Frenchman, about five seconds after Ryder ended it:

"They finally have the lead."

Go B's.